I Am A Woman, Ask Me Almost Anything

[Nuala]

Hey all, it's been awhile since I've last posted in awhile. The reasoning these days is because I am transgender and I am unsure of how to present this to the forum on a permanent basis. You've been friends to me and you've been sources of frustration at times. And I am sure I have been just that for everyone else too, but I have a strong bond to this community and it's unlikely that I'll be permanently leaving anytime soon, so here I am once more.
I am a woman. A trans woman, even. That means I am undergoing hormone replacement therapy so my physical body better reflects the gender I identify as. That's estrogen and spironolactone. The latter is an androgen blocker and prevents my body from producing testosterone. The former, estrogen, is a female hormone and it is what will be causing the changes in my body. To make a blunt comparison, imagine that I am a transmission. All my life I've been using brake fluid(testosterone) instead of transmission fluid(estrogen). Now I am functional where I was once decrepit, lethargic, and at odds with my very identity as a human being. It's not only causing physical changes for me, but now I have a completely different hormonal balance in my body and I cannot aptly describe the peace I now feel. Once there was rage, but only serenity remains.
Some words and their definitions.
Transgender: is a general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups involving tendencies to vary from culturally conventional gender roles.
Gender Dysphoria: is the formal diagnosis used by psychologists and physicians to describe persons who experience significant gender dysphoria (discontent with the sex they were assigned at birth and/or the gender roles associated with that sex).
Estrogen: A female hormone; used to cause hormonal and physical changes in my body.
Spironolactone: An androgen blocker; prevents androgen(testosterone) from being produced in my body
.
Stealth: The lifestyle of a trans woman where she does not disclose that she is transgender.
Cisgender: Cis people! That's most of the population on Earth. That means you do not suffer through gender dysphoria.
Transphobia: The fear/hate of transgender people.
Some of the issues that trans women face in their day to day lives are people not respecting their gender identity. They toss biotruths in their face, make disgusting comments about their gender, and physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse them. The worst case scenario, which is all too rampant in societies across the globe, is the act of killing a trans woman. Three have been murdered in my area in the past four months. Far too many, far, far too many. This is the kind of discrimination we face in our day to day lives. It's reprehensible to any upstanding citizen, but too often irrational fear overtakes too many people and we are subjected to horrors on a scale unbeknownst to the majority of the human population on Earth.
Another key problem is trans women being othered. That is to say they are turned into monsters by society. That is to say that claims are made that we are not normal, that cis people deem us "different" instead of being just another take on gender and it's role in our society. This is the backbone of discrimination against trans people. And I hope that everyone here will be supportive and respectful to me. I am now using female pronouns(she, hers). I demand you respect me as a long time member of this community and as another human being looking for love and a good life like everyone else. We have a diverse community and this community intersects many cultures. I have spoken to people from Japan, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Argentina, The United Kingdom, Finland, Russia, and China here. And I love all of you like family, or I wouldn't be coming here and saying these things. Please don't shun me, and feel feel to ask any questions you want.
Comments about going to hell or being a walking & talking sin are not appreciated and will not be replied to.

 

[RolandtheHeadless]

So what is the meaning of life?

Seriously, although we've had our disagreements in the past, I wish you well. Figuring out who you really are is an important step to take in your life. Regardless of your sexual identity, you're still a fellow human being.

Our daughter has several transgender friends, and we've had a couple of them as guests in our house. Anyone treating them with disrespect would be thrown out the door. I hope this forum has the same policy.

 

[Nuala]

So what is the meaning of life?

Seriously, although we've had our disagreements in the past, I wish you well. Figuring out who you really are is an important step to take in your life. Regardless of your sexual identity, you're still a fellow human being.

Our daughter has several transgender friends, and we've had a couple of them as guests in our house. Anyone treating them with disrespect would be thrown out the door. I hope this forum has the same policy.

I very much so appreciate that, hehe! <3 On a side note, sexual identity is not gender identity. The two are not the same. The former is heterosexuality, homosexuality, asexuality, pansexuality. The latter is gender identity, such as male, female, genderqueer, and so on.

 

[thomas]

I Am A Woman; Ask Me Anything

Thor, you leave me with a lot of things to read up, but I wish you all the best on the path you have chosen. It really doesn't matter, what you are, but *who* you are, and I'm quite certain that everyone here on the forum will subscribe to that in one way or another.

Thanks for sharing your story with us!

