Virginity

[smurf]

Excuse me, I've seem to have lost my virginity, can I have yours?













(Sorry,ﾂ I couldn't resist.)

ROTFL hahaha that was great!

 

[Brooker]

Hey man, I'm not judging you. That's fine if you don't want to have sex. I'm not advocating sexual activity, in fact, I'm doing quite the opposite.

Brooker wrote...

I think that's the main reason to wait until you're at least older - you shouldn't have those kinds of complications and concern yourself with such things in your life when you're young.

So don't judge me for the decisions I've made. I'm just telling about my experiences, I'm not saying others should do the same. I'm not out there breaking hearts or screwing everything that moves. But that's besides the point, I don't feel any need to justify my actions to you.

I would much rather have my first time experience be a little more intimate and worthwhile than just to have it just out of spite.

Out of spite? For who?

Heh, like your reverse psychology is going to work on me.

How is that reverse psychology? All I did was post your own words.

Those were jokes my friend, jokes.

I don't think so. Were you joking about this one too?

Doc wrote...

No kidding! There are more beautiful women unsexed than prostitutes. That is just plain wrong. I say bring some of those housewives to me. I could help them with their "healing". (Lord knows I need it too.)

Maybe if you did have sex you'd stop being so confrontational about everything.

 

[kirei_na_me]

I say do whatever feels right for you and don't judge anyone else.

At 16, I felt ready. I had a serious boyfriend and we had been together for 8 months before we decided to have sex. It was the first time for both of us, and we were both ready. Too much information maybe, but that's the way it was for me. I have no regrets about that particular time. Instead, I regret some of the times after that.

I still put value on sex, though. I couldn't have sex with someone I don't know. I have to have a connection with someone first. There has to be some kind of relationship with the person before bringing sex into the picture. I mean, not that I go around having sex with people now, but I'm just saying...

Anyway, I think I'm rambling again.

 

[Elizabeth]

I couldn't have sex with someone I don't know. I have to have a connection with someone first. There has to be some kind of relationship with the person before bringing sex into the picture. I mean, not that I go around having sex with people now, but I'm just saying...

Anyway, I think I'm rambling again.

And I thought I was the only one....even with someone I know if if there isn't a particular closeness or intimacy with them outside of sex I can't force myself to relax and feel anything during it.

By the way, a very Happy birthday LilKewtyChic! :cracker:

despite what you may have started ( )

 

[Doc]

Hey man, I'm not judging you. That's fine if you don't want to have sex. I'm not advocating sexual activity, in fact, I'm doing quite the opposite.

Then you have funny way of showing it.

So don't judge me for the decisions I've made. I'm just telling about my experiences, I'm not saying others should do the same. I'm not out there breaking hearts or screwing everything that moves. But that's besides the point, I don't feel any need to justify my actions to you.

I'm not judging you on anything, nor do you have to justify yourself to me. That was never my intention. Look I really don't care what your values on sex are. If I did I would be land blasting every single person in this topic who believes in loose sex. If that's your prerogative then more power to you. It was your tone in some of your posts that struck me as odd.

You say that you don't care what people do sexually, and that it's okay if they want to wait or not, yet the tone in your posts sounded otherwise when you would relate back to your past experiences. That's what didn't make sense to me. If you truly don't care then you have a funny way of showing it. Personally I believe everybody has their own values sexually and are entitled to them. What I don't like is when people don't use their head and do constantly sleep around without using any form of protection or birth control. That just screams idiocy to me. If you want to live that lifestyle fine, but for the love of God be responsible enough not to pass around STDs, VDs, or get yourself pregnant that's all I'm saying.

Everybody is entitled to their own happiness, but it's only up to them not anybody else to decide that.

Out of spite? For who?

I meant for the sake of sex. If I'm going to have sex just for the sake of sex I would have done it a long time ago when those previous opportunities had risen for me. Plus I've been ragged on time and time again by some fellow college buddies both male and female. Personally they can all go to Hell for all I care because I don't believe that just because you did or didn't have sex should dictate what kind of person you are. If that was the case we'd have a lot of people being branded as squares, prudes, and losers, and I don't see that happening with today's society.

How is that reverse psychology? All I did was post your own words.

I'm not going to argue with you here.

I don't think so. Were you joking about this one too?

Yeah I was joking there too. I remember that day well. I was in a silly mood that day because I had received a package in the mail that I had been waiting for over two weeks. Needless to say I was in a happy, silly, and joking mood that day. What can't a guy be entitled to a little happiness and humor every once and a while?

Maybe if you did have sex you'd stop being so confrontational about everything.

Heh, I really doubt that. Personally I like who I am, and wouldn't change myself for anybody. I may be confrontational to you, but if I truly was angry I would put you on my ignore list and cut you out of my life for good. Trust me I'm not mad, I'm actually very mellow sitting here talking to you about this. I actually find it a lot of fun, and interesting to see different people's opinion on sex whether I agree with them or not.

Doc

 

[Brooker]

It was your tone in some of your posts that struck me as odd.

Going back and reading my posts I can see how I might have sounded a little more "casual" about the subject then I intended. I was trying not to sugar coat the realities of the subject. But it seems you may have interpreted my "tone" in ways I didn't intend.

