Interracial Couples

[Rich303]

Well...if I ever was to date a non asian girl I dunno how my parents would react but I'm sure they'd be really unsatisfied...

I know it's not easy, but sometimes you have to say; 'stuff what they think'
I've suffered my parents' (very vocal) judgement about my choice of girls over the years (including the white ones). When I became involved with a japanese woman my dad said; ''Son, you don't want to end up with someone 'too Oriental' ''

''Too Oriental'' !? What the **** does that mean?

I don't really care now if my choice makes them happy or not. They will have to just deal with it. When they're gone from this planet, do they really want me to spend the rest of my life with someone they deem 'suitable', just to make them happy? I don't think so.

I know they care about me and want what is 'best' for me, but sometimes I don't think parents always know best.

 

[godppgo]

Even though me and my gf aren't interracial technically, but my family (especially my dad) isn't too fond of the idea that my gf is Chinese. It's not easy when parents have deeply rooted mindset about certain races or nationalities, but I think they'll get used to it overtime.

 

[Supervin]

Even though me and my gf aren't interracial technically, but my family (especially my dad) isn't too fond of the idea that my gf is Chinese. It's not easy when parents have deeply rooted mindset about certain races or nationalities, but I think they'll get used to it overtime.

Hmm, so they prefer that you stick to Taiwanese or overseas Chinese/locals?

It does seem typical of Chinese parents to have strong preferences as most of them are absolute realists. Although my parents aren't strict per se as to comment upon what kind of woman I should date when it comes to race, they can often be heavily opinionated in a covert way.

For instance, they have implied that they don't prefer me dating white women as it would likely mean that I would have to stay overseas for my entire life. (This stems from their dislike of living abroad as a result of their experience in the past.) They're right in some ways but it can sometimes be tedious to hear such comments being repeated over and over again in the form of 'discussion'.

 

[misa.j]

I think for some couples, the reason why they are attracted to each other has nothing to do with the difference of their races, and it's just the fact that has turned out to be that way.

However in some societies and to some people, that fact seems to be more of an importance or a curious than how the couples have developed their relationships.

 

[Supervin]

I think for some couples, the reason why they are attracted to each other has nothing to do with the difference of their races, and it's just the fact that has turned out to be that way.

Well that depends. A lot of people are lured by the novelty in culture or appearance being different from one's own, or just curiosity for another race, rather than the individual's personality or interests.

From my personal experience, although the infatuation phase of a relationship is extended significantly because of the novelty, there are endless issues to deal with due to cultural differences in habits and preferences - which I really hated and was very detrimental to the relationship. However, others may be able to put up with this huge burden or have better experiences.

 

[sabro]

The outmarriage rate of Japanese Americans is really high. I think for the sansei, and yonsei it is up over 80%. Of 14 cousins that are Japanese by blood (American by birth) only one married another Japanese person. The other 13 and me and my six siblings all married Mexican, European, African, or Chinese Americans. I think my grandparents would have cringed.

 

[Ma Cherie]

I would like to point out something about interracial dating/marriage between blacks and whites.

For some strange reason there seems to a little bit more acceptance when an African American man dates or marries a Caucasion woman. I noticed this from experience and there's seems to be some reservations when it's the opposite. There is also this myth that the reason why a black man would date a white woman is because he treats the woman as if she were some sort of trophie. :?

 

[godppgo]

Hmm, so they prefer that you stick to Taiwanese or overseas Chinese/locals?
It does seem typical of Chinese parents to have strong preferences as most of them are absolute realists. Although my parents aren't strict per se as to comment upon what kind of woman I should date when it comes to race, they can often be heavily opinionated in a covert way.

My parents actually encourage me to date white or Japanese. My parents have this thing for Japanese woman. They think Japanese wife is the best wife a man can ask for.... I don't know.

 

[godppgo]

Errr...Mind telling us more? (Or by Pm if you want)
Because I absolutely don't understand a single thing about this matter...

When time comes, you'll know.... (it's not THAT hard to figure out is it?)

 

[epigene]

My parents actually encourage me to date white or Japanese. My parents have this thing for Japanese woman. They think Japanese wife is the best wife a man can ask for.... I don't know.

Your parents are from Taiwan? I think many older Taiwanese who remember the Japanese occupation or heard testimonies from their parents show great friendliness toward the Japanese. From what I heard, the people of Taiwan at that time appreciated the education and infrastructure that the Japanese provided and remember fondly of those days. Is that part of the reason?

