How Do You Beat the Living Abroad Blues?

thejapanguy

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The holidays are coming around, and I know Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I have been debating on whether or not to call my family, because I know it's just going to make me homesick. I remember it hitting me really hard my second year in Japan for some reason. I wanted to write something for people who might experiencing the same thing:

Beating the Living Abroad Blues: Don't Forget Why You Came Here
November 6, 2010
By Donald Ash


Lately, work has been extremely busy: teaching, meetings, open houses, parent/teacher conferences, more meetings, student/teacher counseling, selling study materials, and preparing for classes. In addition to these tasks, I have been working furiously to take care of those all-too-important transition steps to move from my current job to the next one: securing housing, buying new appliances, preparing for interviews, etcetera. I very well could have made this a post complaining about how hard things are, but I'm not going to do that. It's during these tough times that I have to draw from my tenacity reserves which I imagine to be located somewhere between my heart and stomach (not really). My tenacity and sheer desire to stay in Japan and keep working draw heavily on past experiences. I was truly screwing up my life in the U.S. and coming here was a chance to change, a chance to get things right. If you're living abroad and you will be for quite some time, your tough times will come, believe you me. These tough times are what I like to term the "Living Abroad Blues." Now don't get me wrong, I'm far from a pessimist, but I wan you to know exactly what to expect if you're here. The LABs (Living Abroad Blues) hit people in many different ways and in many different scales. Whether these tough times are related to your finances, whether they are emotional in nature, or even whether it's finding the right job fit for you, keeping the right mindset is often what gets you through.


You're in Japan, or perhaps some other country that feels like it's a million miles from home. Sometimes you have to get away from all of the pressures of work, school, or life in general and ask yourself "What am I doing here?" When you hit that "I Wanna Go Home Wall," an honest answer to this question can make a world of difference. Was it for money? For studying? Did you want to become a musician? A fashion model? A fighter? Did you want to become fluent in another language? When you move to Japan or any country, it's important to know the EXACT reasons you're moving. If you don't know, that's okay, but sit down and come up with something…today! If it's goal you REALLY want you want to accomplish simply DO IT! Having goals occupy your mind in a healthy way. I remember as a kid I would say "I'm bored." It's funny, I haven't felt bored in many many years because I always have something I'm striving for. It is completely likely (depending on how realistic your goal is) that you could fail. But wouldn't it be wonderful if you attempted to achieve something big, and you did it? I can't say I've done anything major, but I did pull myself out of a bankruptcy. My sister's accomplishment is far greater than mine, she became a fashion model in Japan for goodness sakes. I don't think you have to be great to achieve some of the major goals, it's just that you have to be more consistent, more devoted, and more disciplined. See? You're starting to forget your blues already!


The importance of why you came becomes more significant with respect to the amount time you will be staying. If you're going to be in another country for a year or longer it is absolutely essential to have a reason for being there. If you don't, you could end up feeling like your time abroad has been a was of precious years of your life. I'm not saying these goals have to world-changing, but if these reasons are clear, specific, and have some importance to you it's so much more effective in keeping your spirits sky high. If you just make a goal of exercising regularly, that's good, but what if we said, I want to gain 10 pounds of muscle by the end of the year? It has a stronger effect, right? It's also a more quantifiable goal.


In the end, knowing why you came to live in another country doesn't 100% cure the Living Abroad Blues, but you might be surprised at how great of a remedy it can be. There are other things you can do to beat those blues into submission...(continued)


What do you do to combat the Living Abroad Blues? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
 
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I've been dealing with the living abroad blues lately. My usual limit for living abroad is around 4 months uninterrupted, and I've been here for 10 straight, so I'm burning out pretty badly. Although I love Japan, I'm so homesick that anything and everything different from home annoys me, whereas for before, I embraced it. And that article is right: I had to remind myself why I came here, although I am reassessing whether or not it's worth it to me.

My cure for the blues is to get a month or two of going home under my belt. Clear out all the "GAAAH, NOTHING'S LIKE IT IS AT HOME" gunk and come back ready to enjoy it all again.
 
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3 or 4 months is typical for the honeymoon period of culture shock to be over. Then people start to see a country more for what it is, and their first impression at that point is disillusionment. It takes a while more to adjust.
 
*Nods* Yeah, I know. I've actually lived here twice before, for 3 months and then a year, but when I was here for a year, I was able to go home for a bit halfway through, which recharged my batteries. I didn't get the chance this time, and it didn't help that some of my labmates started giving me grief about acting like myself. All of my Japanese friends are awesome, but around the time I was feeling the most homesick, some of the jerks in my lab started telling me that my being naturally cheerful and touchy-feely (only with my friends, who actually enjoy it and return the favor) was going to cause everyone to hate me, yadda yadda. It's not the first time I've dealt with bullying, but it didn't really come at a time when I could deal with it, and it made my homesickness much, much worse.

We'll see how I feel when I come back. I should do okay in most of my classes, I do have some awesome friends here, and I have an obligation to MEXT to see this through to the end. Thankfully, my supervisor also happens to be awesome.

At least I'm aware of why everything in the universe annoys me right now, and I'm not mistakenly thinking that I hate Japan. ^_^;;;
 
Thanks for the input. I feel pretty happy, but I know this the time when the homesickness hits the hardest. Every year, I think it gets a little easier to deal with, though. I want to start making more regular trips home, but I can't until the job/apartment change is all taken care of.

Akaitsume, I completely understand about the naturally touchy-feely thing, I'm like that too, and it's just not so common in Japan...sigh...that's one thing I don't like.
 
Hey, besides Skype and MSN I find food from home the best comfort for the homesick blues. The smells more than anything else bring me back!
 
