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Do Japanese women make good wives?

I think you should do everything you can to maintain contact with your son. There are times when I ask myself if all the dramas that I have to go through to maintain contact are worth it, but I will never give up. Communication has been difficult and my youngest son's English ability has dramatically declined, making communication even more difficult, particularly with my parents.

Please do not give in to being blackmailed, as my wife and her mother have constantly attempted to do. "If you don't send any money, then you won't be able to talk to your sons", is something that I have heard over and over again! I still can not get over how cold and manipulating my wife is. It is like she has been stripped of any emotion, compasion and understanding. I do understand that in many cases in Japan, when a marriage breaksdown, the father is expected to disappear, but of course continue financial support. However, I find this totally foreign, and refuse to to participate in this behaviour.

I will continue my fight and encourage you not to be manipulated or blackmailed. I intend to take my fight to through the Japanese legal system, even though it is flawed, particularly when it comes to non-Japanese. The Australian Government has made it clear that they will assist me with legal cost as well as travel expenses should I take this any further.

This year has been a long, hard and at times extremely depressing time, and I still can not comprehend how another human-being can just simply take anothers children and not feel any guilt. And I still do not know why Japan continues to allow this to happen!
 
..jake,... thank you for your advice in spite of your difficulties,... sympathies,...
On the communication side, my wife has always been telling me to learn japanese, so that I could communicate better with them. Has your wife said the same thing to you previously ?

And then,... on my question : do you think I should go see my son now, or wait till August which is, what they say as the summer holidays ?

Actually, I have one more point to add : if you read closely the posts about marriage problems, you don't see any of the japanese wives going after the husband with legal actions and taking away 50% of what the husbands have, right ?

Now, this, to me,... is quite a relief,... in Malaysia and Singapore here, and I'm sure in many parts of the world too, if a divorce takes place, you can be sure the wife will go after the properties, and the money that the husband has. Somehow, the jap wives don't do that. I wonder why ?????
 
Firstly, it is difficult to decide when to go and see your children. My wife was pressuring me to go to Japan as soon as possible. Little did I know, it was for me to sign divorce papers, which I refused to do, instead of seeing my sons. When I finally arrived, the first thing my wife said was that I should have come later, because of the summer break. I wished she would have informed me before I arrived! So please plan ahead, however August is a long time to wait, and if she had any compasion, your wife would allow your child to take a week away from school as you are the father and not some distant uncle.
You could wait until August and then depending on how your wife felt, she may change her mind and prevent you from seeing your child!

I have been strongly advised by both my Australian and Japanese lawyers and the Australian Government, NOT to sign any legal documents, including divorce papers. At one stage she was talking about changing their names, and despite continual demands, I still refuse to sign anything that may jeapardize my position. This is one thing I have going for me.

I did live in Japan and my purpose for going to Japan was to study Japanese. I spent a lot of time and effort learning the language as well as the culture. However, for my parents it is now becoming impossible to communicate with their youngest grandchild. When they were living here, I made it a necessity for them to maintain their Japanese, my oldest son went to Japanese school every Saturday, and received a lot of homework.

As for Japanese women not taking their husbands to the cleaners after a failed marriage, that is not entirely true. I know of a number of Japanese women who prefer to stay here rather than return to Japan as they receive a lot of support from the Australian Government, such as subsidized housing, 510 free hours of English lessons, rental assistance and fortnightly payments of money. Unlike Japan or the US, Australia has a very good welfare system, and unfortunately, it is sometimes exploited. Furthermore, a number of Japanese women I have spoken to believe that Australia is a better country to bring up their children.
 
When I did arrive in Japan, the first thing my wife handed me was divorce papers and a ridiculous proposal, demanding that I sell everything and give her half! This was very interesting as my wife refused to work and a lot of things that we received were gifts from my parents and relatives. She also demanded a huge amount of payment, which literally would have left me with about $300 a month to live on! In her words, she wanted to inflict as much financial pain as possible. If she had worked and contributed to the household, I would have been more than happy to discuss and agreement.

This brings me to another issue. Every guy I know who is married to a Japanese woman has the same complaint. THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO WORK!!
 
Jake,... replies as in red above,... what do you think ? You are an Australian, and staying in Australia, huh ?
Which city ?
I spend my time in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore,....
 

...jake, thanks again,.. well, my wife is kinda different, she, yes, would work, and she in fact did not ask for too many things from me. I, on the other hand, wanted to contribute to her. When her mom died back in September this year, she did tell me, and I sent her a certain amount of money. But she wouldn't allow me to go for the funeral.

Now, her dad is kinda sick, but she has not asked me for money, it is I who is offering to contribute,... but she has still not asked me for anything till now.

So what do you read from the above ?
 
