Up In Smoke

[Ghost]

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past
and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The
monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard
climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink
from the river.

The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the
river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps
him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle,
finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he
looks up and says "Hey you!"

The Monkey looks down and says "Faaar out dude....... how much water
did you drink?!!"

 

[Kara_Nari]

Hahaha... thats funny
I wish I was the monkey right about now. Maybe its time for another trip to Cambodia...

 

[lexico]

The lizard, hidden from the monkey's hazy sight by the huge reptile, goes in a high-pitched, yet extremely slow voice, "Well, I didn't do the drinking. Was just leaning over, and suddenly the river jumped up at me, and into my mouth and all. It was like water all around me."

Monkey: "You've changed quite a bit, but why are you talking funny ?"

Lizard: "'Cause you are funny. Haa-hahaa-hahaa !"

Monkey: "Whatever. That reminds me of how the elephant got its trunk. Wann'a hear ?"

 

[den4]

And I was thinking this was going to be a re-make of Cheech and Chong's movie

 

[gohan93]

pretty good ghost...

 

[Ghost]

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing
at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to
attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her
back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they
retired to his bedroom and made love.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So ... you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion.
The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he
asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer
to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast
him, the young man reaches for the woman again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it,
but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking,
clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back,gasping. Barely able to turn his
head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You
finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear,
"No! I Norwegian."

----------------------------------------------------

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

 

[smoke]

like it!!!

The subject of this thread had me worried! I thought i was going to have to take part in some sort of sexual debauchery!

 

[lexico]

A good one, smoke-san !! Hahaha
It almost sounds like you would oblige if you were obliged !
You are such a good sport; a gentleman, I should say !

 

[smoke]

A good one, smoke-san !! Hahaha
It almost sounds like you would oblige if you were obiged !
You are such a good sport; a gentleman, I should say !

A gentleman wouldn't take part in any form of debauchery...but then, no one has ever said i'm a gentleman!!! except you....dammit!