How can you tell if a Japanese girl's interested?

[cshim]

Sorry if this issue has been addressed in previous posts, but I couldn't find anything after a quick search.

Anyways, for the past few months I've been hanging out with a Japanese girl in Tokyo. We originally started meeting for language exchange so no formal dates or anything but I think we really click: lots of common interests, great conversations, and we've been meeting more frequently. It's hard to grasp how Japanese actually feel about many things (hence this question) but I get the sense that we genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Recently I've been trying to express my interest through subtle gestures like saying her name more often, gently tapping her arm/shoulder, and complimenting her more often (though not on her appearance--she is gorgeous, though). But she hasn't really reciprocated the name-calling and touching, which for me are important methods of flirting. Is there any reliable way for me to gauge her interest?

Also, should I be doing anything in particular to express my interest? I'm wary of being overly aggressive and want to make sure I'm being respectful. I also don't know any of her friends so I can't go the 3rd party route.

If it's important, we're both 23 and working full-time jobs. We usually meet up on weekends and around once a week after work.

Any advice, tips, or anecdotes would be welcome. Thanks for the feedback!

EDIT: Can I also assume she doesn't have a boyfriend if she hasn't mentioned one after a few months? Not sure if this is information they'd withhold or not...

 

[nahadef]

The best thing to do would to be to ask if she wants to like, go out on a date.

I never found Japanese girls any harder to gauge than Western girls. Most of them didn't want to go out with me, and when a girl did, her body language was totally different. They give off signs. Wanting to hang out more, finding you quite funny,and just being there. And the heavy eye contact that doesn't get awkward... But I can say, the girls I was with here, there wasn't really any confusion at the time.

Really, I know it sounds like a hassle, or awkward, but it's a pretty clear way to do it if you don't want to risk the friendship by just trying to kiss her at the end of the night... though you can probably try that without substantial risk either.

 

[ismail]

Sorry if this issue has been addressed in previous posts, but I couldn't find anything after a quick search.

Anyways, for the past few months I've been hanging out with a Japanese girl in Tokyo. We originally started meeting for language exchange so no formal dates or anything but I think we really click: lots of common interests, great conversations, and we've been meeting more frequently. It's hard to grasp how Japanese actually feel about many things (hence this question) but I get the sense that we genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Recently I've been trying to express my interest through subtle gestures like saying her name more often, gently tapping her arm/shoulder, and complimenting her more often (though not on her appearance--she is gorgeous, though). But she hasn't really reciprocated the name-calling and touching, which for me are important methods of flirting. Is there any reliable way for me to gauge her interest?

Also, should I be doing anything in particular to express my interest? I'm wary of being overly aggressive and want to make sure I'm being respectful. I also don't know any of her friends so I can't go the 3rd party route.

If it's important, we're both 23 and working full-time jobs. We usually meet up on weekends and around once a week after work.

Any advice, tips, or anecdotes would be welcome. Thanks for the feedback!

EDIT: Can I also assume she doesn't have a boyfriend if she hasn't mentioned one after a few months? Not sure if this is information they'd withhold or not...

be straight, tell her you like her.
you're not a teenager

 

[ismail]

The best thing to do would to be to ask if she wants to like, go out on a date.

I never found Japanese girls any harder to gauge than Western girls. Most of them didn't want to go out with me, and when a girl did, her body language was totally different. They give off signs. Wanting to hang out more, finding you quite funny,and just being there. And the heavy eye contact that doesn't get awkward... But I can say, the girls I was with here, there wasn't really any confusion at the time.

Really, I know it sounds like a hassle, or awkward, but it's a pretty clear way to do it if you don't want to risk the friendship by just trying to kiss her at the end of the night... though you can probably try that without substantial risk either.

western girls make as much steps as you do. japanese girls think it's the guy's role to make all the steps.

 

[nahadef]

western girls make as much steps as you do. japanese girls think it's the guy's role to make all the steps.

In both cases, girls who like you are just right there in front of you. I've been invited out by Japanese girls more than by Western, to be honest, but in all cases I had to make the first official move.

I'm not so big on dating stereotypes, since few of the women I've known in Japan were like the stereotypes floated around on the Internet at all. It's not 1950.

 

[Mike Cash]

Wait until you get to a busy intersection, and just take her hand as you start to cross. When you get to the other side, don't let go.

She'll think you're being gallant and gentlemanly watching out for her safety crossing the street. If she resists it at the start, she ain't interested. If she lets you see her across the street but pulls away at the other side, she still ain't interested, but your stock went up anyway. If she doesn't pull away at the other side, she is either at least open to furthering the relation or already thought you two were dating and was wondering when you were going to get a clue.

 

[Dotanbatan]

Wait until you get to a busy intersection, and just take her hand as you start to cross. When you get to the other side, don't let go.

