How does one grow to love Japan?

Without wanting to get too melodramatic, I think the answer to this question is my key to happiness!

How does one grow to love, or even like and respect enough to be happy to remain in Japan?

I want to love Japan because I find myself living here... permanently (if I make it so.)

I'm getting engaged to a lovely Japanese girl, have dozens of good Japanese friends, play lots of music with wonderful Japanese musicians, chill out in fabulous little bars, and even my job ain't so bad... an almost perfect combination.

So far so good.

But... how can I love a country that has no laws against racism, and even upholds racist points of view? When immigrants started to go to Britain in large numbers 50 years ago they initially had a very tough time of it. But soon there were laws to protect their rights and provide some sort of moral guidance to the rest of the populace. But in a legal wasteland like Japan, the bigots get away with it, which makes the rest of population think it's just normal behaviour.

For example, many Japanese would say - "Gaijin-san, of course you...
- need to always carry a gaijin card, you're a gaijin!!"
- can't go into that nomiya, perhaps the landlord can't speak English!"
- can't apply for an apartment, the other tennants might get worried!"
- should be fingerprinted at the airport, we don't want terrorists in Japan!"
- shouldn't get angry if a kid yells 'kusai gaijin' at you and their mother giggles."
- should go home if you don't like our laws!"
- can't have this job at this MacDonald's- you're western so the customers might be scared!" (this happened to the 17 year old daughter of an American friend... and she's perfectly fluent in Japanese.)

And it will never change until there are laws.

What's even more worrying for me is that I chose to come here, so this is partly self-inflicted, whereas if I have 'haafu' kids, they'll be suffering the same cr&p (or worse) through no fault of their own.

How do ex-pats who've been here a long time cope with this? Do they:

1) stop whining and put up with the discrimination & ignorance? (if so, how??? Do they remove their emotion chip?)

2) come round to the "it's not the Japanese fault, they were cut off from the world for 200 years, bless 'em" point of view?

3) have some amazing homegrown system to cope with the Jeckyl and Hyde that is Japan?

To be fair if you have chosen to reside in a country you have to abide by it's laws and customs. You do have the choice of not living there if you so desire.

You pose a very interesting question. Coming to the decision whether to stay or go, knowing full well some of the treatment you or your children could be exposed to if you choose the former, you have a couple options.

Obviously, trying to just "put up" with discrimination will only make you miserable and repressed. Becoming some kind of human rights warrior that thrives on being an outsider is likely to make you more of an outspoken gaijin, such as Arudou Debito, who is well-known only because of his personal crusade. Truly coming to accept that "that's just the way things are" sounds like a lofty proposition, and might not even been possible for many people. I think that everyone comes up with their own way of coping with being a gaijin. One of Mike Cash's stories reminded me that the best way to cope with a unwanted stereotype is to not fit into it, and that educating is much more effective than getting upset or making a scene. There's nothing wrong with being offended by racist comments or behavior, but how you react to them could determine whether you're reinforcing those stereotypes, or breaking them.

I can't tell you which decision will work out better for you, but I wish you luck whatever direction you decide to take.

As you said, you brought this on yourself, you will have to find a way to come to terms with Japan and if you cant, you should probably reconsidor your residence there.

Not agreeing that some Japanese behaviour towards foreigners is positive or acceptable but, Japan is Japan, as you said, the west has given more then enough of its fair share, and even now, we have situations where people downright caused trouble by refusing to fly because two men "seemed to be speaking arabic" and "looked suspicious".

Dont pretend the west is free of descrimination because its not, swathes of westerners at a time are still very poorly behaved towards foreign things that are still ignored by the PC police.

I think the bigger problem is for the first time in your life your having to be in a situation where YOUR the foreigner, YOUR the strange different coloured person from far away, your not automatically the institutionally most superior person in the land.

Welcome to the world of being an ethnic minority, perhaps it will give you a valuable life lesson of what its really like to be in the minority in a country and treated as such.