If you have not signed any papers then you ARE NOT divorced, despite anything that your wife has told you. When I went to Japan in July, I arranged through International Social Services an interpreter. We met at the local city office and I arranged a meeting with four government officials. The point of this meeting was to explain my situation and to sign papers preventing my wife from forging my signature on any divorce papers. Once again, I have been told by the Australian Embassy not to sign any legal documents as this may well jeopardize my position.

As a foreigner in Japan you have next to no rights and no child that has been abducted by their Japanese parent has ever been returned. Although abduction by a parent in Japan is not seen as a crime, if you or I attempt to physically return our children, we will be arrested and imprisoned.
 
..jake,.. could my wife have forged my signature and caused our divorce ? How do I check if we are divorced or not ?
 
From my understanding, The japanese Live in what i think is a perfect society, No ridicule, Little to no racism compared to the U.S.A or Europe, They are well manned, They are polite, And they are nice. I personally think they make Perfect Spouses.
 
Have you ever lived in Japan? Like every society, there is racism, there is bullying and there is ridicule, just ask a salary man who has just done a major $#@& up at his company. I believe that you are painting Japan as a perfect society. It isn't, neither is my country and neither is yours. People are people no matter where you go. While living in Japan I came across nice people as well as rude people. Do Japanese make good spouses? Well to some they do, and for some they don't.
 
Jncocontrol said:
From my understanding, The japanese Live in what i think is a perfect society, No ridicule, Little to no racism compared to the U.S.A or Europe, They are well manned, They are polite, And they are nice. I personally think they make Perfect Spouses.
Click to expand...
I thought this was a wind-up, cause you can't possibly be serious.
 
I feel for your situation.

But, you are looking at this from your side of the fence. I still know many women here who want to get married and look after the house hold and leave the bread winning to the man. They certainly do thier fair share for the house hold. And just for the record, I am glad my wife does not want to work, and I will gladly be the bread winner in the family. For that I expect the house to be taken care of and have her look after the day to day chores involved in raising a family. So now you can say not everyone you have met has the same complaint.

I do see a lack of understanding of this culture which may have ultimately led to your divorce(by I hesitate to speculate on that). Obviously every case is different and your wife may be out to hurt you, but generally if you lived and had a family here I would assume that you should also understand what that would involve in marraige and out?

I am not some heartless person, but I feel I do have an understanding of how things are handled here after a divorce. Wheather I agree with that is irrelevant as it is the way things are. I hope they sign the treaty so that things like foriegn divorces can end amicably. (if that is possible in any divorce)
 
Thanks Dave. I respect and appreciate your opinion.

Regards,

Jake.
 
US warns Japan child custody laws could harm ties

By MALCOLM FOSTER

The Associated Press
Tuesday, February 2, 2010; 12:33 PM



TOKYO -- Steve Christie cannot see his son because his Japanese ex-wife has sole custody, a typical arrangement in Japan. He is one of about 70 American parents in that position, and the U.S. warned Tokyo on Tuesday that it must revise its family laws or risk hurting ties between the two longtime allies.

Laws that allow only one parent to have custody of children in cases of divorce - nearly always the mother - set Japan apart from most other developed countries. They also leave most fathers, including foreigners, unable to see their children until they are grown.

"This matter has raised very real concerns among senior and prominent Americans in Congress, on Capitol Hill and elsewhere," U.S. Assistant Secretary of State Kurt Campbell told reporters in Tokyo after meeting with affected American parents in Japan. He called their predicament "heartbreaking."

Campbell's comments are the sternest warning yet from Washington on the issue and signal that it has risen on the U.S. government's priority list - at a time when ties are already strained by a dispute over moving a U.S. Marine base on the Japanese island of Okinawa.

"It's been striking to me at how rapidly this issue has gained support in Congress," he said.

While affirming the importance of Washington's ties with Tokyo, Campbell said Japan needs to take steps to "avoid a situation where this in any way complicates the smooth running and the important nature of our overall strategic relationship."

In some cases, when marriages have soured, Japanese mothers living overseas with their foreign husbands have returned home with their children and kept the fathers from having any contact with the kids, even if court rulings abroad ordered joint custody - an act Campbell likened to "kidnapping."

The issue gained attention last fall when American Christopher Savoie, whose Japanese ex-wife Noriko fled Tennessee with their kids without telling him or getting court permission. Savoie was arrested last fall after he snatched the children from her on a Japanese street.

He was eventually released and allowed to return to the U.S. on condition he leave his children behind even though a U.S. court gave him full custody of the kids when Noriko fled.

The new priority placed on the matter by Washington is welcomed by Christie, an American university instructor in Japan who met with Campbell Tuesday. He has rarely seen his son since his wife, with whom he has since divorced, suddenly left with the boy four years ago. The first three years, he had no idea where his son was, he said.



