SmudgyBuddy
後輩
- 15 Feb 2020
- 53
- 28
I know there's some women that are part of the MRA. But, I was referring to the ones writing articles.
News Japan slides to 121st in global gender equality ranking
- Thread starter thomas
- Start date
- 14 Apr 2016
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- 33
I don't think that really counts for much even as anecdotal evidence to be honest.
What proportion I wonder.
I couldn't find the drop down menu you talked about and so I could only read the table of content. Could you point where in the book this is mentioned? You got me curious.
SmudgyBuddy
後輩
- 15 Feb 2020
- 53
- 28
Trust what you can see. Not what you think you read.
If it is visible, if it is tangible, then it is a trusted source.
I beg to differ, I remember empiricism being as much as a legitimate source as any.
If were to trust everything I read, I would be no better off than believing rumors.
"Verify, verify, adveritas" The naked truth is in verification.
If it is visible, if it is tangible, then it is a trusted source.
I beg to differ, I remember empiricism being as much as a legitimate source as any.
If were to trust everything I read, I would be no better off than believing rumors.
"Verify, verify, adveritas" The naked truth is in verification.
Pg52 - apparently because women use their more limited leisure more effectively (search for 'happier'). By 'drop down menu' I meant the grey box in the top right of the screen that you can jump to chapters with
- 26 Sep 2015
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Try read "The Invisible Gorilla" if you want a well-written and sobering account of the limitations of our perceptions of what should be tangible.
SmudgyBuddy
後輩
- 15 Feb 2020
- 53
- 28
I remember hearing something about this black gorilla, should be on my bucket list, right after Sammy Hagar's autobiography.
Thanks for the suggestion.
- 26 Sep 2015
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The video of the experiment that gave the book its name is on YouTube. The upshot of the book is that we should allow for the possibility that we are mistaken when relying on our senses and particularly our memories.
- 4 Oct 2012
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All evidence has its limitations and possible flaws though. But our own perceptions are the foundation of all our understanding of the world and pretty much all we had until we reached a certain level of education. I think what separates people is the level of awareness and influence of their own bias. I am well aware of what my bias wants me to say. I am pretty good at ignoring that I think.
We also need to be aware of when we are not really basing something off a focused memory. For example the trope of "Beam me up Scotty" or "Lucy you got some 'splaining to do!". They were never said, but similar variations were said and we only half remember them. So no one can or even tries to remember a specific instance where it was said, they are just like, I have vague memories of something like that, and here is someone saying it was said, therefore it MUST have been said. We play odds a lot when making determinations. Its a dangerous game sometimes.
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- 4 Oct 2012
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At the same time though, there is no reason why this topic should be treated any differently than any other...save maybe the desire to foist some of its concepts on people unfairly.
- 4 Oct 2012
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Lets nip this in the bud right now. That didn't "hurt" me. It was a threat to our marriage and my stability. The only thing that hurt me was losing her for good, which is a decision I made, when I handed her divorce papers and had her sign and stamp. It probably took months before I started feeling the pain however.
My greatest concern at that time was wanting to have stability in my life, something I have never really had for very long. Their love made my future uncertain. I could not deal with that uncertainty. It was not jealousy, feeling I had been spited or feeling like a cuckold. It was just simply the threat to my stability combined with over-confidence that I could get over her. In hindsight I wish I had been more strategic. I think I could have rode that beast if I had had a mind to. As I said, there was opportunity there.
SmudgyBuddy
後輩
- 15 Feb 2020
- 53
- 28
I will be firm, and honest. Hindsight is 20/20. The reality you knew was just a lie, gaslighting in its purest form. The two trains coming from opposite directions had already met years ago. There was no way you were going to salvage that situation, and you are only hanging onto an expired limerence handicap. You are able to get over her. Just look around you dude, you're surrounded by hot feminine girls, many of whom would like to experience an experienced man. Just don't come at them from the vulnerable angle, and tell them your wife was deceitful, because they will think something was wrong with you. Women, always trust the judgement of another woman. 'preselection'
Just to give you some advice. Men become more sophisticated, and their value increases with age. Men age like a vintage wine. She's way passed her prime, it's time to move on, find someone that isn't an echo chamber of past regrets. Her rooster carousel days are over.
But it doesn't mean your beast slaying days have to be.
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- 4 Oct 2012
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I will also be firm...you should stop being so sure about the past possibilities of people you don't know.
Further, I don't know what you mean by "salvage". I was talking about forging ahead into something new. I am reasonably certain I could have destroyed their love by turning his image of her into a complete S word right before his very eyes. Of course, that would be a kind of black magic that could well have burned me as well, but at least I would have been ready for it.