 

[Nuala]

Thor, you leave me with a lot of things to read up, but I wish you all the best on the path you have chosen. It really doesn't matter, what you are, but *who* you are, and I'm quite certain that everyone here on the forum will subscribe to that in one way or another.

Thanks for sharing your story with us!

I really hope such is the case, thomas! I felt this way when I was 15 years old and my parents did not really understand or love me when I expressed such feelings to them. They have now come around, about seven years later, but it was rather hard on me. I came out to another community I've been apart of since 2008 and the reception to the news was much more negative than what I've gotten here. It's encouraging to get a positive response from the forum so far! <3

Feel free to ask me questions if you have any! That goes for everyone! Just be courteous!

 

[thomas]

I Am A Woman; Ask Me Anything

Frankly, I haven't been so much aware of the issue until last week when they aired a docu on National Geographic channel here in Japan. I'm sure it wasn't easy for your parents, but I'm glad they have accepted you as you are.

 

[Nuala]

Frankly, I haven't been so much aware of the issue until last week when they aired a docu on National Geographic channel here in Japan. I'm sure it wasn't easy for your parents, but I'm glad they have accepted you as you are.

I imagine it was hard for them to wrap their heads around. They're doing their best to be supportive of me in the present tense and that's all that matters in the long run. It's a mind-numbing experience for the trans person themselves first and foremost, and it can be jarring for the families too. But alas, a big issue are families being unsupportive, or even abusive. A good chunk of trans teenagers get kicked out of their house and their lives spiral downwards and that in conjunction with a wide variety of other issues is why trans people have a grossly high suicide rate and poor quality of life.

I told friends once upon a time. They rejected me. They rejected me hard. I'm making new ones now, but I have new issues in accordance with my lifestyle and age. I'm 24 years as of 11/12/2012. I work in retail. I am, like the rest of us, dependent on my income. At this point in my life, it is imperative that I save money for the possibility of being put out of a job because of the discrimination which runs rampant throughout society. You know how most large companies have a Human Resources department? In my state itself, guess what happened? A woman was denied the right to use the washroom of her gender. Yes, she is a trans woman, but think about that. What does it mean if you are not allowed access to the woman's washroom as a trans woman? Would you have a woman step into a men's bathroom? It's implications are tremendous. Her company's HR department did the exact opposite of comply with state regulation on anti-discrimination laws, of which those protecting trans people are few and far apart. Do you think I'm gonna work at a place where I can't use the washroom without being subjected to another person's ignorant beliefs on my identity? No, of course not, and I will hopefully find a place of employment where I am not subjected to that, but the possibility is there.

 

[Hezam]

Glad to see you again Thor, I wish you a happy Life

 

[Mike Cash]

I Am A Woman; Ask Me Anything

Happy birthday, Thor. Best wishes on everything.

 

[SevenStarsHK2N]

ok I have a question.

How does the sex work?

 

[Nuala]

ok I have a question.

How does the sex work?

I'd recommend figuring that out for yourself, hun. It's on a person to person basis. How do you think sex with a penis works? I could always have sexual reassignment surgery, although that's not really a present interest of mine, if it were, it would be years away, and then it'd be sex like having a vagina.

 

[Mike Cash]

I Am A Woman; Ask Me Anything

Don't say "Ask me anything" and then get persnickety at prurient questions.

 

[Nuala]

Don't say "Ask me anything" and then get persnickety at prurient questions.

I did not realize the first question I was going to be asked was how a penis worked, Mike Cash. I'm not going to get into an argument with you over this, but one sentence out of the four that I posted doesn't mean I'm being persnickety. And yeah, I'm not going to respond well or probably at all to the more lewd or thoughtless questions I am asked.

EDIT: I fixed the thread title for you, sweetie. I know how you like things to be as accurate as possible.

 

[Mike Cash]

I Am A Woman; Ask Me Anything

You didn't give any information regarding your current genital arrangement. How was he to know you're still twig-n-berries? (Or did you have an orcheotomy?) It seemed reasonable to assume you were post-op. That was my assumption as well.

We all know how the from-the-factory OEM genitals our mothers made for us work, so nobody thinking you're still sporting original equipment would bother asking, now would they? How custom-made aftermarket parts work, that's a different story. You asked us to ask, so he asked. It isn't as though WE brought this up or started prying into your private life uninvited. Truth be told, while all of us wish you nothing but the best, it is nowhere as near a consuming or fascinating matter for us as it is for you. You'll get some polite interest, some things that you may not like, and then everyone turning away and going back to whatever latest shiny thing takes our fancy.

