Image of the perfect japanese family?

[pika la]

So in Japan, what does this really nice family do? Do they exist (surely..)?

Like here;
- 2 kids: boy and girl, honour roll, althletes, "leaders"
- big house, nice car(s), white picket fence, family dog
- eats dinner together and talk about day (but nothing else really)
- support charitys and do fundraisers
- goes to the opera, art gallery, holds "socials"
- likes fine wine, food
- mother possibly stays home, father comes home at 6

Well.. I'm sure you get the idea. How about Japan?

 

[Ewok85]

Father works 5-6 days a week until late, drinks alot, and might play Tennis on a sunday. The mother stays at home until the children finish high school and then might get a hobby, perhaps painting, and might even get a part time job.

The children go to school from early in the morning till late at night, 6 days a week if a private school. They study hard and diligently participate in some sort of extra-curricular activity, maybe Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Kendo, Karate etc for boys and Volleyball, Badminton or cheerleading for the girls.

Theres variations but thats about it. Or I should say the experiences I had of attending 3 Japansese high schools and having the priviledge of staying with around a dozen Japanese families for varying lengths of time.

 

[Mike Cash]

I'm interested in how the OP arrived at that definition of a "perfect" family.

 

[pika la]

well maybe not perfect, but what is thought of as ideal, normal. Or I guess... the "normal" that people strive to be.

 

[Mike Cash]

Then how about limiting it more to things which are plausibly attainable?

 

[Ewok85]

Sounds like a common Canadian/Australian family to me.

 

[alexriversan]

now, our neighbours:

they are a little bit weird. not too bad, just they made up a cemetary on halloween. then, they forgot to de-install it.

they had cats/dogs, and they are buried in the backyard. one day, i was invited, for breakfast: and was served microwave pizza and cider.

then, the eldest daughter showed me her rats: including a webcam! people can see the rats 24 hours.

their son is in the hospital right now, he always told "my spiders do not bite"- but it happened, finally.

their occupation: the man is manager in a supermarket for food. his wife works as salesperson in a small electronics shop.

sometimes, this family shares the sunday. and, ya, this family father drinks sometimes, only socially of course, instead of charity he spends money on pachinko. now you know which coutry.

most of the times, the daughter is together with her group of girlfriends. the younger daughter is given into care with other small girls, into family environment. means, they save a lot of money, instead of professional daycare.

the son is alone, and plays computers hours and hours. recently, he discovered the internet, and tries to find people on the web.

but, i do not tell you the nationality of these people. the halloween yard is very small actually, just a few pumpkin lanterns, which are always on in the night.

 

[Mike Cash]

Sounds like a common Canadian/Australian family to me.

I can well imagine. I meant "plausibly attainable" within the geographic limitations placed by the OP.

 

[alexriversan]

now, our neighbours:

they are a little bit weird. not too bad, just they made up a cemetary on halloween. then, they forgot to de-install it.

they had cats/dogs, and they are buried in the backyard. one day, i was invited, for breakfast: and was served microwave pizza and cider.

then, the eldest daughter showed me her rats: including a webcam! people can see the rats 24 hours.

their son is in the hospital right now, he always told "my spiders do not bite"- but it happened, finally.

their occupation: the man is manager in a supermarket for food. his wife works as salesperson in a small electronics shop.

sometimes, this family shares the sunday. and, ya, this family father drinks sometimes, only socially of course, instead of charity he spends money on pachinko. now you know which coutry.

most of the times, the daughter is together with her group of girlfriends. the younger daughter is given into care with other small girls, into family environment. means, they save a lot of money, instead of professional daycare.

the son is alone, and plays computers hours and hours. recently, he discovered the internet, and tries to find people on the web.

but, i do not tell you the nationality of these people. the halloween yard is very small actually, just a few pumpkin lanterns, which are always on in the night.

hope i do not defame japanese families, especially those who "live in nice house, two cars and painted wooden fence both parents work and children study nice subjects spending to charity and completely sane".

any japanese out there?

