Honesty is the best policy, if timed right.

[ArmandV]

A friend came up with a little snafu in a relationship with a girl he met about 5 months ago. Since you guys/gals have a lot on the ball, I figured I'd present the matter to you to see what you think and pass it on.

He met a Korean-American girl at a strip club (already an interesting place to meet women) and hit it off with her (yes, she's a dancer) in the Los Angeles area. She is also in the fashion business (for television and commercials, from what I hear). Whenever he pops into the club she's the only one he wants to be with. He's asked her out before but she said she was busy with the fashion business at the time.

Anyway, to make a long story as short as possible, they have been very affectionate towards one another and he went on a business trip to Mexico and told her that he'd bring her some gifts from there. Which he did.

Earlier this week, he went to the club with the stuff (nothing too expensive but nice nonetheless) and she was very appreciative. Later, during some small-talk, he asked what is she doing for Mother's Day. She then dropped a bomb on him: she said she's going to either take to or pick up (I forget which) her boyfriend from San Diego.

Naturally, he was in shock over this bombshell. He swears that this was the first time she mentioned a boyfriend to him. To his credit, he did not make a scene, but she later noticed his mood changed and asked what's wrong. So he told her that he was stunned about her bombshell. He told me she was "very clingy" on him after he told her that he was shocked. Based on that, I think she does care to some degree.

I told him that she should have been forthright about having a boyfriend from the beginning (timing is everything) before he invested so much time and effort. Now he is wondering what to do next, if anything. They do have a deeper than usual relationship than a dancer/customer usually do. I told him that he should stop going to see her. But I don't think he's just ready to give up. What do you think he should do?

 

[JimmySeal]

This is my initial impression. Take it with a grain of salt.
Considering that your friend and this girl have never even been on a real date, there's no reason that she should have told him any sooner that she had a boyfriend. As it stands now, their relationship is little more than a client/dancer relationship and as such she again has no reason to reveal that she has a boyfriend.
Maybe this girl has some feelings for your friend too, but I really don't foresee a happy ending for these two. Your friend always has the option of talking to her in a straightforward manner about where things stand. If she really has no interest in seeing him outside of the club then he need not waste any more time with her.

 

[ArmandV]

^That's pretty much my gut feeling. Although, she probably should have told him when he asked her out. At that point, he let her know of his interest/intentions. Instead, she just said she was busy with her other job (maybe it's her version of the Japanese way of being unable to say "no").

I talked with him a little while ago and he said that she was concerned that he'd get home okay. He told her that since they don't serve alcohol, that should not be a problem. She told him then that was not what she meant (I guess she was worried that he'd get into an accident anyway). Maybe there's still some hope as he told me they embraced and kissed (!) at the door as he was leaving. I'm not sure about the context of that. Wish I was a fly on the wall watching!

 

[Carlson]

an all out lie is not good but a little white lie or a fib can be ok. but they even catch up to you in the end.

 

[kirei_na_me]

I really can't understand how anyone could have a real relationship with a stripper, but I guess that's just me.

I guess I'm just really skeptical in a situation like this, but he might not be the only one she treats this way. It sounds like she could be stringing him along for whatever reason. Hoping for more tip money, hoping for more gifts, wanting even more attention, whatever.

Or, she could really care. I don't know. If she did, though, I would think she would tell him from the beginning about the boyfriend and all that.

You know how some of you men get. You see a lovely lady in a setting like that. She's got a beautiful body and face and she is so charming and sweet, and you're easily mesmerized by her and will be ready to do anything she demands. Those girls are professionals and they know what they're doing. They know how to woo people and charm people to get what they want. I'm not saying anything's wrong with that, either. I'm just asking you all if you really realize that it's all an act(most of the time).

Anyway, Armand, I just hope your friend can get out before he gets hurt even more. I'm like Jimmy, I don't think this will end well. It'd be good if he could distance himself starting right now and just not look back.

 

[DoctorP]

I really can't understand how anyone could have a real relationship with a stripper, but I guess that's just me.

I had a really good relationship with a dancer, when I was much younger that is! I actually moved into her place for about a year. You'd be surprised how much money they can make!

That said, I would never trust anything a girl in a strip club tells you...until you have actually gone out on a date or two. Girls in those clubs tell you what they think you want to hear, and no man in those clubs wants to hear about a girls boyfriend! I'm not saying that you can't trust them at all...but if he had only visited her at the club, then he was a fool and he was duped! She was telling him what she had to to get him to come back.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Yeah, it would be nice if she was genuine but you just cant tell with these types of situations and in most cases their not, his best bet is to distance himself, maybe if she cares enough she will persue him beyond the sugar-coated world of a strip-club.

 

[ArmandV]

Thanks, all. From what he tells me, she seems pretty down-to-Earth. He's gone in to just have a drink from time to time without having any table dances (that's where they make their money) and she would generally sit with him and talk. I agree with your assessments on strippers in general, usually they will plop themselves next (or on) someone and as soon as they hear that the dude has no money to spend on a dance, they fly off him like a vampire to a cross. This one doesn't. I guess it depends upon the individual.

I think he's going to talk to her, so we'll see how it goes.