Japanese Style vs. Western Style Affection, Which Is Better?

[thejapanguy]

I went to Narita airport earlier this year (back in February) to fly home for the first time in over two years. I had some time to kill so I just sat down and read a bit. I looked around, too. I saw some of the Japanese families saying goodbye to each other, and I saw a lot of bowing, but no hugs, no kisses between husbands and wives...it's so different than in America. I always hug my family, at Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta, Georgia, it was quite common to see lovers kissing each other goodbye, families hugging, etc.

So which do you prefer, Japanese Style affection (super-reserved...public displays of affectoin)? Or Western Style (more open public displays of affection)?

 

[Jericho Desu]

I think many Japanese people do the hugging/main goodbyes at home maybe the day before or something (just my guess), but I guess it depends on who it is and/or how long they are going for.

Anyway, for me I would tend to lean towards the Japanese way as long as I was able to do the main farewells at home or something, even then if it was someone really close like my mum or partner then I would still want to hug them before I or they left.

 

[thejapanguy]

I think you're right Jericho, maybe there are fewer displays of public affection, but at home, I'm sure it's a different story. Personally, I like the Western Style better. I guess it's because I think being touchy feely is great. But in Japan, I'm not touchy feely because it would probably make people a tad ill at ease if an overgrown, African-American male was always rushing at them for hugs...so I keep it in check.

 

[MadamePapillon]

Western style for me. I'm a very touchy feely person. I just feel you connect better with someone when you make contact with them and my whole family has never been afraid to show affection. As for in public, as long as you're not being obnoxious about it it's perfectly fine.

 

[YukiAnne]

It depends on where I am. I tend to just suppress my urge to be touchy feely while I'm in Japan. I meet a few foreigners who are still touchy feely, and it makes me feel weird because I'm not used to it anymore. But in America, hoo boy, watch out, because I'm gonna be a hugs'n'cuddles MONSTER! XD

 

[Navy Guy]

Funny you bring this up in coversation... last year my wife and I were in Japan for a funeral after everything was done we stayed for another week (long trip to just go and leave). My wife was staying for another 3 weeks and I was taking the kids home with me, at the train station she would not give me a kiss good bye because we were in Japan but when I had to leave for a buisness trip in the states she has no problem with it...

SO personally I prefer the Western style, nothing in depth but a hug and a quick kiss would be nice. However I do respect her culture enough to know that a Western good bye is not normal...

I tease her sometimes in the morning when I get ready to go to work, I will hug and give the kids a kiss good bye but I will give her a hand shake and tell her "your Japanese, you do not show affection in public!" this usually gets me "the look" .... the kids laugh.

 

[thejapanguy]

YukiAnne, I turn into a hugs n cuddles monster when I'm in the US, too. Now that I've been here for three years, I find myself doing less and less of the public displays of affection, though. Dear God...I hope the effects aren't permanent...lol.

I actually remember visiting a Japanese friend in Kamakura, and she showed me around for the whole day. When we were on the train, she had to get off earlier than me, so I thought I would say a simple goodbye and send an email (I figured she'd feel weird if I hugged her on the train). I was still sitting, she stood up, got really close to me gave me one of the biggest hugs I've ever received in Japan. If I had been standing, I probably would have gone weak in the knees...that hug really felt that nice. I didn't care that people on the train were staring...it also didn't hurt that I thought she was really cute.

 

[Jericho Desu]

I actually remember visiting a Japanese friend in Kamakura, and she showed me around for the whole day. When we were on the train, she had to get off earlier than me, so I thought I would say a simple goodbye and send an email (I figured she'd feel weird if I hugged her on the train). I was still sitting, she stood up, got really close to me gave me one of the biggest hugs I've ever received in Japan. If I had been standing, I probably would have gone weak in the knees...that hug really felt that nice. I didn't care that people on the train were staring...it also didn't hurt that I thought she was really cute.

Wow, that is so touching
Its so interesting that Japanese people can feel comfortable doing or saying things to foreigners that they else wouldn't consider with other Japanese people.

 

[Sabrina miew]

Is it really that no walking arm in arm with just friends *I touch feely myself. if had to say goodbye to someone leafing like that it would hard for me. No last hugs. Is that offensive?