Need some advice for courting a Japanese exchange student

[orochi]

Anybody else get a headache just reading about the OP's story? Narblark, you've gotta take a step back and look at what's going on. Nobody should require this much effort and angst that you are describing in your posts. Effort and interest often get translated into desparation in times like this and girls do not go for that, especially Japanese girls. You've gotta stop thinking about things so much. The most carefully designed plans always go wrong. Just be natural.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Very true, orochi.

 

[Saing]

This is a very interesting discussion! I would like to make a suggestion. Please leave her alone to make her own mind up. If she wants to go to a movie with you, she will call you and make arrangements. If she doesn't call you, then she's not interested in going to the movie with you and you can forget her memory. This is a simple answer and you will not make her feel unfomfortable. Do you understand my idea? I'm sorry if I'm not explaining it very well. I have drank a lot of beer tonight because Japan won Asian Cup in soccer so maybe my typing is not so good!!!!!

 

[ragedaddy]

Yeah, I kinda agree with Saing, pressuring someone in my book is like the biggest turn off ever. If it was me in a situation where the girl kept on asking me and asking me, I might think to myself, hmmm this girl might be a head case. In fact, I probably would not even respond to the girl, because I like to have my space when making a decision. That's just me anyways, but you know rejection is really not that bad. We all have went through this at one point in our lives. If she says to you she's not interested, then get back up on that horse and try to rope that next cattle (you know what I mean right?). If it's the fact that you would like to learn a lot more about the Japanese culture, then just wait until the next batch of Japanese students roll into the scene. I am sure they would be more than eager to teach you all about there culture. It seems to me that you have a crush on this girl, and that's totally respectable. However, if she's not feeling you, there's a plethora of girls out there waiting to be courted, so don't give up hope.

 

[Saing]

Can I also add something else. It is something that is often said about Japanese that we are very bad at saying no. I think this is true about Japanese culture. We often find it difficult to refuse or say no to someone because of the risking being rude. I think that even if she doesn't want to date you, she may not want to say no to you. Maybe she hopes that you will just forget about her after a few weeks. Please don't mistake her. If she doesn't say no to you, then it doesn't mean she is interested in you. I'm sorry!

 

[TwistedMac]

swedish girls are very good at saying no

 

[narblark]

Well, here's the scoop. I did a routine cleaning of my mailboxes and her mails were deleted along with everyone else's. No, it wasn't a mistake. I like to keep my inbox and outbox tidy and there wasn't much point in keeping her e-mail's around.

As a result I no longer have her e-mail address or any other contact information. I couldn't get ahold of her even if I wanted to. She can still e-mail me if she wants to. I'll certainly reply if she does but I'm not going to bug her anymore.

In a sense, I suppose, I'm going to leave things up to fate from now on.

I think you are all right, I probably just need to chill out and, in a manner of speaking, let the mountain come to Mohammed.

I suspect you are right about her simply not wanting to say no. I've read that over and over again and I think it's finally sunk in. This way I can make it easy for both of us. If she wants to hang out we can and if she doesn't then she won't have to stress herself out by trying to say no without saying no.

 

[narblark]

Surprise, surprise. She e-mailed me again. Apparently she does still want to hang out. And without any prompting from me.

 

[Jean-Francois]

And your emotions go up and down every three minutes. I believe you really fall in love, dude.

 

[Emoni]

Welcome back to Hell Narblark

 

[Ewok85]

Jref hell! mwhahahaha



Bah, i just just be gay, I'm sure I'd have alot less problems

 

[Glenn]

Jref hell! mwhahahaha



Bah, i just just be gay, I'm sure I'd have alot less problems

Haha, that reminds me of Bill Engvall. "You know, if it weren't for the sex, I'd be gay. 'Cause then it's just like hanging out with your friends."

 

[Keiichi]

Surprise, surprise. She e-mailed me again. Apparently she does still want to hang out. And without any prompting from me.

See? The nicest things happen when you least expect it. Just don't worry.