I have a question, though: what is the meaning and origin of "cis people"? I've never heard that before. Is it meant to be or has it acquired any sort of negative or derogatory connotation in the transgender community? (Sort of like the way that some homosexuals use the word "breeder" is what I'm getting at).

EDIT, regarding your edit:

Are you going to start your usual over-reacting hypersensitive snarky drama queen crap again? I was hoping some of the "peace" you have found would mean an end to that.

 

[Hezam]

Which genre that you was attracted to before the surgery ?

 

[Nuala]

Which genre that you was attracted to before the surgery ?

That's a good question! It's hard for me to answer though. I would say that I was attracted to both men and women. Gender doesn't really have an impact on my relationships. I try to view people I'm interested in as more than simply a gender. I've een attracted to a wide variety of people too and I've had relationships with a geat many people and I cannot really say that I follow any sort of pattern. It's more so just that if I click with somebody really well, and they're interested, well, no reason not to take it to another level. I would say that I'm polyamorous too. i don't really feel the need to maintain a singular relationship. I don't care if my partner has sex with another person. I have more to worry about than my perception of their loyalty to me, like having a good time with them and making sure they're fulfilled to the point where they're happy, because it goes without saying that I will be just as pleased if they are.

I have a question, though: what is the meaning and origin of "cis people"? I've never heard that before. Is it meant to be or has it acquired any sort of negative or derogatory connotation in the transgender community? (Sort of like the way that some homosexuals use the word "breeder" is what I'm getting at).

Cis/Cisgender: In gender studies, cisgender and cissexual gender identities are two related types of gender identity where an individual's self-perception and presentation of their gender matches the behaviors and roles considered appropriate for one's gender as assigned at birth

Now, I don't find that problematic whatsoever. To be honest, I find that the LGBT community is capable of being as problematic as it is right. Comments like "breeder" are inherently negative and doesn't really do anyone any favors, but at the same time, it has less impact on a heterosexual person than referring to homosexual people as homosexuals would. You take the person out of it and you start sounding like you're talking about another species of humanity. We're no different from you.

 

[Hezam]

Thank you very much for the answer, I'm sorry if it's a sensitive question.
Just curious about one more thing[ if it's ok ], What's the difference between your situation and the " Bisexuality " ?

 

[Mike Cash]

I got that notion of "cis" from your initial post. Do you happen to know its provenance? It sounds to me like something made up for the sole purpose of helping GID sufferers feel better about their plight by also placing a label on others.

And having grown up and left the U.S. before the notion of political correctness came into being I refuse to buy into the whole overwrought nonsense of PC in general or accept the idea in particular that to not say "person" after "homosexual" or "heterosexual" is somehow to deny their humanity or is in any way wrong. When we start discovering ourselves surrounded by homosexual cinder blocks or heterosexual lunch boxes or bisexual radiator caps or the like, then for the sake of clarity I will add "person". Until then, nope....ain't gonna worry about it.

 

[Grandpa Frank]

By the way...........................HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uncle Frank

 

[OoTmaster]

Happy Birthday. I am also 24 so trust me I know the struggles you go through with jobs. Good luck with living your life in this new situation for you. Sometimes being who you are upsets people. But just remember no matter who you are there are people that won't like you or support your decisions. There will still be people that will like you and support you though, try to find people like that and avoid the people that don't if possible. And if you ever find your self needing help coping with your decision I am sure the local LGBT group will help you with emotional support of not being understood. And even though I don't personally agree with someone that feels the way that you do. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be who you are. Just stay positive.

 

[Nuala]

Happy Birthday. I am also 24 so trust me I know the struggles you go through with jobs. Good luck with living your life in this new situation for you. Sometimes being who you are upsets people. But just remember no matter who you are there are people that won't like you or support your decisions. There will still be people that will like you and support you though, try to find people like that and avoid the people that don't if possible. And if you ever find your self needing help coping with your decision I am sure the local LGBT group will help you with emotional support of not being understood. And even though I don't personally agree with someone that feels the way that you do. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be who you are. Just stay positive.

I totally appreciate how polite you're being, and I'm glad you recognize that your comfort or whether or not you agree with something isn't paramount to my life and doing what I can to live as happily as I can. It's a shame that you don't agree with it though. What don't you understand about transitioning or transgender people? I'd like to talk to you about it.

