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Could anyone check my translation into Japanese?

karenk

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Hi! An online magazine/journal asked me to translate their "manifesto" into Japanese, I mostly translate from the Japanese and rarely write or have the opportunity to use the language, so I'm not familiar with some expressions and it doesn't come naturally to me. Could anyone please read my translation and say if it makes sense to you? What should I improve/change, correct? Thank you!

雑誌について

Xは、ポルトガル語への文学翻訳(詩、散文、エッセイ)の発行を目的としたバイリンガル形式で発行される半年ごとのデジタルマガジンです。国際的に普及し、100か国以上にアクセスができ、ポルトガル語圏の国に向けられ、CPLPのすべてのメンバーに届けています。Xはポルトガル語であまり知られていない著者の作文や、古典的な著者によるほとんど知られていない、または未公表の作文や、ポルトガル語への翻訳の文学システムにおけるアクセスが困難、または珍しい言語の作文などを発行しています。
2010年に発売され、最も多様な言語の翻訳者と翻訳学者を1つの文学志向のプロジェクトにまとめ、それらの橋渡は翻訳であり、「祖国」はポルトガル語です。オープンアクセスプラットフォームを通じて40以上の言語から翻訳されたバイリンガルまたはトリリンガルのテキストを提供し、言語制限や国境を認識せず、すべての大陸およびさまざまな国に到達し、唯一の出版物です。Xは2つの並行プロジェクトを含めます:翻訳された文学のデジタルコレクションと文学的な漫画コレクション。
自分を国際化しましょう!


Here is the version in English (translation done by someone else)

About the journal

X is a semiannual electronic journal issued in bilingual form aimed at the publication of literary translations (poetry, prose and essay) into Portuguese. It is well known overseas, accessible in more than a hundred countries and addressed to the Portuguese-speaking world, reaching all members of the CPLP. It features translations of lesser known authors in the Portuguese language, obscure or unpublished texts from classical authors, and translations from uncommon or odd languages in the literary system of translations into Portuguese.
Launched in 2010, it brings together translators of the most diverse languages and translation scholars in a single literary-minded project whose bridge is translation and whose "homeland" is the Portuguese language. By providing bilingual or trilingual texts translated from more than 40 languages through its open-access platform, it reaches all continents and different countries, linguistic frontiers and political borders notwithstanding, being the only cosmopolitan publication of its kind. It hosts two concurrent projects: the Digital Collection of Translated Literature and the Literary Graphic Novels Collection.
Cosmopolitanize yourself!
 
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Majestic

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I fear your translation is a bit long for us to proofread and give meaningful feedback. Since Toritoribe-san is the only native Japanese speaker on the forum, the onus would be on him to either take on this project, or to re-proofread any attempts us non-native speakers could make. (Actually we have one other native Japanese poster who regularly seeks advice on English teaching topics, and this might be a good project for him, but I forget his name).

Anyway, from a very detached perspective, your translation is a technically faithful attempt to translate the source, but it us unnatural, and in a couple of cases where the original sentence is long with multiple clauses, it ends up as very confusing Japanese, and might be better off being broken up into two sentences, or slightly modified so that the point is made without adhering to the strict syntax of the original. So repairing these sentences or suggesting alternates is a bit of hard work. For example, the title itself "About the journal" might be better translated as 本誌について, which moves it from the abstract 雑誌 (all magazines and journals) to the specific "THIS magazine".
 

karenk

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I fear your translation is a bit long for us to proofread and give meaningful feedback. Since Toritoribe-san is the only native Japanese speaker on the forum, the onus would be on him to either take on this project, or to re-proofread any attempts us non-native speakers could make. (Actually we have one other native Japanese poster who regularly seeks advice on English teaching topics, and this might be a good project for him, but I forget his name).

Anyway, from a very detached perspective, your translation is a technically faithful attempt to translate the source, but it us unnatural, and in a couple of cases where the original sentence is long with multiple clauses, it ends up as very confusing Japanese, and might be better off being broken up into two sentences, or slightly modified so that the point is made without adhering to the strict syntax of the original. So repairing these sentences or suggesting alternates is a bit of hard work. For example, the title itself "About the journal" might be better translated as 本誌について, which moves it from the abstract 雑誌 (all magazines and journals) to the specific "THIS magazine".

