Dating in Metropolitan Japan (Tokyo)

[Emoni]

Yeah, I guess this seems initially as a typical "OMG JAPNZEEZ GURLZ HOW GET NOW???" sort of thread, but I'm actually a bit more serious about the topic than this.

Japan is different from the US in a number of ways, this is a no brainer. The biggest difference I've noticed though, is it is surprisingly difficult to "just hang out" in Japan, especially Tokyo. Because everything costs a good amount of money, even just "hanging out" with someone a day can cost easily equivalent to $40. Add on to this that people in Tokyo sometimes appear to be materialistic suckers when it comes to finances, even trying to be reasonable with your money on a student budget can be a bit difficult, especially when it comes to considering dating.

That is assuming you even get to the date. Because people are generally within their own groups, (and in my case, the "I'm not Japanese, and my language is limited" barrier) it seems quite difficult to ask someone out, or even know the correct way to go about it.

I'm going to be in Japan for quite a while, so I figured I might as well ask this sort of thing here. What is a typical process for asking out, going out, and what is often expected of a typical date in Japan? Vagueness, differences between people, and differences in taste of course exist, but personal experience examples are always helpful.

Thanks.

 

[Elizabeth]

Present aspects of the West they can't find in Japanese counterparts. So just treat them as equals, with consideration and chivalry, but not secondary or subservient and they'll be falling all over you (perhaps even literally...haha).

Consider yourself fortunate not to have to be looking for a man.

 

[Iron Chef]

What is a typical process for asking out, going out, and what is often expected of a typical date in Japan? Vagueness, differences between people, and differences in taste of course exist, but personal experience examples are always helpful.

After you've been here for awhile and made some good connections I think you'll find that a lot of times its usually a case of someone *you* know introducing you to someone *they* know. This could be a friend, relative, co-worker, etc. I've been introduced to quite a few different people that way. Sometimes there's a spark, sometimes there isn't.

 

[GodEmperorLeto]

Just be a nice guy. The cool thing about Japanese girls is that you don't have to "play the game" as much as in a Western country. That being said, just because she holds her umbrella over you in the rain or does something cute and nice like that doesn't necessarily mean she's got the hots for you. She could just be acting nice (the impetus is on WOMEN to be nice, not men so much). Every time I visit Japan, I'm amazed by how much being a nice guy gets results (compared to my home country, where it gets you taken advantage of).

But you don't want to just date ANY Japanese girl. It's just like your home country. Some girls are nice, some aren't. Try to find someone with whom you can share experiences, interests, and other things. Also, learn to pick up the subtle hints. The Japanese are a subtle people, and they drop hints a lot, partially because coming out and saying what they mean can be considered rude at times.

Just be yourself, learn as much Japanese as you can, practice it, and generally just try to be a nice guy who pays attention and is somewhat caring. It makes a really good impression, from my experience.

 

[Emoni]

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't just go for anyone and I'm actually VERY picky. However, as you mentioned the subtleties are problem since that is even hard enough to do in one's OWN culture, let alone another, Japanese, French, (insert any things here).