Thank you very much for the answer, I'm sorry if it's a sensitive question.
Just curious about one more thing[ if it's ok ], What's the difference between your situation and the " Bisexuality " ?

Bisexuality is basically attraction towards either gender. Transgender is basically being a gender opposite of the one assigned for you at birth.

I got that notion of "cis" from your initial post. Do you happen to know its provenance? It sounds to me like something made up for the sole purpose of helping GID sufferers feel better about their plight by also placing a label on others.

Mike Cash Is A Special Butterfly. Don't You Dare Label Him.

And having grown up and left the U.S. before the notion of political correctness came into being I refuse to buy into the whole overwrought nonsense of PC in general or accept the idea in particular that to not say "person" after "homosexual" or "heterosexual" is somehow to deny their humanity or is in any way wrong. When we start discovering ourselves surrounded by homosexual cinder blocks or heterosexual lunch boxes or bisexual radiator caps or the like, then for the sake of clarity I will add "person". Until then, nope....ain't gonna worry about it.

How Dare You Ask Mike Cash To Be Considerate Of Others. This wouldn't be JREF without you, Mike Cash. <3

 

[Mike Cash]

I love you too, Thor. XOXOXO

 

[OoTmaster]

It's not that I don't understand it. I just don't agree with it. I think that if you were born a male you are male, if you were born a female you are female. I have never felt that I should have been a female though. So I may be a bit biased on the subject. But if I were in the same situation that you were in, feeling I was femal when my body was male, I may have done the same thing as you.

 

[Nuala]

It's not that I don't understand it. I just don't agree with it. I think that if you were born a male you are male, if you were born a female you are female. I have never felt that I should have been a female though. So I may be a bit biased on the subject. But if I were in the same situation that you were in, feeling I was femal when my body was male, I may have done the same thing as you.

I've felt this way my entire life. We have gender roles thrust upon us from when we're very young. That is a factual part of our development. I kinda think it's wrong to tell a child what they are and aren't and to discourage behavior that is beyond the constraints of the role you gave to them. There is quite a bit of effort being put in to make child development less of a reinforcement of gender role stereotypes and such. Like: We really wouldn't want to give young girls the idea that they should solely be a homemaker, right? No, of course not. And we don't want to force a boy to get into the idea that masculinity means everything in the world, whereas it's just one take on a very complex subject. Like, we cannot give our youth the impression that women must be feminine and boys must be masculine, lest we start our present problems with equality all over again.

For me though, yeah. I felt like I should have been a woman when I was younger. When I was a religious youth, my prayers went to God to make me a girl like the ones in my classes. I wanted to wear the clothes they did, and do the same things they did, because now, at the present day, I am a woman beyond a shadow of a doubt. It's always been more so that I've been living a lie by denying who I am.

And may whatever deity you worship help me, but this isn't so easy. I cannot understate how awful the trans community has it. Traditional life has become toxic for our society in that it represses people from being who they are. Me being transgender doesn't hurt anyone, but I can assure you that some piece of bigot trash would be more than happy to stick a knife in me if the opportunity arose.

So yeah, you know, if you don't understand gender studies, that's alright, but there is a difference between not understanding something and acting against someone because you don't understand them. You are clearly the former, and that's alright! Keep an open mind, ask me questions you may have, it's all cool.

 

[SevenStarsHK2N]

yea sorry didn't mean to get your back up.

I assumed you were sporting...er..aftermarket hardware. And well anything that involves friction needs a bit of lubrication to feel rite.
I know vaguely how they make an artificial vagina, but the ins and outs of how they work in an actual situation i draw a blank on.

what happens if you get "hard" with an inside out-y
How much abuse can it take
cleaning it etc?
so that was why i was asking.

I've got no issues with what people do with their bodies.
On a social-sexual level tho. Do you find that the men that you attract tend to be more "top" or "bottom"?
Or is it roughly the same.

I'd imagine it must be quite weird for a gay man to look down and see a woman "playing lolipop", whether or not she has a penis
but then again sexuality is rarely a black and white issue. tho for some of course it genuinely is.
Do you find that people you are with somewhat question their own sexuality when they are with you?
(not in a negative way or anything - but i would imagine it would give one pause for thought)

anyway - i'm asking personal questions, feel free to ignore