Virginity

[freely63]

Alright so what are your thoughts on Virginity..
Do you think much of it, do you even care?
Are you a virgin?
Are you waiting?

If you have already given it up, was it by choice?
Was it right? Meaning did you give it away to the right person?
Do you regret what you did?
How old were you, etc?


Just some questions to think about

Please don't answer in question form, answer in sentences.

 

[Mars Man]

My essential thoughts on the wording, first of all (and as I will eventually get back to and touch on in another thread), is that it too, just like the word 'race' and its forms, obsolete, and should not be used any more. Having had penatrative sex, or not, carries no social function in nature's basic social groups, including, up to an extent, human social groups.

With some cultures which sprang up in the area of the Middle East, way back when, it became an issue for family lineage, and got worked into the social fabric as a religious taboo-like matter. That incident has formed the mentality that spread with the offshoots of that particular frame of mind, and which has ruled in Western society for a good long while. It is time to totally put that behind us now, as we know better.

Taking a good look at the word virgin (from which these other forms of that root come) we will soon see that the socio-historical application of it is towards the female only. A virgin, is a female...according to traditional usage. Perhaps in the past 25-30 years, it has come to be used for male or female, yet has noticeably not lost its overbearing tendency to call up the image of a female. That needs to be done away with, again, through a good and well-balanced education.

I suggest the drive to eliminate a single noun/quasi-adjective in English to describe the state of not yet having had penetrative sex--namely virgin--and the drive to use the modifying term 'sexually experienced.' Of course this term will have another sense in a different context, however, like many words in English, the context will determine the sense used.

I will be back later for more on why the concept is old, and should be dropped.

 

[yumeitsumo]

well *sigh* virginity is stupid. If you have sex.. you have sex. Um. Being a virgin doesn't affect you as a person. ((OR MAYBE it does: because after I did it I think I changed a bit from it)) ... um... Yeah I'm not a virgin. But this does not matter. It does not make one bad either by not being a virgin.

Also I don't think it matters whether or not you wait to lose it. It does not make you a better person to wait till marriage to loose it. I don't regret what I did cuz it made me more... ya know. I can't say. Don't wanna get banned.

I gave mine up cuz I wanted to lose it for my 15th birthday. I lost it to a jerk, but who cares? We all make stupid decisions.

 

[kameron]

I definately think the concept of losing virginity is over-rated and can perhaps be comparable to eating an orange for the first time...I remember it hurt...my teeth.

I lost it..hmm, at a legal age with my (ex) girlfriend. I couldn't say it was the wrong thing to do as it didn't matter that much to me. Anyway, in the future if I were to have sex with someone, I would have to truly love them. I hate it when people just dive into pubescent relationships.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

Losing my virginity was a big deal for me.

I had my first serious boyfriend when I was 13, we were together until I was 15, but I didn't have sex with him (not then anyway ). He wanted to, but at the time I felt we were both too young.

I lost it when I was 16, to a guy I had been seeing for about four months. I loved him, it felt right, and it's still a happy memory for me.

I think if you can say 20 years down the line that it's a happy memory, then you lost it at the right time.

 

[Haruspex]

Im not an emotional person, well, in a way, however, I would not have sex with a person with whom I would not consider a marriage. This may sound like some religious BS, but it has nothing to do with religion. Im a person who looks down upon behavior based on instincts, therefore I consider everything sexual suppressing our hormones, keeping our animal aspect at bay, this animal side is a weakness, it drags us down into the gutter. So for me, revealing this weakness so openly to anyone is out of the question. I shall not seek consolation unless its permanent.
This might not make sense... but whatever.

 

[Tokis-Phoenix]

I do think virginity is a little bit over-rated at times, however its properly a good thing that people hold it in high regard considering the problems we have with teen pregnancies and the such like in society.


I do think that girls should hold onto their virginity for a bit, at least until 16years old- most girls younger than that are very naive...If you loose you're v-badge at a young age, lack of experience and maturity could mean that you loose your v-badge to someone you get up seriously regretting loosing it to.

I do find it disheartening when you see young 16year old girls though who are going on about the "true love" they have with their guy, who happens to be 24years old. I'll put it this way- what is a 24year old guy going to be interested in a 16year old for? Mature conversation, life experiences, soul mate etc? I think not. A guy that old is only going to be interested in such a girl for one thing and one thing only.
Ah well. I guess some girls just have to learn the hard way.

