Having a child with a Japanese wife

[Mike Cash]

Congratulations! I'm very happy for you!

 

[thomas]

Congratulations, @cocoichi !

 

[cocoichi]

Thank you guys, appreciate it!

 

[Petaris]

Congratulations!
Sorry its a bit belated!

 

[johnnyG]

May your new one go to 東大.

 

[cocoichi]

I just go a minor heart attack. My wife said Japanese elementary school would be free of charge, but it's actually very expensive. In Holland I can easily afford schooling and living expenses on my single salary, but I'm afraid my wife will have to get a part time job once we move to Japan.

How did you guys deal with cost of education for your kids in Japan?

 

[Mike Cash]

My wife said Japanese elementary school would be free of charge, but it's actually very expensive.

That seems contradictory and could use a little clarification, please.

How did you guys deal with cost of education for your kids in Japan?

I've never raised children anywhere else and have nothing to compare it to, so I wasn't aware it was so bad here. My kids attended the neighborhood public schools and those didn't seem financially burdensome to me.

My son recently finished his schooling and moved away from home for the first time. (He's now a game programmer in Tokyo). My wife was astounded by how much our gas, electric, and water bills plummeted after he moved out.

 

[cocoichi]

That seems contradictory and could use a little clarification, please.

Sure. My wife always thought and told me that public school in Japan was free of charge until the age of 12 (paid for by the government), but after doing a bit of research by myself, I see it will cost somewhere between 20.000 and 40.000 yen per month. Whereas it's completely free of charge (well, we pay a higher amount of tax) in Holland. I am already expecting a lower salary once we move to Japan compared to what I earn now, so with higher cost as well I just got a bit surprised.

I've never raised children anywhere else and have nothing to compare it to, so I wasn't aware it was so bad here. My kids attended the neighborhood public schools and those didn't seem financially burdensome to me.

My son recently finished his schooling and moved away from home for the first time. (He's now a game programmer in Tokyo). My wife was astounded by how much our gas, electric, and water bills plummeted after he moved out.

Congratulations on your son's accomplishments! Must be a proud moment for a parent to know that you've done well in that aspect of upbringing.

 

[johnnyG]

I just go a minor heart attack. My wife said Japanese elementary school would be free of charge, but it's actually very expensive. In Holland I can easily afford schooling and living expenses on my single salary, but I'm afraid my wife will have to get a part time job once we move to Japan.

How did you guys deal with cost of education for your kids in Japan?

Our kids went to a private elementary school, but one which followed the standard curriculum. So it was about 25-30k/month, each. For middle and high school we used public, but the fees for "extras" that you end up paying were about the same (less for middle, about the same for HS, and it also depends on the club they choose).

OTOH, daycare here is a steal (at least compared to the US), at about 4万/month. (This was the real daycare--保育園 and not 幼稚園--ours both started from about 8-10 weeks.) I think when they were both there it was not twice that, but maybe 5万/month (we were in the highest income category, so others were probably paying less.).

They would never think of it or realize it, but I think of our 保育園 as tho it was an extended family, and it's my opinion that both of ours benefited tremendously by growing thru those very early years with 8-10 other kids on a daily basis, rather than being 'home alone'. We still go to their bazaar every year (tho I missed it last year, next is coming up July 2nd!) to visit with the remaining hobo and other parents of our era (kids are now 22 and 26).

And, tho it's a long way off, and things could change, uni tuition at national/prefectural schools here is a steal--about ¥268,000/per semester. While that's not euro-free, it's about a third of what my alma mater is now charging for in state students (out of state is another 2-3 times that). And that tuition fee is the same here if your kid goes to your local nat'l uni, or to 東大. Truly a bargain!

 

[cocoichi]

Our kids went to a private elementary school, but one which followed the standard curriculum. So it was about 25-30k/month, each. For middle and high school we used public, but the fees for "extras" that you end up paying were about the same (less for middle, about the same for HS, and it also depends on the club they choose).