 

[Doc]

It's all good.

Doc

 

[Pachipro]

I lost mine to an older married Japanese woman at the age of eighteen after being in Japan only 12 hrs! I was stationed with a few guys in the states who were transferred to Japan before me and they took me to the "Seaside Club" in Yokohama. It was located in the housing area for personnel of the US Navy in Yokohama and Yokosuka. I was told that "the ships were out" and might get lucky. Being young and naieve I hadn't a clue as to what they were talking about. But I soon found out as the women literally outnumbered the men. I met a woman, one thing led to another and we ended up in a love motel a few hours later. It was only in the morning that I found out she was married to a fellow serviceman!

I agree with Dutch and Tsuyoiko and, whether male or female, I see no reason to "save oneself" for marriage as you are truly missing out on one of life's few pleasures. I don't mean you have to go sleep with everything that walks, but getting a little experience under one's belt will make you a better lover when you do meet Mr. or Ms. Right and want to settle down.

I mean, what if you did get married as virgins and found out that you weren't compatible? What if one liked sex more than the other? What if your sexual preferences completely turned off your partner and they considered you a pervert or a **** because of your fantasies or likes? What kind of marriage would that make? Not a very good one that's for sure and it would probably end up in divorce court more likely for infidelity. Personally I feel that sexual compatibility is a must before marriage. Sex may not be the most important thing in a marriage, but it definiitely comes in second.

In a way I'm glad I didn't have sex earlier than 18 as it may have become the main focus of my life as it does become like a drug as Booker mentioned. One should at least be mature enough to handle it. In a young male sex becomes the main goal. Doc, for his age, has seemed to learn to control this most urgent of urges. I commend him for that.

One just has to learn to have the will power to not **** himself around and learn to "spank the monkey" or "slap the clown" if the urge gets too strong. Once you can do that without any inhibition or guilt, your relationships will be a lot more enjoyable and sex will not be the main focus.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

At 16, I felt ready. I had a serious boyfriend and we had been together for 8 months before we decided to have sex. It was the first time for both of us, and we were both ready. Too much information maybe, but that's the way it was for me.

Me too, almost to the word!

You may even get to the point where you can't go very long without it, which can be a real hastle and can sometimes lead to rather questionable behavior

Another good argument for marriage!

Maybe if you did have sex you'd stop being so confrontational about everything

This is a serious point. I'm sure a lot of 'angry' people are just sexually frustrated.

 

[Mamoru-kun]

I haven't waited the marriage to have sex, but first time I had sex was with my future wife Does it count?

 

[Mamoru-kun]

One just has to learn to have the will power to not **** himself around and learn to "spank the monkey" or "slap the clown" if the urge gets too strong. Once you can do that without any inhibition or guilt, your relationships will be a lot more enjoyable and sex will not be the main focus.

Totally agree, and confirming!

 

[Doc]

I lost mine to an older married Japanese woman at the age of eighteen after being in Japan only 12 hrs! I was stationed with a few guys in the states who were transferred to Japan before me and they took me to the "Seaside Club" in Yokohama. It was located in the housing area for personnel of the US Navy in Yokohama and Yokosuka. I was told that "the ships were out" and might get lucky. Being young and naieve I hadn't a clue as to what they were talking about. But I soon found out as the women literally outnumbered the men. I met a woman, one thing led to another and we ended up in a love motel a few hours later. It was only in the morning that I found out she was married to a fellow serviceman!

I agree with Dutch and Tsuyoiko and, whether male or female, I see no reason to "save oneself" for marriage as you are truly missing out on one of life's few pleasures. I don't mean you have to go sleep with everything that walks, but getting a little experience under one's belt will make you a better lover when you do meet Mr. or Ms. Right and want to settle down.

I mean, what if you did get married as virgins and found out that you weren't compatible? What if one liked sex more than the other? What if your sexual preferences completely turned off your partner and they considered you a pervert or a **** because of your fantasies or likes? What kind of marriage would that make? Not a very good one that's for sure and it would probably end up in divorce court more likely for infidelity. Personally I feel that sexual compatibility is a must before marriage. Sex may not be the most important thing in a marriage, but it definiitely comes in second.

In a way I'm glad I didn't have sex earlier than 18 as it may have become the main focus of my life as it does become like a drug as Booker mentioned. One should at least be mature enough to handle it. In a young male sex becomes the main goal. Doc, for his age, has seemed to learn to control this most urgent of urges. I commend him for that.

One just has to learn to have the will power to not **** himself around and learn to "spank the monkey" or "slap the clown" if the urge gets too strong. Once you can do that without any inhibition or guilt, your relationships will be a lot more enjoyable and sex will not be the main focus.

You pose a very good point there. However, remember no matter what relationship that you're in, sexual compatibility isn't always equal. You'll still have one person whose libido is different than their partner's. That's why couples also need to learn the wonderful concept of compromise (whether in a steady relationship or marriage). Still I agree with you that sex is an important part of a relationship (we are all human after all), and that sexually compatibility is a must. However, some people need to remember not to make it the number one priority, or it could lead into trouble. You made a very good point there. Just remember to be yourselves guys, and enjoy life.