I think large age gap relationships can work, but i think when it comes to loosing your v-badge, its probably better to do it with someone around your own age who is going to likely have a lot more in common with you, especially with relationship experience etc.

I lost my cherry at 16 with a guy i really liked, and i have never looked back since. I didn't see what the big deal was about virginity and stuff, however at the same time i did hold on until i met a decent guy who i really liked and had gotten to know. I think though i would have probably have regretted loosing my v-badge if i had lost it any younger than 16- back then i had little self-confidence and was aiming too low with guys because i didn't give myself enough credit for the person i was.
I think someone should only loose their v-badge when they're happy with their self and their environment and the person they are going out with (who they should obviously get to know).

 

[Mavrek]

When a person grows up its quite normal and natural to loose virginity . After grown up the sexual desire comes naturally . I lost my virginity when I was 17 years old and lost it to very beautiful girl friend , She was so sexy and cute that I couldn't resist my self . I never repent over that loss .

 

[Kyoto Returnee]

I sway both ways here.

Being a Thailand fanatic, I appreciate how Thai girls place a strong Emphasis on virginity and sex before marriage.

I would often have this topic of discussion with Thai female university students.

The funny thing is, for a Thai girl to be a virgin is very important, also for Thai guys, by the same token, it is estimated that 99% of Thai guys visit a brothel before the age of 18!

My parents are British, and my Mother was very conservative, being a virgin before marriage. A "true" believer.

When I brought a GF home, she would never let me out of her site, and would not let me go to my bedroom with my GF alone, even though it wasn't for sex..

I personally think many younger people see sex as a mature thing and cannot wait to get into it, almost like a "try out" type of thing..

I first coppulated when I was 13, and I remember how embarassed I was getting on the condom as it was way to big.

Of course I have the opposite problem now;-)

I was certainly a playboy, and still have the instinct, although being married with a small boy has made me "mend" my ways..

Being in Japan certainly got me into some trouble as Japanese girls, or at least the one's I met and knew didn't place sex on their "serious" list, but appeared to think of it as being a fun thing, which I rather enjoyed LOL..

So at the end of the day, sex is sex, like it, hate it, marriage or not, who can honestly judge wrong or right..

I don't think anyone can prove a conclusion either way, or can you?

 

[Kinsao]

what is a 24year old guy going to be interested in a 16year old for? Mature conversation, life experiences, soul mate etc? I think not. A guy that old is only going to be interested in such a girl for one thing and one thing only.

I apologise already for not commenting directly onto the topic, but I wanted to dispute on that, for my partner's previous girlfriend was aged 17, while him 29-30 years. (Okay so maybe there's a big difference between 16 and 17 years for a girl... !) Not a question of one thing only (although certainly 'also'!) but can a girl of 16 or 17 years not be mature? I don't see that all girls that age are necessarily very immature, and it's certainly possible they could find a guy who is helping them rather than using/exploiting them, since my partner is/was such a guy.

Rant over

 

[Revenant]

Expectations made clear, protective measures taken, I don't see anything wrong with losing one's virginity. I lost mine when I was 20. It was uncomfortable cause it was the first time, and waiting till I had gotten married wouldn't have changed that I don't think.

I would say there is a slight danger in using sex as a pleasurable distraction from psychic entropy. Fear, anger, boredom, anxiety, etc need to be dealt with more effectively than just having sex (as some people us sex for). Psychic entropy returns once the external stimuli no longer takes one's attention, and unfortunately, the sensual pleasures are subject to the law of diminishing returns.

 

[Tokis-Phoenix]

I apologise already for not commenting directly onto the topic, but I wanted to dispute on that, for my partner's previous girlfriend was aged 17, while him 29-30 years. (Okay so maybe there's a big difference between 16 and 17 years for a girl... !) Not a question of one thing only (although certainly 'also'!) but can a girl of 16 or 17 years not be mature? I don't see that all girls that age are necessarily very immature, and it's certainly possible they could find a guy who is helping them rather than using/exploiting them, since my partner is/was such a guy.
Rant over

Hm i just think that the younger the girl is in her teens and the older the guy is (who isn't in his teens), the more at risk she puts herself from being used. You learn a lot of things about relationships by having them and also just growing up, a guy of 24years old is more likely to have much more experience in relationships than a 16year old girl- on the one hand, as you say the guy could turn out to be a recent decent bloke, but on the other hand he is also just as likely (IMHO if not even more so) to just use the girl for sex and not take her all that seriously at all in the relationship.

