How Men Cook

[mad pierrot]

Definition of Barbequing.

It's the only type of cooking a "real man" will do.

When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10) Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just
no pleasing some women.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

You forgot to add 'man drinks too much beer and tries to balance still lit barbecue on one finger'. My dad did that at my birthday barbecue a couple of years ago

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Which is so odd considoring the majority of famous chefs and commercial chefs are men....mhmmmm? ey? ☝
Funny though.

Edit: British blokes have a higher preportion of self taught cooks amongst our ranks, british women of late are both apathetic and crap at cooking, so be it a non-cooking mother or a non-cooking partner, british blokes have had to learn to feed ourselves.....terrible....so terrible

I was suprised, my girlfriend isnt anywhere near a dedicated cook but at least she can make things from scratch, while her british counter-parts idea of cooking is chucking a microwave dinner in the microwave and setting it to 3 minutes.

 

[Da Monstar]

When Daddy is controlling the Elements!

you might also add the needed Cooking suit for the man saying "I'm the Man" or "Kiss the Cook"

 

[misa.j]

Yeah every summer...

But, at least he just yells at me to open the door when he brings the meat in.

 

[Kinsao]

I suppose I must be a tad manly in this respect -- I'm lousy at regular cooking, but put me in front of an open fire of any description and I can rustle something up!
Must be all those years of 'proper' camping!

 

[Grandpa Frank]

My wife won't let me near her kitchen....

but she loves for me to use the outdoor grill. My favorites are grilled swordfish or tuna steaks, better flavor then a good beef steak, must be the extra mecury?

Frank

 

[SortOf]

I use the microwave for everything except tacos.

 

[Reiku]

Well, I'm a preety good cook--but I'm also single, so that makes a differance.

"Real Man" cooking does of course involve fire, meat, and beer--but the layzyness mentioned above sounds more like "Castraed Man" cooking.

That's what happens after the wife naggs you about timing and temperature and hand washing and "is that safe?" so many times that it causes a mild form of brain damage, resulting in a stupor that is often mistaken for drunken layziness.

Also, you're not officially a man until you've lit a barbeque with a single match and a gallon of gasoline.

<-- Has actually done this