Keiichi

 

[jieshi]

yaaay!!! i love what looks like a happy ending in the world of this internet based reality romantic novel!! lol

congrats

 

[narblark]

I don't know if I'd start writing the happy ending yet. God knows what will happen in the future.

 

[jieshi]

seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened.

proclaim it, be positive and all things will work for the greater good in the end

 

[Emoni]

I don't know if I'd start writing the happy ending yet. God knows what will happen in the future.

Not to be negative, but this is probably a good precaution Just try to keep things as they are as friends at this point and see if SHE makes any choices to change things later. If anything is for real, it won't happen overnight.

 

[narblark]

Yup. Sounds good to me.

 

[narblark]

Well, I haven't heard back from her yet. I wonder.....

She says that she doesn't get to check her e-mail very often (she uses web based mail). But that seems a little odd to me. Let me explain.

I'm pretty sure she has her own computer. I believe she said so when our class group asked her to type some stuff up and do some research. I don't know if it's a desktop or a laptop but if it came with her from Japan I would have to assume it's a laptop.

The school offers free Internet access to all students. There are 3 ways to get online. Wired (Ethernet), Wireless (WiFi), and Dial up (PPP).

I had a friend who lived in the same dorm building she does and I know that every room in that building has at least one active Ethernet port that hooks you into the campus network/Internet. I also know that it has a phone line you can use for dial up. And wireless access is available in a significant portion of the campus.

With all these methods of getting online how could it be hard for her to check her e-mail? Even if she doesn't have her own machine there are a zillion computers for student use scattered around various computer labs on campus that you can log on to in about 5 seconds.

Yes, I'm a bit pessimistic and paranoid, I get it from my mother. But this digital anomaoly still makes me wonder if she's just continually baiting the hook or something just for the hell of it.

Oh well. I suppose I'll find out one way or the other, in time.

 

[Ewok85]

Japanese people dont use computers or the internet very often, comes from having mobile phones that do all that. When I was there I was lucky to find a pc to be on twice a month, that and I was busy just trying to keep things together.

 

[Keiichi]

You know, perhaps she's not the computer-check-my-email-often type of person. If you really want to be (closer) friends with this girl, get her number and call her.

Keiichi

 

[Emoni]

Narblark, trying to figure out why she does things for any reason is pointless and just self torture at this point. Unless you really get to know her (I think...) you won't know why. This comes from experience.

Whatever she says is the reason, just go with it. Don't try to find the "ultimate truth" behind it all. That gets you no where. It is like trying to solve the world's greatest mystery on nothing but a dust speck. Don't even bother.

.

.

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Oh, one catch. Making yourself stop wondering about this stuff? Just about impossible

 

[Elizabeth]

You know, perhaps she's not the computer-check-my-email-often type of person. If you really want to be (closer) friends with this girl, get her number and call her.

Keiichi

It isn't guaranteed to work, but at least to demonstrate your consideration and respect, two of the most important qualities in Japanese life, why not at least offer to help with the class or tutor her in English, something that shows practical concern for her as a real person in an unfamilar situation with a lot on her mind, not a museum object to be dissected and analyzed to death....

 

[narblark]

She told me her classes are over for the summer so there isn't anything I can tutor her in.

One thing I forgot to mention. I've recieved three e-mails from her. The first two came after I sent a second message to her because I didn't get replies the first times. In both those cases, after waiting several days for a message I sent another to her. Lo and behold, I got replies that same day to both of my new messages. To me, that implies she's checking her e-mail but not writing back for some reason.

At any rate, I can't e-mail her again even if I wanted to. My machine had a major OS meltdown which forced me to re-install Windows. As a result all of my mailboxes, and her address, were lost in the ether of reformatted hard drives.

 

[narblark]

Well, here's the update. She and I are going to hang out this Sunday. We were supposed to hang out next week but instead she and her friends decided to go to Seattle for the week. Which kind of pissed me off but I got over it.

So we'll see how things go on Sunday.