Can someone proof-read this?

[Janet Merai]

I was offered, 50 euro dollars for a license in a game engine I use to make games, to translate their summary page from English to Japanese.
They are a registered company and I wish to put this in my portfolio.

dxstudio.com

Anywho, I attached the English version and the translated Japanese version.

Any help, suggestions or advice would be appreciated, thank you!

 

[Toritoribe]

This machine translation does not make any sense as Japanese, I'm afraid.

 

[nice gaijin]

My recommendation would be to not accept a job you know you can't do.

 

[undrentide]

I agree with Toritobe and nice gaijin.
If you submit it as one of your works to any company or just put it into your portfolio, it will only damage your reputation.

 

[Janet Merai]

How can I improve it?

What did I miss and how can I fix it?

 

[epigene]

How can I improve it?
What did I miss and how can I fix it?

As everyone else suggests, I recommend not doing the job at your language level.

To your question on what you missed, I regret to tell you that the answer is "almost everything."
It actually has to be "redone."

It is not common, everyday Japanese. It cannot be categorized as "pure technical" in matter but fringes on the technical. It needs translation by a native or very-near-native Japanese speaker with understanding of Japanese computerese.

 

[undrentide]

How can I improve it?

What did I miss and how can I fix it?

Do you understand Japanese at all?
If you know some basics of the language and read what you got from online-translation, you should realize it does not make sense.

What you presented as "translation" is not a text in Japanese with many mistakes (with which it is possible to fix or improve), but just random Japanese words conjugated/placed randomly. Most parts are not even sentences and as Toritobe pointed out, do not make any sense at all.

If you're learning Japanese and want what you wrote yourself corrected/improved, you can ask at Learning Japanese section.
If you just try to get something out of babelfish or similar online-translator, it is not worth for correction in the first place...

And I feel something is very wrong - what do you think if I make some Japanese text into Englsh with machine translation (which actually gives out nothing but garbage) and let other people correct it, get paid for that "work" that was done by the machine and others not myself, and then mention it in my portfolio?

Sorry if my comments sound very harsh, but this is the impression I got from your posts.

 

[Janet Merai]

I was not intending to give a crappy version, and right now I am doing all I can to correct it and re-send it to the company.
(I keep trying to improve, but I keep missing out on verbs and grammar a bit)

Right now, I am studying as hard as I can on Godan Verbs and such to make sure I correct what I made mistakes on.

I will do it until it is right

Also, I didn't use a machine translation (babel fish, google, world lingo, altavista or whatever)... that was all done by me.
I am in progress of correcting it all and I will still ask for opinions, because I want to get it RIGHT

 

[Janet Merai]

I made a ton of changes and fixes, does this look any better compared to what the English one is?

 

[Toritoribe]

Nothing is changed. We have to repeat again our previous posts...

 

[epigene]

Nothing is changed. We have to repeat again our previous posts...

My opinion as well. ☝

 

[undrentide]

My opinion as well. ☝

Ditto. ....................................................
........................................

 

[Kirakira1232]

いらっしゃいも ヂーエッゥスッツデオ・DX STUDIO進展と共通! 心は意図してに創造性、ヂーエッゥスッツデオ・DX STUDIOはレアルータイム３Dを最新技術グラフィックをゲームと事業は迅速の進展からです。

I read through this and I have no idea what your trying to say...you use "を" a lot but I see no direct verb if any at all. Do you know the function of wo? Also I have never heard of "Irrashai mo" I have only heard it being used in "Irrashaimase" as a greeting by shop keepers. Are you really being paid for this?

 

[undrentide]

I read through this and I have no idea what your trying to say...you use "を" a lot but I see no direct verb if any at all. Do you know the function of wo? Also I have never heard of "Irrashai mo" I have only heard it being used in "Irrashaimase" as a greeting by shop keepers. Are you really being paid for this?

いらっしゃいも ヂーエッゥスッツデオ・DX STUDIO進展と共通! 心は意図してに創造性、ヂーエッ ゥスッツデオ・DX STUDIOはレアルータイム３Dを最新技術グラフィックをゲームと事業は迅速の進展からです。

"Wellco JiiE u Suttsudeo progress and common! Heart is intentional and creativity to Jiie u Suttsudeo is to re-aruuu time 3D to newest technology graphic game and enterprise rapid progress from is."

It seems as if OP does not realize that what she presented as "translation" does not make sense any better than the above "English translation" I jokingly (yet trying to reflect what that Japanese-like sounding strings of words would sound if written in English) made.


If one is get paid for it, I'd call it fraud.

 

[Elizabeth]

I was not intending to give a crappy version, and right now I am doing all I can to correct it and re-send it to the company.
(I keep trying to improve, but I keep missing out on verbs and grammar a bit)

Right now, I am studying as hard as I can on Godan Verbs and such to make sure I correct what I made mistakes on.

As Epigene-san noted, what the contractor has in mind for this project is work that requires the knowledge of a native or near-native speaker. She didn't expect it to be "studied up on" or "heavily researched" overnight. That means like, you know, for you, coming back after having studied Japanese practically full time for several years.

 

[JimmySeal]

Wellco JiiE u Suttsudeo progress and common!

Actually,

"Wellco JiiE u Suttsudeo/DX STUDIO progress and common!"

would be a bit closer.

The problems here go far beyond mistakes in your conjugation of godan verbs.

 

[undrentide]

Actually,

"Wellco JiiE u Suttsudeo/DX STUDIO progress and common!"

would be a bit closer.

Haha, yes, you're right.

The problems here go far beyond mistakes in your conjugation of godan verbs.

I do hope the OP recognizes that this part is addressed to her...

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

The problems here go far beyond mistakes in your conjugation of godan verbs.

I repeat this for emphasis.

If you want it done right, I think your best option to get it done in a timely manner is to hand it over to a professional translating service. Sure, that would cut down your profits, but....