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I've hired a translator to translate a few lines from English to Japanese. This is the result. Could someone tell me how good this job has been done?

David Blunt

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「それはずっと前から...」
エリーはリチャードに文章を終わらせなかった。
「誰かがあなたを抱きしめましたか?そう、私も」。
彼は彼女の柔らかい肌を、衣服の下でさえも自分の肌に対して感じた。 リチャードは目を閉じた。
「私があなたの年齢だったとき、あなたは8歳でした...」
「それは重要ですか?」エリーは目を閉じ、唇は穏やかな笑顔を見せました。
「それは…すべきではない」
「それではない」
本屋の外では、雪が降り始めました...
 

Majestic

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Impossible to say without looking at the original English. I mean, its understandable Japanese. It looks like it might be a fairly direct translation of some English, which, if you are hoping for natural, idiomatic Japanese you might need it rewritten. Whether its a faithful translation of the original English, we wouldn't know unless we saw the original English.
 

Toritoribe

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At least that sounds rather unnatural.
 

nice gaijin

Resident Realist
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Working backwards. I wish I were better at making the English sound as clipped and halting as it is in Japanese. I'd recommend revising.

"That's from long before..."
Elly was not allowed to finish the sentence by Richard
"Did someone hug you? Yes, me too."
Even under his clothing he felt her soft skin against his own skin. Richard (only) closed his eyes.
"When I was the age you are, you were 8 years old"
"Is that an important point?" Elly closed her eyes, and the lips showed a gentle smile.
"that is... ought not"
"it's not that"
Outside the room, snow began to fall

PS: ugh, lolita fantasies
 

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