She did not want to divorce. Not sure of all her reasons but I bet a huge one was her parents' judgement. In fact, I have little doubt they pressured her to marry the other guy. Not that she would have objected so much as having become a divorcee was serious enough a status that she would want to correct it right away. But the preferable option was to not become a divorcee in the first place.
Also, this was ages ago. I remarried since then and have all new problems now.
SmudgyBuddy
後輩
- 15 Feb 2020
- 53
- 28
Your story is not unlike those of your contemporaries. They are you, and you are them. Are you that guy? Yes, he is you, and you are him. I think it's human nature to dwell on the past, to try and mend what slipped away. I just noticed you have a propensity to ''win 'em all'' streak in you. I was like that, before my awakening. I realized that in life, we can't win every battle. Only one thing in life is certain, and that is death. So, with what little time we have on this Earth, we must forge ahead. Discard any past regret.
Even billionaires encounter such battles. Most men typically take the route where they want to disgrace the man who slept with their wife, and proceed to blame him for the encounter. What did he do? He was only being a man, just like you, just like me. Our purpose as is to sow our oats as much as possible. The one who let him invade the private sanctuary of your relationship was your ex-wife. She allowed him to do those things to her, break your trust, and her oath. Yet, you cared about what she thought about him?
It's not a man's fault if he sleeps with a married woman. It's the woman's fault for letting him in.
New wife? New battles. To be honest, I didn't get that vibe from your post. The way you were describing the situation in great passion, and fervor made it seem like she was the one that got away.
Even billionaires encounter such battles. Most men typically take the route where they want to disgrace the man who slept with their wife, and proceed to blame him for the encounter. What did he do? He was only being a man, just like you, just like me. Our purpose as is to sow our oats as much as possible. The one who let him invade the private sanctuary of your relationship was your ex-wife. She allowed him to do those things to her, break your trust, and her oath. Yet, you cared about what she thought about him?
It's not a man's fault if he sleeps with a married woman. It's the woman's fault for letting him in.
New wife? New battles. To be honest, I didn't get that vibe from your post. The way you were describing the situation in great passion, and fervor made it seem like she was the one that got away.
misternada
後輩
- 10 Sep 2017
- 85
- 32
Japan is a great country for women, if not the greatest, I mean for Japanese women, it was true a quarter of century ago and still is.
Honestly when I look at women in the Western world, with all they so-called freedom, almost all of them have been divorced once, families are such a mess over there.
Honestly when I look at women in the Western world, with all they so-called freedom, almost all of them have been divorced once, families are such a mess over there.
- 6 Mar 2003
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Considering you're not a Japanese woman I'll take your opinion with a grain of salt.
I personally wouldn't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage like many are. I guess it might be ok if that's your expectation going into it but I think even in Japan they hope for more than that.
misternada
後輩
- 10 Sep 2017
- 85
- 32
No doubt a lot of males in West feel like they have a moral duty to save the poor Japanese girls from a terrible loveless marriage with ruthless Japanese men. 
As far as marriage is concerned from what I have seen however Japanese wifes live the high life and enjoy much more freedom than in the West, while Japanese men's life seem a bit more gloomy.
As far as marriage is concerned from what I have seen however Japanese wifes live the high life and enjoy much more freedom than in the West, while Japanese men's life seem a bit more gloomy.
- 12 Oct 2004
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Unless these opinions are being expressed sarcastically, this is again veering into ethnocentric and stereotypically bigoted territory.
Loveless marriages exist in all cultures. I am a product of one, as are most of my best friends, and none of us are even 1/100th Japanese (or Asian for that matter).
Somehow suggesting that Japanese men/women/couples have a monopoly on unemotional marriages, or that Western men are all enlightened and loving and wonderful and empowering is an insulting oversimplification in my book.
As is somehow suggesting that all Japanese women "live the high life" and all Japanese men are "gloomy".
I am honestly amazed at how these opinions that sound like they're from a stereotypical book on "the Japanese mind" written in the 80's by someone who visited the country for a week or two can come out of the mouths of people who have ostensibly lived here for a decade or more.
I don't know about you, but I interact with lots of Japanese people of all ages and from all walks of life, just like I interacted with Americans of all ages and walks of life before I came here, and guess what? They are all individual human beings, some of whom are passionate about and happy with their lives, some of whom are stuck in a rut, and everything in between.
So, no offense, but spare me this 21st-Century "white man's burden" ****, please. Worry about your own life.
Adult Japanese men and women can take care of themselves.
Loveless marriages exist in all cultures. I am a product of one, as are most of my best friends, and none of us are even 1/100th Japanese (or Asian for that matter).
Somehow suggesting that Japanese men/women/couples have a monopoly on unemotional marriages, or that Western men are all enlightened and loving and wonderful and empowering is an insulting oversimplification in my book.
