Could you fall in love online?
- Thread starter Tsuyoiko
- Start date
ghettocities
Sempai
- 16 Jun 2002
- 812
- 13
I've had girls (many more American than Japanese) proposition me to spend nights with them through e-mail and I've met a lot of people I wouldn't have met if it wasen't for the internet and electronic mail.
leonmarino
Back
- 19 May 2006
- 1,258
- 64
Owww.. I been there man, I been there.. 
Revenant
後輩
- 7 Mar 2005
- 634
- 38
I think crushes are possible, but crushes could quickly disappate after spending some real time together. It's not possible to experience actual chemistry online, and I do think chemistry is important to a relationship. Pheremones and all that stuff attract or repel people more than people give credit for I think, as I've met a lot of very attractive chicks, but just didn't feel anything for them.
- 19 Jan 2005
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misa. j said:
I would never have believed it a year ago but, strange as it may sound, I believe the answer is yes.
Recently I have found that it IS possible to fall in love on line or at least become very good friends. Not that I have fallen in love, mind you, as I am happily married, but I can see how it is possible as I have become very close to a few people I have met on line. Well maybe I did. See below.
About 6 months ago I joined a video chat because of a radio station that was airing their program live in there. Soon it became a little boring and I began to search out other "rooms" to see what was going on. You can find everything from live sex rooms to coffee house type of rooms where people get together and talk about something in common with their cams on.
With the video you can really get to know some people as if you had really met them in person. I mean when you go into those rooms often and all the "regulars" have their cams on it is almost like going into a local pub or coffee house and sitting down and talking face to face with your friends. You are greeted, high fives or hugs are given and it is really almost no different than going to your local hangout except that it is on line and you are talking to people in many countries at once!
As you become known and get to know others, you get to know peoples moods and personalities as, after a while, like in real life encounters, the veneer begins to fade and the real person comes out and you actually begin to bond with some people.
Some you like, some you don't and vice-versa. There are the joksters and pranksters; the "Einsteins" and idiots; some are wall flowers and some are the life of the room, some are shy and introverted while others are outgoing and extroverted. Just like in real life. Some are married and say so, some don't. Some still try to hit on the marrieds and they go for it, while others stand their ground and say so. I find it practically no different than if all were actually in the same room/pub in person. Sure some may pretend to be someone they are not by developing a different "on line personality", but my experience with the cams shows that the "real person" eventually comes out over time. It can't be helped with cams.
I have recently witnessed a proposal from a man in England to a woman in Japan after each had know each other in the room for about 6 months and neither had met each other personally except for the video chat room. As in a real life situation, all could see it blossoming and whispers were sent between friends wondering if love was blooming in "private chat" between them. When the proposal was made and accepted all were happy and an engagement party was planned with all members "partying" and drinking on line with music and all! I couldn't believe that I attended an on line engagement party!
As an example, I met a guy on another forum on Japan. He lives 2,000 miles away. We had something in common as we both had Japanese wives. His wife had their first child and I told him to call me if he was up in the middle of the night during feeding time as I was up driving all night anyway. I also told him he seemed like a guy I would enjoy having a beer with.
Well, to my surprise he did call me one night during feeding time and we hit it off immediately and eventually became the best of friends by talking on the phone like three times a week. I just returned from meeting him in person a couple of weeks ago after knowing him a year and he was no different in person than on line. A wondereful friendship developed as a result and was enforced by the in-person 2 day visit.
And I have met a few people here on Jref that I have become friends with and I hope to meet Mars Man in person during my next visit to Japan. Hear that MM? I'm taking you up on your offer to visit you in the country!
The opposite sex? One really has to be careful here if one is married as it is possible to really fall for someone as has happened to me once recently. The internet can be a dangerous place and I believe it's possible to ruin a perfectly happy marriage as it is so easy to meet others without ever leaving your home.
There are some people you just click with if you know what I mean. This single woman and I hit it off and clicked so perfectly and had so much in common that, if I were single, we would be an item. She knew I was happily married, didn't persue me, nor I her, but we became close friends and a serious relationship could've easily developed even though we were like 6,000 miles apart. In a way I guess you can say that maybe I, and she, did fall in love.
