Japanese correction of my translation

[soulcalibur33]

Hello,
I have been a member here, but I forgot my username , or email. So I've created a new one.

I have a translation, that I've tried to translate myself, but I need someone who correct especially the English...
I'm too literal, and it sound strange, I can understand in general what it said, but I'm in trouble to translate it in proper English:

I hope you can help me to correct me!
(so that also my English can improve!)

Thanks



ライブSHOW決定致しました!!!!!!
A new live SHOW concert it's been decided!!!!!

１年以上空きました.....
1 year it's almost gone.... ? /(or come out to an end?) right?


今年一年海外で刺激を受けてきたこと、
そして今の想い全てを詩に込めて、
歌に目一杯感情を乗せて
ライブSHOWで表現しようと思います
This year I got a lot of incentives with 1 year overseas
so, I'll put all my feeligns/thoughts of now in the lyrics, I think
I'll express at the live placing with all my might on the lyrics, all my
feelings (I'll place all my feelings in the live show )



普段みんなが抱えている心の闇を
少しでも晴らす事のできるライブに
できたらと思います
as usual I think/feel If I can bring a little of refresh? Usual everyone
who carry "a dark heart" (i dont know how to translate in english) sound
strange sorry


Lilly-Aurora Moon-
8周年記念ライブ
「Lilly-月影に 魅せられて-」
8th Anniversary live commemoration (is correct the order of the translation in english?)
"Be charmed by the Lilly-Moonlight"


Thank you :

 

[soulcalibur33]

Nobody can help? I need a correction of the english not everything....

 

[Glenn]

It's kind of a tricky thing to use the translation of one language into another as a way of working on the target language, because there's a lot of noise involved there. It'd be better to get rid of the extra complication, which is the Japanese in this case, and just write in English and have people show you what can be improved. With the translation, you're always going to have different ways of putting something in the target language, so that gets added on top of different people having different ideas of how to correct an English sentence anyway, without the translation being in question. Have you tried Lang-8 (link in my signature)?