I loved Japanese man

[kinjo]

I am not Japanese and not very religious, my country is considered to be muslim but I loved Japanese man, loved and respected him very much. I lost him, he passed away and I feel pain and emptiness.
He was buddhist, in my country there are no buddhist's shrines and I want to ask buddhists how to cope with that pain, what to do, what to think - in accordance with your religion.
I know in Buddhism spirit can be born in the other life but without memory of the past, it means that we know each other only when we are alive but then we'll forget?

 

[Brooker]

I'm not a Buddhist, but I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Satori]

I am not Japanese and not very religious, my country is considered to be muslim but I loved Japanese man, loved and respected him very much. I lost him, he passed away and I feel pain and emptiness.
He was buddhist, in my country there are no buddhist's shrines and I want to ask buddhists how to cope with that pain, what to do, what to think - in accordance with your religion.
I know in Buddhism spirit can be born in the other life but without memory of the past, it means that we know each other only when we are alive but then we'll forget?

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. Second, while I am not a Buddhist, I am familiar with some of the philosophy of Buddhism. Do you happen to know what school of Buddhism this man was involved in? Was it Zen, maybe?

As to the issue of reincarnation or rebirth, the memories are kept intact. For example, the Dalai Lama was able to remember his previous lifetime as a small child--even the details of the objects he used to possess in that lifetime. Most Buddhists believe that they have a different "self" in each lifetime, but that the overall consciousness retains the memories and lessons of each lifetime and carries those memories and karmic lessons forward. So while the Dalai Lama is a completely different "self" in this lifetime, he also retains the memories of his past lifetimes and even has his own karma to work through in this lifetime that has carried forward from his previous lives. Therefore, nothing will ever erase your memories of and love for each other.

You might want to ask your questions at E-Sangha, an online Buddhist community. There are several monks and lamas who frequent that site, and who would be happy to help you with your questions. You can access the site at: http://www.lioncity.net/buddhism.

In addition, Kakuzen, who is a member here, is also very knowledgeable about Buddhism, and even used to be a monk. So you could also send him a PM with your questions, and he may be able to help you.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[openup]

It is said Japan is a Buddhist country. But truth is, it's more like becoming one of our cultures, not religion (of course, for some people it is). My grand father's funeral was carried out with one of the Buddhist way, which I really don't know about. And we were told, that his soul would remain, think that he is always with us. So I think this is one of the ways to face your pain in your heart.

As well, I have found some links. I hope they will give you some ideas.

1. Buddhist psychology: A review of theory and practice
2. BuddhaNet Articles on Caring for the Dying and Bereaved
3. http://www.ralphmag.org/BK/neta-golan.html

 

[kinjo]

Thank you for your support
Dana

 

[Mango]

I was in your shoes

Dear Dana,

I was also in your shoes. In 2001, my beloved fiancee met with an accident and died at the age of 26, a few months before we were going to marry. I was a baptised Christian but got influenced by Bhuddism while I was living in a Bhuddist country and buried him the Bhuddist way even though he was not Bhuddist (his mum wanted it that way even though they were baptised Catholics). It was not easy for me bec we were in a Catholic country.

Less than a year later, I found God again when my friend took me to a very good church. I prayed for my fiancee's soul and got my church friends to pray for me. Through God, I finally found peace and acceptance with my fiancee's death. In my dreams one night, I saw a vision of my fiancee dressed in a bright white robe with his head bent down and a pair of hands (God's) accepting him. I used to wish we would meet again in this life through reincarnation but I now look forward to joining him in heaven after I die.

Just wanted to share my story to let you know you are not alone. My condolences to your loss.