Japanese and Western intermarriages

[ashuri2]

p.s. when i was in younger, i used to have my favorite daydream be me going to japan and living there and marrying a japanese husband...it's not quite the same now, but i still kinda wanna live and japan and at least give it shot...oh, and by the way, i'm a black female.

 

[Midori]

Nice to meet you janimagee and ashuri2!

 

[yimija]

inter-racial mixed mariage

well, let me tell you,
it's not only a question of men-women relations.

I happend to know what I'm talking about.

...and if a japanese-korean girl suddenly fell in love with a beautifull roumanian woman ?

who is attracted by who ? Orient and Occident, no matter where you come from, where you go to, as long as you can give love.

 

[ashuri2]

interesting point, but then again there isn't a negative stereotype about romanian or asian women in the stuff i've seen (compared to the negative asian male stereotype), and woman-woman relationships are actually grudgingly accepted compared to the lingereing aversion to homosexulality...but then again, this is where i live, in other places there wouldn't be any problem at all...

 

[yimija]

to ashuri2

well of course not !
love is blind and love dont care about nationality, race, religion, beauty.
I hope one day you'll find the right japanese man for you.
In fact, I'm sure there is one waintng just for you. Let me know when you meet him !

 

[ashuri2]

thanks, ascate! i hope so too...

 

[Golgo_13]

My culture (Uygur) is very influenced by the Turkish, Arabic and Persian mentality. I am not afraid to approach the women if I desire her.

Just remember, if a white woman rejects you, don't blame it on racism or anything else other than yourself.

 

[yimija]

to Golgo

Flying around a bit, eh ??
as for your answer to uygurlar, why talk about a white woman ? just ANY woman will do, no ?

 

[Golgo_13]

Flying around a bit, eh ??
as for your answer to uygurlar, why talk about a white woman ? just ANY woman will do, no ?

Because the topic is about ". . . Western" intermarriages. I inferred that to be marriages between Oriental and white people. I just tell it like it is.

 

[KitsuneUdon]

Personally, I'd like to dissagree with quite a bit of what was written about Japanese men.

Is it that most of you are lucky in finding "the Japanese man of your dreams"? I dunno. But I have known many Gaijin girls attempting to date J-men and in many cases have ended up dissappointed. One of the biggest reasons for the breakup was because the G-girl was too dominating or something like that. Most of these women had qualities and attributes that even I found admiring (I am male) therefore I really couldn't quite understand the reasons behind the J-guy's dismissal. Their excuses seem more bland than a man who simply found another woman. Maybe the J-guy just didn't know what he wanted in the relationship? Once again, I dunno.

Anyway, on top of that, I find the male dominate sexual atmosphere here in Japan sometimes boarderline appauling!

1. Lets start with the H-mangas... I see many men reading them at convini stores and what not. Whats so bad about them is that they portray rape, inscest, and pedofiles. Seriously! How would you feel if you decided to see what was in them and you saw a drawing of a "less than teenage" girl being gang-raped by three or more men? Absolutely gross! And this is part of the society? Well okay a small part, but it's still there.

Of course the idol mags and other H-mags are also readily available for anyone to pick up and this makes me wonder about the morals of J-men. Where as in America I'd have to go to a completely separate store (show my I.D. to get in) and everything has it's privacy. To me, that's how it should be!

2. Next is the night life. While some people say that it's okay to go to hostess bars, (I've never been to one). This may not be bad to some people, but I sometimes wonder why people pay money to simply be with another woman? It doesn't make sense to me.

3. Then there's the boaderline legal brothals. No real hanky-panky, but darn near it! Many of my male J-friends have visited one at least once. I don't look down on them... at least not yet. They aren't married yet. But some did say that maybe they would still go to one even after they are married.

On top of that, a couple of my female J-friends said that they don't think they'd mind if their husband went to such places. At least they were technically cheating on them... "TECHNICALLY"????