Going off-topic, but I've heard similar experiences from elderly people in Micronesia (Saipan & Guam). Many (though dwindling rapidly in number) still can speak Japanese and remember fondly of the Japanese (saying the Japanese were much better than the Spaniards in that the Japanese taught them to read and write and created fishing as a productive industry).

Very different from the Korean and Chinese experience... :?

 

[godppgo]

Your parents are from Taiwan? I think many older Taiwanese who remember the Japanese occupation or heard testimonies from their parents show great friendliness toward the Japanese. From what I heard, the people of Taiwan at that time appreciated the education and infrastructure that the Japanese provided and remember fondly of those days. Is that part of the reason?
Going off-topic, but I've heard similar experiences from elderly people in Micronesia (Saipan & Guam). Many (though dwindling rapidly in number) still can speak Japanese and remember fondly of the Japanese (saying the Japanese were much better than the Spaniards in that the Japanese taught them to read and write and created fishing as a productive industry).
Very different from the Korean and Chinese experience... :?

Yeah my parents are from Taiwan and most Taiwanese elders have fond memory of Japanese (the like towards Japanese has passed on to generations, that's why Taiwan is probably the most Japan-friendly country in Asia).

When Taiwan was governed by Japan, Japanese were sent to villages all over Taiwan to serve as school principle/teachers, medical doctors, or policman. If you talk to Taiwanese elders, they'll always have stories about this nice principle who helped them on school work after school or this nice doctor who biked for hours to cure villager's illness (cars were almost non-existence back then). Japanese policeman and teachers often participated in field work along with Taiwanese farmers when they have spare time. Japanese firefighters risked their lives in saving people. Almost all of them have stories to tell and I guess they sorta miss the old days.

 

[misa.j]

A lot of people are lured by the novelty in culture or appearance being different from one's own, or just curiosity for another race, rather than the individual's personality or interests.

I'm prone to think that one person doesn't really represent the whole culture, and dating or marrying someone from a different race from yours helps you know more about the person.

 

[El P8s]

Well most of my female friends dont really care if the guys asian,black or white but I think they would probably prefer a good looking black guy over the other two.

 

[Minty]

I'm going to stick my nose in this thread for a moment, I'm all for interracial dating, but I was wondering. Is it possible that in these cultures where interracial dating is becoming somewhat common, could it be more of a fad? Especially within Japanese culture? Because sometimes I feel the reason why people date outside of their race is because it's some sort of fad. Or the people are just simply curious.

Well with regards to the issue of Japanese dating gaijin, I have read materials that do suggest it as a fad, but I don't know whether it is true or not as individual situations are different.

I can't speak for others but personally my marriage with my husband is not a fad. Like I said earlier Chinese Men are just too conservative for me, they don't want to change. I enjoy this lifestyle of liberation, desire and uncritical emulation. I feel I cannot have that with a Chinese guy. It's about individual desires, preferences, and romatic freedom. But having said that I don't have a problem with Chinese men, I think they are suitable for Chinese girls who are traditional.

Even though me and my gf aren't interracial technically, but my family (especially my dad) isn't too fond of the idea that my gf is Chinese. It's not easy when parents have deeply rooted mindset about certain races or nationalities, but I think they'll get used to it overtime.

This is typical of Taiwanese family I think. My cousin who lives in the United States is dating a China girl and my grandparents do not know about it, he is afraid to tell them. His mum knows about this. She does not really like the idea but not extremely bigot about it. Anyway she is more open-minded than my grandparents.

From my personal experience, although the infatuation phase of a relationship is extended significantly because of the novelty, there are endless issues to deal with due to cultural differences in habits and preferences - which I really hated and was very detrimental to the relationship. However, others may be able to put up with this huge burden or have better experiences.

So does that mean you only like Cantonese? Or are other girls from other Chinese origins ok for you? As you know Chinese are quite diverse. For example, my father is from Malaysia and his ancestors are from Fu Zhou province 窶｢ﾅｸﾂ州 while my mother is Taiwanese. Although both of them are Han , Chinese but Sino Malaysians are quite different from Taiwanese.

For some strange reason there seems to a little bit more acceptance when an African American man dates or marries a Caucasion woman. I noticed this from experience and there's seems to be some reservations when it's the opposite. There is also this myth that the reason why a black man would date a white woman is because he treats the woman as if she were some sort of trophie.

I heard it is because black men's ﾂ"toolsﾂ" satisfy white women more.

Yeah my parents are from Taiwan and most Taiwanese elders have fond memory of Japanese (the like towards Japanese has passed on to generations, that's why Taiwan is probably the most Japan-friendly country in Asia).

Taiwanese prefer Japanese over the mainland because they are more upset of what the communist have done to them than what the Japanese did.

