Things I’ve only said in Japan

[craftsman]

Japundit yesterday had a post entitled 'Things I've only said in Japan.' Here's the list:

• "Did you remember to switch the carpet off?"
• "There's a car park at the top of the volcano."
• [in the deep mid-winter] "I'm going out to the garden to warm up."
• "Here, these apples have been reduced to 300 yen each."
• "Is cat poo burnable or non-burnable rubbish?"
• "Yes. Very kawaii."
• [half-way up a mountain] "There's must be a drinks machine round here somewhere."
• "He's got a cold so he went to the hospital."

And some people added a few more in the comments:

• "The train is 21 seconds late this morning. Wow, something must have happened!"
• Any sentence with the phrase "level up" in it.
• "Where's that voice coming from?"

So I thought I'd add a few more here myself:

• I can't eat that it's still moving.
  
• But I don't believe in toilet slippers.
  
• This plain rice tastes gooood!
  
• I must apologise for giving you this worthless birthday present.

Got any more?

 

[misa.j]

Where's that voice coming from?

This one cracked me up!!
I came up with only three of them for now.

• 
  "Hmmm, that plastic sushi in the glasscase looks good!"

• "Hey, I got 20 packages of tissues today. I got only 15 yesterday."

• "Am I turning my cup of tea this way or that way?"

 

[MajideSaiaku]

"Wanna go to the cinema? (Its only an hours train-ride across a large swathe of Japan and all, but its considored local!)".

"(Really ****nig desperate for the loo, but not finding a western style) I think I'll wait...".

I'll think of more..

 

[craftsman]

Hey! I wonder what that button does.....WOAHHHHH! (lifted off the toilet seat)

 

[nice gaijin]

"If you're going to turn on the heater, don't forget to open a window."
"Don't fall in the 4-foot gutters."
"For christ's sake, stop cutting my drinks with water!!"
"Was that English?"

 

[craftsman]

Excuse me...(hold up recently served beverage).....did I order a glass of froth or a glass of beer?

 

[Maciamo]

Haha, good thread (although similar to You have been in Japan too long when...). I will think of a few (some not said, but heard in Japan) :

• Don't put this in the rubbish bag, the neighbours might denounce you !
• (while falling asleep at night after a day in the train) : "kakikomi densha wa o-yame kudasai !"
• (to the salesman at your home's door) No, I don't need to buy any insurance.
• (in June or July) Already dark ? It's only 7 pm ! It feels like winter.
• Is it the guy who ijimated you ?
• (to a woman hooking on you on your way back from the station to your house) No, I don't need a special massage.
• It's raining, let's take shelter under the motorway/expressway.
• (3 a.m.) The first metro is at 5:30 a.m., let's take a nap in a manga kissa till then.
• How comes this Buddhist temple is not sponsored by Hitachi ?
• (at the vending machine) Do you want a 16 herbs tea (juurokucha) or a sports drink ?
• What, there isn't a Starbucks or an Excelsior near this station ? Where will I get my coffee ?
• (to a Japanese person just introduced) : "Hajimemashite. Douzo yoroshiku onegai shimasu. I can eat sushi and umeboshi, I can use chopsticks, but I can't eat natto. What about you ?"
• Which love hotel's decoration do you like best ?
• "Stop ! The (traffic) light is red !" Driver : "It's ok, only 2 cars passed since it tunred red".
• No car's coming, shall we cross the road or wait for someone to cross ?
• Oh, look at this mother with her three children on her bike !
• Q : What is this noise ? A : Oh, nothing it's just some cats having sex on the roof.
• Do you prefer your horse meat raw or cooked ?
• Her husband moved to Sendai for his job, so she only sees him once every few months.
• (in the train) Look, that oyaji is touching himself !
• (sign in the station) Chikan Kinshi (molesting of women prohibited)
• Does you business trip to Vietnam involves some "karaoke" activity ?
• (in the video club, facing dozend of erotic videos) : I am confused, I thought this was the family section, not the adult section Staff : But it isn't, the adult section is behind the curtain.
• (salaryman in his 50's) Since my wife and I had a child, we don't have sex anymore, so she sends me to the soapland.
• As a businessman in Japan, avoid black shirts, it is associated with the Yakuza. Choose pink instead, more suitable.
• Q : Do you see this grandma hunched like if she was wearing a heavy sack of rice on her back ? A : Which one of them ?
• A-san (to a Japanese woman) When did you buy your first Louis Vuitton handbag ? B-san : I don't have one. A-san : Haha, good one, I almost believed you. B-san : No, that's true, I only buy Chanel...
• Oh, look at this little nezumi-san (mouse). Hello nezumi-san !
• (Typical Japanese girl seeing something cute) Kawaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii ! (stomping feet) Aahahah, Hoooshiiiiiii ! (almost crying)
• Oh, the frame's hook fell. Let's call a specialist to fix it !
• Hey, my neighbour is having his door repainted and there is no security guard to warn pedestrians that there is a construction site ! That's scandalous !
• (police to a foreigner in the street) : "Excuse me mister, where are you going ? What is your name ? Where are you from ? What is your job ? Do you live near here ? Is this your bicycle ? Is it registered to your name ? Can I check the registration ?" (already checking before you had the time to answer).

Excuse me...(hold up recently served beverage).....did I order a glass of froth or a glass of beer?

