Have We Become That Superficial?

[MajideSaiaku]

I still remember my girlfriends first pen-pal email, i got through Japan-guide.com

"Hello, my name is ***** ********, i am 18 year old girl, tokyo, i would be please to correspond with you, since i am very interested in england, and am learning english!

i impatiently wait your reply ^_^"

So, if your still looking for folk who've met by pen-pal service and ended up together, count me as one.


If folk wanna meet through dating services, that is their freedom of choice.
Its ultimatly up to your personal preferences, some folk meet at work, college or nights out, others hook up through dating agencies, speed dating, and other purpousful arranged dating activities.

Finally, all i have to say is, if you follow deeply entrenched social norms for pairing up, maybe, just maybe, your limiting your options and chances?.

 

[Void]

I think Rich would be better off looking for Miss Right, 'cos if it was Mrs Right, Mr Right might not like it!

i was alluding possible successful outcome of his search
and you guys just have spoiled it

 

[Rich303]

So...it isn't impossible to find someone online, but I think you have to just let it happen instead of seeking it out.

Thanks for the suggestions.
I guess for a while I had been waiting for it to happen,but it didn't! (5 years of working shifts probably didn't help).
That's why I tried to be 'pro-active' and do the online dating.

You are probably right,though. Sometimes the more you chase something, the more it eludes you.

She's out there,somewhere!

 

[Rich303]

accidentally double posted

..........

 

[kirei_na_me]

Finally, all i have to say is, if you follow deeply entrenched social norms for pairing up, maybe, just maybe, your limiting your options and chances?.

I agree with you there.

 

[Kinsao]

Hehe - for quite a while I had kind of... reservations... about "people you meet off the internet" Then I was like... hang on a minute, aren't I just someone off the internet? Not all persons on the net gonna be some kind of sleazeball or psycho!

So, I just treat people in the way of the old-fashioned "pen and paper" penfriends. Exchange emails, chat on msn messenger... I never met with anyone "from the net" ( ) at all. But, I have a penfriend who is soon visiting the UK, and we talk on the phone, so we will meet. I just think that once you get used to internet, relationships progress in more or less the same way as always... human nature doesn't change... just need to be aware people easily could be lying to you.

 

[Rich303]

There is no universal formula suitable for anyone and any occasion, Rich
If someone found his(hers) mate on-line that doesn`t mean that you will be as much successful.
Who knows, maybe, your mrs. Right everyday visits the pub next to you. And looking at the bubbles in a glass of beer or pepsi thinks that they resemble carps in drumly pond, or little universes that breaking surface bang in tiny explosions - what happens if two of them collide. But you just don`t notice her, `cause she wears bleak roomy sweater or, on contrary, garish dress since she got pissed off with the people and doesn`t care any more, and sometimes even bright and outstanding people don`t have taste (but that`s curable )
You just have to decide whether you need Mrs. Right or Miss Perfect

p.s. spasibo

I think you made some good points here,Void. You are a very poetic person.

Unfortunately, the women in my local pub are mostly clinically obese or a lot older than me. It's a bit dead were I live - I think my confidence improved when I lived in London for a couple of years.
I don't think I am looking for 'Miss Perfect' I'm not just looking for a beautiful girl. I saw a few on JFriends and girls like that are often superficial and sometimes mean.
I saw a very pretty girl at Victoria station who had to be told twice by the staff to let other people (including me with a suitcase) through the gate. She was so rude and didn't apologise, she just smirked.
People are like this because they've been spoilt,often because of how others react to their good looks, I think.

Don't get me wrong, not all pretty people are like this, but I have met a few.

This is what I think of when I hear the term 'Miss Perfect', and it's not what I'm after. She's got to be cute in some way,though, and have a few things in common. I don't think that's too much to ask.

So void, I am looking for Mrs Right, not Miss Perfect.

Spasibo

 

[Kinsao]

Did you mean 'Mrs Wright'??? :?