I believe one has to draw the line somewhere and stick to the commitments one has made and play the hand you're dealt, especially if you are presently in a happy relationship. But it's nice to know that it is possible and imagine "what if"? Besides, it's fun. But I really can see how an otherwise perfectly happy relationship can be ruined by the internet as I'm sure everyone has has heard of one that has been ruined these days.
As I said above, I would have thought it stupid and an impossibility a year ago as I believed that true love could only be developed and nurtured in person and never on line, but I witnessed, and experienced first hand, how it is possible and, in this day and age, I believe it is becoming more and more the "norm".
I may be 51, but I can change with the times and, thanks to the internet, I know that, not that I want it mind you but, should I ever become single again, for people up in age, or too shy or unable to get out to meet people, there is always the internet these days to meet others of like age and interests, especially in the rooms with cams.
Sorry for the long post.
MajideSaiaku
tsuyaku o tsukete kudasai
- 19 Jan 2005
- 1,381
- 59
I met my girlfriend online, here we are, years later.
Its possible, but meeting in person cements the deal.
Though for alot of epople its just a crush/lust of the mystery and when they meet for real it turns out they dont really click.
The key to falling in love online is to click in real life and consolidate those feelings.
No purely online relationship claiming to be love, lasts.
Its possible, but meeting in person cements the deal.
Though for alot of epople its just a crush/lust of the mystery and when they meet for real it turns out they dont really click.
The key to falling in love online is to click in real life and consolidate those feelings.
No purely online relationship claiming to be love, lasts.
dreamer
後輩
- 15 Aug 2003
- 2,181
- 25
Well...I think everything is possible...except that when you meet each other in real life, things might be a little bit different. Maybe for some people it's possible to overcome the shock of meeting each other face to face, but up til now most of what I've seen are only disapointed people.
Glenn
一切皆苦
- 8 Jan 2004
- 7,842
- 200
I met my girlfriend online, but we weren't thinking about dating until after we met a few times.
That said, there have been a few women I've met online who I've thought "man, I'd love to be with her" about. However, I haven't actually met any of them, so I don't know how that would go.
My opinion on the matter is that personality compatibility is most important, so if you have that, then if you find yourself physically attracted to the person after having met them, you've probably just gone about the process in the opposite order than it has been done to this point, but that doesn't mean that it's any less significant.
That said, there have been a few women I've met online who I've thought "man, I'd love to be with her" about. However, I haven't actually met any of them, so I don't know how that would go.
My opinion on the matter is that personality compatibility is most important, so if you have that, then if you find yourself physically attracted to the person after having met them, you've probably just gone about the process in the opposite order than it has been done to this point, but that doesn't mean that it's any less significant.
- 21 May 2003
- 14,310
- 4,404
Not sure if love is the right word??
I know I have strong feelings for several JREF beauties; just wish I were younger and single so I could follow up on the fantasies. Talking with someone a lot over the internet sometimes seems to bring you really close even though you are miles apart.
Uncle Frank
☝
I know I have strong feelings for several JREF beauties; just wish I were younger and single so I could follow up on the fantasies. Talking with someone a lot over the internet sometimes seems to bring you really close even though you are miles apart.
Uncle Frank
☝
- 26 Feb 2003
- 2,337
- 86
Eh... i'm a cynic by nature so I tend to believe unless your or the other are willing to meet in person, face-to-face, to see if there's any actual chemistry--everything else leading up to that is just empty talk. Sure, the Honeymoon stage is always nice but preconceptions aside, see what each other is really about first if the opportunity avails itself before you decide to invest your emotions online. Then again maybe that's why i'm still single lol, who knows.
Glenn
一切皆苦
- 8 Jan 2004
- 7,842
- 200
That's a good point, though. The internet is a good shield, and sometimes it allows you to flirt more than you normally would. Sometimes that means nothing, other times it can lead to something. Of course, in the case of video chat I think that shield weakens a bit, but if you believe there's no chance you'll ever meet the person, then you can still afford yourself some leeway as far as how brazen you're going to be.
- 3 Dec 2005
- 259
- 10
You should know. Only you can decide on what is good, bad, right wrong. Decide yourself if you can find love on the net or not. You can't find the true answer by asking so many different people in one forum.