As is somehow suggesting that all Japanese women "live the high life" and all Japanese men are "gloomy".
I am honestly amazed at how these opinions that sound like they're from a stereotypical book on "the Japanese mind" written in the 80's by someone who visited the country for a week or two can come out of the mouths of people who have ostensibly lived here for a decade or more.
I don't know about you, but I interact with lots of Japanese people of all ages and from all walks of life, just like I interacted with Americans of all ages and walks of life before I came here, and guess what? They are all individual human beings, some of whom are passionate about and happy with their lives, some of whom are stuck in a rut, and everything in between.
So, no offense, but spare me this 21st-Century "white man's burden" ****, please. Worry about your own life.
Adult Japanese men and women can take care of themselves.
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- 6 Mar 2003
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That's not what I said.No doubt a lot of males in West feel like they have a moral duty to save the poor Japanese girls from a terrible loveless marriage with ruthless Japanese men.
As far as marriage is concerned from what I have seen however Japanese wifes live the high life and enjoy much more freedom than in the West, while Japanese men's life seem a bit more gloomy.
My point is that until they are economically empowered, women will not have the ability to get out of unhappy situations. Eventually when we see more economic power (self-sufficiency) and less workplace discrimination and greater support for things like childcare for women then I expect to see higher divorce rates. For those that are content with the status quo that's fine, they can remain where they are regardless of whether Westerners approve or not.
misternada
後輩
- 10 Sep 2017
- 85
- 32
Not sure about that, I think a lot of Japanese do not have that aspiration for happiness (and most often selfishness) that we have in the West.
I have often heard that in Japan the group or the family comes before the individuals.
- 12 Oct 2004
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It strikes me as somewhat ironic that you're lauding the supposed great freedom that Japanese women enjoy in this thread, while simultaneously in another rah-rah'ing the efforts of a Japanese politician to force professional women to wear high heels for the titillation factor.misternada said:
It seems to me that you're far more interested in what Japanese women can offer you (i.e. some traditional feminine ideal that you believe has been lost in Western culture/society) than with the issues that real Japanese women actually face.
That's your prerogative, of course, but it's a bit disingenuous to talk about Japan being "a great country for women" when what you really mean is that it's a great country for you (at least in the sense that you're able to objectify Japanese women).
misternada
後輩
- 10 Sep 2017
- 85
- 32
That's depend what are your aspiration in life, if a woman wants to be career woman in a big company, I agree Japan is probably not the right country for her.
However if a women wants to be a housewife she can live the high life, in most Japanese couple the woman is controlling the family income,
while the husband is eating his 500 yen bento at his desk, she drive the couple foreign car to go have lunch with her friends at that fashionable Italian restaurant,
Later that afternoon she will go have her english lesson with that sexy foreign english teacher and maybe they will meet up later on to go for a drink at an English pub to practice conversation skills. Of course she will be home before 10pm when her husband come home to poor his beer, yes he is still in control, and after taking his bath he will be free to go to his room while his wife will go to hers free to dream about Michael her english teacher !
For that Japanese politician to require women to wear high heels is a bit silly, but I think it is typical, it is the little thing that make men believe they are still in control while in fact they have no control at all.
From what I have seen around me in Japan and also back home, I sincerely think Japan is a great country for woman and I mean Japanese woman.
To me it looks like they enjoy a great freedom and can live the Dolce Vita, while the life of women in the West have not much appeal, just my opinion.
However if a women wants to be a housewife she can live the high life, in most Japanese couple the woman is controlling the family income,
while the husband is eating his 500 yen bento at his desk, she drive the couple foreign car to go have lunch with her friends at that fashionable Italian restaurant,
Later that afternoon she will go have her english lesson with that sexy foreign english teacher and maybe they will meet up later on to go for a drink at an English pub to practice conversation skills. Of course she will be home before 10pm when her husband come home to poor his beer, yes he is still in control, and after taking his bath he will be free to go to his room while his wife will go to hers free to dream about Michael her english teacher !
For that Japanese politician to require women to wear high heels is a bit silly, but I think it is typical, it is the little thing that make men believe they are still in control while in fact they have no control at all.
From what I have seen around me in Japan and also back home, I sincerely think Japan is a great country for woman and I mean Japanese woman.
To me it looks like they enjoy a great freedom and can live the Dolce Vita, while the life of women in the West have not much appeal, just my opinion.
- 12 Oct 2004
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Plenty of smart, capable Japanese women are able to have successful careers here in Japan.
Not every Japanese woman cares about English or lusts after their "sexy foreign English teacher".
Your biases and stereotypes are showing.
Not every Japanese woman cares about English or lusts after their "sexy foreign English teacher".
Your biases and stereotypes are showing.