Seriously, seems like normal attitude to me, Rich... I mean, what are the chances to meet someone who is devastatingly good looking and also a really really nice person? Could be a life time of quest

 

[Tsuyoiko]

Have you ever met someone and thought, "(S)he's not great looking", but then got to know them and found that their looks grow on you too? But there are always deal-breakers. Mine are smoking and football. No matter how great someone is, they are the two things I cannot stand. Sounds like yours are obesity and age Rich! Mind you, I don't think I would have gone for a big lad, except my cooking is so good my husband has gone from 9.5 to 14 stone!

 

[Rich303]

no cake monsters!

Have you ever met someone and thought, "(S)he's not great looking", but then got to know them and found that their looks grow on you too? But there are always deal-breakers. Mine are smoking and football. No matter how great someone is, they are the two things I cannot stand. Sounds like yours are obesity and age Rich!

Yes,that has happened to me once, and it was the longest relationship I ever had.

Of course I don't mind if someone isn't stick-thin, but I just don't like proper obese ladies, it is not healthy, and if I can keep myself in a reasonable(ish) condition, then I think my special lady could too.
As for age, a few years older than me is OK, but not a lot more - I'm not mature enough,I don't think.

 

[Limonette]

Have you heard about that new internet personals dating service where you have to be "beautiful" (by their standards I suppose) in order to even join? Jeanne Moos covered it on CNN - and she didn't meet their standards. It is getting worse. What weirds me out is all these plastic surgery shows. Everyone is so into making themselves so "perfect", that they turn themselves into freaks. With unnaturally pouty fat lips, and what not. I can tell the difference between Anjelina Jolie's lips and those fake ones - they give me the heeby jeebies. Not to mention other body parts. Yes our culture is way too obsessed with beauty.

I do find it bizarre that that service was geared towards Christians as well.

My cousin met her husband online, but it was in a local chat - not a dating service. I like Japan-guide.com - because it's NOT a personals- dating service thing. You can say whether your interested in penpals or friends or I forgot what else I never got that far. I like that because I don't like writing people on the web for the dating thing, I like finding friends, and I have a couple very good freinds I've met in groups, and then if anything else happens to come of it - that's great, if not - you still have good friends.

Has anyone been to those Yahoo Japan chats? It's alot of gaijin looking for Japanese. It would be sad, except that it's fun to talk with people interested in Japan I'm finding are very interesting themselves. And I found myself chatting with a Pakistani used car salesman living in Tokyo, and half India/Italien guy and people from Belgium, South Africa, Korea, Taiwan all over. Some of those were in other chats. I didn't go into those chats looking for a date however. And really they are a waste of time, and only went for like 2 weeks before burning out. Even tho occasionally you can have an interesting conversation with anonymous people which is fun - it takes along time to find.

And one good thing I like about the internet is - when talking to people looks really don't matter at all. You can't see them, and so what you see is their minds, that's what you judge them on, and how nice they are.

Looks in dating does matter to me - but I have a different idea of what I find attractive. Sometimes it is the beautiful person, or a person with a beautiful feature about them. Sometimes it's just cute "sticky outy ears" or the space between his front teeth. (ala Dave Foley) One guy I knew got his ears adjusted surgically, and me & my friend were "why? we like sticky outy ears". If everyone looked the same it would be so boring. I can't stand the way the media has such a narrow view of beauty or attractiveness. Like everyone should look the same. And also, I thought the geeks in "beauty in the geek" are more attractive than on those other reality dating shows. Those guys are smart, funny, and have more soul. (except for that one annoying guy.) Then again sometimes I find someone attractive who's not at all beautiful. Consider Serge Gainsbourg - women found him attractive, and he wasn't at all good looking. Not that I like Serge, but he's the classic example.

Usually it's just a weird mix of things I find attractive, not someone with a perfect body or whatnot. And I hate 6 pack abs anyway, yeeuch! American men are much too buff for my taste - so British and Japan guys are better that way. Although Yukio Mishima I think was attractive, and he was pretty buff. I think it was those puppy dog eyes of his. Also Ray Park - he's very muscular, and yet I still think he's very attractive - the way he moves is his beauty I think. Anyway there are a million things to like.

And I'm also tired of when they say that women are more attracted to men with money. Although money makes life easier - it's the most uninteresting thing I can think of.

But attractiveness to me has much more to do with what's inside - funny is very attractive - as long as it's not too much. etc. Niceness and confidence is attractive. However shyness can be as well. I really like the whole picture. And what's with obsession with certain body parts? I think that's bizarre. I like them all - lol.