"This is our life and blood, this is our offspring, and we're being denied a chance to see them," said Christie, 50. "It's not right, it's immoral, it's unethical. What amazes me is for how long it's been going on in this country."

Japanese fathers are largely resigned to this setup because of the cultural assumption that kids should be raised by mothers, although some are starting to push for changes to Japanese family law to allow joint custody.

Campbell urged that Japan join the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction, signed by 80 nations, which is meant to address international custody battles, adding to recent pressure from Britain, Australia, France and several other countries.

Japan is the only Group of Seven nation that hasn't signed the convention, arguing that it could endanger Japanese women and their children trying to flee abusive foreign husbands.

But Campbell said that based on U.S. examination of international custody cases, "that allegation is used very loosely and often inappropriately without any supporting criteria whatsoever."

Kazuaki Kameda, who heads a department of child custody issues set up at the Foreign Ministry in December, declined to comment on Campbell's remarks.

During his meeting with the American "left-behind" parents, as they call themselves, Campbell said that if Japan didn't make changes within four months on the issue, Washington would ratchet up the pressure on the Japanese government, Christie said.

"He said that we should be expecting changes, and that if we don't see significant changes, more actions will be taken," Christie added.

U.S. Embassy officials declined to confirm Campbell's comments, but the secretary said he raised the issue with Japanese counterparts Tuesday, and said he sensed a recognition in Tokyo's new government, which replaced the long-ruling conservatives last fall, that steps needed to be taken. He said the two countries had set up a series of meetings to address the issue.

"Japan's new leadership is willing to look at these things in a new light," he said.

Christie said he was encouraged that Washington was taking up the issue more seriously.

"We're hopeful now because we're getting a much more appropriate response from our government," he said.
 
Do Japanese women make good wives?
Click to expand...

It sounds strange to me.

Before questioning, Are you good husband ?

Before marrying Japanese woman, you should have studied Japanese family conception, which is not the same as yours. Why Japan needs to follow your view of family ?
 
US warns Japan child custody laws could harm ties

Sounds like Japan is doing something wrong. This is typical way of thinking of Anglo-American ... "we are right, but others are wrong always."
 
A typical ignorant and thoughtless response! When a country such as Japan refuses to acknowledge a grave problen such as this, and then at the same time expects the rest of the world to have compasion and sympathy for those Japanese, such as Megumi Yokota, who were abducted by North Koreans something is very wrong! When a Japanese woman illegally abducts a child and sometime later she dies, and the child is awarded to the Japanese granparents rather than the biological father, something is very wrong! When foreign and Japanese men are refused basic access to their children, something is very wrong!
It's time that Japan came out of the dark ages and into the 21st Century. You say this is your culture and this is not my business. Well my children have been denied the love and care of their father and they have been taken to your country which does not give a dam what other countries think. That makes this my business! It appears that Japan wants all the benefits which comes with being a member of the international community without the responsibilities. Think about it! If you personally want to continue to live in the Tokugawa Jidai, be my guest!
 
Sunday, February 7, 2010
U.S. Warns Japan Of Effect Of Custody Treaty On N Korea Abductions

TOKYO (Kyodo)--A senior U.S. government official has warned Japan that its failure to join an international treaty on child custody may have adverse effects on Washington's assistance to Tokyo in trying to resolve the issue of North Korea's abductions of Japanese nationals, diplomatic sources said Saturday.
Kurt Campbell, U.S. assistant secretary of state for East Asian and Pacific affairs, made the remarks to senior Japanese Foreign Ministry officials during his visit to Japan in early February and strongly urged the Japanese government to become a party to the treaty, the sources said.
The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction is aimed at preventing one of the parents in a failed international marriage from taking their child across national borders against an existing child custody arrangement.
The U.S. government has urged Japan to join the treaty due to an increasing incidence of Japanese parents ''abducting'' their children to Japan even though their spouses of different nationality have custody over the children in the United States.
Other countries such as Britain and France are also stepping up their calls on Japan to join the international convention.
Japan has been largely reluctant to do so, with a senior Foreign Ministry official saying, ''It does not suit Japanese culture to treat parents, who have brought back their children to the country, as criminals.''
But the government has begun considering the possibility of becoming a party to the treaty in response to the urgings from other countries.
According to the sources, Campbell explained to Japanese officials that taking children from those who have custody over them is called ''abduction'' in the United States and criticism against Japan over such cases is increasing in the country.
He noted that there is something in common in the sorrows felt by Japanese people whose children were abducted by North Korea and by Americans whose children were taken away by their Japanese spouses, the sources said.
While reaffirming that the U.S. administration and Congress have made clear their positions on seeking a resolution of North Korea's abductions of Japanese, Campbell expressed hope that the Japanese government would give consideration to the child custody issue so as not to damage this willingness to support Japan.
Japanese officials responded that they need to think carefully about the question of whether to join the treaty while keeping in mind Japanese public opinion, but the U.S. side was not convinced, the sources said.
Late last month, Campbell met in Washington with about 30 people seeking to see their children who have apparently been ''abducted'' by their Japanese spouses and promised them that he will express his concerns over the situation to the Japanese government.
The issue drew attention last year when a man from the United States was arrested in Japan after trying to take his children back from his divorced Japanese wife, who allegedly took the children from the United States to Japan against a U.S. court decision.
 