 

[Supervin]

So does that mean you only like Cantonese? Or are other girls from other Chinese origins ok for you? As you know Chinese are quite diverse. For example, my father is from Malaysia and his ancestors are from Fu Zhou province 窶｢ﾅｸﾂ州 while my mother is Taiwanese. Although both of them are Han, Chinese but Sino Malaysians are quite different from Taiwanese.

I don't have a specific preference as to particular Chinese origins - could be from Hong Kong, Northern China, Southern China, Taiwan, overseas etc. Other than Chinese, Japanese and Korean are okay too. But the main point lies in the culture where it must be relatively similar and so, those born and raised overseas for their entire lives and have 'lost touch' of all heritage won't do. Of course, these are just dating preferences, and won't apply elsewhere to, say, friendship.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Thats good to hear, Super, but, my girlfriend is Japanese, the culture difference doesnt impede our relationship much at all, i think the opinion that its best for one to date within your own race is pointless, international couples can still have kids, so a black man and a white woman or a whtie man and asian woman arent different species, it isnt sick or wrong, if i can stick my tool in a woman and get her pregnant no matter where she's from, then biologically speaking were the same species, therefore there is nothing wrong with the relationship, its natural, as natural as say a chinese on chinese relationship.

To east asians maybe dating a foreigner is a fad, less so in the west, we simply live in a multi-racial society, we see chinese and black and indian faces all the time in the street.

If a white girl was born in china, grew up in china all her life, and you fonud yourself attracted to each other, would that still be okay for you?.

I'm just wondering if it is a not wanting to date non-chinese thing or literally a race related preference.

I will admit i find east-asian women more attractive as a rule, but it hardly stops me from appriciating a hottie of any colour.

And as with most dating preferences involving race, it doesnt really have a good reason, but it doesnt need it, were all human, no crime against the human race is being committed feeling sexualy attracted to a member of the opposite sex, honestly, i find all this dating within your own race crap rather old fashioned and boring, a relic of ignorance and mistrust.

I'll only accept that argument the day a white man can no longer impregnate his asian wife, on that day we arent the same species, and it technically becomes beastiality. ☝

BUT, for now, my girlfriend is a hottie and i have no reason to believe we cant have kids, so i will enjoy lovin' my woman, asian or not, while the majority of humanity has this big irrational hang-up about a percieved fundamental difference between races denoting some knind of seperate species.

 

[Kinsao]

You always get to the point, Nurizeko!

Also, I think improvement in communications technology and transport has a lot to do with such things; now, we can meet people from all over, people travel around a lot... whereas say 100 years ago it wouldn't be so common to meet people from a different origin to yourself, so it would be more of a 'novelty' for you even just to meet them. Also stuff like the internet and skype and cell phones makes it feasible to sustain a relationship over a medium-term long distance; for example if your partner has to go back to their home country for a while but you have plans to be together in say a year's time.

 

[Apollo]

I am the "result" of an interracial marriage. My mother being Japanese and my father Danish...It worked out quite well with their relationship meaning they are still happy!

I was born in Japan, and went to an international school, but in my neighbourhood in Yamate, Yokohama, there were also some Japanese children, and sometimes I got teased because I looked different.
I was also a child-model in Yokohama only because of my "different" looks..

I remember when we visited the countryside in Japan, people turned around to follow us, and this made my mother feel uneasy. My mother told me that her family really needed to get used to her dating a foreigner when she met my dad, but eventually they accepted...

My father's Danish family were used to "foreigners" when my dad met my mother since my father's sisters and brother married foreigners: an American, a German and a Canadian...

My boyfriend is half Danish and German - so we are quite international...

 

[Supervin]

...culture difference doesnt impede our relationship much at all, i think the opinion that its best for one to date within your own race is pointless, international couples can still have kids

Well it's nice that the cultural differences don't get in the way for your relationship. Like I wrote before, in my case, it was a nightmare in my experience. However, it does depend on the length of the relationship - the issues become so much more apparent when you're over the infatuation phase.

BTW, no one here is saying interracial couples can't have kids - you're making a false accusation here.

If a white girl was born in china, grew up in china all her life, and you fonud yourself attracted to each other, would that still be okay for you?

On a cultural level, absolutely, because the cultural gap would then be non-existent. Of course, like any relationship, the individual's personality counts more in consideration.

I will admit i find east-asian women more attractive as a rule, but it hardly stops me from appriciating a hottie of any colour.

The novelty of appearance of another race, like I said before, is a very luring reason and many can get sidetracked from the most important things like common interests and character.

honestly, i find all this dating within your own race crap rather old fashioned and boring, a relic of ignorance and mistrust.

