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A little extract concerning an experience I had in 2021

TNormous

Registered
9 Jul 2022
10
1
1
Hi everyone! I hope you are all well and coping well with life. I would just like you to review my little paragraph and make corrections to help me improve my Japanese grammar skills. Thank you in advance!
Here is the extract:
2021年、私は何人かの若者と協力して週末のリトリートを企画しました。4日間のメニュー、リトリート活動、ルールなどを計画するのは、とてもエキサイティングでした。リトリート中、食事の準備のために走り回り、指定されたアクティビティエリアに参加者を誘導し、朝のエクササイズをリードしたことが個人的に印象に残っています。参加者は全部で20人近くを存在でした。
 
did you coordinate this retreat with the young people or for the young people? The way you've written it makes me think it's the former.

The rest is understandable to me, though I might've made a few different word choices here and there. I would also add a location to that first sentence, and maybe the nature of the retreat? It's kind of vague.

The last sentence is a little off, and feels out of place. I would probably move it to be the second sentence (the 印象に残っています sentence feels like a strong finish to your paragraph), and I don't think you'd use 全部で when referring to people (全員 would be preferable if you were to use "altogether"). I would probably say something like:
  • 20人近くが参加しました。
  • 約20名の参加者がいました (or 来ました)。
  • 参加者は20名弱でした。
 
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