Do Japanese women make good wives?

Do American/European Men Make Good Husbands?

Even though this was posted before I even joined JRef I find the question absurd and foolish as a woman from any culture can make a good or bad wife.

PandaBearDragon said:

I am married to a Japanise wife and many times I regret my decision.
She is nothing what I have thought she would be.
We've been married for little less than a year. I found out the other day that she's been exchanging emails with her ex-boyfriend.
She drinks way too much at night.
Oh! Did I mention that she is suicidal?

Since I married her, things has been going south.
She spends too much. I might go into debt soon.
I don't mean to scare the heck out of you but think hard before you decide to tie the knot. My advice goes to not only Japanise women but any women.

In my experience, I think there a lot of Japanise women who are materialistic.
I am screwed!

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Is your name Carlson? Seems like we heard this tune before. Seriously though, you will find these types of women no matter what country you are in. In all cultures there are the "good" ones and the "bad" ones. It is not defined to just one culture. It just seems you didn't get to understand the woman you were marrying and probably let the "little head" do your thinking for you as many a men do.

I have known Japanese woman who could not cook or control their spending while others were just the opposite. Some were fat and cared not what they looked like while others thought differently about their appearence. It all depends on the person and not the culture as I have known similar American women.

Some Japanese women could probably sing a tune or two about how terrible American husbands are and make a post on another forum giving the impression that all American men make bad husbands.

Some people would look at my marriage and think I am the luckiest man alive with my Japanese wife and I would have to agree with them. However, had I married one of the women I dated in the past, they would think I was married to the woman from hell. In both cases they would probably make sweeping generalizations about Japanese women as a whole.

Therefore, before getting married to ANY woman (or man) from another culture including your own, make sure you are both compatible in all aspects including language and cultural barriers and you should both be together for at least a year minimum before tying the knot. If not, then trouble and misunderstanding will arise as in PandaBearDragon's case.

Irony

I find it ironic that PandaBearDragon would dig up a thread that's been dead for three years and resurrect it with a vengeance.

Now and then, I, too, like to indulge in a little bit of mysogyny whenever my relations with women get me down (women do the same thing about men, too). It's human nature to do that. But I fail to see the point in going through all the work to dig up an old thread just to wax vitriolic.

Yeah, plenty of Japanese girls I've met are highly materialistic and the only reason they seem nice is because they want to appear that way, but are really manipulative and generally inconsiderate of other people's feelings.

Okay. So? And? The point is? What? Don't marry a Japanese woman? I'm sure plenty of the forum-members are married (happily) to Japanese women, and can provide a fantastic counter-example to this situation.

So, it seems like *some* people are basically using this forum to basically be mysogynistic. Which is not how it is meant to be used.

PandaBearDragon said:

I am married to a Japanise wife and many times I regret my decision.
She is nothing what I have thought she would be.
We've been married for little less than a year. I found out the other day that she's been exchanging emails with her ex-boyfriend.
She drinks way too much at night.
Oh! Did I mention that she is suicidal?
Since I married her, things has been going south.
She spends too much. I might go into debt soon.
I don't mean to scare the heck out of you but think hard before you decide to tie the knot. My advice goes to not only Japanise women but any women.
In my experience, I think there a lot of Japanise women who are materialistic.
I am screwed!

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I am only 20 years old, but a person's nationality or race is hardly a reason to spend the rest of your life with them. I think that you're simply using the fact that she's Japanese to hide the fact that you had no idea what you were doing when you married her.

GodEmperorLeto said:

I find it ironic that PandaBearDragon would dig up a thread that's been dead for three years and resurrect it with a vengeance.
Now and then, I, too, like to indulge in a little bit of mysogyny whenever my relations with women get me down (women do the same thing about men, too). It's human nature to do that. But I fail to see the point in going through all the work to dig up an old thread just to wax vitriolic.
Yeah, plenty of Japanese girls I've met are highly materialistic and the only reason they seem nice is because they want to appear that way, but are really manipulative and generally inconsiderate of other people's feelings.
Okay. So? And? The point is? What? Don't marry a Japanese woman? I'm sure plenty of the forum-members are married (happily) to Japanese women, and can provide a fantastic counter-example to this situation.
So, it seems like *some* people are basically using this forum to basically be mysogynistic. Which is not how it is meant to be used.

