Something I needed to get off my chest..

[Manahaki_Kaori]

I work for a Grocery store and half of our customers are old people. It's a family owned business and is well-known for our service and so on and so on since they've been around since like 1919. But recently I've began to wonder, is it right to write someone up just because of their hair color?

I know you need to look your best when working for the general public and I understand that, but say I wanted to dye my hair like....red. Is that so wrong? I did that a couple of months ago and got sent home because of it. In my head, I think it's okay to have red, purple, green hair because it's our hair and we can do whatever with it.

But the managers say it offends the old people when young people have colored hair like that.

Is it offending?

 

[Red5]

Is it offending?

it's not offending ....

maybe if you dye all your hair in red , that will make you extremely different and that not good , but if you dye some of your hair , that will be normal ...

or maybe that will make old ppl malicious and wish to be back in his/her young life and that maybe hurt them !!!

that's my opinion , I don't know exactly

 

[Grandpa Frank]

I take care of old people everyday ....AND....

I think at almost 60, I qualify as old. Most of us don't really care about hair color or rings in you nose or eyebrows or ears or tatoos or studs or whatever. As long as you give good service, treat us kindly and with patience, maybe ask if we need a little help, etc., looks are not a big deal. If anything, crazy looking young people give us old folks something to talk about later.

Uncle Frank

 

[epigene]

If you were in Japan, you won't be hired in the first place at most stores (although there seems to be an increasing number of stores tolerating hair dyed light brown). Red, green, blue and other vivid colors are absolute no-nos when working in customer service business.

If I were your employer, I'd say the same thing, if most of the customers are Asian senior citizens.

 

[Manahaki_Kaori]

@Uncle Frank~That made me feel a bit better, thank you I do my job just like that, I try to keep a smile on my face. But half the time, the customers are rude about how they want me to do my job, or they just plain don't talk to me at all when I ask them a simple question. My manager just told me maybe it's cause how I come off to them, how I look.

I wouldn't qualify you as 'old' just middle aged. My dad finds me amusing and he's about your age, and I'm the youngest of seven. A lot of people your age find me amusing, but it's people in their eighties that like to complain. I suppose I'm not that good with grumpy old people.

@Epigene~Well, I wasn't quite looking for a job in Japan ha ha, but I know what you mean. I do see a few asians who come through, but for the most part, white people come through. I live in Utah, and half the population is mormon. Maybe that's my problem right there.

My employers are quite nice about it, well, my main boss is. The others are just kind of weird about it. But I still think if I do my job, I treat customers the way they should be, I think it shouldn't matter what I look like.

 

[Mike Cash]

Of course you don't think it should matter. Unfortunately, you are not the one who invested the money in opening and operating the store and your financial future does not depend on its continued success. You can get another job; the owner can lose customers.

Believe it or not, appearances do matter, choices do matter, and the world is under no obligation to conform to your personal expectations of it. You want to be a rebel, you have to expect a little pushback from society. Otherwise....what would be rebellious about it?

 

[nanook]

I had a friend, who was in a similar situation. He decided to comply. Wore gray every day for a full year. Gray suit, gray socks, gray shoes, gray shirt, gray tie, gray everything. Kind of maxed out the dress code. I couldn't think of anything more rebellious than that

Anyway, it seems to have worked. After that year, they left him alone, so he could do whatever he wanted.

 

[Malamis]

Personally, I find dyed hair and piercings untidy, and consequently offensive; but then I think the same thing about most men with long hair,especially the bandanna wearing ponytail types.

I'll admit to maintaining an unfair correlation between dyed hair and bad hygiene, but then I live in the dirty bits of Scotland where I'm yet to see it unjustified.

 

[Manahaki_Kaori]

Of course you don't think it should matter. Unfortunately, you are not the one who invested the money in opening and operating the store and your financial future does not depend on its continued success. You can get another job; the owner can lose customers.

