Friends w/ Benefits
- Thread starter The-Beautiful-Roses
- Start date
*hugs* I hope you are okay? 
- 3 Dec 2005
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- Thread starter
- #27
Im fine. 
Its just saturday night... i went into another state without my mom knowing and spent the night in a hotel for college art students. I got stoned, drunk, and did things with a 23 y/o guy and Marc didn't like it. I couldn't control what I was doing, Marc was yelling, there was violence, and I really did some bad things.
I don't want to talk about it anymore. Say what you want, but I made mistakes and he was there for me.. part of the time. Thankyou for everything guys. I said I would post it so I gave you the cliff notes I guess. Im sorry.
Its just saturday night... i went into another state without my mom knowing and spent the night in a hotel for college art students. I got stoned, drunk, and did things with a 23 y/o guy and Marc didn't like it. I couldn't control what I was doing, Marc was yelling, there was violence, and I really did some bad things.I don't want to talk about it anymore. Say what you want, but I made mistakes and he was there for me.. part of the time. Thankyou for everything guys. I said I would post it so I gave you the cliff notes I guess. Im sorry.
- 8 Aug 2005
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Making mistakes is all part of the journey, ideally we should try to learn from them.
Kinsao
Horizon Rider
- 8 May 2005
- 8,515
- 143
*hugs Roses*
At least you are okay, that is the main thing! And like nice_gaijin says, we can always learn from things! I mean, who has never made mistakes?!
It is good that Marc was there for you for part of the time; at least he was a friend to help you in that situation.
At least you are okay, that is the main thing! And like nice_gaijin says, we can always learn from things! I mean, who has never made mistakes?!
It is good that Marc was there for you for part of the time; at least he was a friend to help you in that situation.
Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
- 24 Mar 2004
- 1,342
- 52
First and foremost are you using protection? I feel the need to ask you because it's important. Do you know about Marc's sexual history and does he know about yours? It seems you two are communicating with each other which is good. If you haven't already ask him about his sexual history and talk about yours.
I think I agree with Kinsao about this turning into something more than a friends with benefits situation. The thing about those is they usually end up turning into something more. Only if you allow it do so.
I think I agree with Kinsao about this turning into something more than a friends with benefits situation. The thing about those is they usually end up turning into something more. Only if you allow it do so.
- 3 Dec 2005
- 259
- 10
- Thread starter
- #31
nice gaijin & Kinsao: I know, thats why im trying to make the best of the situation that happened the other night. Don't want it to get to me.
Ma Cherie: I haven't had sex. We already have talked about eachothers sexual history. Marc wants something more, but im not sure if I want it. He was so protective the other night, it was scary.
Ma Cherie: I haven't had sex. We already have talked about eachothers sexual history. Marc wants something more, but im not sure if I want it. He was so protective the other night, it was scary.
maushan3
Back home
- 1 Feb 2007
- 600
- 23
Im fine.
I don't want to talk about it anymore. Say what you want, but I made mistakes and he was there for me.. part of the time. Thankyou for everything guys. I said I would post it so I gave you the cliff notes I guess. Im sorry.
I congratulate you for being so open about this that happened to you. It takes a lot of guts to talk about this, and you don't seem to have a problem with it, which I see as a good trait and the best part is that you recognize you did some bad things. Now, as nice_gaijin says, we should learn from our mistakes and I hope you do for your own well-being.
Mauricio
Ma Cherie
Your Goddess is here
- 24 Mar 2004
- 1,342
- 52
Well that's good to know, because your sexual health is important. It's also good that you two are very open with each other.
I'm late in this thread and I only skimmed through some of the posts, seems like he's developing feelings for you.
- 28 Jul 2005
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Thanks for sharing that Roses chan ! It is good in several ways, and above what has been mentioned or highlighted above, releasing it is psychologically healthy, as well.
I tell you, Roses, I am still looking into this area and all, and have given it a fair amount of thought, and yet to save my neck I cannot yet come up with reports on, or papers done on this area of the 'possessive element' of pair bonding. Now, as I have said before, and as Kinsao and Ma Cherie have put into more colloquial terms, pair bonding happens in the exercise of eros--and obviously--is happening in Blue (I like that nickname better, somehow). I'd like to really be able to pin that one down.
