Was it something I said??
- Thread starter CA_Wix
- Start date
Uchite
後輩
- 16 Jan 2006
- 136
- 7
You should have stopped there once and for all. You will get this kind of nonsense a lot in Japan. You better get used to it!
Move on. Wave goodbye! :wavey:
By the way, you better work on your Japanese! If you are an American in Japan and cannot speak basic Japanese and are not constantly trying to improve and get better you will have very little luck with women. But on the bright side there are millions over there for you to meet. Take your time and have fun!
- 30 Apr 2007
- 1,173
- 84
I couldn't get a Japanese girl to seriously look my way until I spoke some decent Japanese. By that I mean, move past small talk and introductions and on to making plans to meet alone away from the bar/club scene, eat out, study, etc., basically everything after the initial group meeting or two. Gaijin are a dime a dozen in most major cities and many of the women who are really and truly interested in foreign men are lo and behold, studying in foreign countries. In Japanese cities the whole foreigner mystique is an increasingly thin social lubricant at best. So making a serious attempt at relations with a born and bred Japanese girl who doesn't have an immediate interest in foriegners is a tough sell without the language and some knowledge of customs. I'm not saying you aren't doing your best but don't be surprised if this kind of thing happens is all.
To add to the frustration is the whole 'aversion to direct rejection'. Rejection is the hallmark of Western-style relations that lets us know when and how quickly to move on. But in Japan its much less direct and if you don't take the subtle up-front hints as to whether a Japanese person is interested in be-friending you, you'll be wondering for ages about whether they're really that busy or not because they'll rarely come out and tell you to bugger off. This works in your benefit though. If you meet someone you are not interested in furthering relations with, you're quite able to make up your own imaginary schedule of important business and events and gradually slide into obscurity. I only ever had one person chase me down and call me on each and every 'how bout next time', and then after I agreed to that one coffee I was free. (That sounds so strange but that's honestly how it played out, it's like I was on the hook for that one coffee, then I was released).
And then contrary to all this, should you really befriend or start to make progress with a Japanese lady and decide you wish to be with her romantically, there's a bit of chasing you have to do (further contrary to the indications on your give-up and move-on radar) so as to properly and concretely indicate your interest to a degree that satisfies her doubts about whether you're seriously interested afterall. At that point something of a formal 'we are going steady' agreement is required and then you're on your way.
Not to be cynical but it's kind of like getting an apartment in some ways. But I find many Japanese girls to be beautiful and kind, and for me, the few I have dated, worth the effort
To add to the frustration is the whole 'aversion to direct rejection'. Rejection is the hallmark of Western-style relations that lets us know when and how quickly to move on. But in Japan its much less direct and if you don't take the subtle up-front hints as to whether a Japanese person is interested in be-friending you, you'll be wondering for ages about whether they're really that busy or not because they'll rarely come out and tell you to bugger off. This works in your benefit though. If you meet someone you are not interested in furthering relations with, you're quite able to make up your own imaginary schedule of important business and events and gradually slide into obscurity. I only ever had one person chase me down and call me on each and every 'how bout next time', and then after I agreed to that one coffee I was free. (That sounds so strange but that's honestly how it played out, it's like I was on the hook for that one coffee, then I was released).
And then contrary to all this, should you really befriend or start to make progress with a Japanese lady and decide you wish to be with her romantically, there's a bit of chasing you have to do (further contrary to the indications on your give-up and move-on radar) so as to properly and concretely indicate your interest to a degree that satisfies her doubts about whether you're seriously interested afterall. At that point something of a formal 'we are going steady' agreement is required and then you're on your way.
Not to be cynical but it's kind of like getting an apartment in some ways. But I find many Japanese girls to be beautiful and kind, and for me, the few I have dated, worth the effort
- Thread starter
- #29
Wow, I'm a little surprised about the continual contributions to this.
The interesting part is that I stopped communicating with her completely. Then one Friday morning I get a message that says she wants to see me. I had plans to go to an Irish pub with some friends so I asked if she wanted to come along (expecting a no).
She replied that she would love to. So I told her all the information and still did not expect her to show. Then after about 30 min. at the pub she walks in. Unbelievable! Then she was having a great time laughing and smiling almost the entire time. When we finally parted at the train station I told her that I had a great time and was very glad she came out. She later sent me a text message saying that she wants to see me again when she gets back from vacation. We'll see what happens. Again there are plenty out there and she isn't going to break my heart, but she is cute and smart so I won't ever shut her out.