Believe it or not, appearances do matter, choices do matter, and the world is under no obligation to conform to your personal expectations of it. You want to be a rebel, you have to expect a little pushback from society. Otherwise....what would be rebellious about it?

I know that, but why should I have to rebel against society? I'm not rebelling, considerably, I'm just doing my own thing. And I went back to work finding that some of my co-workers have had streaks of purple running through their hair and they weren't talked to.

I saw a girl not a few days ago who had it, and they never said a word to her whereas I was taken to the back the instant I walked into the store.

 

[Malamis]

I know that, but why should I have to rebel against society? I'm not rebelling, considerably, I'm just doing my own thing. And I went back to work finding that some of my co-workers have had streaks of purple running through their hair and they weren't talked to.
I saw a girl not a few days ago who had it, and they never said a word to her whereas I was taken to the back the instant I walked into the store.

Then rejoice in that you have set a precedent and struck a blow for civil liberties in that workplace on the field of personal expression.

May the commissariat be merciful <.<

But seriously, the fact that assumed acceptable behavior has to be spelt out on trivial matters such as this ( because they actually arise in the first place) is a bit saddening.

 

[Remixer]

It's a matter of maintaining a professional appearance.

I always shake my head when I see people who don't understand that a company representative with blue hair is not a preferable choice.



Remixer

 

[ShadowSpirit]

Manahaki:

I agree with katsumoto's assessment. That being different is something that is frowned upon by society. When you stand out too much, it makes people uncomfortable. They question things that really is none of their business. They start wondering if you hold the values they have, the sense of pride in your work that they'd expect workers to have. They wonder these things not because you're a bad person, but because they are quick to pass judgment.

Image is important though. If you were going to buy a dress that was in fashion, and found the same quality product for less than half the price under a different label name. Would you still buy it? Most people wouldn't. Cause even though it looks the same, the quality is the same, but having an off-brand label would send off an image to peers that buyers don't want to be known for.

Your appearance represents the company you work for. In an ideal society, people would react to you according to the service you provide them. Such as the way you smile, how polite you are, the help you offer. Yet no, they'd sooner just shun what they consider trendy appearances and question what kind of company would hire such a person. So long as people feel this way, you unfortunately will be judged by your employers in the way that you look. Not because your employer has a problem with it, but because they know that customers will.

Should it be offensive? Absolutely not. Nothing about changing your hair color is telling people to go screw off. Your hair isn't robbing stores nor stealing candy from children. You're just trying to express yourself and I understand how important it is to you for people to accept that. It does depend on the people you serve though.

I do feel that image is overrated in this sense. I don't care how the person dresses or looks so long as they are hygenic and not rude. I'll take a fashion trend harboring person who provides good service over a conservative dressed person who makes me wait.

 

[Manahaki_Kaori]

@ShadowSpirit
That makes sense, we do cater to a lot of middle-aged/older people at our store, but most of the time they just find the way I have my hair amusing or just cute. C: (I used to have black hair then I went blonde and they loved to call me blondie, now I'm brunette)

Most girls who work at the store (Though I don't work with them, I work during the day they work during the night) do have conservative hairstyles/styles of clothing but they are the worst baggers ever. (From when I worked with them occasionally) They don't ask the customers what kidn of bag they want, they don't give them a choice of bag, and they don't ask them if they want help out. (Only a few of them do it)

And they sit there and talk to each other even when we have a customer come through. But our managers don't do anything about it. I was told by a customer that I was one of the better baggers and that she didn't expect it to be that way from the way I dressed and had my hair. I just told her I like my hair like this because it makes me feel like myself and not just what people want me to look like.

She was an older customer too. I suppose I'm being a bit of a baby when it comes to this, but I just wanted someone to understand that looks shouldn't matter, and that I hope they just don't judge workers or the store by the way they have their hair or the way they dress.