I do know that studies have shown that in the 'love-cocktail' state, the brain focuses in on the object, even bending to mimic certain hormonal states--male to female, female to male. Also, I have read of the pressure of the male that builds up for the actual penetrative sexual act. That is, until the 'green light' has been given (i.e. penetrative sex is consented to) a pressure builds up which has symptoms of 'over touching,' and 'over presence.' This may also cause 'over possessiveness?' I'm not quite sure on that point--but it may indeed be so.
Based solely on the information I have now, and my interpretation of some of your more vague expressions lacking in detail, I'd take an educated guess, and say that Blue's hormonal balance is causing his brain to more focus in on you alone--almost (if not) in the sense that we would usually say 'falling in love.' It could be, at the same time, the pressure thing. (In which case, possibly, after having gotten the 'green light,' and a number of times of intercourse, the pressure is released, and he begins to focus on other females--the possessiveness greatly decreases.) I wonder. Please do keep us informed, as your experience is, in itself--and don't take this in a bad way, please...honestly, it's not, Roses--like a case study. We humans have so much more to learn about ourselves as the being that we are. MM
I tell you, Roses, I am still looking into this area and all, and have given it a fair amount of thought, and yet to save my neck I cannot yet come up with reports on, or papers done on this area of the 'possessive element' of pair bonding. Now, as I have said before, and as Kinsao and Ma Cherie have put into more colloquial terms, pair bonding happens in the exercise of eros--and obviously--is happening in Blue (I like that nickname better, somehow). I'd like to really be able to pin that one down.
I do know that studies have shown that in the 'love-cocktail' state, the brain focuses in on the object, even bending to mimic certain hormonal states--male to female, female to male. Also, I have read of the pressure of the male that builds up for the actual penetrative sexual act. That is, until the 'green light' has been given (i.e. penetrative sex is consented to) a pressure builds up which has symptoms of 'over touching,' and 'over presence.' This may also cause 'over possessiveness?' I'm not quite sure on that point--but it may indeed be so.
Based solely on the information I have now, and my interpretation of some of your more vague expressions lacking in detail, I'd take an educated guess, and say that Blue's hormonal balance is causing his brain to more focus in on you alone--almost (if not) in the sense that we would usually say 'falling in love.' It could be, at the same time, the pressure thing. (In which case, possibly, after having gotten the 'green light,' and a number of times of intercourse, the pressure is released, and he begins to focus on other females--the possessiveness greatly decreases.) I wonder. Please do keep us informed, as your experience is, in itself--and don't take this in a bad way, please...honestly, it's not, Roses--like a case study. We humans have so much more to learn about ourselves as the being that we are. MM
- 30 Apr 2007
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- 84
I hate to be insensitive but from what I can gather skimming through this thread, you're enjoying life as a young person (well I'm 26 not 'old' yet but I think you're 17 or something so, nearly 10 years difference!), you're having sex with guys (normal healthy sex, I'm not gonna ask, I'll just assume) and you're experiencing normal healthy emotions related to relationships, conflict due to moral issues and the pursuance of love. All in all it sounds like a very healthy state of affairs to me.
All I have to say is, some people don't have clean drinking water in this world, and some do but they're dying and can't drink it.
Chin up, do what your heart tells you to do and never take the opposite sex too seriously. You're going to look back on these days at some point in the future and say to yourself 'life was so easy back then compared to now'.
The key to enjoyment is realizing how good you have it at any given point in time. It's like climbing a mountain..few people actually stop along the way to enjoy the view, all they can focus on is scrambling to the top. There's lots to enjoy along the way and getting to the top isn't guaranteed. There will come a time when life is actually difficult (people start dying, getting sick, money problems, etc) and you'll wish you were 17 again.
If you find my post offensive and blunt, please don't, its just an opinion, and not meant to be personal. It's just an objective view from someone on the outside looking in. Actually what I'm trying to say is even though things seem tough and saddening you have tons to be happy about.
All I have to say is, some people don't have clean drinking water in this world, and some do but they're dying and can't drink it.
Chin up, do what your heart tells you to do and never take the opposite sex too seriously. You're going to look back on these days at some point in the future and say to yourself 'life was so easy back then compared to now'.
The key to enjoyment is realizing how good you have it at any given point in time. It's like climbing a mountain..few people actually stop along the way to enjoy the view, all they can focus on is scrambling to the top. There's lots to enjoy along the way and getting to the top isn't guaranteed. There will come a time when life is actually difficult (people start dying, getting sick, money problems, etc) and you'll wish you were 17 again.
If you find my post offensive and blunt, please don't, its just an opinion, and not meant to be personal. It's just an objective view from someone on the outside looking in. Actually what I'm trying to say is even though things seem tough and saddening you have tons to be happy about.
