Why do so many foreigners marry Japanese women?

[epigene]

I feel kind of puzzled and half-way to being offended by the suggestion that women who are wearing trousers are somehow not being feminine enough, or are trying to be manly. ☝ Personally, I very rarely wear skirts, and it's even more rare for me to wear a dress. I find trousers to be comfortable and practical. Plus, I don't have very good legs. For me, trousers for the win!

I'm sorry - this is rather offtopic. But as a woman who hardly ever "dresses feminine", I resent thinking that people might stereotype me as a lesbian or a "wannabe man".

Yeah, Yeah!!ﾂ Go, go, Kinsao! I'm a trouser-person and so is my daughter. No one's ever questioned our femininity!

@sabro-san,
Welcome back, sabro-san!

 

[Revenant]

I don't know why calling an asian "yellow" or a Native American "red" is unacceptable, but they are for now.

Hello Sabro! I'm Native American, and other Native Americans call my bro and I red apples, cause we look Native American on the outside, but we're supposedly more white on the inside. Not sure why they think that. Agreeing with your point though, I don't think I would take well to a non-Native American calling me red.

 

[epigene]

I don't know why calling an asian "yellow" or a Native American "red" is unacceptable, but they are for now. The terms are always loaded and are totally socio-political constructs with lots of strings attached. I wouldnt try to apply logic to it.

Yes, I've heard that "red" is derogatory. Regarding "yellow," I think the negativism developed with the "Yellow Peril" propaganda in the William Randolph Hearst papers? :?

 

[ricecake]

Why is it Western men who usually marry Japanese women, much more than the reverse ? I believe that this is simply because Caucasians have more accentuated genetical and cultural characteristics, while Asian cultures (and genetic types) are more feminine.

Hmmmm .... But,majority Caucasian guys married to Japanese ( or other East Asian females ) are wimpy-looking type and less masculine than those very manly ones with Caucasian females.

Northern-stock East Asian peoples ( Japanese,northern Chinese,and Koreans ) are " war-like " and macho,there is nothing feminine about those men.

 

[Davey]

~ But, okay okay... can we all at least agree that this t-shirt is the most achingly lonely and sad thing you've ever seen....



...we can agree on that much, can't we?

No I can't because I can't read Kanji... so please provide a translation, when posting Japanese text in the Non-Japanese language section! thank you in advance

 

[bobchiin]

Hi Everyone
Just got caught up on the postings. Looks like it has veered off from
Asian wives and caucasion husbands. I don't agree that we are wimps
or that in some way we are unable to marry a caucasion woman. I think
we just made a choice, just as every does when they get married. I feel
a little sorry for the people that can't accept that. I look at the world
as being populated by people, and I see nothing more wrong with a German
marrying an Italian than I see with an American marrying a Japanese.

 

[gaijinalways]

Just read the first page, and I saw a few people mentioning that Japanese women are a bit more subservient than their American counterparts. On the surface this might appear true, but it more seems that the American women make a big deal over a lot of things, while the Japanese women seem to pick their battles wisely, and patiently talk the husband/boyfriend around to her way of thinking.

Not sure you have met my Japanese wife!

It almost seems that they have figured that if they acquisce to most of the husband's demands and wishes, that the husband will feel in control, and so it will be easier for the women to maintain control over the more important issues.

Well, I wish it was so, but I don't feel it's like that! As to the thread falling off, well, feminity issues are sometimes related to why Westerners sometimes enjoy dating Japanese women. Some guys like women that are on the surface more femine, and certainly look after members of their family, almost slavishly (and compulsively). I suppose though it's better than those who just block the family out.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

~ But, okay okay... can we all at least agree that this t-shirt is the most achingly lonely and sad thing you've ever seen....



...we can agree on that much, can't we?

You can replace the "Japanese" with any other 'race' and it would be equally as pathetic if you ask me. Which is pretty much how I feel about this whole conversation.

But then again, what business is it of mine or yours who other random people date and get married to?

 

[DoctorP]

Hi Everyone
Just got caught up on the postings. Looks like it has veered off from
Asian wives and caucasion husbands. I don't agree that we are wimps
or that in some way we are unable to marry a caucasion woman. I think
we just made a choice, just as every does when they get married. I feel
a little sorry for the people that can't accept that. I look at the world
as being populated by people, and I see nothing more wrong with a German
marrying an Italian than I see with an American marrying a Japanese.

No one said anything was wrong with it. And the topic is not specifically causasian men....the topic was foreigners in general. Also note that we are not lumping all together. I know quite a few men who married Japanese women and they are quite masculine, very muscular, and manly. On the flip side, I have seen quite a few who probably never had a date until they came to Japan. The examples given in my previous post were merely some observations that were relayed to me and I thought that I would seek other peoples opinions.

 

[Elizabeth]

You can replace the "Japanese" with any other 'race' and it would be equally as pathetic if you ask me. Which is pretty much how I feel about this whole conversation.
But then again, what business is it of mine or yours who other random people date and get married to?