I do think girls are mentally more mature than guys, but i think when it comes to young couples, often an age gap that isn't glaringly large is probably the best option, due to mental maturity of the couple and relationship experience etc.

 

[Mars Man]

I would point out, however, that as far as the concept of having had penetrative sexual experience goes, we would best focus on past puberty persons. While it is known that the brain has not completed its normal 'filling out' at that age, and there are differences between the sexes, it is not relavent to the fact of how society sees this thing we are talking about here--the experience of penetrative sexual experience.

 

[dreamer]

I think we are somehow losing focus on the matter.
In my opinion, the most important is not to regret doing the act.

Sure, the new ways of thinking have changed our ways of life during the past century but right now, the discussion is getting more cultural than ethical or whatever.
Think about it this way: in some old societies, girls could be married at 11 and probably sooner so what's the big deal between age and virginity loss?

If it is a matter of losing one's hymen, there are some women who are born without it, and some animals also have hymens (lamas, moles, whales, rats, etc.). Do they make a big fuss about it? I don't think so.

Indeed the question of mental maturity is something else, but as of now, most opinions seems to be based on nurturing factors...

 

[iwuvvleskaylee]

depends what you believe is virginity... I regret it... i can't even give a straight yes or no answer, but i do have regrets. i really have nothing to offer to a person as sexual gift for marriage... Virginity is a cultural thing, something that loosing it is not overly looked down upon in my country, but certainly saving it is revered, despite people making wisecracks about not being able to "get any."

 

[NihongoNoob]

""Do you think much of it, do you even care?""

--I'm sorry to say, but Virginity only matters to those who have not had sex, after you've had sex you see it is nothing special to dream about at night or write epic stories about.



""Are you a virgin?""

--No

""Are you waiting?""

Waiting? as in for it to be "The bestest thing ever" .. amm, yes.


""If you have already given it up, was it by choice?""

--define "choice"

""Was it right? Meaning did you give it away to the right person?""

--Is anything 'right'?


""Do you regret what you did?""

--Yes. but not because I lost it, but rather that I did it with who I did.

""How old were you, etc?""

--18

 

[Absynthia]

I don't regret losing my virginity to a stranger in a night club, because I just wanted to get it over and done with. It's over-rated these days. Here in Europe, if you're older than 18 and a Virgin, you're considered a freak.
I'm against waiting till marriage. Sex is an important thing in a relationship, let along in marriage. You gotta test the goods before you buy it no? - that is how I see it at least.

 

[Hime]

You gotta test the goods before you buy it no? -

wow :joyful:....is it that simple to you that you compare it to a good you wanna buy?...sorry no offend......forgive my curiosity to know

 

[Red5]

I don't regret losing my virginity to a stranger in a night club, because I just wanted to get it over and done with. It's over-rated these days. Here in Europe, if you're older than 18 and a Virgin, you're considered a freak.
I'm against waiting till marriage. Sex is an important thing in a relationship, let along in marriage. You gotta test the goods before you buy it no? - that is how I see it at least.

this is a wrong point of view coz in all religions or communities . they agree
that women honor is the most expensive thing that a woman can have.
moreover , woman must do her best in defending for this issue..

You gotta test the goods before you buy it no?

replying about ur idea that human should have sex or whatever

i say that woman is not considered to be goods or any thing else .

it is a thing that can't be sized or marketed (night clubs)

howevre i advise u to give this issue a second thought or reconsider it.

wow :joyful:....is it that simple to you that you compare it to a good you wanna buy?...sorry no offend......forgive my curiosity to know

I agree with you sister .

 

[Ma Cherie]

this is a wrong point of view coz in all religions or communities . they agree
that women honor is the most expensive thing that a woman can have.
moreover , woman must do her best in defending for this issue..

Why is it the job of the woman to keep her virginity? And why is her point of view wrong?

To be honest, it seems placing all this honor on a woman seems to do more harm than good.
What happens when a woman is raped? Is she now considered damaged goods? What happens to her honor then?