Again, not saying its right but, if there is a positive way to look at it its that it gives us people, all our lives living as the majority in our countries, the richest in the world, and we get to experience from a minorities point of view, we get to see what all the fuss is about, when say, a black man complains about institutional racism against him in a western country, we can actually experience it for ourselves in a real world situation.


Still, Japan aint all bad, if you can just get over the fact your the foreigner now and that its not your country, you can find a happy place.

Japan is what it is, and it wont change over night, considoring theres plenty of places where I can be killed just for being who I am I think a "kusai gaijin" now and then from a little brat isnt so bad, and as for half kids, They'll be alright, after all, they got some Japanese in them.

Yeah, Japan....a very interesting country, heres a tip for now anyhow, try to concentrate less on the bigots, and appriciate the open minded folk more, you did say you have a Japanese lady-friend and Japanese friends, if Japan as a whole is apprently generalizable as bigoted, then how did you manage any relations there at all?.

Be a good ambassador, get to know your friends and neighbours and be a good example, you cant break Japan's foreigner issues over night, but perhaps chipping away at it over time by good behaviour will win them over.

You already said it but, its true, Japan has only been open to foreigners relatively recently, and it had a long phase where its military leaders turned the country against foreigners, they havnt had long as a culture to adapt to such open foreign influence, especially since recently aswell the world suddenly opened to modern communications.

Also the Wests introduction to the world was through the barrel of a musket, we met the world as the top dogs, Japan had a very rude and surpise awakening to the world at the end of those musket barrels, we never felt threatened durring our age of awakening because we were ontop and we were the foreigners invading and conquering and massacring foreign cultures because they were different and "inferior".

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The OP came very close to hitting the mark, without realizing it.

The question isn't "How does one grow to love Japan?"; the question is "How does one avoid coming to despise Japan?"

Ben W Bell said:

To be fair if you have chosen to reside in a country you have to abide by it's laws and customs. You do have the choice of not living there if you so desire.

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That makes perfect sense. So, if the Qu'ran tells us that we should stone a woman to death for adultry and well, Nigeria just happens to be under islamic law, we should just shrug it off and say, "It's their customs, we should stay out of it." ?

I've often thought tha Japan would be a wonderful place to live, if not for the people living there... It's a fantastically beautiful place, and I, like many people love the dynamic tension between the cities and the so called slow life. I think it's the environment I miss the most.

It's not that the people of Japan are bad people per-say, they just simply have a very, very, very long way to go where it comes to race-relations, and quite frankly, I don't think they'll be making any attempts to change their nature any time soon. I've simply never met an advanced & civilized culture of people who, if not racist, are, by far the most culturally ignorant of what exactly even constitutes as racism.

The original poster describes I think a very typical situation for gaijin living in Japan. Whereas the first step is getting there, the second step staying there, the third and final step is making peace with not wanting to get the hell out of there...

Nurizeko, I think, if one could say that there were a Kübler-Ross scale of "dealing with Japan", you would be in the 'appologetic phase'... Don't you think that, regardless of where you reside, every human being deserves to be treated with equality and dignity? Don't you think that at the very least, responsible nations should have a institution set up to teach these sort of value-systems to their people, such that, hate-speach by politicians is not tollerated...?

Japan it seems is comfortable in letting its people go on thinking that they themselves, their brains, their bodies, are physically different from foreigners in such as way as make them unique and a seperate people from the remainder of the human race. How does this not constitute at least an ignorant accidental-racism?

Japan is an outlier; from the racism viewpoint, it is a pariah state. Racism lies in the very fabric of Japanese society; it is still at its primitive, visceral and atavistic stage. It is so ingrained that Japanese often appear totally bewildered when told they are racist. Being racist and being Japanese are so intertwined that racism is not seen as a form of deviance, but as normal. So Japanese racism is rarely expressed in vituperatively violent form. It is passive, intrinsic, underlying general social behavior.

