I feel so sad!

[Utsuki]

Well, maybe after you all read this, you will feel I'm really stupid but I'm just so sad now!
I've been knowing an Italian penpal and we chatted so much after we had MSN. We promise to come to chat every Saturday but after some times, I realize he doesn't like me at all and I felt so used and angry you know! I wasted so much time to chat with him, I got scold for staying up late to chat, got a bit affected with my college work, and now I got nothing at all. I even try to help him with his Chinese homework! I know it's me who plays the dumb one, but I just feel so sad! And today we didn't chat much and after a while he said he's teaching a cute Japanese girl some Italian (well, we know each other so long he didn't even teach me one word!), and after he finished the "lesson", he just said "Sorry I have to go"!!! I feel so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I don't want to talk to him anymore even I will lose a good foreign friend I had ever had... What do you think?

 

[lexico]

I can sympathize with what you are feeling. I have come to understand that there's a way of judging people in matters of personal relationships: those who share you ideas of friendship and those who don't.

This actually comes from a psychology study on thresholds of pain and aggression. The scientist(s) found that often aggressive people are that way because they themselves do not feel much pain by having a higher pain threshold, so they think it's quite alright for others, too.

Your Italian net friend may be one of those; not really valuing a friend for sharing ideas, feelings, and MUTUAL support, but going around begging or using people. If this profile is more accurate than not, it's good you found out now than later. No matter how positively you may value him in other matters, it sounds like he's been using you for practical solutions rather than as a true friend.

It's good that you are confident enough to tell yourself to cut him off; cut your losses and do it right away. On the other hand two thoughts may bug you.

1. "I am so gullible. Therefore I shall become more suspicious of others."

You probably have a general fondness for people. It's a wonderful part of you that you can be so trusting and giving; it makes you feel good, and the other can get the help needed. But friendship is a two-way thing. Maybe you can balance the give-and take in future relationships. Find people more like you instead of becoming resentful and cold.

2. "I have put in a lot of effort for this person. If he should come back, I might be able to salvage the friendship."

Never happens. That person is that way for certain immutable reasons.

Sorry I kept going on hypothetical scenarios, but I'm just giving you some stuff to think about. If I am wrong, I won't be intent on defending my stand. Healing takes time, but you'll be glad you did it! Keep busy with things/people you enjoy, and you'll forget everything in no time. Happy schooling, Utsuki!

 

[Mycernius]

Don't feel bad, there are plenty of other people on this forum that will make you feel welcome. By the way you have written it strikes me that you are a trusting person and have a tendency to feel bad even if it is not your fault. If he wants to be a creep then let him go. I'm sure that you will meet better people with better manners and a bit more empathy.
The problem with chat rooms is that you never really get a 'feel' for the person on the other end. They can lie so much easier and seeing that you are further away than him it is easier for him to hurt you as he doesn't see you as a 'real' person as someone he has met face to face.
Oh well there are better people in the world and try not to let it get you down

 

[dreamer]

I don't wanna badmouth italian people but every one I've met so far was a lil bit like that, always trying to hit on as many girls as possible >_<
For example when I first came to Brighton I met a nice italian guy but each time he saw girls he just left my side telling me I could go back if I felt tired -_-
After my term started I couldn't find the time to see him again and around november I met him by chance in the bus, however he was colder than ever, barely saying "hi, I hope you're doing well but I have no time if you wanna go out one of these days"

Anyway I belive it's even harder to keep a contact via the internet because of the great distance, and because most people just lose their interest and curiousity very quickly. Four years ago I had lot of contacts from germany, australia and even sweden, but I doubt any of them even remember me now ^^'
(Actually I still have 1 or two of them but mainly asians...)
This is life and it cannot be helped, some people are like that and you must try not to get affected by their shameful and immature behaviour.
I think this experience will have taught you not to trust someone too quickly...
Well...I wish you good luck in your further relations and hope that you'll quickly find a better friend

 

[Damicci]

Cyber hug?
Yeah I wouldn't stress it too much, I had a J-penpal who would email me alot then suddenly stopped getting responses, not sure why but I thought maybe I offended her or something, I still not sure why she doesn't talk to me as much anymore but you just gotta kind move on. If you still want to chat every now and then I don't see why that would be a problem just dont get too comfortable with it i think. Could be he is just a lot busier. One of my friends would MSN message me everyother day but now I barely see her on line cause she got a new job, I would like to talk to her more but she has a life too.

 

[enix_fan]

get new foreign friends!

 

[smoke]

heck, i'll be your foreign friend!
i know the situation, oh man do i know!
similar thing happened with me about 5 years ago. i had an online austrailian friend (female). and tons of e-mails went back and fourth (time difference didn't allow for us to speak on MSN or anything) and it basically got to the point where she told me she loved me. (don't worry, now i appear much more pathetic than you could ever seem). it may sound silly to evryone else but my god it felt so cool, she seemed to be the only person who i got on with in the world and i adored her (even if we never met...but she did send me a photo). i was going through depression at the time and so was she (in a much more severe form) so we were both kinda vunerable i guess. and then basically, one day she didn't love me. sounds really dumb now, but i bawled my eyes out! it hurt so much.
anyway, trying to cut a very long story short. she decided some time later that she did love me, and like a muppet i believed it...but things never seemed the same...before long, she didn't love me again! i got jealous when i found out she had a boy friend (even though i was seeing someone at the time...another screwy relationship come to think of it...with lots of tears as well). i can't really remember how we stopped talking, probably stubborness on my part, and maybe hers aswell.
it all 'ended' about 4 years ago now and i still wonder about her sometimes, whether she's still trying to save the world or whether she is happy now and what it would of been like if we had been together properly.
She was the one that basically got me smoking (not quite sure how?).
Well Cybele, if you're still out there, you still have a place in my heart.

i never really shared the in's and out's of that with anyone before!