About my situation. I arrived in Japan just over 4 months ago. I could speak no Japanese when I got here, and have been studying hard and practicing daily (I work here in a very Japanese office...) I have talked to many women and quite a few were very receptive and I've gone on quite a few dates. Granted my Japanese is still not good because I have only been here 4 months, but I try as hard as I can, and most people seem to appreciate that. that being said I have little trouble meeting and dating women here with my beginner Japanese. Like I said however, I do make a hell of an effort to learn and speak Japanese and maybe that is the difference.
I'll let you all know what happens when she gets back. i'm off to climb Fuji in the morning.
Cheers!!!
The interesting part is that I stopped communicating with her completely. Then one Friday morning I get a message that says she wants to see me. I had plans to go to an Irish pub with some friends so I asked if she wanted to come along (expecting a no).
She replied that she would love to. So I told her all the information and still did not expect her to show. Then after about 30 min. at the pub she walks in. Unbelievable! Then she was having a great time laughing and smiling almost the entire time. When we finally parted at the train station I told her that I had a great time and was very glad she came out. She later sent me a text message saying that she wants to see me again when she gets back from vacation. We'll see what happens. Again there are plenty out there and she isn't going to break my heart, but she is cute and smart so I won't ever shut her out.
About my situation. I arrived in Japan just over 4 months ago. I could speak no Japanese when I got here, and have been studying hard and practicing daily (I work here in a very Japanese office...) I have talked to many women and quite a few were very receptive and I've gone on quite a few dates. Granted my Japanese is still not good because I have only been here 4 months, but I try as hard as I can, and most people seem to appreciate that. that being said I have little trouble meeting and dating women here with my beginner Japanese. Like I said however, I do make a hell of an effort to learn and speak Japanese and maybe that is the difference.
I'll let you all know what happens when she gets back. i'm off to climb Fuji in the morning.
Cheers!!!
Last edited:
dreamer
後輩
- 15 Aug 2003
- 2,181
- 25
Uh...you'd better read that...
Densha Otoko
Chirpy9 wasn't calling you playboy or anything...
Also I guess you are in the age range when people want to find romance so there's no need to sweet it...
Just for the record, I am turning 26 this year too and am absolutely not interrested in Dating (yet) although I am in a similar situation to yours (been only here 2 weeks without speaking the language) =)
Densha Otoko
Chirpy9 wasn't calling you playboy or anything...
Also I guess you are in the age range when people want to find romance so there's no need to sweet it...
Just for the record, I am turning 26 this year too and am absolutely not interrested in Dating (yet) although I am in a similar situation to yours (been only here 2 weeks without speaking the language) =)
- Thread starter
- #33
Thanks for the heads up. For some reason I'm sure that they were poking fun at me. It is quite difficult as you will find because some people assume that you are coming to Japan to meet women because you think they are easy.
It doesn't matter what you do or say. It doesn't matter how respectful and how good of a guy you really are.
I was walking down the street of my town holding a girls hand one time and I could see all the dirty looks she got from the local men. So I asked her what do they think about her because she is with a white guy. She didn't want to answer directly, but I could tell it was all bad.
Whenever you do (if you do) decide to start dating here please just be patient. Some social circumstances just don't allow for it simply because you are not Japanese (I'm assuming you are not Japanese...). But there is racism in every country of the world. You are a guest here so you will get some of it if you stay here some time. It is nothing big, and I find that there are many more curious and helpful people than racist or cynical. I love it here and really respect the Japanese culture.
Gambatte Kudasai!
P.S. Study Japanese!
It doesn't matter what you do or say. It doesn't matter how respectful and how good of a guy you really are.
I was walking down the street of my town holding a girls hand one time and I could see all the dirty looks she got from the local men. So I asked her what do they think about her because she is with a white guy. She didn't want to answer directly, but I could tell it was all bad.
Whenever you do (if you do) decide to start dating here please just be patient. Some social circumstances just don't allow for it simply because you are not Japanese (I'm assuming you are not Japanese...). But there is racism in every country of the world. You are a guest here so you will get some of it if you stay here some time. It is nothing big, and I find that there are many more curious and helpful people than racist or cynical. I love it here and really respect the Japanese culture.
