Host Family letter

[Madeleine48]

Okay, Thank you very much, as for the alternate sentences don't worry about them.

ホスト·ファミリーへ、

はじめまして。私の名前はマデリン·lastnameです。マデリンとよんで下さい。今、高校三年生です。高校をそつぎょうしたら、こうかんりゅうがくします。二年間ぐらい日本語べんきょうをしました。もしかしたら、日本語のひょうげんがまちがっているかもしれませんが。日本語や日本のぶんかをおしえて下さい。私はかいたり、ダンスしたり、りょうりしたり、テニスをしたりするのが好きです。ダンスの中でタップ·ダンスが一ばん好きです。ハローキティが好きです。五人かぞくです。母と父とあにが二人です。下のあにの名前はクリスチャンでテレビを見るのとおよぐのがすきです。上のあにの名前はジェームズで、ゲームしたり、プログラミングしたりするのが好きです。母はスヌーピーをあつめたり、テニスしたりするのが好きです。私は、友だちはしんらいできる人がいいと思います。父は私が好きなことに一生けんめいになる人だ言っています。グラフィックスやすうがくや日本語が好きです。こうかんりゅうがくの時ホストの学校の学生と友だちになりたいです。私はよいおもいでをつくりたいです。よろしくおねがいします。

ーマデリン

 

[Toritoribe]

as for the alternate sentences don't worry about them.

The problem is on プログラミングしてするのが好きです and テニスしてするのが好きです. The -te form is not the same as ～たり. You need to say プログラミングするのが好きです and テニス（を）するのが好きです, respectively.

You want to learn Japanese, as you wrote in your composition, and it's not like just to write a letter correctly, right? This is a good chance to learn a construction, so I think you'd better to ask about it.

There are two more mistakes I overlooked.

二年間ぐらい日本語べんきょうをしました。

べんきょう is a noun in べんきょうをしました, so you need to use the possession particle to connect the two nouns 日本語 and べんきょう. Incidentally, if it's べんきょうしました without を, べんきょうする is a -suru verb and 日本語 is the object of it, so the object particle is needed after 日本語. You can use either expression.

父は私が好きなことに一生けんめいになる人だ言っています。

You missed a particle.

 

[Madeleine48]

I am grateful for your help, so I won't bother you much longer. Don't worry about the other, for now I only needed help with the letter.

ホスト·ファミリーへ、

はじめまして。私の名前はマデリン·lastnameです。マデリンとよんで下さい。今、高校三年生です。高校をそつぎょうしたら、こうかんりゅうがくします。二年間ぐらい日本語をべんきょうをしました。もしかしたら、日本語のひょうげんがまちがっているかもしれませんが。日本語や日本のぶんかをおしえて下さい。私はかいたり、ダンスしたり、りょうりしたり、テニスをしたりするのが好きです。ダンスの中でタップ·ダンスが一ばん好きです。ハローキティが好きです。五人かぞくです。母と父とあにが二人です。下のあにの名前はクリスチャンでテレビを見るのとおよぐのがすきです。上のあにの名前はジェームズで、ゲームしたり、プログラミングしたりするのが好きです。母はスヌーピーをあつめたり、テニスしたりするのが好きです。私は、友だちはしんらいできる人がいいと思います。父は私が好きなことに一生けんめいになる人だと言っています。グラフィックスやすうがくや日本語が好きです。こうかんりゅうがくの時ホストの学校の学生と友だちになりたいです。私はよいおもいでをつくりたいです。よろしくおねがいします。

ーマデリン

 

[Toritoribe]

二年間ぐらい日本語をべんきょうをしました。

You didn't get my explanation. Why are there two direct objects in a single sentence?
I'm afraid to say this, but judging from your mistakes so far, you don't seem to understand the very basic structures of Japanese sentences.

 

[Madeleine48]

I'm afraid to say this, but judging from your mistakes so far, you do not seem to understand the very basic structures of Japanese sentences.

I agree, I'm not that oblivious. But I don't understand why you would feel that it is necessary to point that out. Just a word of advice for next time you help someone, if you are going to critique them, add some helpful advice or motivation, otherwise don't bother. Okay? Thanks.

 

[Toritoribe]

Then, hope someone else can help you next time.
Incidentally, I've been just pointing out grammatical mistakes mostly. Your composition still sounds awkward, even after correcting the mistake I pointed out in my previous post. This is my final advice. Good luck.

 

[bentenmusume]

Just a word of advice for next time you help someone, if you are going to critique them, add some helpful advice or motivation, otherwise don't bother. Okay? Thanks.

I think you're reacting far too strongly and negatively to Toritoribe-san's post. It clearly wasn't meant as a personal attack (he even cushions his statement with "I'm afraid to say this..."), but merely was pointing out that you may want to read his explanation more carefully, as well as review the fundamentals of how to use these expressions he's teaching you.

In your post above, you say "I only needed help with the letter", but please understand this is a Japanese learning forum, so people here have a vested interest in actually teaching things in a way that will stick, rather than just offering corrections that the learner doesn't really understand.

It can be very, very frustrating for a tutor when it seems that a student isn't taking time to fully consider the explanations given, resulting in the same questions being asked or the same mistakes being made over and over. (Think of the old "Give a man a fish..." proverb.)

I hope this doesn't come off as rude. Just trying to help you understand where one of our most knowledgeable and selfless forum members is coming from.

Anyhow, to spell out what Toritoribe-san was saying about direct objects with する verbs, either 「日本語を勉強しました」 (the noun 日本語 being the direct object of 勉強しました) or 「日本語の勉強をしました」 (the noun phrase 日本語の勉強 being the direct object of しました) is valid. The version you had (with two direct objects marked with を) is ungrammatical.

 

[AmerikaJin5]

I don't understand why you would feel that it is necessary to point that out. Just a word of advice for next time you help someone, if you are going to critique them, add some helpful advice or motivation, otherwise don't bother. Okay? Thanks.

I'll be more blunt than jt_-san, and just tell you how rude you are. Toritoribe-san has been replying to each one of your (many many many) typos, which you either can't seem to understand or you simply deliberately ignore instead of fixing. Do you think he needs crap from you about the way he's helping you? You should be thanking him for holding your hand and walking you through these basic mistakes you're making. Good luck in your studies, hopefully you can find someone to help you move your mouth for you when you try to speak, too.