This customer (younger) comes in and he has implanted horns, but I saw him with his child and he was the coolest and cutest dad ever. He played with his son and made faces, made voices and all the good things. He's one of the nicest people I met, and I think he has a good heart.

Well, I'm going to be quiet now. XD But what you said really helped me. Really, thank you.

 

[ShadowSpirit]

Manahaki:

I don't think you're being a baby about it. In fact, I frown upon people who passed judgment on you. It's interesting how some people can advocate tolerance and understanding of others: culture, upbringing, race, religion, creed, and so forth. Then turn around and say. "Oh no! She is making a fashion statement! Expect the worst from her."

The hypocricy is so deep seeded that it astounds me. You shouldn't feel bad for expressing yourself. Instead, these elders should feel ashamed for not having learned to not judge things on the surface. Think about it for a moment. You're young, vibrant, expressive, and still have much to experience in the world. Whereas the middle-aged and older people have been where you are now. They once were the same kind of trend setting people for their time, was frowned upon for it, then grew out of that stage, and should have seen a few generations pass by of the same attitude of expression. Granted, the trends themselves might change. Yet the attitude and need to express one's self should be distinctly familiar to the elders.

I just find it silly that people don't grow out of their prejudices or preconceptions. I mean, if you're young and don't yet know any better then that is one thing. Though after you've aged awhile; if you haven't yet picked up the wisdom of the times, then I think the fault should be more on that person.

Bottom line. Young people don't know any better and older people should have learned better.

So rock on with your colored hair as long as you can and try to enjoy it. As you explore more job opportunities, you'll find that luxuries such as style and expression start to thin out your chances. It sucks, it's unfortunate, but that is just how life plays itself out.

 

[Manahaki_Kaori]

@ShadowSpirit

I agree 100% with you, my mother is a good example of that. She may not admit it, but whenever we're out in public, if she sees someone with peircings or just plain buying a pack of beer she sneers and just talks about them to me. One time we were at an intersection and we were about to turn, this mexican walked infront of our car so he could go across the other road and she was like 'Stupid mexican!'.

I hate when my mom says that kind of stuff, because he probably didn't intentionally do that. And I've been friends with some mexicans, and they're really nice people. (Most of them) But with the whole Food Stamp and illegal aliens (also the fact that my sister dated one for four years) my mom's prejudiced against them. I hate judgement based on that.

Everytime my sister gets a boyfriend now the first thing she asks 'Is he mexican?'

I think some people just need to look beyond that, and if I get a mexican friend I hope my parents just accept him/her. My family (Well, Parents) are very much into the mormon church and if I don't date or marry a mormon it's automatically a sign that I'm pulling away from the church. (Which I am, but it's no big deal it's basically my life)

Utahns are like that, if you came here and had piercings, sure there'd be some people okay with you but the Mormons would try to preach to you that it's not right. I'm supposed to preach the gospel to my friends who aren't mormons and I don't. They get on my case for that. (This is going off topic, sorry)

I guess I just live in a state with a religion that's very biased. That the clean-cut are like gods and the people who dress differently need to be talked to. I'm not blaming this entirely on the church, it's just how the people are and it makes me want to move somewhere else. (Maybe Seattle)

 

[Putrefaction]

I'm not sure what the deal is with guys and ponytails. The prejudice, that is. I have a ponytail and I've had a few number of jobs over the years, none of which fired me or did anything for me having a pony tail. Granted it wasn't high end jobs but whatever. I have no piercings, tattoos or anything else, my attitude is decent and I'd be angry if people, even old people, said anything or did anything. I can see where green red bright colors and out-of-the-ordinary colors and excessive piercings and such would be not wanted.

What's next? Facial hair? Eyebrows? (both I've seen styled)

 

[Emoni]

Just dye the front of your hair red.

Then dye the back green.

After you are finished, go stand near a corner of a street near a school while the kids are getting out and spin around in 10 second intervals and watch the fun!