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I actually like Panda's response to the thread. Why? Because it's an example that proves that there are both good sides and bad sides to every kind of women. So it just seems that it kind of balanced it out.
All cultures share the same kind of women~ lol. All that was in this thread so far in example wise was good Japanese women.


The title of the thread is kind of iffy though. "Good wife" "bad wife"? What are wives, just some kind of slave drivers? I thought that someone should hook up with a person and become married because they are compatible, not because one can cook or takes care of their children before themselves.

GodEmperorLeto said:

I find it ironic that PandaBearDragon would dig up a thread that's been dead for three years and resurrect it with a vengeance.

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I find it suspicious that he would dig up a thread that's been dead for three years, resurrect it with a vengeance, and participate in it no further.

PandaBearDragon said:

I am married to a Japanise wife and many times I regret my decision.
She is nothing what I have thought she would be.
We've been married for little less than a year. I found out the other day that she's been exchanging emails with her ex-boyfriend.
She drinks way too much at night.
Oh! Did I mention that she is suicidal?
Since I married her, things has been going south.
She spends too much. I might go into debt soon.
I don't mean to scare the heck out of you but think hard before you decide to tie the knot. My advice goes to not only Japanise women but any women.
In my experience, I think there a lot of Japanise women who are materialistic.
I am screwed!

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Drinking is often a result of depression. Same with suicidal thoughts.

So did you figure out why she was exchanging emails with her ex? It could very well be for comfort you're not willing to give her.

Do your best to be a crying shoulder. If she talks about suicide, give her a big hug, tell her how special she is, and how much you'd miss her.

I'm sorry, but so far it sounds like she's a better wife than you are a husband.

Well its not like i wanna look smart, but in theory when two people of the opposite gender meet, they try to determine what kinda immune system they have, if their immune system differs the phenomenon "love" occurs, because if these two had children their immune system would inherit all the merits of their parents, so the bigger the difference, the less the systems overlap, therefore more information is inherited which makes the children more resistant, and in general more healthy, and also hybrids tend to be bigger in size. So this would theoretically mean that an asian/european pair should get along well, although this isn't guaranteed.

@Derfel, There is that hybrid word again. Are you getting that out of a dictionary or something? It's like saying "I only got married because the mating was good".

You would make a great 'love doctor'.

You got me wrong, the question was: "Do Japanese women make good wives?" Well what i wrote is a possible answer, don't accept it if you don't believe it, but you know this is whats behind love, sure you can live thinking that love is some transcendent divine thing (which it might be regardless of the chemical details, only God knows), but you can't deny it that this is how it happens. It would be foolish to deny the existence of our natural reflexes and instincts.

Honto said:

I'm interested in a Japanese woman, and, if things ever head in the direction of marriage, I'd like to know what I might be getting in for because I know very little about Japanese culture (something I'm trying to change). I'd appreciate the wisdom of anyone who might have some information on the subject. Thanks.

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Well, I know little about the Japanese culture as well, but if you ask me you can't define one woman based on her entire race. Each person is individually different - and although similar in culture, have their own beliefs, tastes and tempers.

I have heard though that the Japanese women are conservative...and my friend says to me that a lot of them prefer to marry American men because they tend to be more accepting of treating women as equals (it's just what my friend said - I personally treat women as equals to me).

Marriage, like many things in life, requires hard work from both parties. It is not a walk in the park. Being married to a Japanese Wife will afford you the respect of her family and the community, but is a give and take arrangement. She is unlikely to want to cook and clean if you aren't trying your hardest at work. In this sense, the subservient Japanese Wife is certainly a myth. Japan is not for everyone, so if you are not sure about your fiancee you should probably not get married.

Paul Houghty said:

Japan is not for everyone

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You do not have to repeat this in all your threads Paul, thank you.

In general, I don't think Japanese women make for better or worse wives than anyone else. True, I'm not married, myself, but I know many, many married people, and there doesn't seem to be anything special one way or the other about Japanese wives.

