*Trying* to retranslate Final Fantasy 7

Lifestream

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Hi, I know this is a big thing to ask. I was wondering if anyone would be able to help with proofreading. I am a very determined novice... well, less than that. :p Final Fantasy 7 is a notoriously badly translated game. I want to try to create an as accurate as possible retranslation of Japanese version. I'm sure there are inaccuracies, or little characterization things, like idioms that I haven't picked up on. Any help, big or small, would be amazing.

This is where I'm posting it
FF7 translation / localisation attempt - The Lifestream Forums

This bit, I'm not sure if this character is referring to the incident that just happened, or a hypothetical situation.

→事情通の私に言わせればね
Woman "Ya know, if you ask me,
ミッドガルの電力がマヒしちゃったら コンピューターとか信号とか
if they knock out Midgar's power, they'd paralyze it's infrastructure.
いろいろ止まっちゃうじゃない
Everything would come to a halt.
経済的損失は、ん~~ 10億ギルはくだらないし
Financial losses would reach 10s of billions of Gil in damages.
それに!!たくさんの罪なき人々が死んだと思うのよ
Not only that! A lot of innocent people would die.
爆破が真夜中だったから、まだいいわ。眠ってた人はそのまま目が覚めないだけね
If the blast was at midnight, it wouldn't be as bad. At least they could go to sleep and just never wake up.
とにかく、魔晄炉の爆発でミッドガルは大混乱らしいの
No matter what, a Mako Reactor explosion would send Midgar into chaos.


In the english localisation, this line refers to another character pounding on the table, being excitable, but I'm pretty sure it's refering to her heart pounding and being confused about why she's excited after a mission to bomb a reactor.
Jessie
うドキドキかドキドキつドキドキ・・・・・・ なんだか、ドキドキしてる なぜなの・・・?
"Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump... I'm so excited.. Why...?"


This line, is he referring to it as a rotting pizza, or is it intended as another derogatory phrase?
あのくさったピザのうせいで下の人間がどんなに苦しんでることか……
It's 'cuz of that rottin' pizza, that people under it are sufferin'...
 
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私に言わせれば doesn't mean "you ask me".

ミッドガルの電力がマヒしちゃったら コンピューターとか信号とか
いろいろ止まっちゃうじゃない
経済的損失は、ん~~ 10億ギルはくだらないし
それに!!たくさんの罪なき人々が死んだと思うのよ
These lines are "generally speaking".
マヒしちゃったら or 止まっちゃう are intransitive, i.e., the sentences don't imply "they do".

爆破が真夜中だったから、まだいいわ。眠ってた人はそのまま目が覚めないだけね
Notice that the difference between だったから and だったら. It's not conditional but description of a fact.

うドキドキかドキドキつドキドキ・・・・・・ なんだか、ドキドキしてる なぜなの・・・?
A word うかつ is embedded.
ドキドキ can be used to express uneasiness or premonition.

あのくさったピザのうせいで下の人間がどんなに苦しんでることか
I'm sure it's a typo of くさったピザのせいで (う is unnecessary).
くさったピザ refers to プレート都市.
 
Thanks for your help

私に言わせれば doesn't mean "you ask me".
Oh, sorry, is it something like "in my opinion" or "as far as I can tell"? The original translation had it as ""Ya see, I keep on top of these things, and if you ask me"
 
Am I blind, or is there no edit function? :/

Looking at this again, it looks more like
爆破が真夜中だったから、まだいいわ。眠ってた人はそのまま目が覚めないだけね
Since the blast was at midnight, it wasn't as bad. At least they were asleep, and just never woke up.
とにかく、魔晄炉の爆発でミッドガルは大混乱らしいの
Regardless, a Mako Reactor explosion in Midgar seems like chaos.
 
You can't edit a post of several tens of minutes or an hour ago.

Yes, those interpretations are correct.
 
Do I have this right? I'm assuming it's referring to the word "cute". Theres a game mechanic which scores you points toward getting a date with tifa. This response gets you points. In the original translation it doesnt make any sense.

T:あ~あ!本当に行っちゃうんだ!
Tifa "Oh, so you're just gonna leave!?"
かわいい幼なじみのたのみもきかずに行っちゃうんだ!
"You're just gonna walk out, ignoring your cute childhood friend!?"
C:ん・・・・・・?
Cloud "Huh...?
よくいうぜ!
Cloud "You can say that again!"/"You said is!"
 
If you ask me is a kind of colloquialism indicating an opinion or presumption. In this case I think the original translation was fine.
「私に言わせれば」に関連した英語例文の一覧 - Weblio英語例文検索
If you ask me:僕に言わせれば|勉強しないで英語が上達!YOSHIのネイティブフレーズ
Majestic @ still bored
Oh, I see. I didn't know that. Thanks for the correction.:)

Do I have this right? I'm assuming it's referring to the word "cute". Theres a game mechanic which scores you points toward getting a date with tifa. This response gets you points. In the original translation it doesnt make any sense.

T:あ~あ!本当に行っちゃうんだ!
Tifa "Oh, so you're just gonna leave!?"
かわいい幼なじみのたのみもきかずに行っちゃうんだ!
"You're just gonna walk out, ignoring your cute childhood friend!?"
C:ん・・・・・・?
Cloud "Huh...?
よくいうぜ!
Cloud "You can say that again!"/"You said is!"
よくいうぜ! originally means something like "I'm surprised you can say that without shame", i.e., "Don't make me laugh."
 
This line, I know there's more to it than this, but I can't figure it out. He talks about becoming a better man. He's quite a strange character. There's this 出っから, so I'm guessing something to do with reborn or reinvention

俺、男をみがく旅に出っからよ!これで、さよならだぜ!
Something like "I'm off on a journey to reinvent myself as a better man!"
I could probably word that better.
 
Why do you think 出っから connotes reborn or reinvention?
 
Oh, I though that meant from death. lol I guess I was trying to make it fit.
Looking it up, I'm guessing it's just "I'm setting off on a journey to become a better man"
 
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