Ah! Have no fear! ForI have come before you all to teach you the wonders of the new age based on the teachings of Areaology!
Yes! That's right : areaology!
Now you may be asking your self ; what is this 'areaology' in which you speak? Hide My Heart, stop shooting up the crack you steal from the hobos! But wait! The theory explains so much including the mystery of The Pants!
You see Kyo's 'area' is no normal area! It is infact The Area!
Early in 1997 Troll T. Trull, the grandfather of modern areaology, first came to the startling realization which was destined to reshape the way humanity viewed its universe: That Kyo's Area is omnipresent; his Area exists at every point in every facet of reality. Those of us who witnessed this initial revelation immediately knew it was Truth, and soon became the first Areaologists.
AREA:
1. Length multiplied by Width
2. A portion of the body consisting of the genitalia, groin, and inner thighs
3. The part of Kyo that is all-encomposing, and pre-dates the written word.
see also: region, crotch, domain, bulge, package, unit, zone, quadrant, contour map, midgard serpent, tent
Kyo's Area exists throughout the entire universe, flowing around and through everything that is, surrounding us perpetually in its crotchful goodness. Soon you will be able to break the limits locked into your senses so that you too can see Kyo's Area bulging all around you and feel it expanding the tights of your life.
If you're capable of reading these words, your visual cortex (like most people's) is blocking out the majority of Kyo's Area in your visual field. It's good that your brain can do this, or else you'd never be able to see anything other than Kyo's Area. Dropping these optical filters is an incredible experience, but it's best done for only short periods of time. First you have to make yourself more aware of the crotch you live within, to be able to sense some of its lesser manifestations without overwhelming yourself
This can be best achieved by watching such pictures as provided above including music videos and clips which shamelessly draw attention to Kyo's area.
So now doubtlessly you will have questions :
Who would win: Kyo's area or the Force?
The Force is fictional, and exists only in the Star Wars universe. Kyo's area is very, VERY real.
Was Kyo's area involved in the JFK assassination?
This is still uncertain, but there have been various theories. It has been proven that the Area's "short and curlies" can cause a projectile to erratically change direction as in the Magic Bullet theory. Another hypothesis is that it wasn't actually a bullet that punctured Kennedy's head. This is known as the "Lone Sperm" theory.
Is Kyo's area sentient?
We don't think so, but it does respond to stimuli, just like anyone else's area.
So I can give Kyo a handjob by waving my arms around? Does it hurt him if I start a bonfire?
Yes and yes. Thus the area is always writhing in simultaneous torment and ecstacy.
That's disgusting.
That's not a question.
I think I'm going to throw up!
Try not to get any on your computer.
Alright, I think I'm going to be okay now. Can I ask some more questions?
That's what I'm here for.
If Kyo's area exists at every point in the universe, why does it make a bulge in his pants? Doesn't the bulge mean his area is inside the pants and not outside of them?
It's actually a matter of area pressure differential, much like the air pressure differential which causes a balloon to inflate. Inside of the pants the Area is denser (greater Area per Unit Volume) than outside the tights, due to the proximity of the source. Thus the tights are stretched outward, despite Kyo's area being on both sides of them.
Does the earth revolve around Kyo's area?
In a certain sense, yes. Kyo's area is present at the center point of the earth's revolutions. In a much larger sense and more accurate sense, no. Kyo's area is also present at every other point in the universe, therefore the Area is not bounded by the path of the earth's revolution. It would be best to say that the earth revolves within Kyo's area.
Earlier you implied that the sky was blue when Kyo wore blue patts and cloudy grey when he wore grey pants. If this is the case what does partly cloudy blue sky mean?
That means that Kyo's blue tights have splotchy white stains on them. Try not to think about it too hard.
If Kyo's area is omnipresent, why can't I see it right now?
You're either using a text-based browser ( Download Netscape) or you have your backgrounds turned off. Go to "General Preferences" under the Options menu and make sure the "Always use my colors, overriding document" button isn't checked.
No, I didn't mean why isn't it on my computer. I meant when I'm looking at, let's say a wall, I don't see Kyo's area or any other part of his anatomy. Why not?
Oh, that's simple: You do, you just may not realize it. Due to the fact that Kyo's area has been in your visual field since the day you were born, your brain has learned to filter out such casual Area viewing. (like background radiation) Most people only consciously see Kyo's area when they actually see Kyo himself, because that's the only time their brain can cope with seeing his area without going insane. The rest of the time just think of it as always being in your blind spot. It's been theorized that people are born blind because their optic nerves lack the ability to filter Kyo's area out of the visual field before the brain translates nerve impulses into an image, and so for some the experience of sight is too traumatic to be continued.
It is also possible that you are looking right at Kyo's area, just much too closely for you to reecognize it.
Well here's a question: What would happen if Kyo took Viagra?
We'd all die.
Really?
Yes. It is the opinion of our best areaologists that every cell in our bodies would instantaneously be ripped to pieces and crushed while the earth was torn asunder and space-time collapsed in on itself.
How did they arrive at this conclusion?
Speculation and Theory. While it is possible that our universe would actually be safe as Kyo's Area expanded extra-dimensionally, we feel that this matter is far too grave to risk experimental tests
Was the massiveness of Kyo's Area in any way responsible for the massive tsunami of December 2005?
While Kyo's Area is definately capable of causing earthquakes in excess of 8.9 on the richter scale and producing enormous waves of water travelling 500 mph, it could not have had anything whatsoever to do with that terrible tragedy. Kyo's Area is not a source of destruction, but rather of pure, blissful love. We hope that the survivors and families of the victims can find new lives and new hope within the warm, and often sweaty, embrace of Kyo's Area.
How would the Area cause earthquakes and 500 mph waves of water?
For the earthquakes there is a lot of thrusting involved. As for the waves, that's not exactly water, actually. But it is a fluid, and has been known to gush forth in 20- to 50-foot waves at speeds around 500 mph, typically shortly after the thrusting.
NOw doubtlessly you are wondering :
What on earth did that have to do with his pants?!
Well, my answer is this : with all of that in mind. Now knowing what his area is capable of, it becomes readily apparent that only a *special* pair of pants could contain the area. They would have to be magical enough to be worthy of encompasing the area. They would have to be low enough to be able to ease you into seeing the area yet strong enough to hold the pants up to keep you from loosing you r mind from to much exposure to The Area all at once.
If we follow the train of thought to a logical conclusive answer after all of this evidence it comes to this : Kyo's pants are Indeed magical because only magic pants can survive all of that and still look that good.
(Oh by the way I am not an areaologist and I just borrowed their theories on it.
I'm not smert enough to come up with that theory on my own lol)
*cracks up*
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