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Jean-Pierre Lehmann

The last line of that quote is particularly interseting--- it's what our concept of racism is that seems to disavow the Japanese brand of racism... its own subtle nature and level headed practictioners make it seem as if it were not racism at all.

~ That said... I've grown up bullied, and I've had my fair share of dealing with people because I was different, right in my own country... The people in the United States aren't exactly a beacon of tollerance where difference comes to mind, and school is the first place you learn it. We'll always be differnt in some ways from people, as long as we can learn to appreciate our own differences while living in Japan, and to keep an educated, if not distanced view on the concepts of racism---- educating as you go, one person at a time... maybe we can get by.

A friend of mine, while I lived in Japan told me how many of her gaijin friend who were living & working in Kyoto were going home because they could not, "understand the culture" of Japan. I didn't quite know what she really meant to say until much later on.

I was born with a sole purpose of filming myself being intimate with Japanese girls in lovehotels in Tokyo, Japan and releasing the DVD in 2010 on ebay for $5 a pop and changing the entire Japanese adult film industry.


At the same time going to Japan taught me how to be respectful, polite and I found myself with manners that I never would have figured myself to have or use, for instance "Thank you for paying for the lovehotel, can we please eat TGIfridays for lunch? I do hope you pay for that aswell. You can? Oh why thank you."


Josh

ghettocities said:

I was born with a sole purpose of filming myself being intimate with Japanese girls in lovehotels in Tokyo, Japan and releasing the DVD in 2010 on ebay for $5 a pop and changing the entire Japanese adult film industry.

At the same time going to Japan taught me how to be respectful, polite and I found myself with manners that I never would have figured myself to have or use, for instance "Thank you for paying for the lovehotel, can we please eat TGIfridays for lunch? I do hope you pay for that aswell. You can? Oh why thank you."

Josh

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Why does Tales From The Bizarro World come to mind?

there is a law of libel ,character assassination ..
you should sue them by that

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If I give an opposite examplel.
he really likes kyoto.
Dare to Dream – Justin-Klein.com – Life of a Traveling Programmer

I've grown up bullied, and I've had my fair share of dealing with people because I was different, right in my own country... The people in the United States aren't exactly a beacon of tollerance where difference comes to mind, and school is the first place you learn it. We'll always be differnt in some ways from people, as long as we can learn to appreciate our own differences while living in Japan, and to keep an educated, if not distanced view on the concepts of racism---- educating as you go, one person at a time... maybe we can get by.

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I think, as for a shortcoming of many foreigners , the overall judgment cannot be done. They are not flexible compared with a different idea because of narrow mind. ☝
that is why they label and generalize it from small samples that they experienced..
I think some country can not accomplish it if there is no such law.
however there are more racism than here

one more thing, I noticed.

their environments are the discrimination principles.
A lot of people dislike being discriminated because they discriminated.
that is way They are sensitive..
as for japanses, Even existence of discrimination does not come around .

caster51 said:

one more thing, I noticed.
their environments are the discrimination principles.
A lot of people dislike being discriminated because they discriminated.
that is way They are sensitive..
as for japanses, Even existence of discrimination does not come around .

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You're saying the Japanese don't discriminate. Do I understand you correctly?

Well....I ve only been in Japan for a month or so but i ll tell you my experience...
Me and my friends were on our way to the center of Kyoto.
In the bus all were staring at us and even one lady about 30-35 spitted on us and said "Ou Espaniol..."and something else icluding Europe in a very furius state.With my little japanese(almost elementary lvl then) i said that we are from Greece.She returned with a smile and everyone on the bus started talking.The woman knew english and started talking about the Olympic games and that both countries share a great history and stuff....
The same happened to some stores and the hotel we were residing in Tokyo.
Also i found many walls in Tokyo inscribed with greek words.
My conclusion was that in spite the fact that racism again foreigners is a fact ,it is not against all countries and its residents.