Yes, I've imagined that trying to keep the long clauses would be problematic. 😩

Thank you, I will follow your suggestion about the title and try to figure out what to do with the other problematic passages.
 

Toritoribe

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Sorry for the late reply to your post of the same topic in your another thread (I deleted it since it's double posting). I'm a bit busy in my real life (it's high season now).

Here's my attempt.

Xは、ポルトガル語に翻訳された文学作品(詩、散文、エッセイ)の発表を目的に、半年ごとに刊行される二か国語併用形式のデジタルマガジンです。国際的に著名な文芸誌で、100か国以上から利用可能であり、ポルトガル語圏向けにすべてのCPLP(ポルトガル語諸国共同体)加盟国に届けられています。本誌では、ポルトガル語圏ではあまり知られていない著者の作品や、未刊行の古典作品、ポルトガル語に翻訳されることの少ない言語の作品などを扱っています。
我々は、2010年の立ち上げ以来、ポルトガル語を母語とする多様な言語の翻訳者と、文学志向の翻訳研究者の間を、翻訳を仲立ちに取りまとめてきました。本誌は、40以上の言語からの翻訳作品を、自由にアクセス出来るプラットフォーム上に二か国語あるいは三か国語併用形式で供給することを通して、言語的な境界や政治的な国境に関わりなくすべての大陸及び様々な国々に届けられる、唯一の国際的な刊行物です。また、本誌は「翻訳文学デジタルコレクション」と「文学的グラフィックノベルコレクション」という二つのプロジェクトを主宰しています。
 

karenk

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Xは、ポルトガル語に翻訳された文学作品(詩、散文、エッセイ)の発表を目的に、半年ごとに刊行される二か国語併用形式のデジタルマガジンです。国際的に著名な文芸誌で、100か国以上から利用可能であり、ポルトガル語圏向けにすべてのCPLP(ポルトガル語諸国共同体)加盟国に届けられています。本誌では、ポルトガル語圏ではあまり知られていない著者の作品や、未刊行の古典作品、ポルトガル語に翻訳されることの少ない言語の作品などを扱っています。
我々は、2010年の立ち上げ以来、ポルトガル語を母語とする多様な言語の翻訳者と、文学志向の翻訳研究者の間を、翻訳を仲立ちに取りまとめてきました。本誌は、40以上の言語からの翻訳作品を、自由にアクセス出来るプラットフォーム上に二か国語あるいは三か国語併用形式で供給することを通して、言語的な境界や政治的な国境に関わりなくすべての大陸及び様々な国々に届けられる、唯一の国際的な刊行物です。また、本誌は「翻訳文学デジタルコレクション」と「文学的グラフィックノベルコレクション」という二つのプロジェクトを主宰しています。

Thank you so so much, Tori! You are a lifesaver! The editors of this website do a great job and I really wanted to help them. I use to translate Japanese authors as an "exercise" and to increase my vocabulary, but writing in Japanese requires much more knowledge and familiarity with the language. I'm aware of my limitations and would never send my rendition without having someone else checking it first. I can see that my attempt was pretty lame. 😣 I'm sorry for having asked you to help me with it, I wouldn't mind if you had declined to do it. I will tell the editors that you did all the work.

Again, thank you!!!!!!!!!
 

Toritoribe

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Oh, sorry, I've just realized I forgot to translate the last sentence. I think 自分を国際化しましょう! is a good translation. If free translation is acceptable, I would use 全世界的な視野を手に入れましょう!
 

karenk

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Hi, I'm thinking about doing a minor change in this passage: 国際的に著名な文芸誌で、100か国以上から利用可能であり、ポルトガル語圏向けにすべてのCPLP(ポルトガル語諸国共同体)加盟国に届けられています。Instead of 国際的に著名な文芸誌で I would write 国際的に流通する文芸誌で, because I think that the English translator changed the original meaning. In Portuguese it would just mean that the magazine has an international outreach/can be accessed from anywhere in the world. Do you think that this change is acceptable or should I leave it as you've translate it?
 
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Toritoribe

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I see. There is no problem to revise my translation, of course, but the meaning is more likely 利用可能, so 世界100か国以上から利用可能な文芸誌であり might be more simple and understandable.
 
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