*chelly~panda*
im so done with posting..
- 30 Nov 2006
- 18
- 0
um..how do you know that person isnt lying to you. you cant tell by the way someone types if there just putting up a front.
ive talked to ppl on line and there was this one guy who was so nice and he asked me to tell me to describe my ideal guy. i did and he said it was everyhing he was 
and i really wish he wouldent have told me that because ive never met anyone liek that and now i cant stop thinking about him. and he has a girlfriend.
and i make me really sad that there cant be more ppl like him in the the world espically where i live. the southern gentalman thing is a lie { i live in deep south hehe no accent though!) so d ont bleve anyone who says there like that (btw) 
.ok im going to stop ranting now. youve prolly lost intrest in this anyway.
!!!!ROMANCE IS DEAD!!!
ive talked to ppl on line and there was this one guy who was so nice and he asked me to tell me to describe my ideal guy. i did and he said it was everyhing he was and i really wish he wouldent have told me that because ive never met anyone liek that and now i cant stop thinking about him. and he has a girlfriend. and i make me really sad that there cant be more ppl like him in the the world espically where i live. the southern gentalman thing is a lie { i live in deep south hehe no accent though!) so d ont bleve anyone who says there like that (btw) .ok im going to stop ranting now. youve prolly lost intrest in this anyway.!!!!ROMANCE IS DEAD!!!
Goldiegirl
先輩
- 10 Aug 2006
- 1,694
- 69
I think the internet can give you the illusion of love. True love can only happen if you are physically together...if you can love the person despite their flaws and habits that may be completely annoying. On the internet everything is safe. You are getting an image that the person is portraying. I would say though that sure you can have feelings like love, but perhaps they are truly more of a crush. I should say that I met my future husband on the internet! 
Flashjeff
Pink Lady's Number #1 Fan
- 28 Dec 2003
- 2,585
- 77
Perhaps I'm too much of a hopeless cynic who's anything but romantic, but I find it highly doubtful a person can fall in love with someone online.
For starters, there's a helluva lot of dishonest people lurking around the Internet who type all kinds of crap which makes people think they're anything but what they reaally are. Case in point: a short, fat, greasy haired, acne ridden guy with all the personality of a statue claiming he's the best thing since Brad Pitt. Unless a person is willing to bare everything, and I do mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G online, you just don't know what you're getting. Buyer beware.
I still believe that the old fashioned way of meeting people face to face is the best way to find true love. But that's just my opinion. I wouldn't know what true love looks like if it stood in front of me and kicked me in the teeth.
☝
For starters, there's a helluva lot of dishonest people lurking around the Internet who type all kinds of crap which makes people think they're anything but what they reaally are. Case in point: a short, fat, greasy haired, acne ridden guy with all the personality of a statue claiming he's the best thing since Brad Pitt. Unless a person is willing to bare everything, and I do mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G online, you just don't know what you're getting. Buyer beware.
I still believe that the old fashioned way of meeting people face to face is the best way to find true love. But that's just my opinion. I wouldn't know what true love looks like if it stood in front of me and kicked me in the teeth.
☝
'Fall in love'? No, I don't think so, but I think you can become close to someone online, as it is easy to open up your feelings and say things you
might not normally ,say, if you were meeting face to face. But as many people
have said already, you won't know if the chemistry is there, even if you see
that person's picture, the way they act and talk(voice) is also important.
might not normally ,say, if you were meeting face to face. But as many people
have said already, you won't know if the chemistry is there, even if you see
that person's picture, the way they act and talk(voice) is also important.
Revenant
後輩
- 7 Mar 2005
- 634
- 38
I'll be completely honest here, it depends on where your desires lie, whether you feel your desire would eventually hurt your spouse, and whether you feel you could change your desire in all honesty and be with your spouse 'in spirit' (as vague as that is).
Personally, after a lot of thought, I decided I couldn't change my desire, and so as I reasoned it anyways, in fairness to my wife, and I talked to her about it, did we decide to get a divorce. We are still friends, and roomates (at the moment), but neither of us want the same thing, we have different goals, and neither of us is actually happy in the current relationship.
