Being polite, pleasant and tolerant is definitely better than being grumpy or exasperated. I've done the latter occasionally, but mosty (I think) the former. Milder annoyances (eg wow, you can use hashi!) have become easy to deal with. 'Intermediate' annoyances (eg The waiter answers my questions directly to my Japanese girlfriend and totally ignores me) still rankle and I need to get used to it. Major annoyances (eg being immediately shown the door after entering an estate agent) just have to be responded to with politeness and resignation if it's not to ruin your day.
You are quite correct. The annoyances you mentioned are something all foreigners, sooner or later, get exasperated over to the point that it drives many from the country. Like nice gaijin said, it's how you react to them that will determine whether you stay or not and whether that stay will be enjoyable for you. Some can't take it and leave angry. Others accept it for what it is and go on with their lives. The key point will come after about 2-3 years. That is usually the turning point for many.
Everything you mentioned we all have experienced including myself, and it was downright annoying, sometimes to the point that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. There were days when I just wanted to pack my bags and get the hell out of there and was downright nasty to any Japanese who annoyed me like that. However, I overcame my anger and frustration and learned to cope with it because, in other aspects, Japan was really a wonderful place to live and work for me. After a while it didn't bother me anymore and I learned to accept it even if I often thought inside that the Japanese were basically idiots when it came to understanding foreigners who have lived in Japan for any length of time. I still did not turn a blind eye to their discrimination. I just learned to accept it because one person protesting will not do anything. I was also determined to study the underlying reasons behind it.
I'm sorry but I just don't buy the idea that raising objections against Japanese injustices is in any way arrogant or unjustified due to my being a foreigner. Your profile states that you are of French/Irish origin residing in America. (Are you a guest? Of course you're not.) I'm sure you'll agree that the 'No Irish allowed' signs in New York hotels & bars until the 50s were unacceptable, as were the 'no blacks allowed' in 50s Britain. If you'd been a newly arrived immigrant I'd be surprised if you'd said 'Hey, it's American culture, I'm a foreigner so I shouldn't complain'
Raising objections is quite ok imo and even warranted. It's when a minority foreigners raise such a stink about it and demand that Japan change their ways because, "I am American and we don't allow that in our country." Or European for that matter. I have come to learn that Japan will not change because we few "demand" it, she will change when the Japanese people/citizens demand it of their government and right now they are not doing it.
If foreigners protested in Japan in significant numbers like in the tens of thousands maybe something will be accomplished, but you can't get two gaijin to agree on anything in Japan nevermind even saying hello to you or acknowledging you when you pass in the street or train.
The point you raise about "No Irish" being allowed in bars in the 50's is well taken. The same with blacks here in the US. It is only when they, and other citizens, protested in numbers did the government do anything about it and the populace accept it. I remember my grandfather saying something similar about NYC. He said to avoid trouble, he and others just avoided those places and stuck to themselves living in the same neighborhoods. I believe they didn't protest because there were insignificant numbers, and because the other citizens didn't protest loud enough. But when they did in the 60's things soon changed.
However, here in the US we now have a sizable portion of illegal immigrants from Mexico residing in the US in the millions. For years they remained quiet bitching only among themselves. Faced with the prospect of a major crackdown, They started to protest for non-discrimination in the tens of thousands as was evidenced back in May. And you know what? The government is starting to do something about it. Many signs are in Spanish/English. All telephone calls are answered with, "Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish." And the government is not even cracking down on it because there are too many of them. They are afraid. Soon they will all be granted amnesty and automatically become citizens. That's what happens when you have numbers supporting you. And that is not the case with discrimination against foreigners in Japan yet.
When does one cease to be a 'guest' in Japan? When do immigrants cease to be 'guests' in America? Will I remain one if I marry my Japanese fiancee? Become a citizen? Will my be children be guests? They'll suffer discrimination from an early age which will affect them for the rest of their lives.
I believe that as long as we look foreign we will always be treated as foreigners even if we become citizens or marry a Japanese. Yes your children will probably suffer discrimination. It doesn't have to affect them for the rest of their lives if you teach them from the beginning what to expect. They'll become that much stronger because of it.
America is a melting pot as I said. All people of all races look like "Americans" even when they are not and they cease to be guests when they obtain citizenship.
I often see it suggested that we shouldn't impose 'western ideals' on Japan. In this case, this means tolerence and lack of discrimination. These are worthy ideals in any culture, and I've yet to see a rational explanation as to why they are not. Are people suggesting the Japanese are incapable of understanding worthy ideals?
In a way yes, the Japanese are probably incapable of understanding "worthy ideals" as they believe the Japanese way is right for Japan and the Japanese. "Worthy Ideals" are in the eye of the beholder I believe. What is not acceptable to us is perfectable acceptable to the Japanese. Remember, "East is East..." I believe that, just because we think not being allowed to rent an apartment e.g. because of our race is not right, doesn't mean that the the Japanese believe that or even have to, based on their culture and beliefs. Therefore, imposing our beliefs, without understanding the underlying reason, is tantamount to Christians imposing their ideals and beliefs on Jews and Muslims and vice-versa. It only leads to strife as is evidenced with the world situation today. Everyone thinks their "way" is the only true way.
Discrimination was major part of American and European culture in the past. Even though it still exists, most people now regard that it as a bad thing and they strive to irradicate it (with the help of governments.)
True, but get most people behind closed doors and out of earshot and you will discover that discrimination is still rampant as much today as in previous years. It is a major reason why I have such few friends as many are downright racist on the inside. It's only for the laws passed that allow people to rent apartments and own houses virtually anywhere. But given the choice, many would not rent to certain people. I've also discovered that quite a few people will not even invite certain races to their house because they are Mexican, or Black, or from the North, even though they pretend to be friendly when they interact with them.
Discrimination is part of Japan's past and present culture. It too is a bad thing, but not only is the Japanese government doing nothing about it, some people seem to be defending it and somehow pinning the blame on the people who are discrimated against.
Nobody has anything to lose by reducing discrimination, least of all the Japanese themselves.
Agreed. But as I said above, the government will not do anything about it without outside (international) pressure or the citizenry demanding it, or foreigners protesting in significant numbers. I have yet to see in over 30 years a single major protest in Japan by foreigners demanding equal rights for housing and such. The reason is that more than 95% probably do not intend to reside in Japan for any significant length of time. They just b*itch about it, myself included, among themselves or with anyone who will listen.
To take the "devil's advocate" position one can say that Japan has everything to lose by doing away with discrimination including her language, culture, and history. It doesn't mean I condone it. I just understand it. Land is sparse as we all know and there is barely enough housing and land for the Japanese themselves.
Look at the problem England, France, America, and most of Europe is having for that matter. They are in fear of losing their identity and culture at the moment to a foreign invasion of illegal immigrants who care nothing for the culture, language, or history of the country they chose to reside in. Ask any British-Muslim or Mexican-American and they will tell you they are Muslim and Mexican first. Perhaps, in a way, with their discrimination, Japan is trying to prevent the loss of their culture as they see it happening in other countries. I am not making excuses. I am just trying to understand the reason behind it.
Great post and a great discussion. I do hope you enjoy staying in Japan.