My Girl gives her body

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Kristo

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Its relieving to fine an opportunity to let out whats burning in me. Having read a couple of interesting, unbelieveing and sometimes scary stories, mine may not be special but I'd like to share and obviously welcome some comments and advice.

I have a girl (she is 窶愿ｺ窶怒ﾂ人), and I like her a lot cause she is nice, funny and very sociable. One day, for reasons I still don't know, she decided to reveal the most shocking secrete of her life to me. Hold your breath. This nice girl of 33years with a good job as a nurse have been using her body i.e. sex for money years even before we got together. According to her, she is facing a lot of financial challenges and that was the only option. She was pouring out this secrete in tears leaving me suprised, vexed and at the same time sympathetic (maybe I'm foolish). Like I said I like her. Heeeeelp!!!!!! I will like to help her out of whatever she is caught up with in life...
 
Selling ones body is not something that many people take seriously. So this might be something that she think of as 'normal'.

Well, it all depends to what you think of it. Most people (myself included) think that it is degrading and can affect negatively a life in many ways. Do you think this is wrong? Well, talk with her and tell her how you feel, that way she's most likely to open up a lot more. If she doesn't want to hear you out, you just have to ask yourself... is this how I really see myself in the future? and go on from there.

Mauricio
 
Yes, you are foolish. I can see it just from the manner in which you are posting this and the way you speak of it, as if she was kidnapped and raped.

Now, but foolish, I don't mean stupid. I only mean that you better be very careful of how you move forward now. Sometimes playing the hero and following that "urge to protect" is the last thing you should do.

Think real hard about this before reacting on emotion, there are a few things you've mentioned that I'm not sure you have noticed that don't quite fit together correctly.
 
Hey! thanks for the quick reaction and lots of appreciation for your objectivity. Personally, I have never in my life condone with anyone...I mean anyone who gets involved in that kind of activity for whatever reason. I have never (in my life) payed money for sex. Maybe this is like a sign or test to prove my humane nature...can't really tell.
Your suggestion to talk with this girl has already happened during whuich she cried and explained that she is confused and will like to end that part of her career which she doesn't enjoy one bit. Leaving somebody or a friend in a difficult state is not part of my agenda in life. I hate prostitution in all its form...I despise those who are the perpetrators and will readily challenge any system that promotes it. This is one thing I will like to deal with in a subtle manner despite the needles of pain pearcing my body even as I write on this forum.

Foolish, yes I am very aware. Thank you.
 
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My advice would be to just get over it, but I can tell by the way you're posting that there is a problem there.

While prostitution in and of itself is a moral issue for some, it is not for others. Some may find it degrading, some may not. Some merely dislike the social context in which it has exploited people.

Many women and men in this world have prostituted themselves in a strict sense. Others have done it in a non-strict sense (for favors, to get something they want from thier partner, etc.). The issue is really not as black-and-white thing as many people want to believe.

Decide for yourself if you have a problem with it. The woman is still the same woman you've known. If this fact changes it, then figure that out for yourself. You won't be doing her any favors by pretending you're okay with it if you're not.

If you're interested in staying with her after this "secret" came out, then you need to commit one way or another. Either stop the relationship, or continue on with it.

Decide for yourself.
 
Is she practicing now and wants to quit? Or did she practice in the past and since then has given it up?

My opinion is that if she wants to quit and you like her and want to stay together, support her in her choice so the two of you can put it behind you. I personally would be interested in having her take tests to see if she has contracted any STDs from her men. If not, I see no problem. If so....then it's up to you. Remember, she was honest with you and wants to quit on her own.

If she has already given it up, I'd say it's water under the bridge and forget about it.
 
Its a wonderful relieve to get so many good opinions, suggestions and comments. To answer a question, no she hasn't quit and intends to do so at her own discretion. Suppisingly, it took me only two days to embrace the reality of it all and now I am back with my real self thanks to you guys..
 
Prostitution isn't any worse than say, corporate arse-licking or taking bribes.
I mean, unless you have the "ultimate morals of uber arbitrariness" you will view sexual intercourse as plain and simple sexual intercourse. And sexual intercourse with X will not be in that case any better or worse, or "preferable" than sexual intercourse with Y.

Another point is that most of us do a couple of dodgy things throughout our lives, only prostitution tends to be the, the, THE, TEH, sinister act.
I mean, most people looking at a former drug addict would just say "Hmm, he's been to hell and back, but he quit in the end... blah blah." Whereas, for some reason people are much harsher when it comes to steep sexual things.

- very good point raised by George Carlin
 
Considering how many J men make sex tours of STD-infected countries, it should be a loud klaxon-like warning to you and her if you consider being intimate together, especially since so many J avoid the use of condoms.

If she started this as enjokosai, it may be very hard for her to stop.