It is nothing admirable, but I met her at age 22, and I was lonely and she was a good friend. She wanted more, and I was afraid that if I didn't give her more, I would lose the only friend I had at the time. She got pregnant, and at the time I was opposed to abortion, so I told her I would marry her and support the child here in Japan. I thought I could make what I didn't feel at all happen, but I find myself more and more discontent. I simply can't change that, and I don't know if I ever can. Would it be fair if I could never give her what she wanted, or fair to myself that I always know that this isn't actually what I wanted? Even though the decision has already been made, I still turn these things over in my mind.
Oddly, we both feel more comfortable with a friendship rather than trying to make the romantic relationship work. And I can also feel that from her also, and it's just not her saying so.
I completely expect some negative responses to this both online and in real life, but that is the choice that I made, and I stand by it. My mother hasn't communicated with me at all ever since she found out, and I expect it will take her a while to come to terms with it.
Personally, after a lot of thought, I decided I couldn't change my desire, and so as I reasoned it anyways, in fairness to my wife, and I talked to her about it, did we decide to get a divorce. We are still friends, and roomates (at the moment), but neither of us want the same thing, we have different goals, and neither of us is actually happy in the current relationship.
It is nothing admirable, but I met her at age 22, and I was lonely and she was a good friend. She wanted more, and I was afraid that if I didn't give her more, I would lose the only friend I had at the time. She got pregnant, and at the time I was opposed to abortion, so I told her I would marry her and support the child here in Japan. I thought I could make what I didn't feel at all happen, but I find myself more and more discontent. I simply can't change that, and I don't know if I ever can. Would it be fair if I could never give her what she wanted, or fair to myself that I always know that this isn't actually what I wanted? Even though the decision has already been made, I still turn these things over in my mind.
Oddly, we both feel more comfortable with a friendship rather than trying to make the romantic relationship work. And I can also feel that from her also, and it's just not her saying so.
I completely expect some negative responses to this both online and in real life, but that is the choice that I made, and I stand by it. My mother hasn't communicated with me at all ever since she found out, and I expect it will take her a while to come to terms with it.
Duo
As the Rush Comes
- 25 Apr 2003
- 1,496
- 68
I think is possible to get crushes maybe online if a person is very appealing character wise and what not. However I don't think love. I think online u are attracted to the image and the fantasies you create of that person, and not the person itself, so in a way its a fake digital shadew of the person in question. To really have strong real feelings the face to face interaction is imperative.
Revenant
後輩
- 7 Mar 2005
- 634
- 38
In a way, that is simply life, and you've simply got to think it over and decide what you think is best. You may make a mistake, and that's also life, the end goal is to fulfill your happiness while trying not to impair other's happiness in the process, and that is challenging to achieve. Hope you all the best.
And it is mostly my son that I worry about, we aren't fighting, but he sees us as one unit, and it will be a shock to him when we actually seperate. He doesn't have to deal with taking sides, as we are both very rational people, and it isn't like my father's experience with divorce, as he was relieved when his father left cause there was then no fighting (we aren't fighting).
I wonder how we can make it clear to him that it is in no way his fault that we seperated, as a few friends of mine whose parents divorced blamed themselves for the divorce (I have thought about staying for my son's sake alone, but even according to statistics, this doesn't seem a good idea, and it isn't after all just my son's life, but ours as well that is in the balance).
I am extremely grateful that my wife wants me in my son's life, if she didn't, then she could due to Japanese divorce laws make sure I never saw my son again.
And it is mostly my son that I worry about, we aren't fighting, but he sees us as one unit, and it will be a shock to him when we actually seperate. He doesn't have to deal with taking sides, as we are both very rational people, and it isn't like my father's experience with divorce, as he was relieved when his father left cause there was then no fighting (we aren't fighting).
I wonder how we can make it clear to him that it is in no way his fault that we seperated, as a few friends of mine whose parents divorced blamed themselves for the divorce (I have thought about staying for my son's sake alone, but even according to statistics, this doesn't seem a good idea, and it isn't after all just my son's life, but ours as well that is in the balance).
I am extremely grateful that my wife wants me in my son's life, if she didn't, then she could due to Japanese divorce laws make sure I never saw my son again.