And again, why is having honor placed on a woman?

But enough about that, I think virginity is such a vague concept, since it seems it has to do with penetrative sex. What if a person has oral sex? To me they're no longer virgins.

I also don't have issues with waiting until you're married, but I also don't have issues with having premarital sex. Provided a person uses protection and it ready to engage in sexual activity.

I can honestly say that I didn't regret losing my virginity. It was with someone I'm close to, (still close to, even though we're not together). And I was 19 years old when I did it.

 

[Red5]

Why is it the job of the woman to keep her virginity? And why is her point of view wrong?
To be honest, it seems placing all this honor on a woman seems to do more harm than good.
What happens when a woman is raped? Is she now considered damaged goods? What happens to her honor then?
And again, why is having honor placed on a woman?
But enough about that, I think virginity is such a vague concept, since it seems it has to do with penetrative sex. What if a person has oral sex? To me they're no longer virgins.

maybe you'll understand this by more second thought ...
I don't want to tell you about religion coz in all religions are forbiden that..
-I'll speak in more open mind and thought ,
first of all males want to do sex with evey beautiful girl or any one else..
when they do that ,they'll throw her like trash (sorry for this but most people who i know they do that .. in every foreign country )..
so what is the defference between girl who lost her virgin and girl works in night clubs ... and morethat it's sensitive work that end feeling when you end do sensitive sex work ...
in medicine thought there are a lot of ills that it's harm in body that made very great pain ..
- until people who work in sex(like sex site ) every day they have people who die and have strong pain in genitalia area .
and by the way people make AIDS
this bad virus create him self with one way and women who create it ..
when woman do sex relationship with man and do with other man and others..
although they have clean body from this virus .....
when woman do sex relationship with many men .. that create this virus with intermixture the DNA male's liquid ...that make trouble in body's system in woman
and create this virus and send this virus to other males , and so on .
other side can move with body's casualty ...

I also don't have issues with waiting until you're married, but I also don't have issues with having premarital sex. Provided a person uses protection and it ready to engage in sexual activity.
I can honestly say that I didn't regret losing my virginity. It was with someone I'm close to, (still close to, even though we're not together). And I was 19 years old when I did it.

I just want to tell any girl or guy do that ..
you've to endure the pain in all your life to see the greatful pain in afterlife

 

[Red5]

Alright so what are your thoughts on Virginity..
Do you think much of it, do you even care?
Are you a virgin?
Are you waiting?
If you have already given it up, was it by choice?
Was it right? Meaning did you give it away to the right person?
Do you regret what you did?
How old were you, etc?
Just some questions to think about
Please don't answer in question form, answer in sentences.

I think the girl who saves her virgin , he's very great to me ...
but who lose it she looks like dog who his master throw it away
( sorry this is my opinion )

I speak my real point of veiw not like religion point ...
and if i was atheist , i'll be on my same point
and I don't agree with all

 

[uchimizu]

well,

I believe virginity used to be important in the past in an era without efficient contraception, where you could get pregnant more easily. This is why in most cultures, girls had to keep it up to wedding, and it made sense.

Also, most people started working earlier because they did not go to school, so could support a family earlier and were getting married in their late teens.

I think things are quite different now.

 

[Ma Cherie]

I think the girl who saves her virgin , he's very great to me ...
but who lose it she looks like dog who his master throw it away
( sorry this is my opinion )

I speak my real point of veiw not like religion point ...
and if i was atheist , i'll be on my same point
and I don't agree with all

So you're basically saying a woman who loses her virginity is ****? Why are you placing women within that false dichotomy? Because it seems to me you hold this view:

Woman who is a virgin=good
Woman who isn't a virgin=bad
Am I wrong?

But you didn't really answer my question earlier, why is it that woman has to maintain her virginity and not a man? That's a double standard. If you live in a society where virginity is important, it should be important for both men and women.

 

[uchimizu]

Well, I think that virginity was linked to the risk of pregnancy. And even in the most progressive societies of the world, only women get pregnant.
Also, there is some (ableit imperfect) way to check if a woman is virgin, whereas there is none for a man. In general, it is not worth having rules about something you cannot check.

But you didn't really answer my question earlier, why is it that woman has to maintain her virginity and not a man? That's a double standard. If you live in a society where virginity is important, it should be important for both men and women.