Why do so many foreigners marry Japanese women?

[bobchiin]

I don't think japanese women think foreign men are any more faithful than
japanese men, do they?

I will readily admit that there are unfaithful men worldwide. But in most cultures having extramarital affairs are at the least disrespectful of your wife. In Japan, it is the norm to have an affair, almost expected of the man. If you were a Japanese woman wouldn't you think foreign men were possibly more faithful?
Still, I am not a Japanese female, or any kind of female for that matter, until we have a real Japanese woman voice her opinion we won't know.

 

[gaijinalways]

Yes, Japanese men in general have unusual attitudes toward women, though in their defense, younger men are sometimes changing. Some attitudes that you often see/hear about are;

Men who think that hitting their wife at home is okay (out of sight, out of mind).

Men who think that wives should wait until they get home to eat dinner together, no matter how late late the husbamd comes home.

Men who think that women should be given enough for the budget and not anymore.

Men who think that doing something with their wife on the weekend is not their idea of a good time.

Men who think having their wives work is shameful.

Still wonder why some Japanese women prefer to marry someone else besides Japanese men.

 

[ricecake]

I had a Japanese friend who was married for over ten years. He and his wife had three daughters and his mother lived with them in the same house.When his wife became pregnant again the mother of this "man" told him to tell his wife that this was her last chance.If she didn't have a boy this time then they were getting divorced.

Was this couple native Okinawan or REAL Japanese from the mainland ?

Native Okinawans share alot of Chinese cultural similiarities,this is exact mindset of some old-school Chinese folks.My limited knowledge and observation,I don't think Japanese insist on having sons in the family.

 

[ricecake]

Still wonder why some Japanese women prefer to marry someone else besides Japanese men.

Don't you think we should also entertain the flip-side of this question for a more rounded perspective,why some of them aren't wanted by Japanese men.

There are many thousand yearly inter-marriages between Japanese women and the other 2 East Asian nationalities,the total number is either equal or greater than the ones end up with Caucasians.

 

[pipokun]

Yes, Japanese men in general have unusual attitudes toward women, though in their defense, younger men are sometimes changing. Some attitudes that you often see/hear about are;
Men who think that hitting their wife at home is okay (out of sight, out of mind).
Men who think that wives should wait until they get home to eat dinner together, no matter how late late the husbamd comes home.
Men who think that women should be given enough for the budget and not anymore.
Men who think that doing something with their wife on the weekend is not their idea of a good time.
Men who think having their wives work is shameful.
Still wonder why some Japanese women prefer to marry someone else besides Japanese men.

I bet you'd be honered with a Nobel love affair award if you find the answer why you choose your partner. But before that, you've got to doubt the hearsay...

 

[ArmandV]

Oh, it is true that most Japanese men are quite helpless without a female around, at least as far as clothes, food and getting them some tea are corcerned. It's just that any woman will suffice for that, mother, sister, lover, co-worker are are all just as good. Still specifically wives very seldom fall into a high priority for what is important in their lives. I respect what you say you have observed, and I did say there were exceptions, but the next time you are here in Japan why don't you try doing your own survey. What you thought you knew might be changed.

Well, when in Japan I have better things to do than take surveys on "helpless" Japanese men. I have a lot of Japanese friends and business associates, some of which were "between marriages" at some point and they seemed to have fallen apart once wifey has flown the coop and they have to find themselves another spouse.

Naturally, there are always exceptions. But friends here also noticed the same thing, some of whom lived in Japan before.

 

[ricecake]

Generally im not attracted to most Japanese girls,but most of them (im not saying ALL) are flat chested and figure wise look like there about 12 years old... and thats just well... nevermind.

Honesty can save one from unneccesary emotional entanglement in WM/AF relationship,this brings back one story once told by an old acquintance of mine.She accompanied her sister ( who was in process of divorce ) to local court,recalled the American ( of European-descent ) husband's ruthless sarcastic sniping remark was " she's got small boobs " for the reason he filed the divorce petition.

 

[ArmandV]

Honesty can save one from unneccesary emotional entanglement in WM/AF relationship,this brings back one story once told by an old acquintance of mine.She accompanied her sister ( who was in process of divorce ) to local court,recalled the American ( of European-descent ) husband's ruthless sarcastic sniping remark was " she's got small boobs " for the reason he filed the divorce petition.