Gambatte Kudasai!
P.S. Study Japanese!
Chirpy9
先輩
- 15 Jul 2008
- 73
- 1
Thanks Dreamer, you were quite a life saver
Anyway, I guess I shoulda been careful with words or have given a link to the summary of the movie, as Dreamer has done
:sorry:
dreamer
後輩
- 15 Aug 2003
- 2,181
- 25
And when I see some of my fellow EU citizen, I know why...
Well...these are stereotypes...In a couple of cities where I've lived in the US as well as in Paris, I saw many of these young asian girls with a 40-50 year-old guy. Believe me, you don't want to know what's being said in their backs...
Actually I am of chinese descent so I have the right to hear fullspeed japanese wherever I go...that and when I'm hanging around my EU friends, clerks expect me to do the translation...probably would have scared more than one =/
I am studying japanese indeed but there si only so much that you can learn within one week (although I only slept at most 32 hours during the last week)
Anyway...try not being too jumpy about these things
People can sometimes come to a misunderstanding very quickly.
- Thread starter
- #36
lol. that is funny about the translating thing. I know if I am in a restaurant or store of any kind with a Japanese (or other Asian) the staff looks directly at the other person for speaking. It is assumed I don't know any Japanese because I'm white.
Yes some do come here just for women and that sucks because I fall into this stereotype now because I'm white.
Like I said these are minor things, and I really enjoy the people and my Japanese lifestyle overall.
Cheers! and good luck. You can only do so much in one day. Don't overstretch yourself man.
Yes some do come here just for women and that sucks because I fall into this stereotype now because I'm white.
Like I said these are minor things, and I really enjoy the people and my Japanese lifestyle overall.
Cheers! and good luck. You can only do so much in one day. Don't overstretch yourself man.
dreamer
後輩
- 15 Aug 2003
- 2,181
- 25
Well...I'll try my best to learn the language , but japanese people do not seem very enclined to speak to me anyways so it's difficult to improve.
For now, I guess I'll just take a few years to fulfill my objective which is learning japanese, and move on in my quest for a better place to stay...
For now, I guess I'll just take a few years to fulfill my objective which is learning japanese, and move on in my quest for a better place to stay...
- Thread starter
- #38
Dreamer: Keep going to different places and trying to talk to people. I have found that Japanese people really are very helpful and kind. Hang in there. You'll meet some friends soon.
All: For the record I am going to have my first date with my princess this Sat. Wish me luck!!!
~Off to work~~
All: For the record I am going to have my first date with my princess this Sat. Wish me luck!!!
~Off to work~~
dreamer
後輩
- 15 Aug 2003
- 2,181
- 25
CA_Wix: it's not that easy when you have to go to the language school at 8 and you come back around 7 in the evening ^^
I basically only have my weekends that I spend traveling around Japan.
Also I did mention the way Japanese people tend to go fullspeed on my when they start talking to me...
Anyway, good luck
I basically only have my weekends that I spend traveling around Japan.
Also I did mention the way Japanese people tend to go fullspeed on my when they start talking to me...
Anyway, good luck
- Thread starter
- #40
Ok...................
Again I hate to drag all into this deal; if anyone wants me to shut up just say so and I'll quit this thread (I'm not out to annoy people here).
I went on a date with her in Nagoya. It was WONDERFUL! She was nice and we had a great time. We talked and drank until the last train (I was running down the street to catch the train).
She will be coming over this weekend and I will cook us dinner. We'll see how this goes.
What a long, strange trip it's been, but I am merely a guest in a foreign culture and learning everyday. For now she is beautiful, and I look forward to getting to know her.
Cheers to all, and thanks for all your advice.
WiX
Again I hate to drag all into this deal; if anyone wants me to shut up just say so and I'll quit this thread (I'm not out to annoy people here).
I went on a date with her in Nagoya. It was WONDERFUL! She was nice and we had a great time. We talked and drank until the last train (I was running down the street to catch the train).
She will be coming over this weekend and I will cook us dinner. We'll see how this goes.
What a long, strange trip it's been, but I am merely a guest in a foreign culture and learning everyday. For now she is beautiful, and I look forward to getting to know her.
Cheers to all, and thanks for all your advice.
WiX
