I finally got a Japanese man.......

[Skullcrushergurl]

along with heartbreak...



I was glad to have found out that Japanese men aren't as racist as I thought but it still didn't end well.
He and I met and started to hang out all day almost everyday. It seemed to me, that things were going well. We'd cuddle a lot, lay together naked (though I never did "it" with him)(Excuse this sentence please) and talk. Suddenly things started to get weird until one day he tells me that he "tried to like me" and stuff like that. I thought at first it was because I liked him and he wanted to like me because of it. But HE made the first move.
This happened in like September and Now its December and I'm still not really over him. Whats worse is now I see him and his new girlfriend around campus too often. But I talked to him the other day and things are a little less awkward but as everyone knows I'm an emotional person and I haven't really been able to let him know how much he hurt me. What good would it do? But I did write him a letter a few months ago and that's when he told me he had a gf....
I don't know what to do...

 

[Chidoriashi]

well first of all why are japanese men racist? attraction does not necessarily have to do with race, and even if it did could you call that racist?

 

[EDI]

Heh,I do hope you can do the the best. Dealing with japanese isn't that easy. I also have some prob with my japanese gf,but we can make through it somehow. we love each other so much

 

[dreamer]

Well...these things happen... here I can hear some girls complaining about their boyfriends cheating on them all the time...

One thing amazes me though...what on earth is this obsession with "Japanese" men/women?

Also, about the racistic part, there is a japanese that translates as "10 people, 10 colors". Everyone is different and it's not always a good idea to put everyone under a same category.

Anyways, I know it's not easy but what's done is done, and no need to cry over spilt milk don't you think?
You're still young and will have plenty of new opportunities to meet new boyfriends. Life is already short enough so just try to forget this and enjoy while you can !!

 

[4321go]

Wow ,One things to be mentioned ~ dreamer,you joined this forum on Aug 15, 2003. you must be the few ones~ and you know many things that happen here ~~` Lol ~

and I am a little wonder about this :
your Nationality
France
Mother tongue
Chinese
Ethnic group
Chinese ...

How intersting ~~~

 

[yumeitsumo]

This is weird. Does it seem as if he led you on? I think so. He shouldn't have been doing those things with you if he had a girlfriend...

 

[4321go]

Yume Itsumo , I agree with you ~ definitly

 

[FrustratedDave]

Wow ,One things to be mentioned ~ dreamer,you joined this forum on Aug 15, 2003. you must be the few ones~ and you know many things that happen here ~~` Lol ~
and I am a little wonder about this :
your Nationality
France
Mother tongue
Chinese
Ethnic group
Chinese ...
How intersting ~~~

And this means what exactly?

 

[Damicci]

One thing amazes me though...what on earth is this obsession with "Japanese" men/women?

Quoted for truth.
1st she said that he has a new girlfriend after they "broke up" so he did not have a girlfriend when they were attempting a relationship. Read carefully.

Also it may be he didn't want to be mean and like you as a friend and tried to see you more than that and it didn't work out. Your young, time to move on. I think your general interest in wanting a "Japanese Man (really a boy)" Is what has you scarred and stuck on this one guy. I am not trying to attack you but letting you know there are other fish in the sea and a variety of them too. Load up your bait and go fishing.

 

[Skullcrushergurl]

Hm. I think he thought that I only wanted to be with him because he's Japanese but that wasn't the case. If he had been Japanese but a complete *insert foul word here* then I wouldn't have bothered with him much. I just have problems with guys.... The other day a British guy cuddled with me a lot and hated to let go of me when I got up to use the restroom or something. Then after that night, he's really shown no interest! Damicci, the fish are scarce! Especially for the type of men that I like....

 

[dreamer]

And this means what exactly?

That I am always on the road? I don't really see the link with the topic though...

Hm. I think he thought that I only wanted to be with him because he's Japanese but that wasn't the case. If he had been Japanese but a complete *insert foul word here* then I wouldn't have bothered with him much. I just have problems with guys.... The other day a British guy cuddled with me a lot and hated to let go of me when I got up to use the restroom or something. Then after that night, he's really shown no interest! Damicci, the fish are scarce! Especially for the type of men that I like....

Sorry, but the title indeed lead me to confusion.
Well...not only that but right now I am surrounded by EU guys who came to Japan partially (some of them mainly) to find a Japanese girlfriend... Anyways, I appologize if you felt insulted.

Also, the fish you are looking for might not be "that" rare, and the only thing I can say is that if you do not try to catch it, it is very unlikely to come and jump in your basket.

 

[Damicci]

I doubt anybody would date a certain ethnicity despite that person being an a-hole. Like mentioned in another thread, Superficial interests show through on many people. Maybe he detected some bits of that and got scared off. It's happened with a exchange student friend of mine. She wouldn't date some of my male friends b/c she felt they liked her only because she was japanese, not because of the kind of person she is. But as Dreamer said, You have to go fishing in order to catch the fish you want.

 

[yumeitsumo]

Hm. I think he thought that I only wanted to be with him because he's Japanese but that wasn't the case. If he had been Japanese but a complete *insert foul word here* then I wouldn't have bothered with him much. I just have problems with guys.... The other day a British guy cuddled with me a lot and hated to let go of me when I got up to use the restroom or something. Then after that night, he's really shown no interest! Damicci, the fish are scarce! Especially for the type of men that I like....

I know how you feel. They are scarce. They say there are plenty. *shakes head* NO! I have this thing that I tell myself: "When you stop TRYING to find the guy, he'll eventually show up" AND! He might not even end up being Japanese or anything you really think you want. But I'm not good with advice. So yeah, I'm just replying cuz I can relate.

