jenifadesu
後輩
- 1 Aug 2013
- 1
- 0
I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but it is difficult for me put into words the true feel of the situation even in these several paragraphs.
Before I get to the difficult decision part, let me give a little background:
My mother is Japanese, born and raised in Japan, married to an American G.I. and has lived in the states for nearly 60 years. We have family in Japan that we can only communicate with through my mother, as none of her children or grandchildren speak fluent Japanese. We have kept in touch with her family, though as she has gotten older this has slowed down. We have visited Japan several times (we also lived in Yokohama until I was 4) and many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have come to visit us here.
This is the difficult part: My oldest sister passed away from cancer nearly a year ago, and my mother has yet to tell her family about it. She refuses. Does not want to talk about it, does not want to write about it, does not want to think about it. My sister's death has hit her very hard, and she is not emotionally or mentally ready to talk to her family about it, and shows no signs of even wanting to initiate contact in any way. She is also against anyone else contacting them. My mother is 80 years old. She is stubborn, opinionated, proud, unyielding, and unforgiving. But she loves her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren and spoils them. The last several years she has become increasingly depressed and difficult to manage, but now even more so.
I feel in my heart that our family in Japan deserves to know. I have struggled with this for many months, but as I have said, it has been nearly a year. I thought that she told them about the cancer, but I found out recently that she didn't even tell them that. They have no idea.
I have been considering writing a letter (to be professionally translated) to my aunt who I am closest to, and letting her know everything that has happened, but with the urgent request that they not contact my mother. I would have to let them know the condition my mother is in as well as admit that I am going against her wishes. If my mother were to find out I contacted them, I would be in deep ****. I truly have no idea what her response would be, as she is unpredictable, but I am sure it would be horrible. My other sisters feel I should not contact them.
There is one other thing: My daughter is 14 and finished her 2nd year of Japanese language classes. She wants to correspond with our family in Japan, especially those cousins who are close to her in age. She wants to send photos, contact information, letters, and small gifts. I don't feel that we can move forward with this if we are withholding the information regarding my sister's death.
I'm torn. I want them to know so that they can mourn and cherish the memory of my sister, I want my daughter to freely correspond with her family in Japan, yet, I don't want to risk confrontation with my mother.
I would truly appreciate the thoughts and opinions from the many wise people in this community.
Again, I apologize for the length, and thank you.
Before I get to the difficult decision part, let me give a little background:
My mother is Japanese, born and raised in Japan, married to an American G.I. and has lived in the states for nearly 60 years. We have family in Japan that we can only communicate with through my mother, as none of her children or grandchildren speak fluent Japanese. We have kept in touch with her family, though as she has gotten older this has slowed down. We have visited Japan several times (we also lived in Yokohama until I was 4) and many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have come to visit us here.
This is the difficult part: My oldest sister passed away from cancer nearly a year ago, and my mother has yet to tell her family about it. She refuses. Does not want to talk about it, does not want to write about it, does not want to think about it. My sister's death has hit her very hard, and she is not emotionally or mentally ready to talk to her family about it, and shows no signs of even wanting to initiate contact in any way. She is also against anyone else contacting them. My mother is 80 years old. She is stubborn, opinionated, proud, unyielding, and unforgiving. But she loves her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren and spoils them. The last several years she has become increasingly depressed and difficult to manage, but now even more so.
I feel in my heart that our family in Japan deserves to know. I have struggled with this for many months, but as I have said, it has been nearly a year. I thought that she told them about the cancer, but I found out recently that she didn't even tell them that. They have no idea.
I have been considering writing a letter (to be professionally translated) to my aunt who I am closest to, and letting her know everything that has happened, but with the urgent request that they not contact my mother. I would have to let them know the condition my mother is in as well as admit that I am going against her wishes. If my mother were to find out I contacted them, I would be in deep ****. I truly have no idea what her response would be, as she is unpredictable, but I am sure it would be horrible. My other sisters feel I should not contact them.
There is one other thing: My daughter is 14 and finished her 2nd year of Japanese language classes. She wants to correspond with our family in Japan, especially those cousins who are close to her in age. She wants to send photos, contact information, letters, and small gifts. I don't feel that we can move forward with this if we are withholding the information regarding my sister's death.
I'm torn. I want them to know so that they can mourn and cherish the memory of my sister, I want my daughter to freely correspond with her family in Japan, yet, I don't want to risk confrontation with my mother.
I would truly appreciate the thoughts and opinions from the many wise people in this community.
Again, I apologize for the length, and thank you.