What's the problem with that ? You do not remove the froth off your beer, do you ? (I heard it is done in North America, where they have lost touch with the original concept of beer)

 

[Karamuucho]

I really feel like getting one of those mos Rice Burgers.

Damn this McDonald's is good!

Haha, no sweetcorn on your pizza? You're kidding right?


(I'm hungry, hah)

 

[misa.j]

• Oh, look at this little nezumi-san (mouse). Hello nezumi-san !
• (Typical Japanese girl seeing something cute) Kawaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii ! (stomping feet) Aahahah, Hoooshiiiiiii ! (almost crying)

OMG! LMAO! You made me cry with those two!!! Are they OK?!

• Careful! Don't step on a pile of white powder right there in front of Yamada-san's door! You'll be cursed...
• I don't know what is happening, but let's go see anyways because there are police car, ambulance and a whole load of people standing there!
• Hey, am I allowed to push the button by myself or do I have to ask the girl standing in front of it?(In the elvater)

 

[craftsman]

Yeah! Well...if I've got a big nose and funny eyes I must be a goblin whose come to EEEEEAT YOOOOU! Arrrrrr! (Small boy runs away screaming and crying)









Note: Maciamo - We're talking serious froth. I'm not a mathematician but I'd say 45.974% froth.

 

[nice gaijin]

There should only be about an inch of froth at the crown of your pint. Any less than that spoils the taste, any more than that spoils the experience.

 

[Kinsao]

hehe, this thread is making me giggle.

No, I don't need to buy any insurance.

It's raining, let's take shelter under the motorway.

I don't know what is happening, but let's go see anyways because there are police car, ambulance and a whole load of people standing there!

I have to admit, those three are all things i have said/done while living in England!

 

[Maciamo]

hehe, this thread is making me giggle.
I have to admit, those three are all things i have said/done while living in England!

Is there elevated motorways in England (apart from bridges and motorway interchanges) ? Never seen any, nor anywhere else in Europe, except a 2km section through a southern suburb of Brussels (Auderghem).

 

[Kinsao]

^ You're right, I was referring to motorway bridges where they go over another road. I have been known to shelter under them occasionally.

 

[leonmarino]

Me: Let's go to the karaoke!
Other: I can't
Me: Why not?
Other: I just took a bath.

Hrmmmmm..

 

[MajideSaiaku]

"bugger! I forgot to wash BEFORE I got into the bath".

"When you said lets have a bath together, this wasnt exactly what I had in mind..." (the first time, it wasnt romantic, suffice to say).

"Turn the heater down, its getting cold!" (I dunno bout you guys but those air conditioner heaters in japan seem to have a cooler breeze then warmth).

"OH, A STAR!!!" (I thought light pollution above my little home city was bad, in Tokyo seeing a star must be a big deal).

"Oh, theres another white guy" (Thinking to myself phrase, blonde hair doesnt stick out in everyday Britain but in Japan its fairly noticable).

I'll think of more, I'm likw this in exams, I'll forget an awnser and get it an hour after I needed to know it.

 

[Taiko666]

Is there elevated motorways in England (apart from bridges and motorway interchanges) ? Never seen any, nor anywhere else in Europe, except a 2km section through a southern suburb of Brussels (Auderghem).

Yes there are quite a few. Perhaps the most famous is the 'Westway'(M40) in west London, but again it's only about 4km long. Also the M6 motorway straddles Birmingham on stilts for what must be about 30 km.

Things I've only said in Japan:
* Damn! I've lost my mobile phone in the street. Never mind, I'll collect it from the police station tomorrow.
* I'm taking the day off on Dec 25th
* Hot coffee please
* Here you are! 2 months' advance rent, 2 months' non-returnable 'returnable' deposit, and 2 months' rent as a gift.
* I'll have the salad, but without the whalemeat please.
* Waiter, I've lost my shoes

 

[craftsman]

"No, it's not because I'm shy. Look, you're all drunk, it's 3 in the morning, I'm tired, I want to go home and more importantly I just don't want to sing 'yellow submarine' again."

 

[Mrjones]

"I come to this shop becouse we like master."

 

[ghettocities]

"I don't want to go to bed"


Josh

 

[Foxtrot Uniform]

(Riding a train) "Mmmm this is some good can-beer"

(At a love hotel) "Let's take the 'rest' course, its service time"

(Wearing my high school uniform downtown) Guy in a suit: "Would you like a few drinks at our Kyaba-kura?"

"We've already entered the store, so we can't leave without buying anything"

 

[Maciamo]

"I come to this shop becouse we like master."

Didn't get it. What do you mean ?

(Riding a train) "Mmmm this is some good can-beer"

I don't think you are supposed to drink beer or soft drinks on a train, even in Japan... (might leave sticky marks on the seat on floor if you spill it)

"We've already entered the store, so we can't leave without buying anything"

I guess that this reaction is fairly international (for some people)

 

[MajideSaiaku]

"No! he is thinking about YOU!"

- (A brief argument about who a guy was thinking of, the guy was some dude sitting next to me and my girlfriend at a clothes store, rubbing himself up....yup..... )

 

[craftsman]

Come on. Hurry up and choose a soft drink. They've got Coke, Aquarius, cow piss or sweat.










Note: For anyone who may be confused at this point: 'Calpis' and 'Pocari sweat' are the drinks in question - but it sounds so much better the other way!

 

[Maciamo]

Come on. Hurry up and choose a soft drink. They've got Coke, Aquarius, cow piss or sweat.

Little precision, mouse sweat !