She'll think you're being gallant and gentlemanly watching out for her safety crossing the street. If she resists it at the start, she ain't interested. If she lets you see her across the street but pulls away at the other side, she still ain't interested, but your stock went up anyway. If she doesn't pull away at the other side, she is either at least open to furthering the relation or already thought you two were dating and was wondering when you were going to get a clue.

cshim ..... the above plan sounds good to me.

 

[Mike Cash]

cshim ..... the above plan sounds good to me.

It is borderline genius is what it is.

She's unlikely to reject his hand at the outset and, going along with the polite fiction of looking after her safety, the first opportunity she has to gracefully drop the grasp is all the way across the street. The ten or fifteen seconds that it takes to get across is ample time for her to get get used to it and maybe decide she hopes he doesn't let go at the other side. She can still choose to drop the grasp at the other side, with no embarrassment caused to or incurred by either party, and the ploy can be used again at subsequent crossings. Or if she decides she likes it (and him) she can just quietly let the grasp continue as they go on down the sidewalk.....in which case if the OP can't figure out they are then boyfriend and girlfriend without it ever having to be spoken of then there is no helping him.

 

[Dotanbatan]

It is borderline genius is what it is.

It is indeed.

We can't however guarantee its success …. there are some variables:

Does he have sweaty palms?

If he is indeed inflicted with sweaty palms and puts gloves on before the holding of hands, will she think that she is somehow unhygienic in his eyes!
We have also not yet asked the important question of whether they both have two hands! There are plenty of pretty one armed women in Japan, but if she is one of them we may need to tweak the plan.

 

[Mike Cash]

The beauty of it is that even if it isn't a success, it is a failure without awkwardness or embarrassment.

I should hope he has enough sense to wipe his sweaty meat hooks on his britches leg first.

 

[cshim]

It is indeed.

We can't however guarantee its success ﾂ…. there are some variables:

Does he have sweaty palms?

If he is indeed inflicted with sweaty palms and puts gloves on before the holding of hands, will she think that she is somehow unhygienic in his eyes!
We have also not yet asked the important question of whether they both have two hands! There are plenty of pretty one armed women in Japan, but if she is one of them we may need to tweak the plan.

Thankfully both of us have been blessed with a healthy set of hands. Actually, I suffer from early stage carpal tunnel syndrome so my grip might not be strong enough :O

But I do like the hand-holding proposition as it seems fairly low risk/high reward. Come to think of it, I had the perfect chance to try it out last Saturday. Oh well...

She is a bit shy, though. Will be interesting to see how she reacts.

Any other tips?? I'm sure you bunch have plenty of success stories. Like I said, she's a bit shy so something subtle yet direct would probably be best.

 

[Mike Cash]

You've been seeing her for months, with increasing frequency, she doesn't seem repulsed by you touching her arm....whether she likes you or not doesn't seem to me to be all that hard to figure out. She's probably wondering when you are going to get past your shyness and probably is about 3/4 of the way to thinking you're a couple already.

You're getting too hung up on form (whether your meetings were openly declared and mutually understood "formal dates" or not, whether there has been an expression of intent to be a couple or not, whether you have said if you like each other or not, etc) and that will be your undoing if you're not careful.

You don't need some declaration of her feelings toward you in order to decide if you should ask her to date you. YOU'RE ALREADY DATING....it's just that you haven't clued in to that yet. The holding hands at the crossing and then not letting go will just serve to confirm it for you.

You don't need techniques or lines. She meets you repeatedly. She enjoys your company. The fish is on the hook and wondering why you aren't doing any reeling. You don't have to do the whole "Will you go with me?" teenage nonsense; you passed that point and didn't even notice it.

So take her by the hand and squire her across a nice wide street already. You've GOT a girlfriend, so ACT like it. Mother Nature will handle the rest, if you just quit letting your brain c**kblock her.

 

[ismail]

Wait until you get to a busy intersection, and just take her hand as you start to cross. When you get to the other side, don't let go.

She'll think you're being gallant and gentlemanly watching out for her safety crossing the street. If she resists it at the start, she ain't interested. If she lets you see her across the street but pulls away at the other side, she still ain't interested, but your stock went up anyway. If she doesn't pull away at the other side, she is either at least open to furthering the relation or already thought you two were dating and was wondering when you were going to get a clue.

you're a romantic guy mike. I like the idea

 

[ismail]

Thankfully both of us have been blessed with a healthy set of hands. Actually, I suffer from early stage carpal tunnel syndrome so my grip might not be strong enough :O

But I do like the hand-holding proposition as it seems fairly low risk/high reward. Come to think of it, I had the perfect chance to try it out last Saturday. Oh well...

She is a bit shy, though. Will be interesting to see how she reacts.

Any other tips?? I'm sure you bunch have plenty of success stories. Like I said, she's a bit shy so something subtle yet direct would probably be best.

