Was it something I said??

[CA_Wix]

Last night I went to a club with a native friend that I have grown rather close with. Him and I were just relaxing having a few drinks.

I said wow! That girl is beautiful and she is all alone. He told me to go talk to her and I did.

My Japanese is horrible (I just arrived here a few weeks ago and I'm learning). So I was talking to her in English and he would talk to her sometimes in Japanese.

Things were going great. She smiled a lot (I know that is often a given) and seemed very receptive to our conversation. I asked if she wanted to meet sometime for a language exchange and she seemed excited. She gave me her number. I asked if she wanted to dance and she wouldn't answer. Then her and her friend went to the dance floor. I asked my buddy if that was normal and he said yes, and that I had to go follow her. In USA that would be it and I would have stayed away, but I know here is much different from my home. So I found her on the dance floor and she said she was leaving and then ran away. I never touched her, or came on to her strong at all.

Was she just being nice to me even though she hated my guts? Why would she give her number to me if she was not interested in meeting me? Would I dare call her? It isn't the end of the world if I never see her again, I just wondered if anyone had any tips on this behavior for future encounters.

This is my first post so please excuse if it is inappropriate here. I just found this site and it seems to have a lot of information from a lot of helpful people.

Thanks.

WiX

 

[Ashikaga]

Only she knows for sure.

One possible scenario is, she was excited about the language exchange idea but when she told her friend about it, she told her what really was going on. That you were after her pompoms and the language exchange was just a ploy.

Call her and find out. You have got nothing to lose but your pride. Who knows, maybe you just need to show her how sincere you are. Or ARE you?

 

[CA_Wix]

That is a possibility, and yes I know that only she really knows.

Yes I really am being sincere. I would just like to talk with her and get to know her, learn from her and tell her about English. If she wanted to kiss me I wouldn't refuse, but I wouldn't be destroyed if she wasn't interested either.

Just trying to meet new people. So maybe it was her friend. I found it really strange because I was with my Japanese friend and he was telling me how great it was going. No real surprise; it's always a challenge for men to understand women no matter where you are on this earth.

Thanks for the response.

WiX

 

[Haruspex]

Next time make a grim face and tell her how tr00 and kvlt language exchange is.
Actually, its kind of weird to try asking her in that situation. I mean, im not blaming you or anything, its just that its bound to turn into a misunderstanding.
And, you know, I believe that you didn't approach her because of carnal desires... well not solely, but lol, you'll never be able to convince her of that if she wants to believe that you did.
Ok, one more thing, she seems a bit... unstable, or uber shy.

 

[Mars Man]

In situations like these, WiX san (if I may use that shortened form) is important to read the body language. Now that is, as one would guess, pretty much the same all over the world--it's a psychological/physiological function--except for a few culture tack-ons.

Without knowing all the details, I am, to a degreee, only guessing here. I reason that the 'asking her to dance' was the monster in the background here. If, by meeting her 'by chance' out on the dance floor (with your simply dancing alone with the crowd...and then bumping into her [not literally]) had been the process, things may have worked out a little better...possibly. (We simple do not know details...she actually may have had to suddenly go...who knows.) She may have had a guy (but of course it would have been even worse for you to have questioned her in that area).

Anyway, you do have a number, as ASHIKAGA san has pointed out--although telephone is much harder than in person. You do have other chances...depending on your purpose and stay here in Japan...so. . . don't sweat it. In the meantime, spend time--in order to get gain experience with the ladies of the islands.

 

[dreamer]

Something I have noticed during my few years of interactions with people is that very often, when you go to much toward people, they tend to run away >_<

Still you DO have her number so give it a try!

 

[CA_Wix]

thanks for the advice all. I'll try calling her tomorrow. Just to see what is going on. I'll be real passive. I'm busy this weekend anyway so if she's at all interested I'll suggest late next week or even next weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.

Dreamer: That's what I thought too. Like I said I was with my friend who is native Japanese. He told me that she liked me and that I should follow her, so I did. Maybe a bad call on his part, or maybe she hates me and was just being nice.

Cheers!

WiX

 

[CA_Wix]

ok so I sent her a message yesterday and she is responsive then she said she is busy for all of June (I can't believe the amount of planning in this culture!). But she said she will go back to that same club the weekend after next. Should I go there to see her? I think I might.

About leaving quickly she said that she needed to catch the last train out of the city for the night (to go home).

 

[orochi]

Busy all of June?
I'd forget about her and concentrate your energies elsewhere.
If she mails again and wants to meet up, go for it. Otherwise...

 

[dreamer]

Yeah...somehow that's how I'd do it too...because after one month she might not even remember you...

 

[Mars Man]

I'd wish to insert a little caution, however. Again, we do not have the exact communique--both ways. We do not know the exact details of the logistics, lifestyle, work and so on.

She may have intended to point out that her schedule would not allow her to go to that same shop until (and only then) the weekend of the 21st, 22nd. (if I am following correctly here) I would see nothing amiss with that.

I would also see nothing wrong at all about her wanting to meet on neutral ground, even a couple of times, maybe, before making arrangements for that English help--or other aspects of human relations.

If I were in your shoes, I'd at least go there on that night to check out what goes down. This line of thinking would go along that of 'better to have lost in love, than never to have loved at all.' You don't know until you try it, and if it were a lead to an open door somewhere down the road, and you missed it. . . you could (if you were to have knowledge of that later, somehow [like by magic]) kill yourself for shooting yourself in the foot.