That is a lame reason for filing a divorce petition. He knew she had small boobs before he married her. Unless she had silicone implants and removed them...

 

[Davey]

wow... 4 pages for this subject....

 

[Ewok85]

Still wonder why some Japanese women prefer to marry someone else besides Japanese men.

I bet you'd be honered with a Nobel love affair award if you find the answer why you choose your partner. But before that, you've got to doubt the hearsay...

I don't doubt the hearsay, I know its all too true. My girlfriend stopped dating Japanese boys after some bad experiences. I know plenty of women who are pressured by the things that gaijinalways said. I have seen many situations where the idea of marrying someone for not being Japanese is rationalised.
(Same time I've seen some Japanese marriages that are going fantasically well - YMMV).

 

[bobchiin]

Well, when in Japan I have better things to do than take surveys on "helpless" Japanese men. I have a lot of Japanese friends and business associates, some of which were "between marriages" at some point and they seemed to have fallen apart once wifey has flown the coop and they have to find themselves another spouse.
Naturally, there are always exceptions. But friends here also noticed the same thing, some of whom lived in Japan before.

Well, thank you for helping to prove my point! I never said that Japanese wives were not important to their husbands. I said that when I asked them,
they rarely ranked their wife in the top three of importance. So, obviously if your Japanese pals had had a higher priority on their wives, had thought they were important in their lives, therefore spending more time with them instead of running around with you then their wifey wouldn't "have flown the coop". And if their wives had been a little more important to them while they were married then maybe they would have never fallen apart and have to find another wifey.

I do take back my request for you to do your own survey. I definitely would not want you to cause an international incident by asking "helpless" Japanese men a simple question.

I do not claim to be an expert in all things Japanese. I do have my opinions. In fact, I am quite opinionated sometimes. What I do have is experience, a lot of it. I have lived, ate, drank, slept, drove, worked, and spoke Japanese in Japan with Japanese for the past 36 years. Now, if you and all of your friends added together can even claim half of that time, then I might change my opinion. But I doubt it. Because, after all, what I originally stated was based on questions that I asked Japanese men.

 

[bobchiin]

Was this couple native Okinawan or REAL Japanese from the mainland ?
Native Okinawans share alot of Chinese cultural similiarities,this is exact mindset of some old-school Chinese folks.My limited knowledge and observation,I don't think Japanese insist on having sons in the family.

:nihonjin: That Real in front of Japanese could get you in trouble...

The couple was both Okinawa born. His mother though was from mainland Japan. Where I don't know. I believe that until very recently areas of mainland Japan (especially rural areas and Okinawa) were rigid in their requirements for a first born son. Maybe someone else can shed some light on this. I do know that of the about 600(yeah, all of Japan performs fewer adoptions than any one state in the US) registered adoptions performed in Japan each year, virtually all of them are for the purpose of what the Japanese call "yoshii". It is kind of a fill in first born son. These adopted sons are not orphans but usually related to the adopting family in some way.
After all, it's the "blood" that's important. Average age is normally around twenty.

A footnote on the above story: The baby was a son. The family was still together the last time I saw them, but not happily, at least for the wife's part.

 

[ArmandV]

Well, thank you for helping to prove my point! I never said that Japanese wives were not important to their husbands. I said that when I asked them,
they rarely ranked their wife in the top three of importance. So, obviously if your Japanese pals had had a higher priority on their wives, had thought they were important in their lives, therefore spending more time with them instead of running around with you then their wifey wouldn't "have flown the coop". And if their wives had been a little more important to them while they were married then maybe they would have never fallen apart and have to find another wifey.
I do take back my request for you to do your own survey. I definitely would not want you to cause an international incident by asking "helpless" Japanese men a simple question.
I do not claim to be an expert in all things Japanese. I do have my opinions. In fact, I am quite opinionated sometimes. What I do have is experience, a lot of it. I have lived, ate, drank, slept, drove, worked, and spoke Japanese in Japan with Japanese for the past 36 years. Now, if you and all of your friends added together can even claim half of that time, then I might change my opinion. But I doubt it. Because, after all, what I originally stated was based on questions that I asked Japanese men.

You may have hung out with a different community than I. The Japanese I primarily know are movie industry people. There may be a whole different mind-set there. But, as I said, I know other gaijin who have associated with Japanese people and have lived there also noticed what I mentioned.