OTOH, daycare here is a steal (at least compared to the US), at about 4万/month. (This was the real daycare--保育園 and not 幼稚園--ours both started from about 8-10 weeks.) I think when they were both there it was not twice that, but maybe 5万/month (we were in the highest income category, so others were probably paying less.).

They would never think of it or realize it, but I think of our 保育園 as tho it was an extended family, and it's my opinion that both of ours benefited tremendously by growing thru those very early years with 8-10 other kids on a daily basis, rather than being 'home alone'. We still go to their bazaar every year (tho I missed it last year, next is coming up July 2nd!) to visit with the remaining hobo and other parents of our era (kids are now 22 and 26).

And, tho it's a long way off, and things could change, uni tuition at national/prefectural schools here is a steal--about ¥268,000/per semester. While that's not euro-free, it's about a third of what my alma mater is now charging for in state students (out of state is another 2-3 times that). And that tuition fee is the same here if your kid goes to your local nat'l uni, or to 東大. Truly a bargain!

Thanks for this info, it's very helpful.

In regards to university tuition fees, I wouldn't be surprised if european and Japanese tuition fees will be almost equal in the next 10 to 20 years. I graduated in 2010 and paid 1600 euro for one academic year. Now it's already almost 2000 euro. Let's say it goes up with 100 euro per year, and you get an amount somewhere between 3500 and 4000 euro in 15 to 20 years. Japan however has a declining population and universities at some point have to compete strongly to keep enrollment at a decent level. One of those components will definitely be the tuition fee. If you want students from overseas to fill the spots, the price has to be attractive enough. For domestic students I would expect private universities to lower their fees.

 

[Glenski]

How did you guys deal with cost of education for your kids in Japan?

The government gives families a little money every month for each kid, depending on the age of the child. It's not much, but it helps. Otherwise, we have simply learned to budget our lives. We put away a little every month from what we make and set it aside just for our kid's future education. I'd do the same if I were living in the U.S.

My kid has gone to nursery school, kindergarten, and public school all his life. Where I live there is no international school. Don't let anyone tell you that elementary school is totally free. There are many things you have to buy even if you don't pay the school for them. Clothes are number 1, of course. Then there is always cram school (juku) lessons. We were lucky that the grandparents here bought his traditional backpack (randosel), because that's $200-400. Factor in a bicycle when your child gets to junior high (elementary school kids are not allowed to bike to school, but your child may want to learn to ride during those years anyway). And, then there are always the after-school extras like sports club or music lessons, beginning at around age 3.

My wife and I both worked for a while, then we moved to a place where she couldn't, so we just learned to be thrifty.

 

[cocoichi]

The government gives families a little money every month for each kid, depending on the age of the child. It's not much, but it helps. Otherwise, we have simply learned to budget our lives. We put away a little every month from what we make and set it aside just for our kid's future education. I'd do the same if I were living in the U.S.

My kid has gone to nursery school, kindergarten, and public school all his life. Where I live there is no international school. Don't let anyone tell you that elementary school is totally free. There are many things you have to buy even if you don't pay the school for them. Clothes are number 1, of course. Then there is always cram school (juku) lessons. We were lucky that the grandparents here bought his traditional backpack (randosel), because that's $200-400. Factor in a bicycle when your child gets to junior high (elementary school kids are not allowed to bike to school, but your child may want to learn to ride during those years anyway). And, then there are always the after-school extras like sports club or music lessons, beginning at around age 3.

My wife and I both worked for a while, then we moved to a place where she couldn't, so we just learned to be thrifty.

When we will move, we will bring 25.000 euro (approx 3 million yen) to get our lives started. This includes buying of furniture, key money (or any kind of money they make you pay at the start) for an apartment, school fees, and I hope to have a good deal of that money left after those things. Is it reasonable to expect that, or should I save more (esp in terms of education and child upbringing). Our plan is not to move until I have JLPT 2 level of Japanese so that a job can be found easier, or JLPT 3 with an additional intensive language course for like 2 to 3 months. So basically the date has yet to be decided, and in the meantime I can keep saving money.