Without any mention of race, simply I'm in (on) the market for a lover ( 窶氾ｶﾂ人窶｢ﾃ･ﾂ集窶吮??' ) is pitiable enough unless you're seeking to narrow the field to someone like yourself.

Maybe this thread has clarified why I haven't married an American, come to think of it, I hardly ever wear a skirt or shout across the street aka Rosanne Barr.

 

[gaijinalways]

No worries, you probably just notice the ones who do that more easily. Believe me, there are plenty of quiet American women (men too), you just don't notice them as readily!

 

[yukio_michael]

No I can't because I can't read Kanji... so please provide a translation, when posting Japanese text in the Non-Japanese language section! thank you in advance

I knew I was going to get burned for that one....

窶愿ｺ窶怒ﾂ人窶敕楪鞘?納COLOR=red]窶｢ﾃ･ﾂ集[/COLOR]窶吮??
nihonjin kanojo boshu-chu

(a japanese person) her/pronoun. (coloquial use = girlfriend) recruiting/taking applications-am doing.

"Currently accepting applications for a Japanese girlfriend."

If you wanted to make this into a desperate t-shirt for women, you could replace kanojo, with kareshi... (or kare... I'm not sure which is prefered)...

窶愿ｺ窶怒ﾂ人窶敕槐ｽﾂー/COLOR]窶｢ﾃ･ﾂ集窶吮??
nihonjin kareshi boshu-chu.

 

[bobchiin]

No one said anything was wrong with it. And the topic is not specifically causasian men....the topic was foreigners in general. Also note that we are not lumping all together. I know quite a few men who married Japanese women and they are quite masculine, very muscular, and manly. On the flip side, I have seen quite a few who probably never had a date until they came to Japan. The examples given in my previous post were merely some observations that were relayed to me and I thought that I would seek other peoples opinions.

You are right on all counts and I bow to your wisdom.:redface:

 

[thistle]

As a western foreigner having been married to a japanese man for a long
time, I would just like to add something to the discussion here. This whole forum seems to be pretty male dominated so I rarely post.
I don't know about from the western male side, but if i was a japanese female I think I would love the chance to marry a western male.
They are more equal in all sense of a relationship, more sensitive, and will help
with the house chores without being asked. They will not have to say 'otsukare sama' 'o shigoto ganbatte kudasai' and 'karada ki o tsukete'
every day! It is something that is taken for granted in an equal relationship.

 

[Mars Man]

This whole forum seems to be pretty male dominated so I rarely post.

Oh, thistle san, that sounds like a great reason to post more !!! and more !!!

 

[misa.j]

One thing I'm sure about is that a marriage involves more responsibilities and greater commitment than just dating someone. For interacial married couples, things can get even more complex; legal procedures which can be a hassle, changes and adjustments that both parties need to make, keeping contact with the families who live overseas etc, so it seems to me that there are more solid reasons for the original question plus what have been brought up already.

They are more equal in all sense of a relationship, more sensitive, and will help with the house chores without being asked.

Yeah, it seems rare to see Japanese men voluntarily doing house chores, although my father sometimes cooked whatever he liked to eat for the whole family.

 

[Kyoko_desu]

Yeah, it seems rare to see Japanese men voluntarily doing house chores, although my father sometimes cooked whatever he liked to eat for the whole family.

Really?
Hmmmm, sorry but maybe you have been away from Japan too long?

I know quite many young Japanese husbands who do the house chores.For example, one of my friends' husband cooks, puts out the garbages, cleans bathrooms and so on. He babysits their kids when his wife goes out with her friends and enjoys karaoke all night.

One reason is, in recent years, more and more housewives work outside of home. Please take a look at this chart.

The green line shows the numbers of the households of working husbands and nonworking wives, and the red one, those of dual income family. Back in the year of Shouwa 55, which is about 25 years ago, the number of the working mothers are way far less than that of the stay-at-home-and-only-do-the-housechores mothers, but in the year of Heisei 14, 4 years ago from now, we have more working mothers than nonworking ones.

This chart can also shows the reason why husbands of 25 years ago didn't help the housechores, can't it? If you are a married woman, having no job and stay at home all the time, then you don't really need your husband's help with your housechore, do you? It's only fair to me.

Originally Posted by ricecake
Definitely,Japanese women are still traditional and subservient ( is better word ) to some agree compare to some of those outspoken,loud,and bitchy American women. I've seen my white-neighbors's white-wife could bossed,yelled,and talked to her husband like a " puppy " before my very eyes.

About some (white?) American women loudly bitching out at their husbands in front of other people, I don't ever see it's any proof of thier equal rights. It's just their mental problem, or the lack of respect, just like some guys hitting their wives or girlfriends, that's not male chauvinism , but Domestic Violence, which is done all over the world including Japan and the US, caused by thier mental problems. And I believe not all the American couples are like that.

Originally Posted by ricecake
Most American women are assertive, demanding and domineering, absolutely have no fear speak their mind.