Go for it, but do not expect anything at all.

 

[El P8s]

Well just try the next one even if she isn't the love of your life you still might have a good time.

 

[CA_Wix]

yes, thanks all for the advice. My thinking was just show up there when she said she would be there and see what happens. My friend already said he would go with me again so even if I never see it we can have a good time without her. I just arrived here a month ago, and I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket by any means. The only thing I have to lose is to not see her and go to that particular club again (I probably would go somewhere else). I'll give it a shot.

Orochi san: In the same message she told me she was booked for June, BUT she was going back to that club the weekend after this weekend. Should I take that as an invitation to meet her? From my hearings about the shyness of Japanese women they would never 'ask a guy out', so is that her way of saying she wants to see me there you think? I am interested in her, but I also never want to be where I'm not wanted. One more question for you: Should I message her late next week to confirm she is still planning to be there?

Thanks for the advice all. Sorry if I'm boring you all.

Cheers!

WiX

 

[Mars Man]

To me, it reads as factual information to some degree, but that, however, is not the average bottom line in female communicative styles, so it could be read as an invitation to be there.

As for sending a message to her, I'd recommend making it more of a 'I plan on going to name of place on that day or evening...look forward to having the chance to meet and talk with you again'-like thing. A recomfirmation would seem to be attaching strings of obligation, and that might not be such a good move. All, in my opinion--but based on a little historical experience and learning in the field of gender studies.

 

[CA_Wix]

Point well taken Mars man. I like the way you think. This way if she is not going (or doesn't want to see me there) she could easily tell me her plans have changed and I just would go somewhere else.

Yes, I have the same experience in communication with women. It is very difficult for me now because it is all in Japanese!!!!! It's all good, and I love the learning experience. This place has done me a lot of good already!!

WiX

 

[orochi]

Point well taken Mars man. I like the way you think. This way if she is not going (or doesn't want to see me there) she could easily tell me her plans have changed and I just would go somewhere else.

You're going to have trouble getting her with that attitude. Women smell desperation. If you go there, do it for you, not her. If she's there, cool. You can talk. If not, talk to some other girls or whatever.

 

[Mars Man]

I would not think, at this point, that the point is to get her in any fashion at all, and therefore we need not scheme in that mode as of yet. The concept at hand here, is simply to make contact, and verify indirectly--nothing more, nothing less. To that degree, it would be far more recommendable to carry on in the relationship building on the sub-sexual level.

In that we are dealing with sexual differences, however, we need to pay attention to communicatively stemmed emotional behavior patterns, and I would strongly argue that my suggestion above--as far as there is interest to make contact on CA_Wix's behalf--would be the more reasonable one at this time.

 

[Kiove]

I would say to back off if it's not too much. there are lots of fish in the sea, and if she miscomprehends, you could be screwed over with the law. Don't worry about it. Everyone's become a walking paranoid these days.

 

[CA_Wix]

Screwed over with the law?!? I was not aggressive in the least. I never even touched nor tried to touch her.

I did send her a message and asked her if she wanted to go to the club and she said she had plans. She is not the end of the world to say the least. I was just wondering in general if women here are this mysterious.

It will be a long stay for me here in Japan and I meet new people all the time. I have officially given up on her.

Thanks for all the information everyone.

カール

 

[CA_Wix]

Not to beat a dead horse, but another chapter to this seemingly finished story was written last night. Me and my friend went to the same club because we wanted to go. I had absolutely no contact with her, as I was certain she was not interested.

So I was dancing at the club and went for a drink at the bar. I get a message from her: "are you dancing at the club?" I replied yes and asked her to come to the bar and I would meet her. She came and we danced for a couple of songs. She thanked me for the dance and left.

Does anyone think she is interested, or just playing games? I would expect if she saw me at the club and was not interested she would just not say anything.

She is certainly very good at confusing me. I haven't communicated with her since she left the club. I think I will wait to see if she initiates anything more.

Strange, strange....

 

[Mars Man]

Well, I would reason that she is interested to the extent and degree that she mailed you--nothing more than that, though. (I mean she was interested in mailing you, interested in dancing with you, interested in knowing if you were at the club.)

I would say, for now, not to let it take the front seat in your mind. Just go natural without letting yourself get stuck on it so as to even consider anything being confusing.

 

[theAlphaDuck]

loss it!

i wrote you a REALLY good post man...
with some top tips on how to get girls... but unfortunatly MARS MAN deleted

why???

dunno ask him...
but if you want to know how to cross language, cultural and race bariers PM me and i'll give some proper good tips....
i only dropped 2 or 3 in the public domain....

but i will give you a proper game plan that works on almost ANY foreighn girl EVERY time...

tho it is a shame that no one else can learn these things....
for i have much to share in this area....

oh well

but yea...

as for this girl...

LET HER GO!

 

[CA_Wix]

Wow! That was weird.

That's what I was thinking Mars. I just wanted everyone to know that i'm not a stalker and this girl really was interested.

I'll never expect to understand females. I hardly know her so it's not like she could break my heart anyway...

Cheers!

WiX

 

[FrustratedDave]

How did you go? Sounds like she was trying to avoid you. I am interested to see what your progress is?

 

[alantin]

Go DENSHA!!





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