(Final note: EVERYTHING offends older people. So this isn't a valid argument)

 

[nice gaijin]

I think some people just need to look beyond that, and if I get a mexican friend I hope my parents just accept him/her. My family (Well, Parents) are very much into the mormon church and if I don't date or marry a mormon it's automatically a sign that I'm pulling away from the church. (Which I am, but it's no big deal it's basically my life)
Utahns are like that, if you came here and had piercings, sure there'd be some people okay with you but the Mormons would try to preach to you that it's not right. I'm supposed to preach the gospel to my friends who aren't mormons and I don't. They get on my case for that. (This is going off topic, sorry)
I guess I just live in a state with a religion that's very biased. That the clean-cut are like gods and the people who dress differently need to be talked to. I'm not blaming this entirely on the church, it's just how the people are and it makes me want to move somewhere else. (Maybe Seattle)

Interesting that you neglected to share this bit of information about where you are and the religious atmosphere. Perhaps that has something to do with why your hairstyle is frowned upon.

To answer your first question, things are offensive to some people and not others. For a manager, it's just easier to play it safe by trying not to be offensive at all. There are places that embrace alternate fashion and you are free to go and try to work there if you don't like your current employer's policies. If they are applying the rules unevenly or giving preferential treatment then that is a shame, but there are only two things you can do about it: something or nothing.

 

[bertiefink]

I don't think it matters at all.

 

[kusojiji]

A) What is it that makes you "feel like yourself" when you dye your hair red? You don't feel like yourself otherwise?

B) Any male over the age of 25 with a ponytail had better be a taoist priest or something, 'cause few things in this world look more ridiculous than an older man with a ponytaill because he thinks it looks 'cool.'

C) Wear your hair the way the owner of the store wants or go find another job.

D) Do not compare yourself to females in this regard because it is a completely different matter whether you like it or not.

 

[Frontman]

You live in Utah, that pretty much says it all. When you live in a state where the favorite swear words are "oh my heck", I'm not surprised to hear that people are uptight.

Why did you dye your hair red? Was it because you thought it looked good? Did you do it to look different? Or did you do it to fit into a particular niche?

Expressing yourself is not a bad thing, but remember that your employer is paying to you to represent his store, not to express yourself. His customers are part of their own niche, and if he wants to continue receiving their business, of course he'll do what he has to to make them feel comfortable.

A previous poster stated what the conditions are like in Japan. Many people here are into serious self expression, but only on their own time. When they are at work things are much different; a professional person knows that being a professional does not have to do entirely with his quality of his work. His manners and his appearance are also very important. Personality is left at home, and is saved for friends and family.

 

[Kirie_Maiden]

It shoudn't matter. My sister is dating a doctor, and he's had a purple beard before now. He's also dyed his hair blue recently. If you can trust a DOCTOR who has blue hair... a man who you basically trust with your life (literally)... you can trust ANYBODY with blue hair.

 

[Illusional]

simple, you could always quit.

anyhow, yo uhave to keep it mind that this store is owned by people who have different ideas than you do. they think old fashioned because the group of people that they serve is old fashioned. they are being discriminatory, but there is probably something in the contract that you signed stating that you will follow their dresscode.

yes, it sucks, but then again you are working under their rules.

raverboy

 

[Tsuyoiko]

It depends how important the job is to you. I don't follow the dress code at work, but fortunately no-one seems to care. If I really needed the money, and they decided to make an issue of it, I would probably capitulate. But if I was just doing the job for pocket money, I would probably quit.

 

[Malamis]

It shoudn't matter. My sister is dating a doctor, and he's had a purple beard before now. He's also dyed his hair blue recently. If you can trust a DOCTOR who has blue hair... a man who you basically trust with your life (literally)... you can trust ANYBODY with blue hair.

And I for one wouldn't trust a doctor with blue hair, for the same reason I wouldn't hire a lawyer with a surgically or otherwise forked tongue.