The one thing that I would strongly caution, though, is making sure that if you marry a Japanese woman, that you are able to competently communicate in some language. If you don't speak much Japanese, and she doesn't speak much English or whatever language you speak, getting married is a horrible idea until you can communicate at a decent level.

That goes for marrying people of any nationality.

i hope so....i want and wish that i end up marying a japanese women
i fall for japanese women easyly
i dont know why.. they just have magic on me......i love their eyes ...so cute
the way they smile
i am not saying all japanese girls are attractive...but i am saying all japanese girls are gorgouse in my eyes

scorpion da black said:

i hope so....i want and wish that i end up marying a japanese women
i fall for japanese women easyly
i dont know why.. they just have magic on me......i love their eyes ...so cute
the way they smile
i am not saying all japanese girls are attractive...but i am saying all japanese girls are gorgouse in my eyes

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You should probably get a doll than, marriage isn't like that. Sure im not married, nor do i want to marry for the time being, but saying that you particularly want to marry a japanese person makes it seem like you have a pink cloud in front of your eyes, simply cause there are loads of both egoists and selfless folks among pretty much any and every nation. And marrying someone for her "cuteness" only is somewhat irresponsible. One thing is for certain, if you imagine marriage so sweet and soft, you shouldn't marry yet.

Don't get me wrong, im not trying to seem smart, im simply telling that marriage is a trap that will cut your legs off if you approach it carefully, but if you're too hasty it'll chop your head off. For example, my parents are living in quite a nice marriage, but i have to take the annoying parts of both cultures, and it gets on my nerves. Well whatever, went a little OT, sorry about it, if you find it annoying ignore it.

GodEmperorLeto said:

Yeah, plenty of Japanese girls I've met are highly materialistic and the only reason they seem nice is because they want to appear that way, but are really manipulative.

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Ain't that ... The truth ....

Derfel said:

You should probably get a doll than, marriage isn't like that. Sure im not married, nor do i want to marry for the time being, but saying that you particularly want to marry a japanese person makes it seem like you have a pink cloud in front of your eyes, simply cause there are loads of both egoists and selfless folks among pretty much any and every nation. And marrying someone for her "cuteness" only is somewhat irresponsible. One thing is for certain, if you imagine marriage so sweet and soft, you shouldn't marry yet.

Don't get me wrong, im not trying to seem smart, im simply telling that marriage is a trap that will cut your legs off if you approach it carefully, but if you're too hasty it'll chop your head off. For example, my parents are living in quite a nice marriage, but i have to take the annoying parts of both cultures, and it gets on my nerves. Well whatever, went a little OT, sorry about it, if you find it annoying ignore it.

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i know what you mean.........that is why i said i hope so......they are so cute...but facts doesnt always match with hopes!!
i know that my hopes can be flushed down the toilet....but it is ok to dream
by the way ...i am the most hesitant person when it comes to marriage....my trust is hard to get easy to loose and imposible to regain.....that is a code i made after a lot of experineces.......☝

Mikawa Ossan said:

In general, I don't think Japanese women make for better or worse wives than anyone else. True, I'm not married, myself, but I know many, many married people, and there doesn't seem to be anything special one way or the other about Japanese wives.

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I agree 100%. It makes no point generalizing.

Personally I have been married with a japanese woman for nine years now, and I am pleased with my choice.

Sorry Derfl, but that's not how love works either. Human's can't communicate information about their DNA to eachother.

But it does pretty much boil down to chemicals, just not in the way you think it does. I don't care how good a girl's immune system is, if she's thicker than bricks my enjoyment nodes stop recieving electrons, and my get-the-hell-out-of-here nodes overflow.

I find it's a good idea to treat all women the same way, with respect and courtesy. I'm not saying that you should be boring, because that generally doesn't work.

Just make ever so slight modifications depending on what's culturally appropriate.