Put it to her directly if you want to continue an intimate relationship. Stop now, cancel all advertisements on web sites or wherever, delete all email from clients (better still, change phones), and start anew.
 
Sex for money is something I would never condone, its unacceptable to me, I know that for some its not a big deal or whatever, but to sell your body like that makes me think she must think shes less than dirt. I could go on and on about how she should appreciate herself and all that, but it goes without saying, so bottom line is its up to you, let her carry on and know she does this for a living while your with her or try and help her get out of it and lead a new life. The good thing about being human is that you can turn over a new leaf many times.
 
I agree with Jericho Desu.

If it were a normal friend who told me that, no issue whatsoever. She/he can do whatever she/he wants to do.

But the woman I love? No chance. I'd break off contact the minute I find out.

Apparently I have the "ultimate morals of uber arbitrariness", as Derfel so eloquently and self-righteously put it.

Derfel, my friend, maybe change your labeling and call your own morals "morals of a poor bloke desperate for any kind of action"?



Remixer
 
I'm surprised and a bit worried that no-one has acknowledged that Girl A. is personally wanting to get out of this situation since she was in it out of necessity. If she was moved to confess and cry out for help, then its plain Girl A. holds Kristo-san in fairly high esteem, and hopes the pair of them could co-operate out of the situation.

On the other hand, it could be a sympathy ploy (i.e. lie) to get the wedding ring sharpish 'cause of a particularly loud biological clock.

on this, i'm an optimist <.<
 
Remixer said:
Apparently I have the "ultimate morals of uber arbitrariness", as Derfel so eloquently and self-righteously put it.

Derfel, my friend, maybe change your labeling and call your own morals "morals of a poor bloke desperate for any kind of action"?
Click to expand...

I do not have morals, I need not call my instinctive reactions and thoughts exactly what they are, instincts. So yeah, I do lack morals, its a thing I have no need for. Morals are arbitrary, and so your sophisticated values are just as arbitrary and worthless as my gut feelings, and I base all this on nothing, as the word "nothing" sums up perfectly well the premises I accept. Now I could have put Nihilist in the little title box above, but people would have thought im merely an angsty fool chopping himself up, so yeah, I chose something pretty close to up, but I think I will have to change that in the future.

As for how I use arguments? Im left to argue using views commonly shared.
 
I highly doubt you have zero morals.

Would you not give a damn if a lost kid would cry in front of you?

Would you take advantage of a helpless and weak woman and forcefully satisfy your sexual urges?

Having zero morals would certainly not prevent you from doing so.



Remixer
 
As I have said, I have gut responses and feelings, but as I need not label those responses and feelings anything more than arbitrary instincts, I need not abide by them should my gut responses ever change.

And when I frown upon something, it is simply because of mere behaviourism.
I will not be bound by these so called morals should my opinion change, as I do not believe in morals. I do not believe that there exists a code which is to be followed, or that it is desirable to act according to such a code.
 
...

Derfel, that was the first time you made me shake my head. I'm gobsmacked.

Do you honestly think Morals are an objective thing not to believe in / rebel against?

Morals are purely subjective and as such, everyone has them. Even the most evil person on earth has them.

It is nothing more than a stab at semantics to say X is a gut feeling of mine, not morals.



Remixer
 
3. morals Rules or habits of conduct, especially of sexual conduct, with reference to standards of right and wrong - moral

standards of behavior: principles of right and wrong as they govern standards of general or sexual behavior - http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861631191/moral.html

The term "morality" can be used either

1. descriptively to refer to a code of conduct put forward by a society or,
1. some other group, such as a religion, or
2. accepted by an individual for her own behavior or
2. normatively to refer to a code of conduct that, given specified conditions, would be put forward by all rational persons. - The Definition of Morality (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)

Pretty much. From the quotes here, it can be deduced that in most circumstances it refers to a standard, a reasonable social standard.
 
I think Kristo should try to help the girl out of the situation, since she has said she needs and wants help.

If she continues that behaviour, it will I think become obvious that she was deceiving him about wanting to stop (unless there is another factor involved) - and if this is the case, I'm sure Kristo will become aware of it naturally, and review the situation again.

Wishing you good luck.
 
Kristo said:
According to her, she is facing a lot of financial challenges and that was the only option. She was pouring out this secrete in tears leaving me suprised, vexed and at the same time sympathetic (maybe I'm foolish). Like I said I like her. Heeeeelp!!!!!! I will like to help her out of whatever she is caught up with in life...
Click to expand...

If you really love her (maybe one day marry her) and she is facing a lot of financial challenges, try to help her financially so that she don't need to resort to such a solution to face them. After that she would give you many helps in return in yours life. In short, as Kinsao says, just help her.
 
It can be true to some extent but sell body because financial difficulties? BS, literally. There's always a way out without committing these things.
 

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