Blind adherence is ignorance and perhaps bigoted.

But I've had experience of dating another race so it's not just an 'old-fashioned' mindset. There were tons of problems one after another because of the cultural gap.

From that experience, I feel that dating within one's own race has far less problems to deal with because of cultural similarity. When you do something, it would likely mean the same thing to the other person of similar culture - less conflict and arguments.

I'll only accept that argument the day a white man can no longer impregnate his asian wife, on that day we arent the same species, and it technically becomes beastiality.

Like I said, this is a false accusation - no one is saying that and everyone knows that this is an untrue statement.

BUT, for now, my girlfriend is a hottie and i have no reason to believe we cant have kids, so i will enjoy lovin' my woman, asian or not, while the majority of humanity has this big irrational hang-up about a percieved fundamental difference between races denoting some knind of seperate species.

No one is saying that people of a difference race are separate in species from one another. Obviously we're all humans.

I'm just saying that there are cultural differences that can often harm a relationship, like what I've experienced, nothing more. If it works out for you, great.

 

[Pachipro]

I have read all the posts, but there has been too much said for me to quote from everyone so I will just give my own opinion on what has been said recently.

I am married to a Japanese woman, my second, and we have been together for 25 years this month. Granted, her father did not like me from the beginning and did not take to me for 7 years when, after a run in with the Japanese law, he decided we should get married and we became the best of friends! (Life sure is weird.) Her mother liked me from the beginning. However, they did not prevent their only child from dating me. Also, the whole family right on up to the uncles, aunts and their children completely accepted me. And, there is cousin in the family up north who is married to a Chinese woman from the mainland. She is accepted as well.

My first wife's parents, whom I met after only a month in Japan, took to me immediately. But that could be because they also had two other daughters married to Americans. I believe that she was one of the last of her generation of Japanese to marry a foreigner for a better life and to "upgrade" their position in life (remember this was in the early 70's). After that the Japanese economy boomed and they became a First World Country. Unfortunately our marriage only lasted from 1975-1977.

In both cases my wife was accepted completely, and without prejudice, by my parents and family and I by theirs.

The only problem I ever encountered was with a Japanese woman whom I became real serious with in about 1979 when I was in university and we had discussed marriage. She took me home to meet her parents one day. Her father was an English teacher at a minor Japanese college so he spoke English very fluently. I thought the meeting went well. After dinner I went home.

She called me the next day and, with tears, said that her father refused her to ever see me again because I was a foreigner and that she should stay within her own race.
I was dumbfounded and tried to convince her to do what she wanted, but she refused and chose to obey her father even though she said she loved me very much. It was not easy, but I got over it.

Today, I don't think any Japanese woman, unlike some other Asian countries, would marry a foreigner for a better life so to speak as they are on par with the major countries. Also, I do not think it is a "fad" as others have suggested. I believe that that they do it because it is what they want to do and for what they feel in their hearts and those that do date foreigners, whether black or white or Asian, do not look at race. They go beyond that. For that they are more advanced than their parents.

As for other Asian countries I cannot comment as I have no experience outside of shortly dating a Chinese woman and a Korean woman in Japan. I never met their parents though and the relationship did not go beyond a couple of dates.

In my own case, we do not have any children, but if we did I would allow them to date whomever they are happy with. After all who would I be to tell them who to date when I myself am married to a person of a different race?

I have a nephew who is engaged to a black woman. Do I disagree? Hell no. If he is happy then so be it. In fact, they were afraid to visit us last year because of this. But after they did, and the warmth they received from us, we have become closer than ever and I am happy for them and wish them the best. To hell with race I say.

We are all human beings and isn't it said that the mixing of genes makes the homo-sapian stronger? I think I read that somewhere. Could be wrong though. But aren't the most beautiful people, male or female, those of mixed race? Eurasian, Amerindian, Mulatto, to name a few? Yes they are IMHO.

And as with most dating preferences involving race, it doesnt really have a good reason, but it doesnt need it, were all human, no crime against the human race is being committed feeling sexualy attracted to a member of the opposite sex, honestly, i find all this dating within your own race crap rather old fashioned and boring, a relic of ignorance and mistrust.

I couldn't have said it better. If more people would think like this there might be less tension in the world today (maybe wishful thinking.) People should be free to fall in love with and marry those they want to. After all, we are the same species aren't we, as nurizeko said? The world may just become a better place to live because of it.

People are people. Period.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

The novelty of appearance of another race, like I said before, is a very luring reason and many can get sidetracked from the most important things like common interests and character.