But then I like beauty too, it can be, well, beautiful. Like the guy Motoki Kobayashi in the Great Raid. At first I didn't like him at all. He's such a mean bad monkey. But, he is so good looking, I can't help it. But beauty is a thing in it's own, apart from dating type stuff. Like beautiful mountains, horses, whatever. I like it. Edward Furlong is one guy I'm rivited by his beauty and yet I'm not really attracted to him. I think because he's still like a kid to me. Yet he's nice on the eyes, and I've watched Pet Sematary 2 more than once. LOL ok I hope I haven't gone too long winded and too many tangents. I'm sure I have. And beautiful women I like too. I'm not gay. (just thought i'd let you know that.) I seem to be saying that alot lately I wonder if it means something.

 

[Doc]

Did you mean 'Mrs Wright'??? :?

Seriously, seems like normal attitude to me, Rich... I mean, what are the chances to meet someone who is devastatingly good looking and also a really really nice person? Could be a life time of quest

The day I find Mrs. Right will be the day when penguins start tap dancing in Hell after it had frozen over.

Doc

 

[Kinsao]

The day I find Mrs. Right will be the day when penguins start tap dancing in Hell after it had frozen over.

Doc

Ahh - so you are from the old Scandinavian school, that portrayed hell as a place of eternal cold! :shiver:

You might have luck finding Mrs Wright, though. Just be nice and sure Mr Wright is safely out of the way...

 

[Tsuyoiko]

Have you heard about that new internet personals dating service where you have to be "beautiful" (by their standards I suppose) in order to even join?

I bet I wouldn't like the people they chose!

And one good thing I like about the internet is - when talking to people looks really don't matter at all. You can't see them, and so what you see is their minds, that's what you judge them on, and how nice they are.

I like this too. If I talk to someone online and like them, then see a photo, I can straightaway see what is beautiful in them.

And also, I thought the geeks in "beauty in the geek" are more attractive than on those other reality dating shows. Those guys are smart, funny, and have more soul.

Geek is my type! If someone looks intelligent they automatically get more points! Like Michael Shanks (Daniel in Stargate SG1), Takeshi Kaneshiro and the British journalist Louis Theroux

But beauty is a thing in it's own, apart from dating type stuff. Like beautiful mountains, horses, whatever. I like it. Edward Furlong is one guy I'm rivited by his beauty and yet I'm not really attracted to him.

I know what you mean. I can think someone is a 'pretty boy' or whatever, but they do nothing for me. But people who are beautiful can be beautiful in the way that they are just nice to look at, and you don't want to know any more than that. I would put Keanu Reeves in that category.

 

[Rich303]

Geek is my type! If someone looks intelligent they automatically get more points!.....and the British journalist Louis Theroux

I can relate to that - Louis is cool. I bet you'd like his brother Justin. He was in the David Lynch film 'Mulholland Drive', and played a film director.

I'm just waiting for my eyesight to go, so I can get some of those cool glasses...

 

[Tsuyoiko]

I'm just waiting for my eyesight to go, so I can get some of those cool glasses...

Come here, I'll poke your eyes out!

 

[Rich303]

spectac(le)ular!

Come here, I'll poke your eyes out!

I have to look at video monitors all day, so a trip to Spec-Savers might be on the cards in the not too distant future.

I've never understood why people wear contact lenses,when you can get such nice glasses these days, if you can find a pair that suit you.
I used to have a bit of a thing about girls with glasses - that's weird isn't it?..

 

[Kara_Nari]

Have you ever met someone and thought, "(S)he's not great looking", but then got to know them and found that their looks grow on you too?

Im attracted to people who are not 'at a first glance beautiful'. Even after nearly a year, I wouldnt be quick to say that my boyfriend is handsome. Sure he is tall, he's skinny, he looks great in jeans hahaha. Even though im a hairdresser he still likes to go elsewhere to get his hair cut, that kind of bothers me because I sit there for about an hour or two after and judge his style. He knows how to dress (usually) well. I dont even know what first attracted me to him... maybe it was his insistence? Of course I like Asian guys so that was possibly his BIG advantage. Initially I thought he was rude and obnoxious, but then after we got together, it was only because of my friend that I was with each time that we met, that made him act that way.
Hmm about the looks growing on me, I guess they did, but I DIDNT find him repulsive to begin with. ☝

 

[Tsuyoiko]

I used to have a bit of a thing about girls with glasses - that's weird isn't it?..

