What's new

I can't understand my boy friend


6 May 2019
I'm worried about my japanese boyfriend

Hi, I am an Italian girl and staying in Japan as an exchange student.
2 month ago, one of my class mate who is my current boyfriend confessed his love and he said he wants to be in relation in with me
He is so CUTE! so I said "yes!" right away.
But. from beginning, he is very kind and take care of me as well as his behavior is kind of strange.

this is what he did.

he doesn't seem to want me to improve Japanese ability somehow. He always says "Japanese is very difficult. you don't have to spend time too much to learn Japanese. Just enjoy stay in Japan!"
he almost every time wants to take me to somewhere and to introduce me to his friends.Maybe he says "My girlfriend is White gaijin" and always tries to speak to me in English or Italian.
I am not sure clearly...but it looks he shows off that his girl friend is white gaijin girl. Actually, when he introduces me to his friends, they are very surprized and say "Sugoi!" "Kakoii!" "Yeahrunee!"(I don't know the last one's meaning)
Even though I try to speak to him in Japanese, he always refuses to talk to me in Japanese, but my college in Italy demanded me to improve my japanese ability.
I am not sure I can improve my japanese ability.

Also, he sometimes moves away from me and calls to someone in private when I and my boyfriend are dating.
but, it's not all the cases. Also, he seems secretly to chat on his iPhone in Japanese with another japanese girl friend.
I couldn't understand what they were talking, but I found a lot of hearts on chat record on his iPhone.

Also, last week, my japanese class mate asked me how she can help us to fix up our relationship.
I really couldn't understand why she said that. she said also "your boy friend sighed and told me that you and your boyfriend don't go with well, you always expect your boyfriend too much and demand a lot. Italian girl is very snobbish"
I though like "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" and said to this classmate "it"s completely lie."
I explained that I take care of my boyfriend as well as my boyfirend does and love each other, so she was persuaded completely.
But, her this final remark made me worried.

"Maybe he is trying to cheat. he is looking for another girl friend. if so,you may be thrown away."

I completely can't understand our relationship will be end because he always takes care of me...actually he made lunch box for me
and hugged me. he always says I am sexy. Indeed, he looks concealing me from something....I can't believe he said something like that

do you think he is looking for japanese girl for girl friend? one of my college friends said my boy friends would get sympathy from Japanese girl because
strong and arrogant gaijin girl friend is burying my boy friend , so some japanese girl would feel sympathy and will be new girl friend....

My english is not good so much, so maybe you can't understand clearly.
I will reply if you have any question.
I need your help

Thank you
You need to have an honest discussion with him. If he does not respect you enough to talk to you, listen to you, help you with your Japanese, and cooperate/compromise with you, you should not be together. If he does not respect you enough to think, "I wonder what she really wants", there will forever be problems. The same is true for you - do you understand what he wants? Maybe he wants it to be over.

The suspicion, and worrying about cheating, and secret texting with heart marks.... all of this is a side issue. I mean, without a sincere desire to want to be with each other and do things that the other person wants, the cheating is minor. To say this another way, even if he stopped texting his friend, you still have a very basic problem with communication and trust.

Understanding what your partner wants, and committing to making him/her happy is the most basic form of communication and love there is.
One thing I will say, there is pretty much no information to go off of from what you presented. Not being able to understand what everyone around you is saying is certainly something I would imagine being a major problem and definitely something to work toward fixing.

Just as an example, is it possible that he's saying not to worry too much about learning Japanese because he doesn't want to stress you out?
And on a related note, is it possible that maybe he refuses to talk to you in Japanese because he finds it unrealistic? (I don't know much about your Japanese comprehension, but from what you've said here it sounds like it must be quite lacking.)

Basically, there just can't be any answers found with so little information. As Majestic said above, you're going to need to talk with him and try to find some real answers.
The language issue reminded me of when I was young and dumb. My Japanese girl friend spoke no English and I wanted her to stay that way. In a town with many English speaking military men(who spoke no Japanese) , I worried if she spoke English , someone would steal her away from me. Later it came back to hurt me when she refused to go live in America because she spoke no English. My selfish motive cost me in the end. It sounds to me as he uses you as his trophy girl to show off with to his friends , but has no real deep love for you. I see no loss for you to drop him.
I think it best not to draw definitive conclusions at this point about the character of this guy or what his intentions are. For sure, it sounds bad, but all we have to go off of is someone who barely understands most things people around her are saying, and a third party who notices what's really going on and offered to try to help. I see a lot of room for misunderstanding here, and it may simply be that it's a relationship that can't work because of an inability to communicate and/or cultural differences.
Top Bottom