______________________________________________________________

Ah well... anyway, this is my opinion. I'm no Bible-thumper, though I did grow up in the Bible-Belt of America... Simply if I was female, I'd be about 10X more careful as to whom I date when it'd come to Japanese men... that is if I was looking for a very serious relationship. But this doesn't mean I'd avoid them. There are just as many decent men in this country/world.
______________________________________________________________

As for myself, I am with a Japanese girl. We've been together for about 3 1/2 years now and are engaged to be married. Of many of the things that I like about her, I'd say her loyalty is the best! But she is not the loyal/submissive type! She does know how to stick up for herself, and when she's got a problem she'll tell me. Now maybe at first she wouldn't tell me, but I did get onto her several times about how telling me is much more important than being quite about it.

Well, anyway... As I said, "We're engaged" and I'm happy.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Okay, KitsuneUdon, this is interesting. You give all these reasons for women not to like Japanese men, when anyone else could turn around and give us reasons to not like Japanese women. Also, reasons not to like American women, American men, English women, English men, French women, French men, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Just like not all Japanese women are submissive(quite the contrary), not all Japanese women spend money like it grows on trees, not all Japanese women lose all interest in their husbands and sex after marriage and children, all Japanese men don't read Hentai, don't go to hostess bars, nor go to brothels.

You say your Japanese fiancee is the absolute best for you. Well, why can't a gaijin girl say their Japanese boyfriend/fiance/husband is the absolute best for them? Some might have a guy who doesn't fit the Japanese stereotype(that goes for any nationality's stereotype) like some of the rest of them do.

As for me, I'm not going to pretend that my situation is perfectly swell. Intercultural marriages are not easy, and as I've said many times before, should not be taken lightly. As much as people want to romanticize about their exotic partner, there's going to be obstacles. That's reality.

**Edit** Mind you, I don't want to sound defensive or hostile. I'm just trying to get people to understand that people need to be taken on an individual basis, not a 'by nationality' basis. Believe me, I know very well how some Japanese men can be. I live with one.

 

[KitsuneUdon]

Well, I did go back and edit it a bit. One thing that I added was, "There are just as many decent men in this country/world."

You're correct with your statement about not all Japanese men doing this or that, or Japanese women being submissive. Just like many people in this world are not the sterotypical "man" or "woman" of their country.

Ahhh... well, as I said, "I am male". Which means I'll never have first-hand experience. So probably alls that I'll know about Japanese men and their relationships are the rants and raves about them from gaijin women... and of course a couple success stories.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Yeah. I'll be the first to admit that there are some things that I've noticed about my husband that comes with many other Japanese men that I know. Common areas that could use some tweaking: work ethic, communication, and affection.

 

[Golgo_13]

Believe me, I know very well how some Japanese men can be. I live with one.

You live with ONE? Then you know very well how ONE Japanese MAN is.

Do all non-Japanese men treat their women well?

Are all same-race, same-culture marriages successful?

What about Japanese-American males? Can you say the same thing about them?

Perhaps it's not a racial or cultural issue at all, just a personality issue.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Um, I didn't say anything about Japanese men as a whole. I just know how some of the ones are that I've been around. They tend to have a few things in common. Wasn't I just taking up for Japanese men after Kitsune said they read Hentai, went to hostess bars and brothels? I think I was trying to take a neutral stance. I just said that we should go by an individual basis not by a 'by nationality' basis, didn't I? :?

 

[Golgo_13]

Common areas that could use some tweaking: work ethic, communication, and affection.

Work ethic? OMG! Never in my life did I ever expect the Japanese males to be accused of lacking in work ethic. Compared to whom? White males? Black males? Hispanic males?

Do you and your hubby ever joke around and make each other laugh until you think you're about to die! He doesn't have the same sense of humor that an American has. That was to be expected.

A relationship is a TWO-WAY traffic. It's just as much of the fault of the unhappy party to have chosen his/her mate as the offending party.

 

[jeisan]

i think she meant they work too much, not that they work too little...

 

[kirei_na_me]

Golgo!!!!!!!!!!!!! They work TOO MUCH! If you've every paid any attention at all to what I've ever said, you'd know what I was talking about.

And I thought I was the one being defensive earlier.

 

[Golgo_13]

i think she meant they work too much, not that they work too little...