Not really! My husband likes me better with my glasses on, though I only need them for close work. I think glasses would really suit you.

 

[Kara_Nari]

I love Glasses, Everytime I walk past an optometrist I enter, have a look around, try a few pairs and if I like them I will buy them.
My last pair that I bought are beautiful red ones, not ugly ones like Sally Jessie Raphael, but really sexy ones.
I dont know that I really really needed them, unless Im sculpting or drawing in small detail. Now I tend to wander around with them on just for the hell of it. Im missing my glasses in NZ though
Glasses in Korea are sooo cheap, how about Japan???

 

[kirei_na_me]

I like glasses too.

I never liked the "pretty boy" types either. Personality is what does it for me. Having a sense of humor, confidence, being down-to-earth, and intelligence does it for me. If someone can really make me laugh, I can fall in love with them.

 

[Kinsao]

I recently got contact lenses and I can honestly say that my looks seem to me not really different with or without glasses. I had a nice pair of specs (I got the contact lenses for a role in a play, not for myself. For ages I didn't want to get them, because I think I look so ugly and horrible... ). But, it is strange but people (I mean strangers) have so much nicer more positive reaction to me now that I am specs-free! Everyone who knows me before says I look not much different either way. Maybe that is something like a kind of stereotype of specs wearers, do you think? :?

lol... when I wore glasses it's nice to pretend maybe I would be pretty if I took them off but it's a bit of a disillusionment really. Anyway I don't care...

One of my friends always wears contacts and hates the way they look in glasses. But I think as long as you get nice ones to suit your own face, specs look fine. It doesn't change your face shape and structure, in fact!

There is one really good thing about having contacts though - I can wear 'normal' sunglasses! Yaay! Also I could wear more different specs as 'accessory' like does Kara Nari.

*coughtopiccough* ...... Definitely the looks of someone can grow on me! I hate saying it because it sounds like I'm being really arty and pretentious but I tend to look at people often as if to draw them... and so I often find things about them that are attractive, but not the usual... if you know what I mean. It's not so far as to say the old corny thing 'beauty in everyone' or 'in the eyes of the beholder' but... I think you all know what I mean!

It might sound stupid :sorry: but also I think there is some truth in the idea that if someone is a nice person it tends to show in their appearence also. Not their structure obviously, but in some ways in their body language maybe? :?

Body language plays a major role in someone's attractiveness, too, I think. (After all it's 80% of communications non-verbal I think :? ) Sometimes I've made conscious effort like an experiment to alter my body language and see whether people's reactions become different, and they always do.

 

[Kara_Nari]

Yeah, I understand what you mean about the whole body language thing. If I dont want to be harrassed I will put on a whole "dont even think about talking to me" act. Works wonders. However there are times too when I obviously look bored out of my tree and people just tend to wander up and say hi.
Its a little different in Korea, I guess, some people will just come to say hi to practice their english, and then there are others who avoid you like the plague. Guys tend to be a lot nicer here than girls.
I really dont think girls should be intimidated by me, im not the greatest looking apple on the tree... or perhaps thats what they are worried about? Worried they might catch some insatiable ugly disease??? Hahaha I prefer to hang out with guys anyway, they have more fun!

 

[Void]

The day I find Mrs. Right will be the day when penguins start tap dancing in Hell after it had frozen over.

Doc

* reaches for bokken and hits Doc`s head * thunnngggg!!
Stop pitying yourself!!! You`ll find one (or she`ll find you ), a bit more positivity and the things will work out pretty good Be optimistic

heh, recalled short joke
Pessimist sees the dark tunnel, optimist - the light at the end of the tunnel,
realist sees the train, and engineman sees three jerks standing on his railways

 

[Tsuyoiko]

OFFTOPIC, but an optimist thinks the glass is half full, a pessimist half empty, a realist 50% air, 50% water, and the surrealist thinks it's a giraffe!