Kinsao
Horizon Rider
- 8 May 2005
- 8,515
- 143
In one sense, it's good that Marc is protective of you, because... well, because it helps to protect you! In another sense, how this manifests itself (or at least one way it manifests itself), that he doesn't want you messing around and/or having sex with another guy apart from him (e.g. the 23-year-old guy you mentioned). Does he then envisage a 'friends with benefits' situation where you are not 'allowed' to be with anyone else (he leaps in between under the guise of 'protectiveness') but he is still free to fool around/have sex/start up a relationship with another girl? What would his reaction be if he was messing around with another girl and you got as 'protective' over him as he did over you? Would he see you as sticking your nose it where it's not wanted, overstepping the mark, interfering with his fun? Or would he see you as being a good friend, looking after him, making sure he doesn't do something stupid?
It sounds to me not so much like protectiveness as possessiveness, a distinction you have already made yourself. Being blunt, and I don't mean to be insulting to you at all, it seems (from what little I can tell of the situation being outside and at a distance) that he sees you as a bit of a trophy, wants to be able to say you're 'his' girl, wants to keep you to himself and gets jealous of anyone else invading on his territory (as he sees it) - and yet still wants the freedom for himself of being able to fool around or start relationships (sexual or otherwise) with other girls. Of course, I don't know Marc, but it sounds from this as though he is being selfish. If he is to go into a relationship with you, of whatever sort (whether it's friends with benefits, 'just' friends, or something else), it should be on equal terms. It's unfair to set 'rules' and boundaries for you that are different from his, in such a way that he gets everything he wants but you are restricted.
You have to think, what kind of a person is he? Is he being possessive because he really cares about you and doesn't want to see you hurt? Or is it because it hurts his pride to see you with other guys? Is he interested in you because he likes you, in general, as a person, or because he likes to have a pretty girl on his arm and people thinking she is 'his'?
It sounds to me not so much like protectiveness as possessiveness, a distinction you have already made yourself. Being blunt, and I don't mean to be insulting to you at all, it seems (from what little I can tell of the situation being outside and at a distance) that he sees you as a bit of a trophy, wants to be able to say you're 'his' girl, wants to keep you to himself and gets jealous of anyone else invading on his territory (as he sees it) - and yet still wants the freedom for himself of being able to fool around or start relationships (sexual or otherwise) with other girls. Of course, I don't know Marc, but it sounds from this as though he is being selfish. If he is to go into a relationship with you, of whatever sort (whether it's friends with benefits, 'just' friends, or something else), it should be on equal terms. It's unfair to set 'rules' and boundaries for you that are different from his, in such a way that he gets everything he wants but you are restricted.
You have to think, what kind of a person is he? Is he being possessive because he really cares about you and doesn't want to see you hurt? Or is it because it hurts his pride to see you with other guys? Is he interested in you because he likes you, in general, as a person, or because he likes to have a pretty girl on his arm and people thinking she is 'his'?
- 3 Dec 2005
- 259
- 10
- Thread starter
- #37
Sorry I haven't really replied back in like five years. What happened was I went to my buddies apartment, met a guy named steven, went down on him, marc got upset and stepped up to him. It was pretty bad. I was drunk and crawling all over the place. Believe me, that will NEVER happen again. I learned from it.Since then, marc and I talked on the phone a lot, and hung out as much as we could. We're a couple now and yes, he is a little posessive. I mean if any guy glances at me he gets tense. I find it kinda cute, but I hope nothing bad ever happens. That would suck really bad. We've been through a lot since that night at the apartment oh so long ago, and well.. he was my first!
No quandry in our relationship now. He seems sorta whipped.
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
- 172
Roses dear !! No concern about not getting back sooner...no sweat at all, and I'm sure all those who have voiced their ideas, concerns, and learning here, would feel the same.
I'm a bit at a loss for whatelse to say here, other than CONGRADULATIONS !!
:cracker:
:romance:
Now, go the course slowly. . . watch for the curves and they won't take you by surprize. Keep in mind that there should be no 'backseat driving,' yet that both of you have a steering wheel each, and judgment on driving the course will be different so good communication should be underway all the way along--not just as you are going into a curve or an intersection.
The average guy will look, will approach, will be interested in. . . and Blue must know that, and so not let it get to him. (he'll surely do the same towards other girls, and you shouldn't let that get to you either...it's pure nature) Please make sure your actions towards him, let him know that there is no reason for him to get heated up over some other guy's taking an interest in you.