I am not sure whether the OP is a Westerner/Caucasian or not. But to live happily in Japan, if you do not look Japanese, you have to be able to live with people treating you differently because you are a "gaijin". In my experience, and that of some other people, the more you learn about Japan and try to fit in, and the more you will be disappointed by Japanese people and dislike life in Japan. To be able to live happily in Japan you should ideally forget about the rest of the world, forget that many things are so much better in your home country (if it is the case, like for me), and especially tune down your critical sense and individualism and act and think like the the group (i.e. the Japanese you are interacting with). If they think that Chinese people are all indoctrinated and make Japan unsafe, then think like them. If they think that Japan is the only country with cherry blossoms, then forget it is not true and believe it too. If you can't do that life will soon become very irritating for you in Japan, especially if you have lived in other countries than your birth country before, or have travelled a lot. If you come from a place where most people have no idea that Argentina is in South America or that Napoleon was French, then you will have higher chances of being happy in Japan.

For myself, I subscribe to a simple formula: weigh the good with the bad (and that includes all the intangibles). As long as the pros outweigh the cons considerably, i'll choose to remain.

Maciamo said:

I am not sure whether the OP is a Westerner/Caucasian or not. But to live happily in Japan, if you do not look Japanese, you have to be able to live with people treating you differently because you are a "gaijin". In my experience, and that of some other people, the more you learn about Japan and try to fit in, and the more you will be disappointed by Japanese people and dislike life in Japan. To be able to live happily in Japan you should ideally forget about the rest of the world, forget that many things are so much better in your home country (if it is the case, like for me), and especially tune down your critical sense and individualism and act and think like the the group (i.e. the Japanese you are interacting with). If they think that Chinese people are all indoctrinated and make Japan unsafe, then think like them. If they think that Japan is the only country with cherry blossoms, then forget it is not true and believe it too. If you can't do that life will soon become very irritating for you in Japan, especially if you have lived in other countries than your birth country before, or have travelled a lot. If you come from a place where most people have no idea that Argentina is in South America or that Napoleon was French, then you will have higher chances of being happy in Japan.

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Basically, I do not believe that Japanese are more ignorant than Europeans or Americans. In Japan you can find a lot of curiosity and genuine interest in other countries and cultures, even if some knowledge is clearly based on stereotypes. However, you can observe the same sort of stereotypical views and prejudices if you ask average Europeans about Asian countries.

I reckon it all depends on what sort of people you surround yourself with. I can choose my consorts and friends here in Japan the same way I did in Europe, the Middle East and elsewhere. I definitely do not "love" Japan, but it's a wonderful place to live in. I am happy to be here.

Iron Chef said:

For myself, I subscribe to a simple formula: weigh the good with the bad (and that includes all the intangibles). As long as the pros outweigh the cons considerably, i'll choose to remain.

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Amen, Gus.

Ben W Bell said:

To be fair if you have chosen to reside in a country you have to abide by it's laws and customs. You do have the choice of not living there if you so desire.

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I don't think that Japanese laws, or even customs, have ever been an annoyance or reason to dislike Japan for me. There is one law that come to mind in what made me feel a bit more insecure than in Western countries, it is the one given the police the right to detain and "interrogate" (read 'abuse') anyone they want without any evidence that they committed anything illegal for up to 20 days. I think that this law is against the most basic human rights, and this made me fear Japanese police more than any other police before (even in Israel I wasn't afraid of the Israeli police).

I cannot think of any particular Japanese custom I dislike. It's more the way people think and behave with non-Japanese (including their opinions or knowledge of specific countries) that bothered me.

thomas said:

Basically, I do not believe that Japanese are more ignorant than Europeans or Americans. In Japan you can find a lot of curiosity and genuine interest in other countries and cultures, even if some knowledge is clearly based on stereotypes. However, you can observe the same sort of stereotypical views and prejudices if you ask average Europeans about Asian countries.
I reckon it all depends on what sort of people you surround yourself with. I can choose my consorts and friends here in Japan the same way I did in Europe, the Middle East and elsewhere.