Oh, "workaholism". Okay, beg pardon. But it should still be "he" or "my husband" and NOT "they." The fact that she's not completely happy with her husband isn't because he's Japanese. It's because he's HIM.

A guy I know in LA is half Japanese and half white. His Japanese mother married an American serviceman from Georgia stationed in Japan. They went back to the small town in Georgia where he's from and my friend's mom had to deal with a lot of prejudices from her in-laws as well as from the general public. If that wasn't enough, my friend's dad turned into the kind of drunk, abusive, redneck husband you often see portrayed on "Cops." So the mother finally divorced and took my friend and his siter back to Japan where she struggled yet again.

Again, not because all American males are like that or because the father was American, but because that was the kind of person he was.

Just thought I'd throw a change-up in this discussion.

 

[kirei_na_me]

But I thought we were talking about white women and Oriental males, like what was stated earlier in this thread?

Didn't you read what I wrote after Kitsune's post? I spent the whole post trying to defend Japanese men as a whole, and say that they didn't all read hentai and cheat on their wives at brothels. I'm not the one who said all Japanese guys do those things, but I am the one who gets attacked for some odd reason. If anything, I would say I've been one of the only advocates for Japanese males...

And I know it's because my husband is HIM and not because he's Japanese.

 

[jeisan]

Oh, "workaholism". Okay, beg pardon. But it should still be "he" or "my husband" and NOT "they." The fact that she's not completely happy with her husband isn't because he's Japanese. It's because he's HIM.

i am just gonna emphazie certain points of rachels post, maybe you missed them the first go around. also the word "they" is not in her post.

Yeah. I'll be the first to admit that there are some things that I've noticed about my husband that comes with many other Japanese men that I know. Common areas that could use some tweaking: work ethic, communication, and affection.

so now that we've all re-read this statement we can see she was talking about her husband and other japanese men that she knows, imagine that.

also golgo, we dont tolerate name calling here. if you wanna badmouth people, you can find another forum.

 

[Golgo_13]

But I thought we were talking about white women and Oriental males, like what was stated earlier in this thread?

I never said that. I was only saying that it was about Oriental-white relationships. And since the gentleman from Uygur, I assume, is Oriental, he would be pursuing white women.

Didn't you read what I wrote after Kitsune's post? I spent the whole post trying to defend Japanese men as a whole, and say that they didn't all read hentai and cheat on their wives at brothels.

I appreciate that. I don't always have the energy or the patience to respond to baseless, idiotic comments like the post you're referring to, so you did all the work for me.

I'm not the one who said all Japanese guys do those things, but I am the one who gets attacked for some odd reason. If anything, I would say I've been one of the only advocates for Japanese males...And I know it's because my husband is HIM and not because he's Japanese.

I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh, but I didn't mean to "attack" you. It's just that you sound unhappy with your husband and you made it seem like a lot of it had to do with the fact that he has traits peculiar to Japanese men. If I thought you weren't even worth responding to, I would've ignored you. I wanted you to understand that you could have been unhappy with a husband of any other race or culture. But now I know that you do. :sorry:

Can we "LOCK" this thread now? We should avoid topics that bring up stereoypes and generalizations.

 

[Golgo_13]

also golgo, we dont tolerate name calling here. if you wanna badmouth people, you can find another forum.

So sorry. Thousand pardons.

I'm not excusing my behavior, but hope you also warned the member here who called me names once in another post. I never saw that anyone did. I can go find it if you missed it.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Can we "LOCK" this thread now? We should avoid topics that bring up stereoypes and generalizations.

It's done. I meant to do it earlier.

 

[Maciamo]

Golgo!!!!!!!!!!!!! They work TOO MUCH! If you've every paid any attention at all to what I've ever said, you'd know what I was talking about.

I quite agree with that. Yesterday was a national holiday n Japan, but I was called to work from the morning till 10pm, and I kind of was lucky because quite a few people in the company had to sleep the 2 last nights in the office, with only 3h of sleep, and didn't meet their wife and children for something like 3 days. All this because their was a big project, but that happens almost every month (if not several times a month). On a normal day, most of the staff can hope to be home by 1am.