 

[Annubis]

agree

I agree. I have had many relationships. It is sad, they all didn't last more than a month or so. Many different people, Japanese, Indian, Canadian, etc. I'm Canadian... but, well... the more I went looking, the more I got hurt. Of course, I haven't been found by anyone either. Now, I am recollecting myself, and thinking about my work and education. I am sick with heartbreak and it is a time to heal. You know the old saying, "time heals everything". I haven't given up. I don't suggest you ever have any hard feelings for men, as I don't. I forgive, but I don't forget. because learning from our experiences is a human gift. Stay open, and I'm sure one day, a beautiful fish will swim along with us on our way down the stream of life.

 

[yuletak]

I'd just like to chime in here...

For me, speaking the Japanese language with a native person is fun for me. However, as someone else mentioned, that's not to say that any Japanese person is fine for me in terms of relationships. The bottom line is the person's whole package, but the Japanese part is not insignificant.

Well...these things happen... here I can hear some girls complaining about their boyfriends cheating on them all the time...
One thing amazes me though...what on earth is this obsession with "Japanese" men/women?

 

[Tsukiko-chan]

@Skullcrushergurl : I like non dutch man the most. Every man I end up with are dutch >.< But well. I like man that care about looks ect. My current boyfriend is he worst Fasion criminal ever.. But I don't mind ( I bought him a new watch, he shaves himself for me up next= new shoe's) But he is nice and I love him. He cares ect. I like it when I get to know a boy and grow close to them for the love... Every boy I have bean with is different. I god from hard Deathmetal fans to nerds and rich kids.. the type of men isn't the things he likes or the way he looks.. The typ of men you need to find is the character that matches what you like. I like to be adored. almost to be worshiped by the boy I love. ButI also like that they say what they think... And Altought their style in clothing and looks aren't always what I like most in a man... I am able to date them.. (altough I only date boys that have enough inteligents XD and at the moment I don't date cause my boyfriend would kick there ***)

 

[bluepilot]

You loved and you lost

Time to move on

I think it is harder to date when you are younger because young men can be...well...young...but I think men do tend to get better as they get older and learn a couple of things

And I think that it is important that race is not an issue unless it becomes an issue.

And what I mean by that is that you should like people who like you for you. The rest are not worth it.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

We'd cuddle a lot, lay together naked (though I never did "it" with him)(Excuse this sentence please) and talk.

I know it's a very personal question, so feel free not to answer, but is there any particular reason why you didn't have sex? It occurred to me that that may be a factor in his moving on. I'd personally be a little unnerved if I lay naked with someone and it didn't lead to sex, so maybe he's a bit like me in that respect.

It's absolutely fine if you're not ready for sex, but lying naked with someone might give them the wrong impression.

Damicci, the fish are scarce! Especially for the type of men that I like....

I've never really had a type, and maybe that's one reason I've never been without a man. If I enjoy someone's company and he shows some interest in me, I think that's enough to give it a chance. Physical attraction is overrated. When I met my husband I wasn't attracted to him physically at all, but he was charming and so much fun to be around that I gave it a chance. He made me feel good, and that's a better aphrodisiac than a classically handsome face. Sounds crazy, but I think that in matters of the heart you're better off following your head than your heart.

 

[kusojiji]

I know it's a very personal question, so feel free not to answer, but is there any particular reason why you didn't have sex? It occurred to me that that may be a factor in his moving on. I'd personally be a little unnerved if I lay naked with someone and it didn't lead to sex, so maybe he's a bit like me in that respect.

Reading this thread, that's what I kept thinking.

 

[Tokyo girl <3]

along with heartbreak...
I was glad to have found out that Japanese men aren't as racist as I thought but it still didn't end well.
He and I met and started to hang out all day almost everyday. It seemed to me, that things were going well. We'd cuddle a lot, lay together naked (though I never did "it" with him)(Excuse this sentence please) and talk. Suddenly things started to get weird until one day he tells me that he "tried to like me" and stuff like that. I thought at first it was because I liked him and he wanted to like me because of it. But HE made the first move.
This happened in like September and Now its December and I'm still not really over him. Whats worse is now I see him and his new girlfriend around campus too often. But I talked to him the other day and things are a little less awkward but as everyone knows I'm an emotional person and I haven't really been able to let him know how much he hurt me. What good would it do? But I did write him a letter a few months ago and that's when he told me he had a gf....
I don't know what to do...

Hun, I'm really sorry. If he does that it only means that he doesn't deserve you. Don't suffer because of him anymore. You will find another guy who really loves you and wants to spend rest of his life with you.

One thing amazes me though...what on earth is this obsession with "Japanese" men/women?

This obsession is because you Japanese boys are soooooo damn qte!

 

[dreamer]

This obsession is because you Japanese boys are soooooo damn qte!

And one big fat stereotype...one !
One day I hope that you'll understand: "look isn't everything"

 

[Tokyo girl <3]

I understand that, but you don't understand that how qte are you! ^^

 

[epigene]

I understand that, but you don't understand that how qte are you! ^^

That's because you live in Serbia--too far away from the "real" Japan--and you only hear about the good stuff about the Japanese.

When Japan was very poor after World War II and all information on other countries came from American movies and TV programs. Many Japanese boys believed that all American girls looked like Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor or Vivienne Leigh! And my husband was one of them!

 

[Tokyo girl <3]

Lol! I know that aren't all people pretty, but most of Japanese people are beautiful!
( ^ _ ^ )

 

[dreamer]

I guess we'll leave it at "Beauty is a relative concept that changes depending on the era and culture"...