Opening theme song for a visual novel (my translations included)

[billybob300c]

I fell in love with the opening theme so much that I wanted to translate it, but I'm quite weary of Japanese lyrics as particles are often omitted. So I was wondering if anyone could check / improve my translations that I posted right underneath the characters. Thanks!

Opening Song


走る 光の螺旋
吹き上がる音と言葉のエチュード
櫻ノ時を奏でよう 始まりへ

Etudes of harmonies and expressions
soar high up, towards a helix of sprinting light,
playing the season of cherry blossoms to inception.

風の筆 差す 春日の仮象
その力に身を任せよう 恐れなどいらない
足が立つこの大地

The spring sunlight that shines through the paint brushes of the winds
surrenders itself to that power, without any fear,
taking form above the earth.

櫻舞う瞬間を 閉じ込めた永遠こそ
私たちの意味そして意義だと
君は知るだろう
さあ 受け取るがいい
永遠の相を この櫻ノ詩の下

This manifested eternity that has imprisoned the dance of the cherry blossoms
has become our meaning and significance.
You probably know that.
Come and accept
this eternity underneath the song of cherry blossoms.

 

[Toritoribe]

走る 光の螺旋
吹き上がる音と言葉のエチュード

I suppose these are two different phrases, not a part of sentence.

櫻ノ時を奏でよう

The volitional form is used to express the speaker's will or invitation.

春日の仮象

Indeed 春日 can mean "spring sunlight", but I think it's "spring day(s)" here because of 仮象. (It's 春日仮象 (の isn't there), by the way.)

仮象の英語・英訳 - 英和辞典・和英辞典 Weblio辞書

任せよう

任せよう is also the volitional form.
足が立つ modifies この大地.
大地 is the target of 恐れなどいらない; 足が立つこの大地に恐れなどいらない.

櫻舞う瞬間を 閉じ込めた永遠こそ
私たちの意味そして意義だと
君は知るだろう

The core of the quotation clause is 永遠こそ意味そして意義だ. It's not "has become" but "is".
知るだろう is future. "You" don't know it yet.

 

[billybob300c]

I suppose these are two different phrases, not a part of sentence.

The volitional form is used to express the speaker's will or invitation.

Indeed 春日 can mean "spring sunlight", but I think it's "spring day(s)" here because of 仮象. (It's 春日仮象 (の isn't there), by the way.)

任せよう is also the volitional form.
足が立つ modifies この大地.
大地 is the target of 恐れなどいらない; 足が立つこの大地に恐れなどいらない.

The core of the quotation clause is 永遠こそ意味そして意義だ. It's not "has become" but "is".
知るだろう is future. "You" don't know it yet.

After taking what you said into account, here's how I arranged it. I marked the areas red that I wasn't really sure on:

走る 光の螺旋
吹き上がる音と言葉のエチュード
櫻ノ時を奏でよう 始まりへ

Spirals of sprinting light.
Etudes of harmonies and expressions soaring high.
Let's play the season of cherry blossoms to inception.

風の筆 差す 春日の仮象
その力に身を任せよう 恐れなどいらない
足が立つこの大地

Let's surrender ourselves to the will of the days of
spring, shining through the paint brushes of the wind.
Fear nothing on this land we stand on.

櫻舞う瞬間を 閉じ込めた永遠こそ
私たちの意味そして意義だと
君は知るだろう
さあ 受け取るがいい
永遠の相を この櫻ノ詩の下

This eternity that has imprisoned the dance of the cherry blossoms
is our meaning and significance.
You will know one day.
Come and accept
this eternity underneath the song of cherry blossoms.

 

[Toritoribe]

風の筆 差す 春日の仮象
その力に身を任せよう 恐れなどいらない
足が立つこの大地

Let's surrender ourselves to the will of the days of
spring, shining through the paint brushes of the wind.
Fear nothing on this land we stand on.

差す doesn't modify 春日. It doesn't mean "to shine". You need to check the expression 筆を差す in your dictionary.
You missed 仮象 again. 春日仮象 is not the same as 春日.
You missed いらない, too.

 

[billybob300c]

差す doesn't modify 春日. It doesn't mean "to shine". You need to check the expression 筆を差す in your dictionary.
You missed 仮象 again. 春日仮象 is not the same as 春日.
You missed いらない, too.

Here's what I came up with:

風の筆 差す 春日の仮象
その力に身を任せよう 恐れなどいらない
足が立つこの大地

Spring days carry the brushes of the wind.
Let's surrender ourselves to that power.
There is no need for fear on this land we stand on.

 

[Toritoribe]

This is the third time, but I have to point out that it's 春日仮象, not 春日の仮象. The meaning is the same, though.
仮象 means "appearance" as a philosophical term, or something like "illusion".
筆差す would mean "to draw/paint" here.

 

[billybob300c]

This is the third time, but I have to point out that it's 春日仮象, not 春日の仮象. The meaning is the same, though.
仮象 means "appearance" as a philosophical term, or something like "illusion".
筆差す would mean "to draw/paint" here.

How about this:

風の筆 差す 春日仮象
その力に身を任せよう 恐れなどいらない
足が立つこの大地

Spring days paint the brushes of the wind.
Let's surrender ourselves to that power.
There is no need for fear on this land we stand on.

 

[Toritoribe]

風の筆 差す 春日仮象
Spring days paint the brushes of the wind.

The interpretation about the subject and object is opposite.

 

[billybob300c]

The interpretation about the subject and object is opposite.

How about this:

風の筆 差す 春日仮象
The brushes of the wind paint the days of Spring.

 

[Toritoribe]

Yes, that's my interpretation.

 

[billybob300c]

Yes, that's my interpretation.

Thx so much ;_;