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Seems To Be Part Of Life?

The past few years, I've had tons of chat/PM/E-Mail friends, and they all seem to come and go. I have to admit, I quit on some of them for various reasons. I've learned not to take their disapearances personal, it just seems to be a natural end of things. The great thing about the Forum, you can meet & make new friends almost everyday. Just ask someone who's on and looks interesting if they will meet you in chat for a bit. Or, I sometimes just send a new member a PM telling them if they need any help, feel free to PM me. It's great how friendly people on the Forum are. Meeting people from around the world is sooo cool, you can learn a lot from others. I love yakking in chat, if I'm on and you're bored, PM me to meet you in chat, if I can I will!

Frank

 

[smoke]

It's great how friendly people on the Forum are.

i agree Mr White...in my experiences of forums (which isn't a lot to be honest) people tend to slag each other off rather than discuss anything. there is a great mix of young and old here and from my very first post i felt quite welcome here, and now visit everyday. infact, i've just hit my hundreth post...

by the way, being part of the fire hydrant appreciation society i am quite offended by your avatar! (watch, he'll change it now and make me look stupid).

 

[lexico]

Hey, congratulations, Smoke on your 103rd post in just two weeks!
That was a moving story you told.
It wasn't an on line thing when I started smoking. And yes, there was a girl I was into, or rather out of, against my will, that got me to my first puff of smoke! :smoke: :smoke: :gulp: :smoke:
Anyway I just want to say in the spirit of the indi animation, "All Dogs Go to Heaven,"

"All smokers go to heaven, because they have suffered so from inhumanity."

You're the hero today. Go save Utsuki-chan, and you be good!

 

[smoke]

lexico man...you always crack me up!
thanks for your positive words.
by the way, in your profile, is that a picture of your family...if so, you have a lovely family.

Peace my friend.

 

[smoke]

sorry...i should say 'lovely looking family' as i don't know them!

 

[lexico]

Thanks, they are lovely, no problem with that!
I love your opening up thread. I'll probably think a little before posting, but great post, Smoke!

 

[TwistedMac]

I have nothing nice or constructive to say so I will not say anything for a change... <--except that... <---and that... I'm seeing a pattern being born here.

 

[smoke]

thanks lexico!
it's in these twilight hours where my eyes start to get blurred that i think of these things.

 

[lexico]

I have nothing nice or constructive to say so I will not say anything for a change... <--except that... <---and that... I'm seeing a pattern being born here.

I had to think twice to see the pattern, but finally, I see your point. Quick thinker...== Gifted, eh ?
Nothingness is a great concept to ponder upon..==unfounded, groundless reasoning.

 

[lexico]

it's in these twilight hours where my eyes start to get blurred that i think of these things.

Interesting you mention that. It was often after a sleepless night or two that I would find a totally different self, with the unusual crying, laughing, or being sad, happy, mad, or even just...creative!

 

[smoke]

I had to think twice to see the pattern, but finally, I see your point. Quick thinker...== Gifted, eh ?

i'm afraid i don't get it...i'm probably being very stupid.

 

[smoke]

Interesting you mention that. It was often after a sleepless night or two that I would find a totally different self, with the unusual crying, laughing, or being sad, happy, mad, or even just...creative!

unfortunately, creative is something i haven't been for a long time.

 

[TwistedMac]

what he said or what my pattern was? my pattern was that I could keep going like that infinitelly (<==I said that <==and that <==and that <==and that <==and that etc) So I stopped it

 

[smoke]

:sorry: forgive my ignorance and exhaustion.

 

[TwistedMac]

:sorry: forgive my ignorance and exhaustion.

heh.. yeah hrm.. I.. uhm.. you're not.. i mean... heh... (I have a really hard time answering stuff like that... I think once I get to Japan, if people do that too much, I'll just act superior and wave at them with one hand, exuming an air of fake confidence that will have people bowing for no good reason)

As it is I just deal with it with a manly punch to the shoulder and a hardy laugh..

*punches smoke on the shoulder* harhar, buddy!

 

[lexico]

what he said or what my pattern was? my pattern was that I could keep going like that infinitelly (<==I said that <==and that <==and that <==and that <==and that etc) So I stopped it

Now this one's unintelligible, TwistedMax. Do you realize that you've begun to talk like J-bot the Chatter-bot ? You copy cat !

 

[TwistedMac]

Now this one's unintelligible, TwistedMax. Do you realize that you've begun to talk like J-bot the Chatter-bot ? You copy cat !

Oh is that so unintelligible, TwistedMax?
Why is that?Oh am I copy cat ! ? that is very interesting, please go on
(how's THAT for a J-Bot response?

 

[smoke]

heh.. yeah hrm.. I.. uhm.. you're not.. i mean... heh... (I have a really hard time answering stuff like that... I think once I get to Japan, if people do that too much, I'll just act superior and wave at them with one hand, exuming an air of fake confidence that will have people bowing for no good reason)

As it is I just deal with it with a manly punch to the shoulder and a hardy laugh..

*punches smoke on the shoulder* harhar, buddy!

ahhh, fake confidence, where would we be without it?!?!?!
:sorry: thank you for my punch oh wise one.

hehe, i'll stop it now