I would strongly suggest avoiding the understanding that the idea 'whipped' more often carries with it--there is to be no under nor over in the relationship. (except when, well. . . you now know, it seems...as it seems you know him now. . . (to use an old Hebrew expression)) {of course if you had been referring to S&M...and thus had been speaking literally, that's ok.}
Being human comes first, and so being equal comes first.
Congradulations !! I'm happy for you Roses !! My dear sweet Roses from way back in the 'singing star' and 'naked flagcorps girls' days !! I AM happy for you. It may not work out in the long run, and if it doesn't do not be afraid to drop it. . .YET. . . please do all you can to help make it work out !!
:romance:
Mars Man
I'm a bit at a loss for whatelse to say here, other than CONGRADULATIONS !!
:cracker::romance: Now, go the course slowly. . . watch for the curves and they won't take you by surprize. Keep in mind that there should be no 'backseat driving,' yet that both of you have a steering wheel each, and judgment on driving the course will be different so good communication should be underway all the way along--not just as you are going into a curve or an intersection.
The average guy will look, will approach, will be interested in. . . and Blue must know that, and so not let it get to him. (he'll surely do the same towards other girls, and you shouldn't let that get to you either...it's pure nature) Please make sure your actions towards him, let him know that there is no reason for him to get heated up over some other guy's taking an interest in you.
I would strongly suggest avoiding the understanding that the idea 'whipped' more often carries with it--there is to be no under nor over in the relationship. (except when, well. . . you now know, it seems...as it seems you know him now. . . (to use an old Hebrew expression)) {of course if you had been referring to S&M...and thus had been speaking literally, that's ok.}
Being human comes first, and so being equal comes first.
Congradulations !! I'm happy for you Roses !! My dear sweet Roses from way back in the 'singing star' and 'naked flagcorps girls' days !! I AM happy for you. It may not work out in the long run, and if it doesn't do not be afraid to drop it. . .YET. . . please do all you can to help make it work out !!
:romance: Mars Man
- 3 Dec 2005
- 259
- 10
- Thread starter
- #39
Roses dear !! No concern about not getting back sooner...no sweat at all, and I'm sure all those who have voiced their ideas, concerns, and learning here, would feel the same.
I'm a bit at a loss for whatelse to say here, other than CONGRADULATIONS !!
Now, go the course slowly. . . watch for the curves and they won't take you by surprize. Keep in mind that there should be no 'backseat driving,' yet that both of you have a steering wheel each, and judgment on driving the course will be different so good communication should be underway all the way along--not just as you are going into a curve or an intersection.
The average guy will look, will approach, will be interested in. . . and Blue must know that, and so not let it get to him. (he'll surely do the same towards other girls, and you shouldn't let that get to you either...it's pure nature) Please make sure your actions towards him, let him know that there is no reason for him to get heated up over some other guy's taking an interest in you.
I would strongly suggest avoiding the understanding that the idea 'whipped' more often carries with it--there is to be no under nor over in the relationship. (except when, well. . . you now know, it seems...as it seems you know him now. . . (to use an old Hebrew expression)) {of course if you had been referring to S&M...and thus had been speaking literally, that's ok.}
Being human comes first, and so being equal comes first.
Congradulations !! I'm happy for you Roses !! My dear sweet Roses from way back in the 'singing star' and 'naked flagcorps girls' days !! I AM happy for you. It may not work out in the long run, and if it doesn't do not be afraid to drop it. . .YET. . . please do all you can to help make it work out !!
Aww, Mars!!!! Thankyou. =]
Whipped is sort of an insult saying he's lower than me I guess. Thats not it at all. =/ Sorry about that. What I MEAN is ... he's... ... ... awesome.
- 28 Jul 2005
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- 172
Ok...I got you ! THANKs for that extra info. I would never have guessed it. May the best of love and giving and understanding be yours !! MM
*hugs* 
- 14 Sep 2007
- 9
- 0
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
- 172
While you have a point, dragonmaycry2 san, you would have to expound considerably on that line of thought, I would argue. It would have to explained beyond the fact that sex is an attached element of each and every being--in whatever way--and that that includes not only mental distribution, but also hormonal distribution.
BUT...that line of argumentation, is neither the purpose of this thread, nor presently needed.
Thanks for your post and your thoughts ! MM
BUT...that line of argumentation, is neither the purpose of this thread, nor presently needed.
Thanks for your post and your thoughts ! MM