Jean-Francois said:

I can only tell you what I've seen.
My Canadian and American white friends who have Japanese wives are very happy with them (some are even pround of that).
The following is a list of their most common comments (some maybe offensive to white women):
1. Japanese women don't get fat like American women.
2. Japanese women may not do all the housework but at least they cook. American women watch soap opera and serve hot-dogs with chips from Lays.
3. As much as Japanese women like shopping. They always put their kids and husbands first.
4. My J-wife rarely raises her voice at me like my ex-wife did.
5. My J-wife doesn't complain when I have to travel away because of work. She understands that the man has to earn a living.
Don't get mad at me, I am just telling what I have heard. I've never married to a J-girl so I can't tell you how true are the above statements.
But one time I went to a restaurant with my Japanese friend who had been married to her American husband for more than three years at the time. We each ordered a boiled lobster. My friend only ate the tail, the head and some of the claws and took the rest of the lobster home to her husband.
When her American husband was eating the lobster, he asked, " Which restaurant did you two go to ? They have very good lobster, lots of meat!"

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Wow what an insulting, untrue generalization of two countries. I hope I never meet your friends.

My manicurist is from Viet Nam and he told me a little story today and said that it is a common belief in his home town. The translation isn't quite exact but here goes...Live in an American house, eat Chinese food, and marry a Japanese woman. The point being he said that America is the best place to live, you can afford to go out to eat, and Japanese wives always obey. hmm.......

scorpion da black said:

i know what you mean.........that is why i said i hope so......they are so cute...but facts doesnt always match with hopes!!
i know that my hopes can be flushed down the toilet....but it is ok to dream
by the way ...i am the most hesitant person when it comes to marriage....my trust is hard to get easy to loose and imposible to regain.....that is a code i made after a lot of experineces.......☝

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Now, now, don't get me wrong, you can make it come true, i don't believe in destiny, but will, one way or another you can make it come true, the question is how lucky will you get, because you need both luck and sacrifices, deciding about luck is not up to you, but you decide whether you want to make sacrifices, so basically ok, you don't get lucky, still you can go ahead and browse matchmaking advertisements in some dodgy magazine, and marry some fat, old "woman" who claims that her grand, grand, grand someone's grand, grand, grand father was quarter Japanese, BUT are you willing to sacrifice that much to fulfill your dream? For your sake i hope you are not. But hey, hold your head up, you might end up marrying some Japanese beauty queen or something (well that is probably more of a sacrifice lol, but at least you get something in return, but that surely won't be housework and food ).
You say you are hesitant, oh well, i can understand that, marriage might be something divine, pure etc., but from what i've seen in Hungary its more of a purgatorium where you repent for sins you've never committed, and i hear this "phenomenon of early divorce" is just spreading across the world.

As for me, i don't think much about marriage, im an egoist, i was raised as one since i have no siblings, i always was, am and will be in the centre of my parents' attention, and i decided i would live my life only for myself, until i come to a point where i decide otherwise, that is if i will come to such a point, i mean why would i willingly put handcuffs on, when i still want to study, still want to see the World, meet folks freely, so yeah, for now, (that means for like another 10 years or so) daren't even think about clipping my wings in such a horrible way. Well whatever, i won't bore you any more.

Han Chan said:

It makes no point generalizing.
Personally I have been married with a japanese woman for nine years now, and I am pleased with my choice.

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Okay, I hear stuff against generalizing all of the time, but I have to be honest, human beings generalize, pigeonhole, and label, and they often enough do it to themselves. Sartre and Camus never considered themselves existentialists, even though everyone else does, for example.

My point is, there is a point to generalizing. If people of Group A didn't have a tendency to perform Action B, then we would never consider stereotyping Group A as performers of Action B. If you are married to a Japanese woman, awesome. Exceptions neither prove or disprove a generalization, because a generalization isn't a rule. It is (or at least should be) an objective observation of trends in behavior within a specific social group. As an historian, I have to work based off of assumed generalizations all of the time. I expect exceptions to appear. I'm surprised if they don't. But just because 9 people complain about their horrible Japanese girlfriends and one guy says, "Mine is awesome" neither makes all Japanese girls awesome, nor disproves the trend or tendency of Japanese girls to be selfish/manipulative/etc. The generalization is simply that--a generalization. It indicates a tendency within that population, nothing more.