This is another typical ignorant and thoughtless response as you and US government official try to combine Megumi Yokota and ex-Japanese wives & kids. Basic access to chidren is possible in Japan but it needs prior consent of ex-wives as ex-husband is 'usually' troublesome. In Japan, it is known that mother is more important than father for chidren's life.

But ..... I agree that Japan should conclude Hague Treaty as International Marriage is more common today.
 
So what you are saying is that "ex-husbands are usually troublesome". That's a huge generalization don't you think so? Who's being ignorant now?
So if you are married, and let's say that you are a good husband, but your marriage breaks down and your wife takes your children, what would you do? Does it not concern you that the decision on weather or not you get to see your children strictly depends on your wife? As a father, what say do you have in this matter? I sincerely hope that you too would not become a "troublesome husband"! Think about it!
 

This often happens in Japan too. We go to court for arbitration. But the court usually stands with ex-wife as they think mother is more important for children than father.

I don't know the specific case of yours, but if you believe that ex-wife was fault. Why don't you go to court in Japan ?
 
Because, as you have already touched on, Japanese courts usually award child custody in divorce cases to just one parent, usually the mother, rather than reaching joint custody agreements with parental visitation rights. This is something that not only effects foreign men, but also every Japanese man who is place in this situation. From what I have read, these days many Japanese fathers sincerely desire to be a part of their child's life and to deny this basic right is not only unjust and immoral from the father's position, but also for the child, who needs a mother and a father!
Japanese courts also habitually side with the Japanese parent in an international custody dispute. And as I have already mentioned, sometimes even award a child's Japanese grandparents custody rights over a foreign parent. This is inconceivable! To date, not one child abducted to Japan has been rightfully returned to his or her habitual country. I strongly believe that this is wrong, and that Japan not only needs to change its laws giving Japanese men more rights to be involed with their children, but also foreigners who have next to no rights when it comes to seeing our children. This is a moral and ethical dilemma
that needs to be fixed.
 
Having waded through this lively debate I can safely observe you have all missed perhaps the most important factor. A good J-wife must provide full and varied sex whenever the breadwinner of the house requires it. As a long term resident here I can confirm girls here know perfectly well how to do that, but I am concerned about tales I hear of their lack of enthusiasm for this service starting from approximately one year after snaring the unfortunate man. That is why I will never marry one.
 
"In Japan, it is known that mother is more important than father for chidren's life."

You shouldn't make the mistake of assuming that foreign fathers are no better than Japanese fathers.
 
Jncocontrol said:
From my understanding, The japanese Live in what i think is a perfect society, No ridicule, Little to no racism compared to the U.S.A or Europe, They are well manned, They are polite, And they are nice. I personally think they make Perfect Spouses.
Click to expand...

You're an idiot, racism is rampant in Japan. In fact, I'd say it's much more than in the United States of America. We had our trouble with it, but the majority of Americans are completely accepting of other races, cultures, and religion. There are parts of major cities paying homage to the heritage of American citizens.

In fact, there is a huge population of Japanese-Americans in Arlington Heights, IL. There's Koreatown and Chinatown up in Chicago, and the Irish community here is ever so strong. We're multicultural. I don't see an Americatown anywhere in Japan, and you know why that is? We can't be proud of our heritage as Americans in Japan. We have to integrate into modern Japanese culture, considering the xenophobic nature of Japanese society. And you know what's even better? Japan is becoming more like the rest of the world every year. It's taking cues from the rest of us.



Astroboy said:
In Japan, it is known that mother is more important than father for chidren's life.
Click to expand...

Yes, and Japan has always been remarkably sexist in many regards. And anyways, I doubt it's even sexism in your case. It's probably just because his father isn't Japanese.

And, you know what else? I bet the child's grandparents, uncles, and aunts would love to be able to see their grandson, and nephew. In fact, I'm not able to see any of my nieces or nephews. It's absolutely heart-wrenching to me. This is no better than North Korea kidnapping Japanese nationals.

=Astroboy said:
But ..... I agree that Japan should conclude Hague Treaty as International Marriage is more common today.
Click to expand...

You have such a knack for saying one thing and then the complete opposite!
 
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