I like mike's idea but I would never try it. if I like a girl who's shy I'll be direct.
if it's a no so be it, precious time will be spared. if it's a yes then it's cool and precious time will be spared

 

[Tinsoldier]

Wait until you get to a busy intersection, and just take her hand as you start to cross. When you get to the other side, don't let go.

She'll think you're being gallant and gentlemanly watching out for her safety crossing the street. If she resists it at the start, she ain't interested. If she lets you see her across the street but pulls away at the other side, she still ain't interested, but your stock went up anyway. If she doesn't pull away at the other side, she is either at least open to furthering the relation or already thought you two were dating and was wondering when you were going to get a clue.

Did something similar last night. A bicycke was passing on a narrow road from behind and i grabbed her by the waist and pulled her quickly toward me face to face. The bike was an excuse. Before that when we were drinking i let our knees touch. Later that night while while sitting outside drinking i told her how nice she smeled. She says really i cant tell. Then i said im not sure what it is maybe you hair. Then i nuzzled my face near her ear to get a better smell and whisoered in her ear yah your hair smells nice. She didnt pull away. Ergi i know she likes me a little bit at least. Later while walking home i just grabbed her hand and she leaned in. Obvious

 

[Mike Cash]

Did something similar last night. A bicycke was passing on a narrow road from behind and i grabbed her by the waist and pulled her quickly toward me face to face.

I must be getting more and more stoopid every day now. I had to read that bit three or four times before I understood you hadn't grabbed a stranger off her bicycle.

Glad to hear things are going well for you.

 

[Tinsoldier]

With that one its clear but still the level of like is very difficult to read with Japanese girls and she could be reacting in the moment while a little drunk. The next week many times they move on or decide they want to be friends.

 

[marley'sghost]

I must be getting more and more stoopid every day now. I had to read that bit three or four times before I understood you hadn't grabbed a stranger off her bicycle.

Glad to hear things are going well for you.

Had to laugh, that was my first impression, too. I was like, "Damn who is this Tinsoldier guy, James Bond?"

 

[Tinsoldier]

Had to laugh, that was my first impression, too. I was like, "Damn who is this Tinsoldier guy, James Bond?"

No but ive played a similar character on tv. Update the girl was very touchy but now refers to me as nomutomodachi . This is bad but im glad shewas more direct. Shes bisexual actually. Ill still try because its only the 2nd date tonight so maybe i move from nomutomodachi . Shes a strange bird but i like it that way.

 

[Dave son]

Sorry if this issue has been addressed in previous posts, but I couldn't find anything after a quick search.

Anyways, for the past few months I've been hanging out with a Japanese girl in Tokyo. We originally started meeting for language exchange so no formal dates or anything but I think we really click: lots of common interests, great conversations, and we've been meeting more frequently. It's hard to grasp how Japanese actually feel about many things (hence this question) but I get the sense that we genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Recently I've been trying to express my interest through subtle gestures like saying her name more often, gently tapping her arm/shoulder, and complimenting her more often (though not on her appearance--she is gorgeous, though). But she hasn't really reciprocated the name-calling and touching, which for me are important methods of flirting. Is there any reliable way for me to gauge her interest?

Also, should I be doing anything in particular to express my interest? I'm wary of being overly aggressive and want to make sure I'm being respectful. I also don't know any of her friends so I can't go the 3rd party route.

If it's important, we're both 23 and working full-time jobs. We usually meet up on weekends and around once a week after work.

Any advice, tips, or anecdotes would be welcome. Thanks for the feedback!

EDIT: Can I also assume she doesn't have a boyfriend if she hasn't mentioned one after a few months? Not sure if this is information they'd withhold or not...

I simply ask them if they have any American in them? When they of course say No, I ask if they would like some?

 

[Achilles 1-1]

I simply ask them if they have any American in them? When they of course say No, I ask if they would like some?

You're replying to a comment from over ten years ago. Anybody on this thread has probably already left the forum, so don't count on any responses. Also, do be a little more appropriate with your responses.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

I simply ask them if they have any American in them? When they of course say No, I ask if they would like some?

 

[Dave son]

Wait until you get to a busy intersection, and just take her hand as you start to cross. When you get to the other side, don't let go.

She'll think you're being gallant and gentlemanly watching out for her safety crossing the street. If she resists it at the start, she ain't interested. If she lets you see her across the street but pulls away at the other side, she still ain't interested, but your stock went up anyway. If she doesn't pull away at the other side, she is either at least open to furthering the relation or already thought you two were dating and was wondering when you were going to get a clue.

No but ive played a similar character on tv. Update the girl was very touchy but now refers to me as nomutomodachi . This is bad but im glad shewas more direct. Shes bisexual actually. Ill still try because its only the 2nd date tonight so maybe i move from nomutomodachi . Shes a strange bird but i like it that way.

That means drinking friends.