- 31 Jul 2014
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I think some parts of the English lyrics posted here (top rated comment) are wrong:
1:25 -
拝啓 忌まわしき過去につぐ 絶縁の詩
最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を
捨てては行けず ここで息絶えようと
後世 花は咲き君に伝う 変遷の詩
The translation posted:
"Dear My Loathsome Past, to you I offer this poem of farewell!
I have to cast away the remains of these days that can't get any worse, these most terrible dreams, even if it kills me.
For in the next life, a flower will bloom to tell you a poem of transition;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight."
How does 捨てては行けず become "I have to cast away"? Since this 行く is ゆく not いく I assume this isn't the ~てはい(must/must not~) structure and even if it was it would mean the opposite. I'm not sure if I'm right, but the sentence here looks inverted. If I were to rewrite this part: ここで息絶えようと(思っても/しても)、最低な日々の、最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
Shouldn't the translation be among the lines of:
"Even if I try to lay my life's burden to rest here, I won't able to cast away the carcass of these horrible days, of this loathsome dream." Which then leads to: "In the afterlife, a flower blooms and imparts you a poem of change."
Am I wrong? If yes, how should it be translated?
Also,
僕が僕と呼ぶには
不確かな半透明な影が生きてる風だ
雨に歌えば 雲は割れるか
賑やかな夏の干涸びた命だ
This line seems a bit off as well:
"In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow has come to life.
If I were to sing in the rain, would the clouds part? My life is all dried up in the midst of this bustling summer."
"Unsteady" is referring to the shadow, not to the "fact that I'm me". Can 生きてる be interpreted as "has come to life"? Not "in" the rain, but to the rain. And probably " 歌う" is referring to a poem not a song, since 詩 is an underlying theme here (絶縁の詩/変遷の詩/望郷の詩). This is kind of hard to translate though.
1:25 -
拝啓 忌まわしき過去につぐ 絶縁の詩
最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を
捨てては行けず ここで息絶えようと
後世 花は咲き君に伝う 変遷の詩
The translation posted:
"Dear My Loathsome Past, to you I offer this poem of farewell!
I have to cast away the remains of these days that can't get any worse, these most terrible dreams, even if it kills me.
For in the next life, a flower will bloom to tell you a poem of transition;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight."
How does 捨てては行けず become "I have to cast away"? Since this 行く is ゆく not いく I assume this isn't the ~てはい(must/must not~) structure and even if it was it would mean the opposite. I'm not sure if I'm right, but the sentence here looks inverted. If I were to rewrite this part: ここで息絶えようと(思っても/しても)、最低な日々の、最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
Shouldn't the translation be among the lines of:
"Even if I try to lay my life's burden to rest here, I won't able to cast away the carcass of these horrible days, of this loathsome dream." Which then leads to: "In the afterlife, a flower blooms and imparts you a poem of change."
Am I wrong? If yes, how should it be translated?
Also,
僕が僕と呼ぶには
不確かな半透明な影が生きてる風だ
雨に歌えば 雲は割れるか
賑やかな夏の干涸びた命だ
This line seems a bit off as well:
"In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow has come to life.
If I were to sing in the rain, would the clouds part? My life is all dried up in the midst of this bustling summer."
"Unsteady" is referring to the shadow, not to the "fact that I'm me". Can 生きてる be interpreted as "has come to life"? Not "in" the rain, but to the rain. And probably " 歌う" is referring to a poem not a song, since 詩 is an underlying theme here (絶縁の詩/変遷の詩/望郷の詩). This is kind of hard to translate though.
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