How to proceed with next steps of relationship

[rent0735]

I have been texting a woman for around 3 years on instagram. I don't speak much japanese at all but she speaks some English and will use a translator app to assist her. It was mostly friendly stuff about work and hobbies.

I am currently on a trip to Japan and when she found out I would be in her city she wanted to meet. The first day we met up around 7PM and she immediately hugged me which I found odd as i've been told the Japanese are usually more reserved. Throughout the night she was very touchy on my shoulder, bumping me with hers or putting her hand on it. We stayed out until 10:30PM but i needed to go as I had plans early the next morning. As we were separating at the train station she hugged me again. After I arrived back at my airbnb i received a few messages from her saying that she was glad we met and would miss me when i leave Japan using white hearts " " which got me thinking there might be something more here.

The next day we didn't meet but kept talking and she mentioned wanting to visit Disney Land in America someday and I mentioned it would be nice if we could go together and she agreed.

We met up again last night for drinks since I will be leaving her city but will be in Japan for a few more days. Again, she hugged me as soon as we saw each other. We met up around 9PM after she finished working and had multiple drinks to which the conversations never stopped. For me it was amazing, i have never connected with someone like this before. She also ordered me drinks she wanted me to try ll Umeshu Plum Wine, she also offered me sips from her own glass (she ordered different drinks for herself). It was around 11PM and she had work the next day so I offered to walk her home to which she said just to the train. At one point she seemed to link our arms for a brief moment, i tried to move my arm so that we were closer but she pulled away. I was a little drunk and I asked if she ever dated a foreigner before and she said no because she didnt speak english that well. After that I changed the subject because i thought maybe she still felt that way, but this morning I am kicking myself for not probing further. When we separated at the train station this time she gave me another hug and we went our separate ways.

At this point i feel like we like each other but i am uncertain. I will be leaving her city in a few hours so I don't really have any opportunity to meet with her to confess my feelings for her because she will be working. Would it be appropriate to tell her how I feel over Line or a phone call? Even if I was able to confess and she liked me back it would have to be a long distance relationship for a year until I can officially move to Japan. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Are you certain you have feelings for her and aren't just confused by the warm reaction you got from her when you were together? In other words, what did you think about her before you met?

 

[rent0735]

Are you certain you have feelings for her and aren't just confused by the warm reaction you got from her when you were together? In other words, what did you think about her before you met?

I was interested in her before meeting because we have many similar interests. But since we live in different countries I never tried to pursue her romantically. After spending time with her in Japan I realized I do really like her and enjoy our time together. Im quite confused if she feels the same way or not. I am also unsure how to approach the subject since I will not be able to ask her in person. From an outsider perspective, do you think she is just being friendly?

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

I don't know enough about her to offer much of an opinion, I'm afraid.

In general, do you think the language barrier will be too much to overcome? Do you want to get into a relationship with someone you can only have surface-level conversations with?

I'd say that the best way to gauge her interest in you is whether there is any follow-through on her part for going to Disneyland in the US. You may want to bring it up to her as an invitation and see how that goes.

 

[mdchachi]

There's nothing to confess at this point. See how things go after you leave. You're right her behavior is unusual but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants more from the relationship. I once met a girl on a ski gondola in Hokkaido . When I was motorcycling through in the summer we met again. She knew I had a fiance but she wanted to hold my hand when she was showing me some local sites. "うそでもいいから". So I let her. She was divorced with a young kid and just wanted to have that brief going on a date fantasy.

 

[rent0735]

I don't know enough about her to offer much of an opinion, I'm afraid.

In general, do you think the language barrier will be too much to overcome? Do you want to get into a relationship with someone you can only have surface-level conversations with?

I'd say that the best way to gauge her interest in you is whether there is any follow-through on her part for going to Disneyland in the US. You may want to bring it up to her as an invitation and see how that goes.

Thank you so much for your advice. I will try to get a confirmation she would actually go if i properly invited her to Disneyland. After talking to her in person there hasnt been any sort of language barrier issues fortunately. With what little japanese I do know I am able to correct any confusion she has had. Her english is also quite good, there have been very few times she has not understood. I have already started working on learning Japanese two months ago so I am still a beginner. I will work hard to learn the language properly. Additionally I did not mention in my post, i was showing her pictures on my phone and she liked one of my selfies and asked if I could send it to her so she could have it. I normally wouldnt save any of the pictures she sent me so this indicated to me that she may be interested. In your opinion, am I overthinking?

 

[rent0735]

There's nothing to confess at this point. See how things go after you leave. You're right her behavior is unusual but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants more from the relationship. I once met a girl on a ski gondola in Hokkaido. When I was motorcycling through in the summer we met again. She knew I had a fiance but she wanted to hold my hand when she was showing me some local sites. "うそでもいいから". So I let her. She was divorced with a young kid and just wanted to have that brief going on a date fantasy.

Thank you for your response. I will slow down and see how things progress over time. She also asked if i could send her a picture of me she saw on my phone that she liked, so that she could keep it. I have limited dating experience but I hardly save pictures of my friends on my phone. Would this indicate any sort of attraction or feelings?

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

From my experience, all I can say is that if you are not sure whether or not you're reading too much into the situation, the answer is probably yes. Even if you're not in reality, it's better to proceed under the assumption that you are reading too much into things. You need to stay rational and not let your emotions get the best of you.

Oh, and don't be too surprised if she doesn't have a passport. That would tend to delay any trip outside of Japan!

 

[mdchachi]

It sounds like you're overreacting to me. Let's say for the sake of argument you both are attracted to each other. The question is then, so what? You can't have an exclusive relationship while you're apart anyway. So just keep communicating and see if things proceed organically. If you do find there is mutual attraction there, then that leads to a lot of decisions. You said something about moving to Japan. Is that something you were planning to do anyway or it all of sudden occurred to you because of this situation? That's actually one of the common reasons I've seen foreigners move to Japan -- to follow or pursue a girl, often one they've met in college. It rarely works out, at least with the first girl.