Facts about Chuck Norris

[mad pierrot]

A few facts about the man;



1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.


From http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com


Some of my favorites;

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

 

[Davey]

Isn't Chuck norris... OLD? not on TV. Boring... PAST..... ?

 

[mad pierrot]

Hey, Chuck Norris was the Vin Deisel of his day. Plus he can really kick ***.

 

[Davey]

Hey, Chuck Norris was the Vin Deisel of his day. Plus he can really kick ***.

Could really kick ***. because now he just suck... I think 2 years ago was the last time I saw Texas Ranger, that looked the same as the dukes of hazards...

I agree about he WAS great, and I enjoyed watching his movies, but the same I say about Jeane Claude, and Steven Segal,, they were cool, and great, but what they made the last couple of years is just.... crap...

But, if you think he is great I am happy for you haha.. Just I think he WAS great.

 

[Reiku]

Meh, they were never that good to begin with, IMO--at least not as fighters. That's what's so funny about that site--and the one devoted to Vin Diesel--it pokes fun at the over-hyped reputation of these guys by taking it to a laughable extreme.

That or I'm just jaded from studying martial arts all my life. It really sucks, because I love action movies, but everytime I see an opening in someone's gaurd that their opponent just ignores because it's not in the script or a flashy attack that would be weak or useless in real life, it breaks the realism for me.

The thing is, for all I know they could actually be really good--and it's just their choreographer that sucks. If you've ever seen Mark Dacascos in "Drive" you'll know what Im talking about. He's actually quite skilled--but they had him use this worthless, made up, "spinning fist of dooom!" finishing move--so in the middle of a kickass fight he'll do this thing and just totaly blow the mood.

 

[senseiman]

The funny thing about Chuck Norris is that he actually is a really really really good Martial arts expert, like one of the best in the world. He fought Bruce Lee once. But at the same time every single movie he has ever been in is such total trash. I find that amusing for some reason.

 

[Davey]

The funny thing about Chuck Norris is that he actually is a really really really good Martial arts expert, like one of the best in the world. He fought Bruce Lee once. But at the same time every single movie he has ever been in is such total trash. I find that amusing for some reason.

He just is a REALLY REALLY BAD ACTOR

 

[Reiku]

One question...

...did he really fight Bruce Lee? (and if so, how well did he do?)

Or are you just referring to the fight scene in Way of the Dragon?

That was scripted.

Many of Bruce Lee's fight sequences start out with him losing, then he begins using JKD and defeats the opponent easily. This was done to show the effectiveness of Jeet Kune Do compared to the philosophies of other schools.

Sort of a, this is you:

>crack<

"Ow, my eye!"

This is you on Jeet Kune Do:

"Waaapah! Who's winning now punk?"

Good advertising, but I hear too many people say ">insert name here< was almost as good as Bruce Lee--he almost beat Lee in this one movie!"

For the record:

No one is as good as Bruce Lee, he's straight-blasting God as we speak.

 

[mad pierrot]

Jesus!

You guys are taking this thread too seriously.



His movies crack me up; I love watching them just because they're so cheesy. But yeah, he was a bad-*** back in the day. How many years was he the world champ? 6? Not to mention he was undefeated, and still looks like he's in good shape for an old guy.....

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever even seen an episode of Texas Ranger. (But I think my mother watches it alot.)

 

[DoctorP]

Judging strictly by ability Norris was great, IMO none of the guys listed so far could act worth a ****! Segal was the worst of all, and Vin Diesel isn't that great. Norris' movies were made in the 70's, so that added to the cheese factor, but it also created this cult status that he has now.

 

[Clawn]

More interesting facts about Chuck...

It was once believed that fall was caused when Chuck Norris
roundhouse kicked every tree in the world.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

[Nuala]

Chuck Norris does not cut his grass. He dares it to grow.

 

[Mitsuo]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a night light on because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Osama bin laden isn't hiding from the US. He is hiding from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

 

[Mycernius]

He just is a REALLY REALLY BAD ACTOR

I think it is a actors rule. Martial Arts Expert + Film = Bad acting
One of the best (?) is Steven Segal. Currently a man with an ego to match his gut. Remember Executive Decision, a film which Steve dies in the first 20 minutes? Apparently Steve doesn't. It can't be found on his official website. It took legal action for him to shoot that scene as scripted.