When is the right time to marry a J-girl?

[happygaijin]

Hi all,

First of all, Hajimashite to all my dear friends. I have joined this forum few minutes ago. How are all ya doing? I am a happy gaijin based in Tokyo from past 6 years; have loads of bitter and sweet experiences throughout my time here. At present, I am in a live-in relationship with my Japanese sweeetheart. We had been dating from past 3 years. We started to live together from past 14 months. We have talked about almost everyhting under the sky about our future. I am wondering if its high time we should get tied up. What is your opinion?

When it comes to relationship with J-girl, is there any specific time period that should be spent liveing together before getting married?

Arigato. Have a nice day. Its sunny outside.

HG

 

[RockLee]

Hey and welcome Happygaijin ! I moved your thread to the more appropriate subforum if you don't mind

I myself have little experience with this, but I'm sure there are a lot of members who can provide you with lots of info !

See you around !

 

[nice gaijin]

I'm curious about your motivations for wanting to get married. Is it just that you see it as the next logical step in your relationship, or are you considering the perceived benefits for you and your girlfriend? If you've already talked about everything regarding your future with her, surely this subject has come up. What does she think about it?

 

[Davey]

well you know each other long enough, and have been living together for a while. it think that`s long enough to ask her if she wants to marry you.

(I knew my wife for 1 year on moments that I proposed her, but we had a distance relation, so another situation than normal)

It really depends on the person, and I think you know your girl good enough to see if she, and you are ready for it!

Ganbatte!

 

[yukio_michael]

I was ready to get married very quickly, we talked about it a lot... too soon probably, we had problems, and then neither of us wanted to rush into it even though we knew it would make things easier for each other.

I think it's best to talk about it--- do you? Do you know if she is even interested in getting married... I think you'll both know when is the right time.

Also, as others asked, the answer depends on what matters most to you--- the spouse visa, or the relationship--- any time is the right time for the former, and I think the two of you should decide the latter.

Welcome to Jref by the way.

 

[Hachiro]

happy gaijin welcome to Jref.

I met my Japanese wife and we made the decision to get married less than 3 months after first meeting.

We have been married now for 20 years, we have three great kids and I am all the more blessed for knowing her, she is also my best friend as well.

It all depends on the person on when is the "right" time to get married.

All I can ask you, "Are you ready to get married?". If you are ask her. Then let us all know if she accepts or not.

 

[cursore]

As for your stats you are ready to marry.. 6 years in her country, 3 years of dating and one year of living together.

If you are doing fine with her, and marriage is something you both want in your life then go!

 

[happygaijin]

Dear all (Rock Lee, Dutch Baka, Nice gaijin, Yukio Michael, Hachiro, Cursore),
Thank you so much for your views.
About marriage, we did talk about it quite many times and we both found (for ourselves) that we are ok with it. We are living together for more than a year and have met parents (hers and mine too). Both of our families have given `go ahead` and asked "us" to decide marriage date when we feel comfortable. This was a quite a pleasant shock and surprise to both of us. I was expecing my parents to be little hesitant and she expected her father to disapprove our relationship because he had never ever met a foreigner and he has never been out of Japan. But after my first visit to her place (3 day), her father got so close to me that she and everyone in her family were shocked (& happy, of course). My parents liked her a lot and asked me on the last day of our return trip to Japan, "when" are we planning to get married. Her father too asked me on last day "when" we wish to get married. We both had never thought about exact date so we both were stupidly speechless. ) This was after living together so 8 months.
At times when we both talk about getting married, we keep wondering if getting married `officially` would make any difference to our live-in relationship. Honestly, I am pushing more on getting married than her; I am looking at it as the next logical step in our relationship.

I am also pursuing for MBA and it requires lots of time and dedication. I even had my job changed from full-time to part-time (with a heavy salary cut). She understands the reasons of such change. I was thinking of getting married in early next year but I also started thinking if she wants to get tied up earlier !
Recently, I asked her few times if she wants to get tied up earlier. On that, she said we can think later and at present I should focus on my career goal (MBA). But I noticed that when I raise topic of mariage she does become excited. What I am confused is - By asking to think later, is she helping me not to lose focus on career goal? Or has she lost trust in me? Maybe, few tips (from anyone) could be helpful to understand her non-verbal signs or acts..Ima sugio gambatteru - MBA toh Kekkon ! Wakar nai honto nee....Arigato

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

To answer the OP, I would say that the right time to marry is when you stop thinking of her as a "j-girl" and start thinking of her as just a "girl".

I think your girlfriend is trying to be supportive of you and trying to reduce your immediate stress about things when she says that you can think about it later. I don't think that she has lost faith in you.

I think that in your case, if I were you, I would get married sooner rather than later. It sounds like you have a good thing going and that she wants to tie the knot. In that case, I say, go for it!

Because in the absolute worst case scenario, if you had to choose only one, a wife or an MBA, which would you choose? I would go with the wife.

But that's just my opinion.

 

[happygaijin]

Mikawa Ossan,

Thank you. I have decided (girl --> wife). Arigato honto ni, for your words of advice.

Happy Gaijin (now Happiest Gaijin)..

PS: Latest posts to arrive soon...;-)

 

[happygaijin]

Dear all,
I am going to propose her, very soon. I am thinking of proposing her with a diamond ring for marriage. (I have some savings money to use) How does this sound? Please, Please, Please.....I may sound silly but any ideas or tips would be very grateful. This is my first time. Does anyone know of any good shops in Tokyo area to buy such rings?

I also heard about marriage ring and bridal ring in Japan? Are both types of rings for same purpose (i.e marriage) or they have different meanings in japanese customs?

Arigato.