Rahmie said:

Wow what an insulting, untrue generalization of two countries. I hope I never meet your friends.

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Wow, someone else on the "generalizations are bad, m'kay" bandwagon. Why are you so offended by the observations this guy has made? Is he simply making them up to make himself feel better? Did he simply wake up one morning and say, "Gee, I'm going to start hating American/Canadian women and doing everything I can to make them look bad"?

Despite my own desire to object to what he says, I find a lot of what he's observed to actually be true... within certain geographic and social populations. That qualifier (in bold) is incredibly important, because apparently, these guys have bad taste in American women. They are probably going after the bottle-blondes with the giant sunglasses, miniskirts, fake tans, and furry boots that can't speak more than four words in a row without saying "like" at least once and drive cars their daddies paid for. (Okay, yes, I'm admittedly bitter). But that does not account for the remaining 85% of the female American population.

Oh and I do definitely object to the following:

3. As much as Japanese women like shopping. They always put their kids and husbands first.
4. My J-wife rarely raises her voice at me like my ex-wife did.
5. My J-wife doesn't complain when I have to travel away because of work. She understands that the man has to earn a living.

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#3 sounds ridiculous, and is implying that American mothers/wives don't put their husbands/children first. #s 4 and 5 sound incredibly sexist/cheauvanist.

And when it comes to Americans, yes, I believe American tend to women make bad wives, but I also believe American men can make rotten husbands--people don't get married to have a family, become a member of a team, and/or make the other person happy, they get married with the expectation that the other person will make them happy, while simultaneously maintaining complete autonomy from their spouse. Both genders are guilty of this, in my opinion.

Nevertheless, the only reason to get so offended is if these comments hit close to home. If you aren't guilty, what have you to be offended about? If you aren't like that, then you can sit confidently secure in your knowledge that these guys have poor taste in American/Canadian women.

Goldiegirl said:

The translation isn't quite exact but here goes...Live in an American house, eat Chinese food, and marry a Japanese woman.

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I know a variation. Live in an American house, drink German beer, marry a Japanese woman, drive a... something... car, and a few other things I don't remember.

Derfel said:

Now, now, don't get me wrong, you can make it come true, i don't believe in destiny, but will, one way or another you can make it come true, the question is how lucky will you get, because you need both luck and sacrifices, deciding about luck is not up to you, but you decide whether you want to make sacrifices, so basically ok, you don't get lucky, still you can go ahead and browse matchmaking advertisements in some dodgy magazine, and marry some fat, old "woman" who claims that her grand, grand, grand someone's grand, grand, grand father was quarter Japanese, BUT are you willing to sacrifice that much to fulfill your dream? For your sake i hope you are not. But hey, hold your head up, you might end up marrying some Japanese beauty queen or something (well that is probably more of a sacrifice lol, but at least you get something in return, but that surely won't be housework and food ).
You say you are hesitant, oh well, i can understand that, marriage might be something divine, pure etc., but from what i've seen in Hungary its more of a purgatorium where you repent for sins you've never committed, and i hear this "phenomenon of early divorce" is just spreading across the world.

As for me, i don't think much about marriage, im an egoist, i was raised as one since i have no siblings, i always was, am and will be in the centre of my parents' attention, and i decided i would live my life only for myself, until i come to a point where i decide otherwise, that is if i will come to such a point, i mean why would i willingly put handcuffs on, when i still want to study, still want to see the World, meet folks freely, so yeah, for now, (that means for like another 10 years or so) daren't even think about clipping my wings in such a horrible way. Well whatever, i won't bore you any more.

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well thanks for raising my hopes up......but from what i read here..they gave marriage a scary describtion....☝
i propebly wont mary soon after what i read here

Do Japanese women make good wives? hmmm... what do you mean by being a "good wife"? i think it all depends on your meaning about being a "good wife". does that mean she has to be willing to leave her work and take care of the family? being submissive to you?etc etc... cause the way i see it.. any woman from any country or race can be a good wife. you just have to be patient and careful though cause all the good things in life like a good and suitable wife are very hard to find.

gambatte ne!