 

[Petaris]

In general its a good idea to save as much as you can. There are always unexpected expenses/situations that come up. Its best to have as much of a reserve as possible.

 

[cocoichi]

In general its a good idea to save as much as you can. There are always unexpected expenses/situations that come up. Its best to have as much of a reserve as possible.

That is true, but a certain goal is also nice to have. For example, if the amount would be more than enough to cover what I want to cover with it, from now on I can start saving towards buying property or land to build something on.

 

[Petaris]

I was just assuming that whatever you didn't use from what you brought to get you started would be put towards future needs. I understand that its nice to have a specific goal, and certainly easier to measure progress against. I was just indicating not to stop once you reached it if you still had time left to save and could afford to keep putting some money aside.

 

[DBC Japan]

Hi guys,

With great pride can I tell you that my wife and I are expecting our first child, a daughter.
Everything is going well, but there are some things that I would like to ask your opinion about.

For example, the practicality of the name(s) we will choose. In the Netherlands no one really cares bout your name, due to the continuous influx of foreign cultures since the 50's. However I can imagine that in a more homogeneous culture like Japan, you will still stand out with a foreign name. Is this something you guys took into account when naming your children? perhaps double naming or just a Japanese name that sounded "international" enough?

Also, I speak mostly English with my wife, but my parents do not speak English at all. Is it doable to raise children trilingual, or should you start with one or two languages, and later on incorporate a third?

And, for now, my last question. When raising your children in Japan (if it comes to that), did you experience them to be bullied or ignored for being half Japanese, half foreign? Will they likely be treated the same, or can some mistreatment be expected?

First, my daughter is turning 18 and works part time, she has a Japanese first name and English last name, just the last name alone causes her problems, like getting accepted into university and getting a job interview. A lot of the time she is told "we thought you were foreign" Her university wanted her to take the EJU test since they said she doesn't have JLPT, it got tiresome to keep explaining she is Japanese and it is just a last name.

My daughter is native in English, Japanese and Korean and fluent in German. When growing up we made sure to use all the languages we could expose her to that we knew so she can communicate well enough using them, so making your daughter trilingual is very doable.

My daughter didn't really get bullied in public school, but at first she went to a private school, she did get bullied there and treated badly by other kids. As a teenager in a public school she didn't get bullied at all or treated different, except for her chest size, but that was just boys being boys.

Overall. I think raising kids in Japan is fine, as long as you have patience and time.

 

[Mike Cash]

First, my daughter is turning 18 and works part time, she has a Japanese first name and English last name, just the last name alone causes her problems, like getting accepted into university and getting a job interview. A lot of the time she is told "we thought you were foreign" Her university wanted her to take the EJU test since they said she doesn't have JLPT, it got tiresome to keep explaining she is Japanese and it is just a last name.

Welcome to the forum.

Did your daughter graduate from a regular Japanese high school? My daughter is attending university here and we had no such troubles.

Are you sure you have your age correct on your profile?

 

[DBC Japan]

Welcome to the forum.

Did your daughter graduate from a regular Japanese high school? My daughter is attending university here and we had no such troubles.

Are you sure you have your age correct on your profile?

She went to a private school until Jr High and from there public school. Maybe it was the ages, but her and another half Japanese student had some issues with other kids.

I may have entered my birth year wrong, registered on my phone and it was kinda small.
EDIT. - Yeah I did it wrong, can't change it though.

 

[cloa513]

There are quite a few children with foreign names around- I teach a Risa - I think they mean Lisa. I have a son who is 1 year old. I just went with my wife surname for him for the simplicity of using the family register. His first name is Hyugo as it is close to Hugo. My wife didn't like some other possible names- really all her choice.

 

[cocoichi]

She's doing great btw! 4 months old now

I brought my daughter to the office last week, and everyone was amazed by how much hair she has already. Apparently Dutch babies are not born with a proper stylish haircut.

I was afraid that she would not resemble me at all, since I thought Japanese genes must be stronger, but surprisingly she has quite a lot of my features.