 

[Pachipro]

At the risk of offending some Japanese people here, I must say what I have witnessed and learned in Japan. Hopefully, things are beginning to change.

In Japan the typical family I have witnessed is thus:

Mother and Father plus one or two children.

The father works all day, drinks most of the night with collegues if not working late, and returns after the kids have gone to sleep. Usually after 10pm.

The father wakes up early. Barely says hello to the kids and is on the way out the door to catch the train. His only function in life is to bring home money to pay the mortgage/rent and to put his kids through school and turn over his paycheck to the wife. He almost never has any interaction with his children like playing catch ball with them after they have entered middle school as he is too busy at work. Should he leave work early (and some do) he risks promotion within the company.

The mother cares for the kids and is responsible for their education and upbringing as well as the familys' finances. To her, this is her only goal in life.

Husband and wife barely speak to each other or make love after children are born.

The kids barely relate to the parents and barely speak to them. When they are not at school or juku (evening prep classes, including English conversation lessons.) They are in their room studying or playing video games or text mesageing their friends on their cell phone. The children may or may not belong to an athletic club at school. Most children will probably be studying one form of musical instrument or another like the piano or violin.

The kids are all spoiled and receive everything they ask for. They do not have to pay for anything or do any work around the house. Their only job in life is to get into good schools and to study. If they happen to fall in with a bad group they will usually drop out of school and do what they like. However, they will still have a place to sleep and be fed.

If a child is in college, he/she is even more spoiled by the mother being given everything they want. Even after college a child will often reside with the parents receiving free room and board for as long as they wish. They are neither expected to, nor do they participate in household chores or pay any rent for as long as they live at home. This may well be into their late 20's or 30's.

The mother may work outside of the home after the kids are in middle school or take up other hobbies like learning English or something. Since she is receiving no affection from her husband she is probably likely to have an outside affair if it presents itself as she is so starved for attention. Very sad.

If the family owns a house they may have a dog, but it is kept tied up outside 99% of the time and no one pays any attention to it except to feed it. If it is a "sissy" dog (small enough to fit in a hand bag for example) it is treated with the same respect as a child and allowed inside the house 100% of the time.

If the family eats together, which is rare, no one hardly speaks as they are usually watching TV. Besides, the children cannot, or will not, relate to the parents and vice versa.

Husband and wife will almost never go out together, especially not as a couple. And if you compliment a Japanese man on how good looking his wife is, he will always say she is ugly. (It is not a custom to accept compliments about one's wife in Japan.) And if they go out as a family it will be usually to a family restaurant on Sundays if the father is not playing golf, or teeing off in a net, or too tired from work. If they drive to the restaurant, the wife will usually be sitting in the back seat of the car, and the car will more often than not be white in color.

The family will usually never entertain guests in the house as entertaining outside is the preferred method.

Unless they are rich, your typical family will not much support fundraisers or charities, but the mother will participate in the PTA.

As houses are small by comparison, there will be no white picket fence. To have a decent garden you must be rich or live in the country. In fact space is so limited that you literally can reach out your bedroom window and shake hands with your neighbor.

In most instances, if in a house, the husbands parents may be living with the family (if he is the eldest) as it is rare to send ones parents to a nursing home as is so prevelant in the states. The extended family is usually the norm in Japan. (Just witness the most popular cartoon Sazae-san, so popular for the past 30+ years in Japan on TBS on Sunday nights at 6:30pm). In the case of the extended family, the wife is usually scorned by the husbands mother, unlike the cartoon. The mother-in-law usually makes life hell for the wife of her son.

Granted, this is not all families, but it is more closer to the norm than you would think.

Therefore, Pika la, the family in Japan is much different than you would assume. I am not putting down the Japanese family for the way it is, but that is just the way I have seen it over the years and I do hope it will change.