East-asian arent novel to me, i have seen enough east asians in my life to considor myself more the aquainted, my home city has a good chinese population.
I do believe sir, you are trying to put words in my mouth, i said i was more attracted to east-asian women as a preference, its hardly a novelty since i see them often enough.
Also me and my girlfriend are beyond the infatuation phase.
I accept your cultural difference argument, not everyone is equiped or should be expcted to, to make a relationship work with a foreigner, its quite understandable and acceptable, its the idea that dating outside your race is wrong that i have a problem with, it is a very primitive and misleading mindset.

No one is saying that people of a difference race are separate in species from one another. Obviously we're all humans.
I'm just saying that there are cultural differences that can often harm a relationship, like what I've experienced, nothing more. If it works out for you, great.

I see, i understand your point of view.
Pach said it well, infact i couldnt have said it better.

 

[sabro]

Character matters far more than race. Race, I would argue, is merely a social construct built primarily around appearance and culture... and it tells you little or nothing about the person in question. Difficulties brought about by culture, language and tradition can be worked out, but difficulties borne out of conflicts in character will lead to disaster.

 

[dreamer]

I know it's not easy, but sometimes you have to say; 'stuff what they think'
I've suffered my parents' (very vocal) judgement about my choice of girls over the years (including the white ones). When I became involved with a japanese woman my dad said; ''Son, you don't want to end up with someone 'too Oriental' ''
''Too Oriental'' !? What the **** does that mean?
I don't really care now if my choice makes them happy or not. They will have to just deal with it. When they're gone from this planet, do they really want me to spend the rest of my life with someone they deem 'suitable', just to make them happy? I don't think so.
I know they care about me and want what is 'best' for me, but sometimes I don't think parents always know best.

Hum...I actually don't know what kind of girl I'd prefer (never dated anyone) ... and there's a good chance I'll end up with a chinese girl (if not alone) since they're the only ones who come near me ... anyway I won't let my parents influence me that's for sure -.-

When time comes, you'll know.... (it's not THAT hard to figure out is it?)

Well...I just wanted to make sure...

 

[gaijinalways]

Interesting comments. As an American married to a Japanese, there are bumps in the road, but then again, marriage is always full of bumps, many caused by the differences between men and women (sounds like I am advocating same sex marriages☝ ).

In Japan, marrying outside your 'ethnic' group still seems to have some pitfalls, as opposition fromﾂ other family members can still be a thorny issue. I have run into quite a few people whose Japanese spouse's parents refuse to have contact with the couple because their child, gasp, married a non-Japanese. But, this attitude in Japan does seem to be changing, albeit slowly. Who you date and possibly marry should be whoever takes your fancy and can work with you to have a healthy relationship, race, color, nationality, etc. doesn't really matter. Of course, shared values might make things easier, as strongly diversive basic values may make arguements too common, even when it comes to where you will live together and how you might raise children, etc. But beyond that, many people will find that you are actually a lot more flexible than you think and that many people do share some of the same values in a limited sense. In other words, deep down many people want the same kinds of theings, they just have different ways of looking for them, and different labels for what they are.

 

[Han Chan]

I think for some couples, the reason why they are attracted to each other has nothing to do with the difference of their races, and it's just the fact that has turned out to be that way.
However in some societies and to some people, that fact seems to be more of an importance or a curious than how the couples have developed their relationships.

I fully agree. I have had Danish partners and it was OK, but I newer married any of them. When I met my Japanese wife it had certainly nothing to do about race - we simply were on the same "wave length" and fell in love.

One big advantage of cross cultural relations is that you are right from the beginning are aware that you are different. Actually we are all diferent. Often silly arguments among couples who are from same community start because unrealistic expectations regarding having same perspective on things. While it is good to share many basic values, it is important in a relationship to always be willing to really listen and try to understand what you partner actually thinks. I find that those living in cross cultural relationships are often more acutely aware that making a relationship work requires sincere interest and effort.

Anyway my in-laws are Japanese, and they have newer expressed as much as a word regarding the fact that I am European.

Finally: I do have problems with the concept "interracial". I find that that it is actually mostly more appropriate to use the concepts: International couples or cross cultural marriages, because the term interracial implies that you see the world through racial/racist glasses. I find that the term interracial is priarily used in the American context and should mainly be used when actually talking about races and racist issues. Maybe we Europeans are more reluctant to use the concept "race" than others due to our history with the Nazis in Germany. In order to avoid miscommunication, I find that due consideration should be given to which concepts we use, particularly when discussing in a international forum such as this.