I must be blessed; I left home at 17 (joined the Navy) and have never had a single homesick moment.
 
Lisa T, I have to wholeheartedly agree on the food thing. Sometimes (though it's been quite some time) my mom would send molasses cookies from home, and OH MY SWEET LORD...those things were good! I couldn't stop eating them, each bite was a mouthful of nostalgia...sigh. But you're totally right.👍
 
Mike, that's amazing. I do consider you pretty lucky, then. I am curious though...not one moment?

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm prying or anything, but what was life like for you back home? The reason I ask is because I know there are some people (not saying you, necessarily) who may not have had the best of situations back home, but when they come to Japan and break the chains that are dragging their lives down...they shine!
 
I come from a warm and loving family and a wonderful home, though I can fully understand how my earlier comment might give rise to suspicions to the contrary.

I have just always had a very good ability to adjust to my environment and make myself at home wherever I happen to find myself. I'm one of those people who never met a stranger.
 
And in case you have doubts.......

I have just always had a very good ability to adjust to my environment and make myself at home wherever I happen to find myself. I'm one of those people who never met a stranger.

we have many many notarized testimonials available!!

Uncle Frank

😊

PS - He earned all those green rep balls !
 
Mike, that's really cool, definitely not a quality that everyone can identify with. I do okay, in general, but...honestly...I do have my moments where the homesickness hits. It always passes, though. I wish I could be like you.
 
I got homesick for my hobby.

I grew up in Maine hunting , shooting , and collecting guns ; and found I couldn't live without them. In Japan , I joined a Japanese hunting club(Fukuoka) , but they used Korean air guns to hunt birds only. It just wasn't the same. After 60 years, my facination with guns and shooting(paper targets) has not waned. My love of Japan and my Japanese girlfriend lost out after just 2 years there , sorry to say.

Uncle Frank

:(
 
--> how do you beat the having returned to your homeland blues?
 
I don't think I ever had a really bad case of the homeland blues. I missed a few things but NPR handled the news, sat TV didn't have a lot of the shows I like but friends would send me burned DVDs, if I wanted pizza or something we'd just drive to somewhere that had it.

But I think having my family with me (and she who is the main part of my family wasn't homesick - Japan is home) certainly helped.

And Uncle Frank - I'm surprised the guys at the bird hunting club didn't help you out. It's surprisingly easy to get a license to keep a firearm in Japan (don't think you can have a handgun but my rifle and shotgun never caused me a problem once someone explained the process of getting permission to me), the cops give you a little blue book that you have to keep with the gun and you can bring it in and out of the country if you want to go hunting somewhere else. Used shotguns were CHEAP. I used to hunt crows regularly with some of the local farmers (they would take them to some gov. office that would give them 400-500 yen each for them) and took a couple of hunting trips up to Alaska while I was living in Japan. Never managed to go on a boar hunt in Japan (was popular in our area and I used to hunt wild pigs in Texas all the time) but always wanted to...
 
I'm like Mike-san as I also left home at 17 for the military and I can never really say I was homesick when I lived in Japan, and I lived there for half my life at the time! That's why I still consider Japan "home". Also, it was where I wanted to be so it never was really an issue with me. Besides, a phone call home/from home now and then and a trip back to the USA every few years was fine with me.

Wherever I happen to live is home for me and I can adjust and adapt fairly well as I have here in Tennessee. There's hardly nothing I can't get here that I couldn't get in Japan, but I do miss the culture and other aspects of living there though, but a yearly trip back seems to remedy that.
 
My wife is really facing homesickness right now. Its pretty tough being away from here family for New Years. Usually we go back to Japan for New Years but the birth of our son at the end of November meant that wouldn't be possible this year. Her homesickness is one of the reasons, the main one really, that we will be moving to Japan.

I can see myself being a little homesick living in Japan but I think I can deal with it as I will still have my family (wife, son) to be with. She thinks I will be very homesick but I'm the type of person who kind of adjusts to wherever they are. It takes a little time of course but I know I can adjust to living pretty much anywhere as long as we are together. :-)
 
I think when people make familes it makes the situation far more bearable. At least that's how it seems...I wouldn't know personally, though. Each individual is different, I don't have a family here, but I still like living here (despite those homesick moments). Nothing is ever 100% rosy, right? The bad times sometimes accentuate the good ones.
 
No, nothing is ever 100% rosy. Sometimes the bad times can give more meaning to the good times though. Not that anyone wants the bad times.

I do think having a family will be a big help though. :-)

You never know, you might find someone and settle down in Japan for a number of years or even for good. Remember, the future always holds possibilities and if you try to keep a positive attitude and enjoy life as much as you can, you can make those possibilities happen! :-)
 
I am pretty open to it happening if it does. I definitely wouldn't be opposed to living here for the long term because I do like Japan. I remember telling my family I'd be back in a year...that was three years ago:-)
 
I never get home sick. But I do have the tendency to miss my parents if haven heard from them in month time. I feel lonely.
But I get crazy if I stuck some where with out the freedom to anywhere on my own for about 2 weeks. Apart from those things I'm fine.
I think there will be problem if I'm limited to see my boyfriend. That will not sit well with me. I would not know he never been apart for more then a few days sins half are first year of being a couple. Its not like we planed that but it did happen
 
The first couple years I got a bit homesick during New Years and the Hockey Playoff Seasons. New Years here is a quiet affair unlike Canadian New Years, and Hockey Fever as everyone watches and talks about the games is exciting so long as at least one of your teams made it, but can't watch NHL PlayOffs on TV here (unless you get an expensive cable subscription).

These days, Japan is simply home, I've been here eleven years.
 
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