I don't have fear speak my mind either, I mean, why should I? And I'm a quite normal Japanese girl.

As a whole society, Japanese women are still not treated equally, because it's still difficult for a woman to be promoted in a company or to become Prime Minister. However, we DO have some female company presidents and female Diet members nowadays. Yes, we have been changing gradually.
And in personal relationship, I think Japanese women are no longer that subservient, I think we are now quite equal to men.

 

[Tyshepp]

All spilt-tails are created equal!

 

[ricecake]

About some American women loudly bitching out at their husbands in front of other people,I don't ever see it's any proof of their equal rights.It's just their mental problem,or the lack of respect.

And in personal relationship, I think Japanese women are no longer that subservient,I think we are now quite equal to men.

I over-dramatized the example aforementioned,those actions are best described as DEMANDING and DOMINEERING.My personal Asian female-friends dare behave that way rather are semi-house-slave to their Caucasian-American husbands,many don't do house chores and would babysit on few occasions only as they please.I've seen and heard their hubby have shown disrespects toward them,most of these marriages are in misery.

Yourself as young modern Japanese girl,any insights on Japanese women inside Japan are welcomed in this thread as we need to have more balanced views from different spectrum.

 

[Tyshepp]

All women are beautiful. I don't understand this whole topic.

 

[bobchiin]

All of my 36 years in Japan have been in Okinawa , though I have visited mainland Japan on occasion. I sometimes foolishly mislead myself into believing that I have gained some wisdom in all those years. So.....here I go putting my foot into my mouth again.

There are exceptions to everything, and the situation is improving, but Japanese women are still 2nd class citizens in their own country in many ways. I believe that Japanese women in their long, long fight to be equal with Japanese men are more willing, not neccessarily excepting, to look at situations with an open mind. Whereas the Japanese men have the more stuck in a rut, "That's the way it was, that's the way it should be." attitude. Japanese marriages are changing and the men are doing more household chores, but the largest contributing factor to that has been the shift to two household wage earners and the fact that it is impossible for the woman to do everything at the house and hold a full time job also. Affection isn't shown openly in most Japanese couples with the exception of some young couples, but that changes as they grow older and become more indoctrinated into the way "good" Japanese act. I have been shocked many times at the callous attitude many Japanese men show to and about their wives. I've asked many Japanese men to list for me in order the most important things in their life. Nine out of ten times their wives were not even in the top three! The top three normally being: their jobs, their dokyusei (classmates), and drinking. Also, the duties involved for a Japanese wife, particularly of a first born Japanese man, are difficult to say the least. She will be responsible for his parents as they grow older and will also have to take care of the butsudan (ancestor shrine), though this system is slowly falling apart. I had (notice the had) a Japanese friend who was married for over ten years. He and his wife had three daughters and his mother lived with them in the same house. When his wife became pregnant again the mother of this "man" told him to tell his wife that this was her last chance. If she didn't have a boy this time then they were getting divorced. And, of course, this is exactly what he told his wife. When I found out what had happened, his wife reluctantly told me when I found her crying one day, I told him "Omai wa ningen janai" (You are not human).
So given all of this I don't think that it is surprising that Japanese women will at least consider marrying a foreigner.
I'll step way out on a limb, that you all can proceed to snap out from under me, by giving a partial list of what I think might attract a Japanese woman to a foreign man.
They think foreign men are:
kind
loving and affectionate
faithful
exotic
escape

As for foreign men, really I can only speak for myself. I find women from around the world attractive. That isn't to say that I don't have specific tastes, because I do. Simple and plain, Asian women turn me on. I came to Japan, so I married a Japanese woman, if I had went to Korea I might have found a Korean woman I wanted to marry, I don't know. Here is my list for what foreign men might believe of Japanese women.
Foreign men think that Japanese women are:
cute
sexy
shy
exotic
non aggressive
good homemakers
sweet
So there it is. Have fun.

 

[Tyshepp]

I can understand putting the drinking part in the top priorities. But ya gotta have ya old hen up there too for crying out loud! She gotta put ya to bed and throw salt at the evil spirits for ya when the drinking catch up to ya.

jeez Louise!

 

[ArmandV]

It is funny how allegedly Japanese men don't list their women in the top three since I've heard (and observed) that Japanese men are helpless without a wife.

 

[thistle]

I don't think japanese women think foreign men are any more faithful than
japanese men, do they?

 

[bobchiin]

It is funny how allegedly Japanese men don't list their women in the top three since I've heard (and observed) that Japanese men are helpless without a wife.

Oh, it is true that most Japanese men are quite helpless without a female around, at least as far as clothes, food and getting them some tea are corcerned. It's just that any woman will suffice for that, mother, sister, lover, co-worker are are all just as good. Still specifically wives very seldom fall into a high priority for what is important in their lives. I respect what you say you have observed, and I did say there were exceptions, but the next time you are here in Japan why don't you try doing your own survey. What you thought you knew might be changed.