Doc

 

[Pararousia]

I was 22 and on my wedding night before my husband and I shared the one experience to which no one else has ever been privy. That alone made it pretty darn special. And that was in 1977!

I honestly don't understand the "sex like a handshake" mentally some have (and which is portrayed as the norm on American TV). It's truly supposed to be a melding of mind, soul and body, I believe. You don't meld and then walk away!

 

[Doc]

Yes, but values change with time. I agree with you that sex is more than just a physical act. With the disillusion of religion and moral values with the advancement of science, technology, and humanity in general people are starting to tear away the barriers that they've felt held back humanity more and more. However, the rise of virgins and the positive ethical aspect of safe sex are on the rise. You just don't hear about it much because of television, but it's getting there. In the class of 2003 (my class) out of 189 students probably well over 100 of them were virgins. Saving your virginity isn't becoming some fad mind you, but since the values have changed as far as not saving yourself for marriage, so have the values of safe sex. So a lot of today's younger generation is starting to be more cautious, and actually have a concern and side with safe sex. Awareness is actually on the rise despite what the media and commercial television would like for you to believe. It's a trend I hope that continues.

Doc

 

[Brooker]

I heard a humorous quote once...

"Sex is only 10% of a marriage. But it's the FIRST 10%."

Wasn't there a poll somewhere on here about when you lost your virginity?

 

[Mars Man]

Sex!! Now here's something else I could go on about for a while. Wow, I have been doing a bit of research into sexology for the past two years--slowly though. It is really an interesting subject in a lot ways. The older religious mode of thought is very much incorrect in a lot of ways, and is very much correct in the concept of human group-binding.

I was a virgin--although I don't like that word, I feel it's 'old-school', I mean look at the root word it came from--until the woman who became my first wife. If I had known then, what I know now, things would have been different, and I may very well have only been married once, or, not at all. Sex is something that human society is still trying to hide for some unrealistic reason, and I don't believe, at the moment, that that's healthy overall.

Those who can or care to hold off, o.k., that's their choice and they shouldn't be ridiculed nor teased for it, but those who can't or think it's o.k., that's fine, and they should not be punished nor pushed out of society. Education is VERY important, and I DO NOT mean abstinence ed.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Mars Man, I wholeheartedly agree with you. A+ on that post.

 

[Mars Man]

Mars Man, I wholeheartedly agree with you. A+ on that post.

Thanks ! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

 

[Rich303]

'No sex before marriage' is an out-moded throwback to guilt based religions.
I take my hat off to anyone who waits, but I think it smacks of sexual repression and the idea that sex is bad.
I guess it could be nice waiting (I left it very late to lose my virginity),but I think you need to know someone's needs and desires in the bedroom before you marry them.

One partner might be a prudish shrinking violet and the other could be a sex maniac. This could cause problems eventually.

There are many sexually irresponsible people around these days, but I don't think anyone should feel guilty about having a few partners during their life.
Sorry if I diss religion a bit, but it's never done me any favours.

 

[kirei_na_me]

One partner might be a prudish shrinking violet and the other could be a sex maniac. This could cause problems eventually.

Believe me, it causes problems. Serious problems.

 

[Rich303]

Believe me, it causes problems. Serious problems.

Which are you?!! - sorry, it's rude to ask

 

[kirei_na_me]

I'm the maniac, he's the dead fish. Japanese and their low libidos. It is cause of some major problems. Not good for the self-esteem, among other things.

 

[Mamoru-kun]

Ideally every time would be like this, but life is no fairy tale and sometimes the libido gets what the libido wants.

I think people overemphasize this point. Yes, you remember it, but, so...? I remember a lot of things, but that doesn't necessarily make them monumental moments in my life, and I don't think "loosing it" really was for me. Once you do it, you just kind of realize that it's not really as big a deal as you thought it would be. I wasn't in love with girl #1, but that doesn't make it a bad memory. It's not really a good memory either, it's just a memory. That's how your first time is likely to be - it isn't really good, it isn't really bad, it just IS.

Agreed. Thoughts are strongs and beautifull before (or can/should be), but reality is sometimes far from your expectations. Doesn't mean that it's bad, not at all ;-)

 

[Rich303]

I'm the maniac, he's the dead fish. Japanese and their low libidos. It is cause of some major problems. Not good for the self-esteem, among other things.

Ha ha. It's not easy being a horn bag, is it? My most serious girlfriend nearly had to invest in a stout Victorian-style 'temperance spoon'!

Do a lot of japanese women have low libidos like this too? Please tell me they do not! I kind of get the impression that they are quite 'enthusiastic'.

 

[mad pierrot]

Good posts here.

Quite a variety of viewpoints presented.

I just want to make one comment. Sex is personal. It's entirely up to the individual how much or how little meaning they impart into it. If someone wants to stress its importance and wait until after marrige, fine. If someone else sees nothing wrong in sharing the experience with others without a wedding ceremony, that's fine too. It's up to everyone to decide on their own, and I'd HATE to dictate to someone what I think they should value in it.



That reminds me of a question I wanted to ask.