Why am I so bored?

cricket said:

I think I'm into fourth stage now.
When I go back to visit my country,I feel like I don't belong there anymore.After a couple of decades here(hey,I'm not that old,I married young),I'm so much adjusted and Japanized in a lot of way(like missing my nightly ofuro and misoshiru) that I sometimes have these identity crisis...
But, I can never consider myself Japanese,yet. Noticed my avatar? Tabibito or Traveller.


FirstHousePooka, I suggest you find yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend.

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sounds like you've ended up in some sort of limbo state...

i can't decide if it's sad or kewl tho.. somehow the image of "always on the road" is pretty kewl.. but i can relate to the side where you don't really have a "home" anymore, and that kinda sucks..

cricket wrote....

You're right too,about the city being uptight.It's just not the city,though.

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The surprising thing is that the other gaijin I met in the city were much more uptight. They tended to be older, because maybe they started out in a small town and eventually gravitated to the city, they tended to be more serious about their job, they tended to be less interested in Japan and getting to know their co-workers, and they tended to be busy with outside activities or families.

...and...

Need somebody to tell me if they have this what I said fourth stage.Or is it only me?

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Dunno. I think you're one of the only people around here who's been in Japan long enough to reach a fourth stage. I certainly wasn't. I guess the forth stage would be "Alienation from your own Culture" because of being away so long and being Japanized.

TwistedMac wrote....

somehow the image of "always on the road" is pretty kewl..

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But when you live somewhere long enough you're no longer "on the road" because the place where you're at becomes home and feels familiar, sometimes even boring.

Hm. I went out with this girl for the third time last night.

Shibuya, saw a movie etc.

nice girl...

In mails she mails A LOT. Like all day non-stop mailing etc.

But when we meet she barely says a word. Last night I had to initiate ALL conversations and they died really quickly as she was very one word answer'ish. But she's fine with snogging everywhere. I know its nerves as whenshe does speak she's prolly about a NOVA lvl 6 at least. HAs a lot of natural english stuff etc.

Soon as I'm on the train home the mails are back and she's chatty as ever and wants too meet again.


Its another problem here. My Japanese is awful really. By a NOVA level I'd be LOW 7b spoken and LOW LOW 7C written and reading. Even if I took lessons I know it'd be a LONG time (another year at least) before I become good enough to have anything more than basic superficial conversations. When I did have lessons early this year I had HUGE troubles. Not teachers fault. As much as I tried I just couldn't get my head around anything.

Is it therefore wrong for me too want only gaijin friends or japanese friends with a certain level of english ability?

All my friends who have become good speakers of Japanese told me it is through self-study. I think this is true. Perhaps if you are bored and have too much spare time, you could use it to learn Japanese. This will help to solve your problem as you can havge many more friends. Not just foreigner people or Japanese with good English.

TwistedMac said:

sounds like you've ended up in some sort of limbo state...

i can't decide if it's sad or kewl tho.. somehow the image of "always on the road" is pretty kewl.. but i can relate to the side where you don't really have a "home" anymore, and that kinda sucks..

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Yeah,and I have to make the most of the situation.Don't wanna think it's sad but I'm sure it's not kewl(kewl means cool?) either.


Wow,Brooker, Alienation from your own Culture sounds like a title of a book!
I have this very respected friend of mine from Taiwan who came here to study at Meiji University and then got caught in the war and lived here eversince.We met at a Kokusai Koryu party and have become close inspite of the age difference (he's eighty and I'm about half his age).You know what? He told me he is and will always be a tabibito and to think he's been living here and very successful and rich and of course with grandchildren,too,for
"sixty years". ugh..

Pooka, all of my female friends used to mail CONSTANTLY. It was great because that gave me a ton of practice in reading comprehension. Then you meet them and they become all shy, which is weird but you get used to it. You're in the best country for learning Japanese... just have a look in the book stores and see if any books catch your eye (Japanese for Everyone would be my suggestion, its a bit expensive but it goes fast).

Its normal to want friends with good english or foreigners.

Oh you want a conversation killer?
"So hows school going?"
"GREAT! I've got a boyfriend now!"
"......" ☝