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I suppose that the general knowledge of people you meet highly depends on the country's education system (and even specific schools in countries with a lot of private schools), so it makes it more difficult to say that "Westerners" are better educated or have less misconceptions about other countries than the Japanese.

I have lived in Austria, so if you say that Austrians are as bad as the Japanese in average, I believe you. But everytime I want back to Belgium when I was in Japan, and every single day since I came back from Japan I notice that Belgian people from about any background (from construction worker to shop assistant to lawyer) have a much better knowledge of Japan that the Japanese have of any country outside Japan (let alone Belgium !). I notice it because I often meet people in the presence of my wife and start talking about Japan. Nothing they say or believe about Japan is false or stereotyped.

Nobody ever asked me or my wife if Japanese people can use a fork and a knife, of if they can eat mussels, or if they have tulips and apple trees in Japan, or if Japan was an island in Central America, or if Japanese people all ate on the floor, or doubting that Japanese people could appreciate Belgian art because 'their brain works differently', or asking if they spoke Chinese, or any other nonsense (I think I have made my point, although I could continue with hundreds of other examples). NOT ONCE ! My wife was actually hoping that it would happen so that she could tell me "You see Belgian people also have misconceptions about Japan". I hasn't happened yet.

The only episode of discrimination I faced was not being allowed in a bar in Ueno, otherwise I have no negative experiences to report.

Not all Japanese are prejudiced. Some have managed to do some world travel on their own (or through their occupations) and have a broader sense of what other peoples and cultures are. If one lives in a fishbowl, that person will have no experiences to draw upon.

it seems that in modern western culture due to political correctness minorties are highlighted more and more and cultures are seperated to such an extent that true integration seems impossible... a black person will always be a black person, a white person a white person etc etc... why not just "british" or "american" or "spanish" or whatever country in which you reside...

my question is: is this "racism" focused towards the colour of one's skin or the place in which a person was born/raised???

if the latter is true then racism is not an issue.. more nationalism lol

You're saying the Japanese don't discriminate. Do I understand you correctly?

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yes, I think so.
at least, It is fewer than any other countries.

caster51 said:

yes, I think so.
at least, It is fewer than any other countries.

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Only due to less opportunity, not less proclivity.

can't have this job at this MacDonald's- you're western so the customers might be scared!" (this happened to the 17 year old daughter of an American friend... and she's perfectly fluent in Japanese.)

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17 years old american girl?
customers might be scared!" ??
why?
we are so plesant
that is his inverse-discrimination to the japanese ?
why did not foreigner doubt it?

Only due to less opportunity, not less proclivity.

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it is no problem here because of less opportunity...

caster51 said:

17 years old american girl,customers might be scared !?

why,we are so pleasant ?

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I recall one white-American former temporary employee at my job some years ago,once told me in a casual conversation how she was seemingly-racially-motivated discriminated as potential hire for a part-time job she was applying at this Japanese-owned business in Hawaii during those several years her husband tried to make ends meet as a farmer there.

This is what I can remember,she said this friendly little Japanese woman in broken English ruffled her hair in demonstration with mumbling word " no ... no ... no " to make her understand being a blonde-haired person not an acceptable appearance to Japanese or Oriental customers her business catered to.This was in Hawaii,the 50th state of United States of America !

Taiko666 said:

(1) can't have this job at this MacDonald's- you're western so the customers might be scared!" (this happened to the 17 year old daughter of an American friend... and she's perfectly fluent in Japanese.)

(2) have some amazing homegrown system to cope with the Jeckyl and Hyde that is Japan ?

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(1) I was never once hired at any northern Califnornia McDonald's in my teen years during summer time job hunt for spending money,no reason given.I've one tiny thread of inkling resentment toward possible racial discrimination practice to this day,for not given a chance to work at one of America's cultural icons.

(2) I don't know if there is a Japanese phrase for it or not,it's the " 2 faces of Japan " policy implemented by Japanese ruling eiltes during Meiji Era.The internal side of Japan stays on preserved traditions,with artificial-westernized version of Japan present to outside world.