 

[yukio_michael]

wow... 4 pages for this subject....

It seems troublesome to me that people actually have to defend why people like or dislike another ethnic group... We know why there are more gaijin dating Japanese girls, we covered this... do we really need to know their motives?

 

[sabro]

My mother's family is Japanese... from Yamaguchi. My grandparents came the US about 100 years ago and had 10 children. Seven survived to adulthood and six of them married other Japanese Americans. My mother was the only exception. Of the next generation, only one cousin out of about 18 of us grandchildren married anyone that was Japanese. "Outmarriage" among sansei and yonsei in the US is far more common than in-marriage.

 

[leonmarino]

wow... 4 pages for this subject....

Yeah, I can't believe it either!! This must be the most popular thread currently..

 

[gaijinalways]

Don't you think we should also entertain the flip-side of this question for a more rounded perspective,why some of them aren't wanted by Japanese men.

We could, and a few are nutcases, or just too assertive according to Japanese cultural standards for women, but generally from what I have found is that many of these men are living in the past when women were slaves to the man's salary.

 

[Revenant]

.......slaves to the man's salary.

Not that a lot of Japanese wives mind. With a hubby that is almost never home, and having control of the purse strings, heck, she gets to a lot of cafes, restaurants, movies, gets a bit of shopping in, and generally just enjoys life.

 

[ricecake]

I've briefly known a Taiwanese gal ( was a family guess for 2 weeks at my parents' home ) fluent in Japanese and had college education in Japan told us in casual chat most Japanese women choose not to work after marriage rather stay home raise children and enjoy life,this was some years ago.

She also said,Japanese women aren't like what foreigners stereotype them to be.

 

[Maciamo]

Northern-stock East Asian peoples ( Japanese,northern Chinese,and Koreans ) are " war-like " and macho,there is nothing feminine about those men.

Sorry but modern Japanese men are nothing like the virile samurai of erstwhile (well, if there are, they are few and far between). Many young Japanese are shy, reserved and submissive (more so than young women). They tend to care as much about their clothes as women (or gay men). Physically they are shorter, less muscluar, less hairy and have less prominent male features (eybrow, nose, chin, shoulders...) than Caucasian men (in average, of course - no need to take extreme cases). Even their skin is more female-like (smoother, thinner, less rugged).

Like all Japanese in general, Japanese men are not very good (and that is a euphemism) at debating assertively and arguing logically, which are essential traits of masculinity. Just look at parliamentary debates on Japanese TV, the old "respectable" lawmakers often end up hitting each others like in a girl-fight, because they lack the masculine cold-bloodedness and emotional restraint. Compare it with a debate at the British parliament to see the world of difference, despite both nations being famous for their politeness. British politicians have such restraint that even the most acrimonious remark is said with a stiff upper-lip.

So please tell me what in so "macho" or virile about modern Japanese men (and to some extent other East Asian men).

 

[RockLee]

Maybe she means those guys that hang out in the streets? :?

 

[ricecake]

Precisely. This is what not many people really know...or don't want to admit.

It feeds some people's egos.

Well,those of us in the know NOT sarcastic enough consistently tell it bluntly in person and cyberspace to overturn those myths and dispel some male individuals' romanticism of little cute Madamn Butterfly.My posts in this thread have done some damage to male egos of several fellow forumers,I am on their enemy list.

 

[doinkies]

It feeds some people's egos.
Well,those of us in the know NOT sarcastic enough consistently tell it bluntly in person and cyberspace to overturn those myths and dispel some male individuals' romanticism of little cute Madamn Butterfly.My posts in this thread have done some damage to male egos of several fellow forumers,I am on their enemy list.

*coughespeciallyGhettodoink'scough*

 

[Kyoko_desu]

*coughespeciallyGhettodoink'scough*

 

[BenWa]

I find the behavior of Japanese much more friendly and attractive than most women here. I'm not saying I'm attracted to an obedient woman, because I really don't look for that in a woman. I date allot of girls who are outgoing, smart and attractive. But I have this overwhelming attraction towards Asian women. I've dated black women, asian women and white women, and I just like asian women more. I don't understand it but I just like them.
I most defiantley don't want an obedient house wife woman though, because then you couldn't go out and have fun with them.