Aha! I found it! I remembered I had this printed out, so I had to go through all the fanfic that I have, but I found it, and Imma put it on here for you all to see, if you want to. Warning, you may want to have some tissues handy.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
This couldn't be happening. Toshiya refused to believe it. Just the day before they were all practicing in the studio, all of them... the bassist and his four best friends. Kaoru had smiled at him, and it made him feel warm inside. If the Leader-sama said you did well, you knew he was telling the truth. It was more than that, though. Toshiya developed feelings for the eldest member of his group, but he knew Kaoru wasn't even interested in guys.
Everyone was gathered in the small white room. Die was leaning on Shinya, his face buried into the drummer's shoulder. It was obvious that the joker of their group was rather upset as well. Shinya was silent, staring at the bed. Kyo stared down into his coffee, and not a word left his mouth.
And there was Kaoru... Toshiya had never seen him so helpless. Wasn't he supposed to be strong? He was the Leader-sama! Tears threatened to fall from his dark eyes as he looked over Kaoru's form again. He was supposed to always be happy.. but how could he be with Kaoru in the hospital? How could a drunk have swerved onto the sidewalk? If Toshiya ever found that man... He shook his head, and a few tears dropped into his lap. His seat was right next to Kaoru's bed, and he gripped Kaoru's hand tightly.
"Please, Kaoru... You have to make it." Toshiya couldn't even recognize his own voice as he spoke. "Open your eyes," it was a simple plead, right?
Suddenly, he felt Kaoru's hand start to grip his, and Toshiya's eyes went wide. He almost wanted to shout so the others would notice, but he couldn't get himself to speak. Did this mean Kaoru was going to be okay?! His lips started to move! Toshiya's insides jumped, Kaoru was going to be alright! He knew... He knew the guitarist could make it through this!
"Aish'teru, Toshiya..." It was a faint whisper, but the guitarist finally spoke. "Always," Toshiya felt more tears fall, but now it was because he couldn't be happier.
The skinny bassist opened his mouth to speak. He needed to tell Kaoru everything..! And then they could be together! "Kaoru! I-I..." But that was when he felt it. Kaoru's grip let go, and all of a sudden.. there wasn't anymore beeping from his heart monitor. The only sound Toshiya caught was Die choking a sob. "No!" Toshiya screamed, and he launched himself forward, hugging himself to Kaoru. "You have to wake up, Kaoru! I didn't.. I didn't get to tell you that I love you! We're supposed to be together now! Please.. Kaoru get up!"
A gentle hand pressed to Toshiya's sobbing form. It was Shinya, the quiet drummer knew that this was difficult for his best friend. "Toshiya.. he's... in a better place now."
"Don't touch me! He's going to wake up any moment, you'll see! Then he's going to start yelling at us because we're not practicing!" Toshiya was still sobbing, but he felt a small forced laugh leave him. "And tomorrow we're going to be Dir en grey again! And he and I are going to be..."
"Toshiya..." Shinya sighed, trying to pull the elder man off of Kaoru. "He's gone. You have to let go of him."
The bassist started to cling tighter. "Didn't you hear me?! I said he's going to be fine!" Kaoru felt so cold.. this wasn't real! Kaoru could never die..! He moved to pull Kaoru's arm around his waist, and buried his face into Kaoru's neck, still sobbing.
It took closer to two hours for Shinya, Die, and Kyo to collect themselves enough to pull Toshiya off and drive him home. They all agreed to stay at Toshiya's house, to make sure he didn't do anything to harm himself. But the second they got there, Toshiya ran into his room and locked the door.
"He'll be alright," Shinya sighed, sitting on the couch. "He just needs to let it all out. We all do."
Toshiya wasn't alright. Far from it. The bassist snatched a knife from his drawer and crawled into bed. He set the knife on the bed stand, and cried into his pillow. There was no way to stop himself from shaking, and he only had one thing on his mind.
Slowly, pale fingers reached for the knife that he had set near him. He really thought the blade would feel rather cold against his skin, but he couldn't feel anything. Almost as if he was numb to everything. With a steady hand, he carved Kaoru into his right arm, then wrote his own name in his left. Black orbs focused on the ceiling for a moment, before he just sliced into his own wrists, cutting through one of the most dangerous veins in his body. "Aish'teru," was the only word he murmured, before he closed his eyes.
Kaoru came for him. Toshiya sat up, and he felt warmth, Kaoru was holding him... protecting him with.. wings?! "Come with me," the Leader-sama instructed, taking the younger male's hand.
"Always." Toshiya murmured softly, taking Kaoru's hand.
Two graves sat on top of a grassy hill. Three best friends came by every day to talk to Kaoru and Toshiya, even if they other two couldn't hear them. The headstone they shared was beautiful. An angel surrounded by two hearts locked together.
Shinya leaned against Die, who's eyes were watery. Kyo hadn't said a word to either of them in the three weeks that Toshiya and Kaoru had been dead, but he still showed up every day.
"See what we've become without you?" Shinya whispered.